Note: Mentions of abortion. And I forgot to mention this in the first two chapters, but this isn't beta-read and English isn't my native language, so expect a few errors.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
To the surprise of absolutely no one who knows her, Belphegor doesn't see Lucifer's text until months after the fact. But in her defense, she had just finished conceptualizing her newest project—a drug that can make you unsee the thing that you want to unsee instantly—and had taken a three-month vacation to reward herself. As is her policy, she turns off her work and personal phone during this time, allowing her to spend her well-earned sabbatical lazing under the sun in one of Levi's many, many private islands in Envy.
The group of islands—which used to be pilgrimage sites of Envy's natives or whatever—have been turned into exotic resorts; a joint effort between Levi and Mammon that aims to reward hard-working individuals like herself. For a hefty price, usually, but Belphegor fortunately gets a 5% discount. And the first drink is free, too!
(Mammon still has trouble getting over his charitable past, she sees. She can relate; having been one of Heaven's first medical pioneers, Belphegor used to work day and night to meet deadlines. Even though she still feels guilty about not working at times, she firmly sticks to the reasonable boundaries she set for herself.)
But the islands are not just resorts; they are also—to the surprise of absolutely no one who knows Levi, that unrepentant fanboy—dedicated shrines to Lucifer. Everywhere you look, there is a statue of their reclusive king in various poses (artfully nude, of course). On the island that she is staying, there are about 54,232 of them, making every angle of her vision filled with his "glorious" visage. Like some sort of sign.
So when Belphegor eventually does see his message about dying, the first thing she says is, "Oops."
Next, she puts him on her priority list—which is still about three weeks waiting time. As much as she loves Lucifer, she really needs to… prepare herself mentally for him. An introvert at heart, Belphegor can't stand social situations for too long. But she admits she's not as bad as Lucifer. At least she doesn't spend her free time feeling sorry for herself.
… Well, all right, that's probably a little cruel. Belphegor knows Lucifer blames himself for their Fall, but she thinks they're doing all right, all things considered. As one of the first medical pioneers in Heaven, she had been constantly overworked and severely underappreciated (why was there even such a thing as Angel Pox in Heaven?). Hell may be a dump, but it's loads better than the shit they had to put up with back in Heaven. Here, they can do what they want and not feel bad about it.
And that's exactly what Belphegor has been doing the last ten thousand years: making drugs so potent and powerful that patients only have to rely on prescription, thus leaving her alone. Sure, they have to wait several weeks for an appointment in the first place, but this is Sloth: the birthplace of red tape and bureaucracy!
And drugs. Don't forget the drugs.
Belphegor paces the length of her office, leaving trails of mucus in her wake. A groggy-looking goat Hellborn follows her to clean up after her mess, which she appreciates, truly. But she pays him no mind, busy as she is glaring at her phone screen.
It has been three days since their appointment, and Lucifer hasn't shown up at all. He doesn't even respond to her texts and calls. If this is payback for all the times that she has been late and unresponsive, then wow, how petty… and maybe a little funny. But also concerning, given that Lucifer has promised to be more present in their lives.
… She's gonna have to check on him herself, isn't she?
Groaning, she leaves her office at a pace that laughably contradicts her slug-like Hellish form. With practiced ease, she offhandedly tells her secretary to cancel all her appointments for the day—"Even the life-saving surgery later, ma'am?"—because something more important has come up.
Looks like for the first time in ten thousand years, Belphegor is going to make a house call. But she's not going alone.
The first person she calls is Satan, knowing that out of the seven of them, he has the most free time on Sundays. But it goes to voicemail, so she calls Mammon instead.
When the greedy-ass clown doesn't answer either, she lets out an exhausted groan and just drops a message in the group chat. Which Lucifer is in, but given that he isn't answering her calls, he probably isn't going to see that message, either.
"Hey, assholes, who's free today?" she messages the chat.
To the surprise of absolutely no one who knows her, Bee heart-reacts her message and responds, "Me!! But I'm at a party, hehe."
"That's not what free means, Bee," texts Satan, making Belphegor's antennae twitch. Okay, what the fuck? Why didn't he answer her call earlier? Asshole!
"Nothing in this world is free," Mammon says. He sends multiple gifs of himself in meme format. Belphegor laugh-reacts to the one where he's shooting money out of gold-plated cash guns. "But you can get a discount! I'm having a buy 100 get one free deal on Looloo Land tickets, folks! Just for you."
"When Lucifer finds out you've been plagiarizing his intellectual property…" Levi warns in the chat.
"Nahhhhh. Knowing him, he'd be flattered! And I changed the bloody name already to avoid that, so fuck off, fanboy," Mammon types after sending multiple laughing emojis in quick succession.
Before Belphegor can laugh-react to that, her attention is pulled away by a call notification. She stares at Bee's face on the screen for a few beats before accepting the call.
"Heeeey, Belphy!" Bee greets her loudly, causing her to draw back from her phone. Loud bass and upbeat music blare loudly in the background. "What's up, bitch? I haven't heard from you in like, three months! Did you go on vacation again?"
"Yeah," Belphegor says. She glides down the hall towards the elevators and presses the down button. It usually takes twenty minutes for the elevators here in Sloth to start working, but Belphegor's private elevators always come on time. She enters the elevator and presses the button for the lobby floor. "I just came back to work a few days ago, and I already feel like taking another break."
"Don't overdo it, babe! And you should always remember to reward yourself." Bee pauses suddenly, making Belphegor think that their connection probably got cut. Then, the party music suddenly stops, making Bee's voice as clear as day. "So, what's up? You don't usually message the chat first. Is it serious?"
Belphegor pauses. Maybe it's because it has been so long, but she forgets that crazy, party-loving Bee had been one of the more… serious and disciplined angels in the past. Temperance and all that. Nothing got past her back then… and even now, it seems. She was the one who thought Lilith may have been lying about Lucifer wanting to colonize Hell, after all.
Looking back, they should have believed her.
"To be honest, I don't know." Belphegor waits until she gets out of the hospital building before saying, in a quieter voice, "It's about Lucifer."
"What happened?" Bee asks instantly. Then, with a lower voice, "Is that bitch back?"
"I don't think so. We would have heard it on the news if Lilith had shown up again," Belphegor says, but even she doesn't sound convinced by her own words. She listens to Bee's low growling for a few beats before adding, "He… requested an appointment a few months ago. I didn't see it because I was on vacation. But his appointment date has passed, and I can barely get a hold of him. Has he spoken to you recently, by any chance?"
"Not since he suddenly stopped going to my Hound parties," Bee says slowly. Belphegor can practically hear her frowning on the other line. "Which is so weird because it looked like he had a blast every time! The Hellhounds were intimidated by him at first—I mean, no surprise there!—but he brought out that back-flipping, fire-breathing rubber duck out and everyone went bonkers over it. You should have seen it, Belph, it was so fucking hilarious.
"There were moments when I had to get him to stop going overboard, though. Like, he'd be having so much fun one moment… and then he'd suddenly start crying about Charlie hating him or Lilith not coming back. And he also rages about this guy called Alastor the Asslicker who kept pissing him off, or something like that. But other than that, he seemed fine until he suddenly stopped coming to my parties."
"I see." Belphegor hums. With a wave of an appendage, her luxury car appears in front of her. She gets in the back, and with another hand wave, the chauffeur in front drives away from the curb. "Well, I'm fairly certain he's not actually dying like he said—"
"Wait, he said he was dying?!"
"But it must be bad enough if he thought to reach out to me in the first place. And if he's turning into a recluse again without warning…"
"Then something big must have happened," Bee finishes for her. After a few beats, she says, "All right, I need to see this for myself. I'll meet you in like, an hour."
Belphegor frowns. "An hour? Why an hour?"
"Uh, hello, I have a party going on right now?" Bee says, as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. Well, to be fair, it really is. "I need to wrap things up here first. I'm sure you have stuff to prepare, too."
'My mental health,' Belphegor thinks privately. With a sigh, she says, "Fine. We'll meet up at your place, then we can find a way to get to the Pride Ring together. Lilith's wards may have kept us from visiting before, but they may not be as strong now without her around."
"Awesome! Mini party at Lucy's place!" Bee cheers. Then, with a more serious tone, she says, "Don't worry, Belph. I'm sure he's just fine. And if he's not… well, we'll just beat up the asshole who hurt him. Okay?"
"Sure. See you soon."
"Bye, bitch!"
Belphegor sighs and lets Bee end the call. She looks out the window, watching the serene, pinkish hue of her domain pass her by. Usually the colors are enough to calm her down, but with Lucifer acting like the way he is…
Well, if it ends up being about nothing, she can just charge him triple for the house call. The fucker can afford it.
Lucifer is having the worst day of his life.
Or is it the worst week? Worst month? He doesn't even know how long it has been since he secluded himself in his old bedroom—cobwebs, stale-smelling air, and dust not powerful enough deterrents to keep him from wallowing in shame and self-pity. The sheets that used to smell like him and Lilith probably have their own ecosystem now—what, with Lucifer not having them washed for seven-going-on-eight years. He's sure he must have felt something crawl up his leg once or twice, but he can't really be bothered to check right now.
Because, like he keeps saying, he's having the worst… time of his life. There. That's safely vague. He can't really check the time either, because his phone is… somewhere. He had thrown it in a random direction after receiving that first call from his daughter, and he was so not ready to hear her voice, much less face her. Still isn't. Fortunately, the battery of his phone must have died at some point because it has been near silent since then.
Then he heard the doorbell ring after a few days of secluding himself. Lucifer, being a coward, had temporarily placed a ward block on Charlie and her little friends prevent her from getting in the palace. He must have messed up Lilith's wards because he felt other blocking arrays disappear, but he doesn't care. He just can't bear to see his daughter's face right now.
A flash of Charlie's crying face back at the hotel hits him, and within moments, Lucifer's muffled sobs softly echo in the room. He's such an awful dad to his baby girl. And he'll be just as horrible to the next one when they decide to pop out.
Because to the surprise of absolutely no one who knows him, Lucifer has somehow managed to get himself pregnant.
What the fuck.
Lucifer shoots up from the covers, grabbing his chest and wheezing. He stands up on wobbly legs and starts pacing the length of their— his super king-sized bed. It takes him twenty full strides to reach the end and back again, but given his petite frame, that doesn't really mean a lot. And oh, he sunk a little deeper on that part near the headboard. Time to get a new mattress, he thinks! He might as well shop for new baby things too, because there's a baby on the way. Holy fucking Father there is a BABY on the way!
What is he going to do?
"Okay, okay. Calm down, you— shit!" Lucifer cries out when he steps too close to the edge of the bed, and his weak legs give out and slip easily on the slippery silk sheets. His face meets the floor in classic fashion; his wings unfolding belatedly to catch his fall. Feathers fall around him as he stays there for a few beats, seemingly pondering his life choices.
Because fuck past Lucifer. Seriously!
He folds his wings back into his body before turning on his back to stare helplessly at the ceiling. He runs a hand through his hair, making a face at how sticky and grimy it feels. Then, he sets his hand on his stomach which, at this point, was more than just a tiny bump now.
Reality's a little harder to deny now that it's practically bitch-slapping him across the face.
… Should he just get rid of it?
Lucifer sits up a little so he can lean against the side of the bed, but he still stares up at the dark ceiling as he thinks, idly rubbing a hand over his stomach. It would be so easy, he thinks. Destroying the thing before it can even form coherent thoughts would take a single snap of his fingers. And even if Husk and that Radio Bitch already know (and have surely told Charlie because of course that fucking Alastor would be a gossip), that doesn't have to mean anything. Lucifer is the King of Hell; he can do whatever the fuck he wants. If wants to come back to the hotel looking like his regular, flat-stomached self, then he can. Compared to creation, destruction is child's play, as he had proven all those years ago. He can do it. He should do it.
Something gleams in the corner of his eye, and Lucifer's gaze shifts to stare at Lilith's full-length mirror in the corner of the room. Taking the covers with him and wrapping them around his form, he slowly walks towards it; his heart beating faster with every step.
Standing in front of the mirror, he lifts up the covers so he can stare at his reflection. His hair is a greasy mess and in obvious need of a thorough washing. His face, while still rosy-cheeked, is puffy and fatigued. And his clothes, which still consist of his torn waistcoat, shirt, and pants from that fight with Alastor, may as well be rags.
Then, when his eyes can't find anything else to judge, he looks at the bump on his midsection. Still small, but larger and oh-so obviously growing his baby.
A baby. Charlie's little sibling.
He falls to his knees before he can stop himself, sobbing into his hands. He cries loudly in the dark room, overcome by feelings of fear, shame… and joy.
He should get rid of it. For both his and the child's sake, he should end it now before he gets too attached. Knowing that Heaven will once again demand Lucifer surrender this baby to their judgment—accusing him of shit he never plans to do because he just wants to move on from them, dammit!—he should just save himself the torment and just get rid of this thing before it's too late.
But how can he? After spending thousands of years ruling over the living and breathing consequences of his hubris, here now is more proof that Lucifer can still create something good with his own two hands. That he can be like his Father after all and breathe life into things. Charlie had been his first taste of what redemption could be, and he is not exaggerating when he calls her his greatest creation. He loves her so much that his heart aches every time he thinks about how much he had failed her. Has failed her.
And now Lucifer is carrying another child—another great creation. His heart sings with joy at the thought of giving Charlie a sibling to love; to have another shot at raising a child right. He doesn't want this baby to replace Charlie, and it never will, but he knows he can't turn back time and save his first child the hurt his absence had caused her.
But he can do right by this baby.
No matter how foolish it sounds, or how many trials he will face along the way, Lucifer will keep this child and love it with all his heart. Nothing—not Alastor, that arrogant Radio Prick, or even Lilith, his absent ex-wife, can ever make him regret this. Hell, Heaven itself can fuck off even it threatens to smite him with its divine light.
Divine light that is, strangely enough, shining in his room right now.
Lucifer turns around and stares, paralyzed, as a portal forms in his room. He looks up at the ceiling and shakes his fist. "That wasn't an invitation, you sick, sadistic fucks!"
"Invitation? Like, for a party?"
Lucifer blinks. Why does Heaven's new customer service hotline sound a lot like Bee?
The portal disappears, and so does the blinding light that comes with it. Lucifer gapes at the two figures that enter his room, and at the back of his mind, he knows he should be concerned about people getting through the wards and just barging in his room like this. And besides, the only Hell denizens powerful enough to make portals are the Goetia and the… wait.
"Bee?" he croaks out, wrapping the covers around himself. Then, with a higher-pitched voice, squeaks, "And Belphy? What the fuck are you two doing here?!"
"Well, it's nice to see you too, fucker," Belphegor greets him with no real heat. Lucifer can't help but tear up at the sound of her voice because man, he has missed that tired and raspy droning! "That was… easier than I thought. Did Lilith really set up wards to keep us away from here or was she just fucking with us?"
"Levi tries every month and he gets blocked every time. So this is probably just recent?" Bee answers, crossing her primary arms over her chest. Turning to Lucifer, she asks, "Did you do something to that bitch's wards?"
Lucifer pauses. Then, with a shrug and sheepish grin says, "I might have done something in a panic. But wait a minute, what do you mean by that? Are you saying that Lilith has been keeping you away from here? All this time?"
"Uh, yeah, duh? Why else would we not visit you, you idiot?" Bee hovers; her translucent wings flickering agitatedly behind her.
"Because you dislike me now and disapprove of my life choices," Lucifer says automatically, nodding. Then, less assuredly, he adds, "At least that's what… Lily said. That's why you didn't visit during my baby shower or any of her birthdays! I sent out invitations to all of you! And I put all my favorite duck stickers on all of them, too."
Bee and Belphegor pause. As Bee's hair grows larger and larger and moves erratically behind her, Belphegor's antennae flash a brief, warning yellow before returning back to normal.
"We… will unpack all that later," Belphegor says, holding out an appendage to keep Bee from buzzing around in anger. "Anyway, back to why we're here. What the fuck happened to you?"
"Me?" Lucifer asks. Then he looks briefly down at his body and covers himself. With a sheepish grin, he slowly side-steps his way back to the safety of his bed, keeping the covers secure around him. "W-What do you mean? I'm doing fine, like always! This isn't the first time I've secluded myself, you know. I'm a real genius at it now. In fact, I should be asking you ladies that question! What are you doing here?"
"Uh, you set up an appointment with me? Remember?" Belphegor waves her phone around, as if that answers everything. Oh wait, it does.
"Oh, that!" Lucifer reaches his bed and hops on top of it. He scooches to the center and buries himself further in the blankets, grinning up at his fellow Fallen who stand at the foot of the bed (or hover, in Bee's case), watching his every move with blinking eyes. Blowing a raspberry, he says, "That's nothing, Belph, just a false alarm. I don't actually need an appointment for anything. I'm fit as a fiddle, as you can see!"
Belphegor and Bee exchange looks. With a frown that's bordering on a sneer, Belphegor says, "You said you were dying. And while you look like you could use a bath—or an exorcism—I don't see anything that indicates an impending death. I was worried sick about you, you know, fuck you. I'm charging you four times my rate for wasting my time."
Lucifer twists and pulls at the blanket; eyes shifting and looking at everything except at his friends. "W-Well, as it turns out, I was just being dramatic! No form of dying occurring here whatsoever, oh no, hah! You know me, I make a big deal about everything! I made a big deal about the creation of humans, Falling from Heaven, running out of flour for pancakes—"
"Enough to look like that?" Belphegor sweeps an appendage over his form. "With respect, Lucifer, but you look like you just came out of Mammon's asshole after he ate Bee's cooking and Satan beat you into a pulp and shoved you down the greedy bitch's throat."
Lucifer grimaces. "How the fuck do you come up with this shit, Belph?"
"Aside from the dig at my fantastic cooking, Belphy's right!" Bee hovers closer, placing her secondary hands on her hips. Then, she leans so close her nose is almost touching his head. "You look awful, babe! And Father above, when was the last time you took a shower? Honestly, you should do something about that right away! You smell like you're—"
Bee takes a small sniff and freezes. Lucifer, after a few beats of confused silence, suddenly goes stiff himself, leaving Belphegor to look between the two with narrowed eyes.
"What is it?" she asks Bee who slowly sets her feet down next to the bed. When she gets no answer from the abnormally quiet Sin, she asks again, "Bee? What's the matter?"
"Why do you smell like that?" Bee asks Lucifer instead.
Lucifer swallows and turns away. "S-Smell like what?"
"Like… you're ripe. Like you're with child," Bee says, her tone dropping dangerously low. Her eyes flash once, and her pupils disappear, leaving behind her glowing, fully pink sclera. Her hair also starts moving erratically behind her as she grabs Lucifer's blanket. "Let me see—"
"Bee—!" Belphegor calls out, but she herself stops in her tracks when she sees Lucifer without the blanket fully covering him. She blinks, and each passing second her mouth drops lower and lower as she processes what she sees.
Lucifer hunches over himself and covers the bump on his middle protectively—and also shamefully. He refuses to meet their gaze, which he knows would be full of so much judgment and disgust, like Lilith had said they felt about him having Charlie. He can just imagine what they're thinking: what's someone like him doing, having another child when he fucked up with the first one? Lucifer never did anything good with his life; how can he possibly be trusted with caring for another? He's so stupid. He's out of his mind. He's—
"Where is she?"
Lucifer blinks and braves a glance at Bee, who is stomping around looking behind curtains and doors. She knocks over a shelf full of books in her rampage, and Lucifer can only watch her as she growls and roars.
"That bitch is back, isn't she? Why else would you be like this again?" Bee's voice takes on a demonic edge as she searches his room. She turns to the door, and she stomps toward it. "That selfish little cunt thinks she can hide from me? Not this time! I'll give her a piece of my mind once and for all—"
"Bee, stop!" Belphegor grabs Bee with one of her slimy appendages. She ignores the face her fellow Sin makes at the amount of mucus she excretes and says, "Where are you going? I told you, Lilith isn't here! We would know if she came back."
"Would we?" Bee growls out, though her voice has returned to its normal tone. "You know exactly how sneaky she is. For all we know, she could be plotting something right now. And let me remind you why that manipulative hag chose to bind herself to him in the first place—"
"It's not hers!"
And just like that, the tension quickly dissipates. Belphegor and Bee pause, turning to Lucifer who is standing on the edge of the bed, looking out of breath. After a quick exchange of looks, they turn back to him with varying degrees of confusion on their faces.
"Come again?"
"Huh?"
"It's not hers, I swear," Lucifer says, wheezing. He jumps off the bed and walks up to them, putting his hands up in a placating manner. "Lily has nothing to do with this. I haven't seen her in years! How… How can she get me pregnant if she's not here? That would be really weird, right?"
Belphegor rubs her chin with an appendage, humming in thought. "That's.. true. And I assume you had sex with her in order to get pregnant? Like a human?" At Lucifer's nod, Belphegor's expression turns even more confused. "That's so odd. I didn't know our kind can reproduce that way. I certainly haven't had any scares."
"Neither did I, and I've been around the block," Bee says, still frowning. She turns to Lucifer and frowns even more when he flinches at her attention. Placing her second set of hands on her hips, she crosses her primary arms over her chest and looms over him. "Are you sure that's what caused the pregnancy? Or did you use some kind of magic to have Charlie?"
Lucifer opens his mouth to respond—because duh , of course sex was how Charlie was made!—but after a few beats, he finds himself slowly deflating and staring at nothing. "Well, yes! I mean, how else could we have had Charlie? Sex was all we did before I got like… well this!" He sweeps his hands over his form in emphasis.
"So who did you sleep with?"
"Huh?"
"If you had sex in order to have Charlie, then it follows that you had sex to make this one, too," Belphegor says, pointing at his growing midsection. "And if it's not Lilith, then it has to be someone else. So, who is it?"
Lucifer blinks one eye after the other. Belphegor technically makes sense, but he knows for a fact that he hasn't had sex with anyone in the last seven to eight years (sad, he knows). But before he can rack his brain for answers, Alastor's face suddenly pops in his head. After a few beats, a wild idea hits him, causing him to release a high-pitched, little goblin scream.
No. No way. No-ho-ho-ho way. No. Nonononononono. That can't be. There's no way! Lucifer would rather rip his own arm off exorcist-style than carry the brat of that… that… Radio Prick!
"What's happening?" Belphegor asks Bee as they observe Lucifer hitting himself with a pillow. They leave him to it because one, the pillow won't actually hurt him, and two, it's hilarious. She turns to Bee and whispers, "Has it finally sunk in, you think?"
"Maybe," Bee says, tapping her chin in consideration. Then, with a sly look, says, "Or maybe he just figured out who the dad is."
"THERE IS NO DAD!" Lucifer stands up with a finger pointing to the sky. He marches up to his friends and says, "It doesn't matter. Who… Whoever the other parent is, they've got nothing to do with this. I'm the only one that matters. I'm raising this kid my way, and no one's going to stop me!"
"So you're keeping it?" Belphegor asks, frowning. "I mean—it's your choice! Far be it from me to tell you what to do with your body. But are you sure? You know what the consequences are. When Heaven finds out, and they will , they'll try to do the same thing they did with Charlie—"
"And I'll handle it," Lucifer grounds out. At their disbelieving expressions, he growls and pulls at his greasy hair. "I know, I know it sounds stupid! I should be getting rid of this before I get too attached but fuck, do I want this, you guys. I didn't… I didn't raise Charlie well, and this is my chance to make up for it! Charlie always wanted a sibling, you know. Maybe this can bring us closer!"
"Lucifer," Belphegor says, shaking her head and frowning. "If you want your relationship with your daughter to get better, you have to do it the hard way by slowly earning her trust. A baby isn't going to fix your mistakes for you, and it's not fair that you're—"
"I know! And I will fix it, I promise! I just…" Lucifer turns away from them the moment he feels tears well up in his eyes. He holds his middle protectively as he says, "I just don't think it's fair to punish this little one, either. This is my mistake. I shouldn't throw it away just 'cause I'm scared or I don't think I can do it right the second time. And I…"
"Lucy?" Bee calls out when he goes silent. When he suddenly collapses after clutching his head and misstepping, she and Belphegor are at his side instantly. "Lucy! Lucifer!"
"Get him to the bed now," Belphegor orders. Bee carries Lucifer in her arms and gingerly places him on the bed. All the while, Belphegor takes out her sphygmomanometer and stethoscope and sets up the rest of her equipment by Lucifer's bedside with a wave. Bee hovers behind her worriedly as she takes Lucifer's blood pressure, frowning when the test finally gives her his results.
"His blood pressure is low, which explains the sudden dizzy spell. And if he has been secluding himself here without eating, his blood sugar should be low, too." Belphegor takes off her stethoscope and pinches the space between her eyes. "Father dammit, Lucifer, you're really making things more difficult than they have to be."
"I'm sorry," Lucifer says quietly, making Belphegor and Bee jump. He clutches his middle weakly with one hand and buries his face in the pillow. It doesn't hide the tears streaming down his face, but Belphegor and Bee say nothing. "I just… really, really want this. I wanted Charlie, and now I want this. You have no idea how much."
"Lucy…" Bee says, hovering closer, but Belphegor stops her with one appendage and points.
Lucifer is fast asleep.
Belphegor sighs. She removes the rubber cuff from Lucifer's arm and sets the sphygmomanometer aside. As she pulls out an IV drip from her bottomless gladstone bag, Bee hovers closer to Lucifer to watch his sleeping face.
He looks so peaceful, but she knows he's everything but. To think that someone would have the balls to do this to their friend. It was bad enough that they let Lilith take advantage of him, but to let it happen again? Right under their noses?
A wave of fiery rage takes over her briefly, causing her to snarl and her hair to move erratically behind her. Oh, she's going to find out who did this to him, and when she finds the little fucker, she's going to make them pay .
"Stop it, Bee." Bee turns to look at Belphegor who is still setting up the IV drip for Lucifer. "I know what you're thinking, but you have to let it go for now. Lucifer and his baby's health take priority. Everything else will have to follow after the birth."
"You can't be serious!" Bee whispers harshly, looking back and forth between Belphegor and Lucifer. She hovers closer to her friend and gestures emphatically with all four hands. "You know as well as I do that Lucifer did not consent to having Charlie, no matter what the news or Lilith said! Not properly, at least. And now it's happening all over again with some… some rando! We need to find out what really caused this, because I for one am not convinced that sex is what got him pregnant!"
"I agree." Belphegor frowns as she sits down next to Lucifer to apply the drip to his arm. It takes her less than three seconds to find a good vein to sink the needle in. As is expected of Hell's (and Heaven's) greatest doctor. "Something is fishy about this. Angels should not be able to reproduce—not the way humans do, anyway. There's just no need for us to do so. Part of me wonders if Lucifer's just trying to protect Lilith by keeping his mouth shut, but…"
"He may be just as clueless as we are," Bee finishes for her. After a few beats of silence, she asks, "Do you think Ozzie has an idea? He's a nerd like you, too."
Belphegor rolls her eyes. "We deal with two very different branches of science, but I guess there's no harm in asking. I can call him after sorting this idiot out."
"And I'll do my own investigation!" Bee announces, twirling in the air. Her face then lights up as an idea hits her. "In fact, I'll get started right now!"
"Hey, where are you going?" Belphegor demands, watching Bee create another portal. Judging by the pollution, she must be planning to visit the Greed Ring. "Wait, are you going to leave me here by myself? Really?"
"Oh, come on, you big baby, you'll be fine! Lucifer's passed out, anyway." Bee waves her two left hands in dismissal. With a big grin, she hovers backwards towards the portal while waving her hands. "I'll get someone to help you out soon! Till then, I got a certain clown to talk business with."
"What's that supposed to mean? Bee?" Belphegor calls out. "Bee!"
But Bee is gone, as well as the portal. Belphegor sighs and buries her face in the flat of her appendages. After a few beats pass, she growls out and claps to turn on some dim lights. Glancing at Lucifer's still form, she shakes her head and surveys the room… which is a fucking pigsty.
If there's anything Belphegor hates more than unnecessary work, it's a dump.
Belphegor sighs. Resisting the urge to strangle the unconscious king on the bed, she rolls up her sleeves and ties her wavy hair back with magic. Then, she waves her appendages and starts floating things around.
Well, if she's going to stay here, she may as well get comfortable.
Charlie is having the worst three weeks of her life. Though, looking back, she can argue that this past year has been the most grueling, most terrifying time in her twenty-six years of living. There were so many mistakes made, so many tears shed, and it ended with so many of her citizens throwing away their lives for a silly dream of hers. Even Sir Pentious wasn't spared from the consequences of her follies. She misses him so much.
But among the rubble of her empty promises and shattered plans, she had found hope. She had found everlasting friendship. Her love with Vaggie had grown even stronger, which blows her mind every time she thinks about it. In the wake of an absent mother, Charlie also found Alastor who had graciously taught her so much and given her the push she needed.
And then she found her dad again, which was honestly the highlight of her year. She had always longed for him for reasons she can't understand. Most of her memories of him, though few, were very fond and full of warmth and light. Despite her mother almost constantly taking her away from him, she never once felt afraid or repelled by him.
But then he damned all the sinners to genocide, causing her mother to split up with him, taking Charlie with her.
After all this time, it still doesn't make sense. Why would he do that? Why? She wants to know so desperately what possessed him to do that after her mother worked so hard to grow their kingdom.
But now he's gone. And to the surprise of absolutely no one who knows her, it's all her fault.
"Babe," Vaggie begins softly, watching her pace the parlor. After a few more passes, she sighs and stands up to place her hands on Charlie's shoulders, gently stopping her from walking any further. "Charlie, relax."
"How can I, Vaggie? I messed up so bad," Charlie hugs herself, looking down at her shoes. Tears start forming in her eyes again, and she lets Vaggie wipe them away gently with a handkerchief. "I assumed the worst of him. I talk so much about redemption and forgiveness, only to jump to conclusions and blame my own father. If Alastor hadn't told me the truth, I'd still be thinking the worst!"
"To be fair, it did look horrible," Vaggie says, wincing at the memory. "I mean, Alastor was bleeding, and your dad was covered in his blood. Anyone would assume the worst."
"But not me. Not to my own father!" Charlie starts crying in earnest before she can stop the tears from falling. She leans forward when Vaggie draws her close for a hug. She hates looking so weak in front of other people but dammit. "I feel like such a disgusting person, Vaggie. I'm no better than the angels who raised their noses at us and thought Angel wouldn't make the right choices. I'm… I'm a hypocrite! Oh God."
"Hey, easy, easy," Vaggie says soothingly when Charlie falls to her knees. She gently guides her to one of the sofas, rubbing her head as she sniffles. "I'm sure it's not as bad as you think. Your dad just needs some time away, that's all."
"But he's ignoring my calls! He's never done that before!" Charlie goes back to shedding tears, bringing her knees close to her chest and rocking back and forth. She pulls at her hair, messing up her already-disheveled hair even further. "And I tried visiting him but he won't let me in! He… He… He actually doesn't want to see me, Vaggie! He hates me now!!"
"Oh God." Vaggie winces as Charlie erupts into full-out bawling. With a strained smile, Vaggie sits next to Charlie and rubs her back consolingly. "Charlie, that's not true! Your dad would never hate you!"
"But he does!" Charlie wails, kicking her feet. The puddle of tears on the floor grows bigger and bigger with each passing second. "Vaggieee, I want my daddyyyy!"
"I called it," says a gruff voice behind them. Vaggie turns her head around to glare at Husk from the bar. "Daddy issues."
"Not helping, Husk," Vaggie says over Charlie's sobs. She stands up to face him, crossing her arms over her chest. "But you know what could help? If you could tell us what Lucifer and Alastor fought about in the first place. You do know, don't you?"
"Sorry, man, but I ain't saying anything 'cause it ain't my place," Husk says, frowning. He considers the bottle in his hand for a moment before sighing. "But you shouldn't bother him too much. I'm pretty sure he's already stressed out and it's not… it can't be good for his health."
Vaggie blinks. "Health? Is he sick or something?"
"WHAT?" Charlie shoots up; her hair in complete disarray and her eyes puffy and red from all the crying. With lightning speed, she rushes to the bar and grabs on to Husk's straps, pulling him close enough to see the wild look in her eyes. "What do you mean my dad's sick?! Why didn't he tell us? Why didn't you tell us? How could you keep this a secret from me, Husk?!"
"Again, it's not my place to tell!" Husk hops back on one leg as he tries to pry off Charlie's fingers from his person. "And he's not actually sick. He's just… ugh, fuck, I really can't say it, all right! This is something he has to tell you himself."
"Pleeeeeeaaaase, Husk!" Charlie resorts to clasping her hands together in prayer as she pleads. She unleashes her secret weapon: her puppy dog eyes. Husk cries out and covers his eyes to avoid getting blinded by the light. "I feel really, really, really, really awful about what happened! I just want to make it right with my dad. Who knows what he's thinking? If I know a little bit about what's going on, I can use that to convince him to talk to me. I don't want to spend another seven years without him!"
"Charlie, I think you're exaggerating a little bit," Vaggie reels Charlie in, literally, as her hips are practically on the bar counter. Once she gets a sniffling Charlie settled on one of the stools, Vaggie turns to Husk. "Look, we don't want to put you in a bad spot. Whatever it is you know, if you think it's going to put you in danger, we'll protect you—"
"That's right! We'll never let anything bad happen to you!"
"—so you don't have to worry. And we'll make sure Lucifer doesn't find out that you told us."
"It's not Lucifer I'm worried about," Husk mutters under his breath; his eyes shifting towards the ceiling. After a few beats pass, he groans and scratches his head. "You know what? Fine. I guess you would have found out eventually. But… it's a little wild. You might have to brace yourselves a bit."
"Okay," Vaggie says as Charlie sits up straighter; her eyes wide and unblinking. "So what's wrong with him?"
Husk blinks grumpily. Then, with a shrug, says, "He's pre—"
Knock, knock.
The three of them turn towards the door with wide eyes. Charlie's eyes invert colors as she complains about being interrupted, and Husk just slumps over his side of the counter, sighing.
"Of all the times to get a guest!" Charlie whines, holding her head in her hands. "Why now?"
"Hold on," Vaggie says. She walks away from the counter, squinting at the frosted glass on the door. Those silhouettes… "Uh, babe? Does that look like a sinner to you?"
"What do you mean?" Charlie stands up, wiping her eyes. She stands beside Vaggie and squints. Then, with a gasp, she runs towards the door and grabs the handle.
Vaggie holds out her hand. "Wait, Charlie, we don't know—"
Charlie opens the door and looks up at her visitors. She blinks and rubs her eyes a few times before gawking once more at the two figures darkening her doorstep (literally). After a few beats, she balks and cries out:
"Uncle Mammon? Auntie Bee?"
Notes:*Notes edited on Mar 1, 2024*
Sigh, you guys, this was supposed to be funny :'( why did it have to develop a plot out of nowhere. Like, it's so bad we have a projected total number of chapters already, though that's still subject to change depending on what insanity will possess future me. Current me is shookt.
But wow, so that happened. Both Lucifer and Charlie are such disasters. They truly are father and daughter lmao. They will eventually make up, but the conflict between them is far from over. You'll have to wait and see what I have in store for the Morningstars bwahahahaha.
Also, yay, Belphegor is here! The character hasn't appeared in Helluva Boss, so I've taken some liberties with her character. I hope that isn't too distracting for you! And boo, Alastor is not here. :'( He didn't come to help me write this chapter this time. But I'm guessing he'll make an entrance at the very start of next chapter. I already have an idea how it's going to start.
And heh, I know I said Lilith isn't the villain here, and she really isn't... but she's not a good person, guys. And not everyone likes her here, especially the people who actually know her (except for Lucy, that sap). So just keep that in mind.
I'm really, really grateful for you guys, by the way. This is a super self-indulgent fic that is inspired by a 4-year-old brainrot. Yup, I've been shipping RadioApple for that long!! It all started with Alastor looking at Lucifer with smoldering eyes (I am delulu ikr) in the Morningstar family portrait in the pilot (23:38 timestamp), and ever since then I've been hooked. This mpreg AU was one of the many AUs I came up with for them; I just modified it a lot recently to fit canon events in the series (and that fake Viv screenshot SO didn't help lol). Anyways, enough backstory---I just wanna say THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart for your support~~ I am so glad you guys are here to share the RadioApple joy with me.
See