26. Why is the heart so complicated
"I think my heart has become warmer than yesterday."
Arwin's heart, warmer than yesterday.
I answered him.
"It will be warmer tomorrow."
"I hope so."
He stroked my hair quietly. I completely leaned my body on him, burying my face in his chest.
Then, my eyes met someone who wasn't very far from us. It was a woman with silver eyes that stood out even from afar. Those beautiful eyes were looking exactly straight at me.
I knew who she was. The perfect Princess, Arwin's prospective fiancée. Why is she here? Did she discover us by chance?
That woman with silver hair who said she liked Arwin for a long time. She stared at me for a long time with eyes resembling Arwin's.
The sentiment I always felt was like that. You encounter the person you don't want to run into more often. Whether it's a coincidence or not.
I watched her walking toward me from the other side of the hallway.
Every time she elegantly extended her feet, her silver hair swayed like waves. Her eyes had been directed straight at me for a long time.
Her gaze staring intently at me really looked similar to Arwin's eyes. Eyes that seem to have no particular inspiration in anything.
I thought those eyes suited her beautiful appearance truly well. An appearance and eyes that seemed not of this world. In fact, she might also have a broken heart corner like Arwin.
The destination of her elegant steps was me. Since it was expected, I wasn't that surprised.
Stopping her steps, she scanned my appearance wearing a maid uniform thoroughly. It looked close to a gaze evaluating the product called 'me'.
"Ah, I remember."
Soon, a small exclamation flowed from her red lips. It was an exclamation of being proud of herself for remembering me.
"That woman who was hugging Arwin yesterday."
I hesitated about what to answer to her words.
To say 'That is correct' seemed too bold, and to say 'No' was not an option because I had no talent for lying. As I just bowed my head and said nothing, her voice was heard again.
"A maid?"
"Yes."
"What relationship do you have with Arwin?"
I wanted to answer that we are a relationship where we remember each other's names. I wanted to plant a misunderstanding in the Princess. A misunderstanding that Arwin and I are in a special relationship.
But still. I wasn't a maid with enough guts to be sarcastic to a Princess. I didn't want to offend her fruitlessly.
"We are nothing."
Why does my heart ache so much at the words that we are nothing? I exhaled a dry breath small.
She mulled over my words several times. Then tilting her head a little, she whispered small in my ear.
"Then you should know your place."
There was a sharp thorn in her words spat out as if admonishing. It was a whisper close to a warning. But strangely, I didn't feel particularly bad.
I wonder if it's because of her profound way of speaking. Should I say she controls the tempo by saying sharp words in a soft voice? It was a good way of speaking.
I nodded my head without a word. Because as expected, I didn't want to talk back to the Princess and offend her.
"It's fortunate you understood quickly."
The Princess moved her steps again with a faint smile on her lips. I don't know if it was intentional or a mistake, but she also bumped my shoulder slightly while passing.
Although my shoulder was pushed back a little, it didn't particularly hurt. Rotating the pushed shoulder meaninglessly a couple of times, I stared at her moving away until the end.
Is she going to Arwin now?
"Wow, so fierce."
Sly words flowed from behind a sturdy pillar in the hallway. At the same time, the owner of that voice revealed himself.
There was only one person in the Marquis's residence who would speak slyly to me.
"Dalton, did you eavesdrop?"
"Of course."
He answered confidently. Is eavesdropping something to be proud of?
Dalton was justifying his actions by speaking more confidently than anyone about things he shouldn't consider confident. For a moment, I admired this man's strange way of speaking a little too.
Dalton asked.
"Aren't you angry?"
I shook my head.
"Not really."
"Why? She is your powerful rival in love."
"Would I be a match for her in the first place?"
"Of course. Naturally. You are a woman who received as many as three handkerchiefs from Arwin."
Dalton justified his words again by taking nonsensical things for granted.
Whether I was helplessly swept into his way of speaking, the thought occurred that I really could be her rival. Despite being a terminally ill person with no outstanding corners.
Dalton, leaning his back against the pillar, smiled a faint smile looking at me. It was a smile as if he noticed I was shaken by his words. Anyway, so quick-witted.
"Don't you resent her?"
He asked as if he wanted me to resent her. I shook my head again.
"No."
My life with not much time left. It was ridiculously insufficient time to resent someone. I didn't want to consume unnecessary emotions during the short remaining time.
I wanted to pour all my emotions only into loving Arwin. Until the thing called emotion completely perishes. Even if the remaining grace period for me is a short time even to love Arwin.
"Why?"
Dalton asked back as if curious about my thoughts. I taught him my thoughts readily.
"I lack the time to resent her."
"...."
"Two months. It's insufficient time even to love Arwin. If Arwin becomes happy because of her after I die, I think that's not a bad thing either."
Dalton answered a beat late.
"Weak love. Love should be won!"
"I want to pray for the happiness of the person I love."
When I answered with sincerity, Dalton closed his mouth tight. He looked like a face regretting that his answer calling it weak love was light.
His answer, which returned only after a few seconds passed, was completely different from the previous answer.
"Great love."
He even gave a thumbs up, praising my love. I laughed a hollow laugh because Dalton's attitude changing his words like flipping a palm was funny.
"I think you have no backbone."
"Iphoe. Aren't your words a bit harsh?"
I answered changing my words like flipping a palm just as Dalton did.
"If so, I apologize."
"Ha."
Then, the one who laughed a hollow laugh this time was Dalton. Approaching me, he asked in earnest what he was curious about.
"How was the date with Arwin yesterday? Even though I didn't make it rain."
"It was good."
I recalled the memory of yesterday which was like a dream.
Arwin who stayed together in the same sunset. Arwin's appearance dyed red was something I couldn't forget even if I tried.
Opening and closing my eyes slowly, I confessed the impressions I felt yesterday to Dalton in detail.
"I can't forget the various scents I smelled yesterday. The smell of autumn I smelled while walking on the red road. The cool smell I smelled while dancing. The warm smell I smelled when held by Arwin in the sunset. Everything is different. It still feels like a dream that I saw Arwin's different appearances in such various places."
I inhaled a long breath. Then I had an illusion that Arwin's scent, who is not by my side now, was lingering around me. His voice engraved in my ears also rang small like an echo.
'Iphoe Bell.'
That voice, seemingly affectionate yet indifferent. Voice without fluctuation. Arwin who has a habit of blurring the end of his sentences.
Dalton asked without delay.
"Did you hug Arwin?"
"Yes."
"It was a successful date."
"Yes, it was truly a dream-like date."
"...."
Ignoring Dalton's silence, I continued speaking.
"Since the word dream came up.... Come to think of it, since knowing I would die in three months, I often felt hazy feelings like dreaming."
"What kind of dream did it feel like?"
The feeling I should feel since knowing the fact of dying should be close to the feeling of having a terrible nightmare. But the feeling I actually felt was,
"The feeling of dreaming a happy dream."
The feeling of dreaming a happy dream enough to make the fact of dying feel meaningless.
Because since recognizing my death, I spent nights with Arwin whom I had only watched, he remembered my name, and I even heard his strange stories.
Those things were things I couldn't even dream of before. Therefore, I had no choice but to feel the current ideal reality like a dream.
"Dalton. Have you also ever felt like you were dreaming even though you are awake?"
"Yeah. I also often get the feeling of dreaming."
"What kind of dream is the dream you dream?"
Dalton answered with a face cast with shadows.
"A terribly sad dream. Arabel whom I loved died, I can't save her, and...."
At that moment, what brushed past in his eyes looking at me was sad energy. His slowly blinking eyelashes were trembling faintly.
"And?"
When I urged him, Dalton continued in a low voice.
"...You like Arwin."
"What does that mean?"
"Not liking the libertine Dalton Racers. I'm disappointed."
"I don't dislike you."
"Then do you like me?"
"...."
I answered with silence. The words that I like him didn't come out easily.
Dalton was undeservedly good to me, and I knew sufficiently well that he was a good person. However, perhaps because of the secret Dalton possessed, I was somehow reluctant about him.
The thought that he might do something harmful to Arwin someday didn't leave my head. Even now was the same.
When I avoided Dalton's gaze and even evaded answering, he grabbed my fingertips. His action was so natural that I wondered if we had promised to hold hands.
"These days, my mind is so complicated whenever I see you."
Dalton spoke as if confessing.
"Why?"
"...."
Answering with silence as I did, he bit his innocent lower lip. The words Dalton brought out soon were unrelated to my question.
"Why is the heart so complicated?"
"Things invisible to the eye are originally complicated."
Because it is invisible, because one cannot even gauge what it is, it has no choice but to be complicated. I thought so.
Dalton nodded his head vigorously as if truly sympathizing with my words.
"So that was it."
I laughed awkwardly. Dalton completely held my hand, of which he was only holding the fingertips. His eyes, having gained enlightenment, were shining brighter than the stars in the night sky.
"Do you want to go see Arwin together?"
"But the Princess is here?"
"Let's go eavesdrop together this time."
Going to eavesdrop on the Princess and Arwin's conversation. Although I knew it was something I shouldn't do, I was extremely interested in those words.
Dalton smiled a broad smile as if telling me to answer yes quickly. It was a smile of temptation. Receiving even the smile of temptation, I ended up nodding my head inadvertently.
The bait Dalton offered this time must also be a tempting bait I cannot refuse.
Just as I was about to follow him, something suddenly came to mind. I added a superfluous remark to Dalton.
"But Dalton."
"Hm?"
"I still have work left to do."
"...."
"If there is one fact you overlooked briefly, it is the point that I am a maid of the Marquisate. I cannot use time freely like you."
I haven't finished the work I have to do as a maid yet. I didn't want to hear the head maid's shouting, and I didn't want to be fired early before dying.
Dalton let out a deep sigh of worry.
"Ha."
Then he says confidently.
"I'll solve it."
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