Notes: Not beta-read. Any mistakes will be corrected later on.
Edit (4/18/2024): HI, omg. I'm still alive dw, just encountering some mild writer's block on the next chapter. Also I'm a teeny bit demotivated to do anything because of the heat in my country asdfhflsl tysm for being patient~
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Vox has always prided himself in being on top of things. Having lived during a time when all it takes to succeed is to be one step ahead of everyone else, Vox had to push himself to know the latest trends and technological advances. No matter how difficult or impossible it seemed, Vox was fueled by the sheer need to be seen—and the fact that knowledge was what can help him move forward and climb to the top. To be the standard of absolute perfection.
Because like his dear father once said: perception is everything. If it's not perceived perfect, then it's worthless. And Vox is far from worthless.
Everyone else, on the other hand…
"Is this it?" Vox sifts through the disappointingly thin report given to him by his twitchy assistant, Morrie. He vaguely registers the poor bastard fidgeting in front of his desk, but hey, what's new? "Is this really everything you found out in the past four months?"
"Y-Yes, sir," says Morrie, gulping audibly. When Vox lifts his head to meet his eyes, Morrie hugs his clipboard to his chest. "That is—that's everything so far, sir. The team is working closely with Miss Velvette's social media managers, and we have our own spies shadowing the hotel and its residents."
Vox scowls and looks back down at the report again. Balancing his chin on the back of his hand, he reads through it again; his screen glitching as he reads through the compiled news clippings in the annex section of the report.
A Royal Renovation: Hazbin Hotel Receives Kingly Endorsement.
Lucifer In Lust? King of Hell Embraces His Horny Side!
Who Let the Dogs Out? Lucifer Seen Partying It Up at Queen Bee's!
Lulu Land Rebrands to Looloo Land! Investors Suspect Infernal Conflict.
Creative Differences? Overlord Radio Demon and King Lucifer Duke It Out!
Dr. Belphegor Seen Leaving Sloth… For Work! (Hell Is Freezing Over, Folks!)
The Subject of More Envy: Lord Leviathan Unveils New Lucifer-Inspired Art Exhibit.
A Fateful Festival: King Satan to Attend Harvest Moon Festival with Newly-Ordained Prince Stolas.
Where Is Your God Now? Lucifer Reportedly Returns to Reclusion.
Vox's scowl deepens. After perusing the report for a few more beats, he snarls and slams the folder on the desk, causing papers to fly around the room and Morrie to squeak and jump. "S-Sir?"
"This is all worthless gossip," Vox says, leaning back in his chair and sweeping a hand over the scattered sheets of paper around and on his desk. The Kitty Bot lingering by the door dutifully picks up the papers at high speed and puts them all back in the folder. After it is done, it sets the folder neatly on the desk, bowing as it slides away. "Where's the substance? The truth? I already know and saw everything I read in this shitty report. Don't you have anything new to give me?"
"W-We're still in the middle of gathering more information, sir," Morrie says, looking down at his clipboard. Then, with a frown, he stares up at Vox bravely and says, "T-Though that will likely take us a while, unless we gain access to other information channels outside of the Pride Ring post-haste. Lucifer's recent activities are mostly outside of Pride, it seems, and aside from the occasional battle with the Radio Demon, His Majesty mostly stays inside the hotel."
Vox sighs angrily and knocks a fist on his screen a few times. "And what are we doing to get insider information on the hotel?"
"We've tried to get guests to check in, but they're all frightened of the Radio Demon and His Majesty," Morrie explains. "And so far, the princess hasn't ordered new CCTV cameras, so unless we get someone to sneak in to install covert ones…"
"Have someone work on that right away," Vox says, pointing a finger at Morrie. As his assistant jots down on his clipboard, Vox stands and starts pacing the length of his office. He looks up to stare at the hammerhead sharks swimming behind the floor to ceiling windows. "And make sure you get information on Lucifer's movements. A former recluse like that isn't going to change his routine without a trigger or reason. Whatever it is, we need to find out what it is and how we can use it to our advantage."
"The princess isn't reason enough, sir?" Morrie asks.
"Are you a fucking idiot?" Vox sighs, turning to glare at him. "Big wigs like Lucifer don't just change for anybody. And as far as everyone else knows, Lucifer has been estranged from little miss goody-two-shoes for years. I doubt he suddenly wants to play number one dad. Why take an interest in her now?"
"Um, wouldn't the estrangement be due to his divorce from Queen Lilith—"
"And besides—shit ," Vox cuts him off, sitting back at his ridiculously big office chair. It swivels a little when he sits on it a little too fast, and he has to brace the edge of the table to stop it from turning completely. He sends Morrie a sharp look, but his assistant has already averted his eyes. Good. "And besides. The princess is dead-set on redeeming sinners and stopping the exterminations. Do you think the person who started the exterminations in the first place would like that?"
"I suppose not," Morrie concedes slowly, though he is still frowning. "Though if I may say, sir, sometimes things aren't that convoluted. There might be a deeper reason behind Lucifer's reappearance, but it could also be a whim of his."
"Lucifer has never had an interest in Hell or its citizens," Vox says, glaring at Morrie. "He may be the King, but it's that bitch Lilith who's really pulling the strings around these parts. I should know. I did my fucking research when I first appeared in this literal hellhole."
"And I understand that, sir," Morrie says slowly, holding his clipboard up. "All I'm saying is, maybe we don't have to resort to being sneaky to find out what his motive is. The answer could just be staring at us in the face."
Vox opens his mouth to call Morrie an idiot again, but then he stops himself. With a pensive look, he considers his assistant for a few beats. Then he looks back at the folder and swipes it. He opens the report on a random page and stares at the clippings of low-resolution photos that Morrie's team must have just lifted from social media platforms in and out of Pride.
Lucifer sharing a selfie with the Sins of Lust, Gluttony, and Greed. Lucifer partying with Hellhounds. Lucifer sharing his latest rubber duck creation. Lucifer in mid-flight as he battles Alastor.
So many things are happening behind the scenes, and the most frustrating thing is that Alastor is a part of it… while Vox isn't. Even if Alastor is antagonizing the literal King of Hell like the lunatic that he is, he is still perceived as someone important enough to be part of the king's daily routine. Someone more important than Vox.
The thought vexes Vox like nothing else. Because if there's anything Vox loves more than being on top of things, it's being seen. And Hell if Vox is going to let that old-timey prick hog the spotlight when Vox is clearly the more deserving media man between the two of them!
Something big is happening—Vox can feel it. And their reclusive king is the center of it all. Vox wants to be part of it.
But how?
Vox sighs angrily and leans back in his chair. He tips his head back and stares up at the ceiling—and the logo of VoxTek stares right back at him in bold, glowing letters. He keeps his eyes on the ceiling for a few beats, tapping on the lower edge of his screen. It glitches for a few moments, displaying the many labels under his company. Voxtagram. Venison with Vox. 666 News. Vox2Nite—
Wait.
His screen glitches a few more times before it shows his grinning face. Of course.
"You know what, kid," Vox says. "I think you may be right."
"I am?" Morrie asks, watching as Vox stands up from his desk.
"Yes!" Vox exclaims. Morrie closes his eyes when Vox reaches out to him, blinking when Vox just pats him companionably on the shoulder. "We could sneak around to gather information, but fuck it, why should we? We're VoxTek Enterprises! Information comes to us. Or we invite it!"
"Sir?" Morrie blinks. "Are you suggesting what I think you're suggesting?"
"If you're half as bright as I think you are, then yes," Vox says, chuckling. He turns to face the panoramic windows overlooking Pentagram City. To the left side is the infamous Hazbin Hotel, which, after its renovation, has become an even tackier eyesore than before.
He taps on the window to bring out a holographic screen, and he focuses the camera app on the hotel. With his fingertips, he zooms in on the hotel as closely as possible. Then, he pans to the left side of the hotel where an apple-shaped tower stands proudly above the roofdeck.
His grin sharpens.
"Sir?" Morrie prompts, likely disturbed by his prolonged silence.
"Try to find out Lucifer's contact information," Vox says, turning the holographic screen off with a wave of his hand. He sits back at his desk and grins up at Morrie. "Then set up a meeting with that Katie Killjoy bitch; I need to run her by something. Also! Send his majesty a formal invite to a lunch meeting. All on me."
"Lunch?" Morrie asks; his voice rising a pitch in incredulity. "I thought you wanted to invite him to your show?"
"We'll get there eventually," Vox says, waving a hand. "But we need to build a good relationship. Rapport, as they say! We'll show the King of Hell that he has a lot to gain from partnering with VoxTek Enterprises. Perception matters, after all, and we at VoxTek are all about perception. But before I can offer him anything he'd really want, I first need to find out how he ticks."
"And," Morrie begins slowly, tapping his fingers on the clipboard. "What if he says no, sir?"
"Oh, trust me, Morrie." Vox grabs the folder and waves it around; his left eye projecting hypnotic patterns. "With what I have planned, Lucifer is going to beg to meet up with me."
Sipping on some water through a straw, Bee sits at the island counter in the kitchen along with Charlie and the rest of her little hotel friends. The table Mammon had thrown through the wall completely fell apart, sadly, and neither she nor Mammon were in the mood to offer to fix it. That so-called facility manager Alastor could have fixed it himself, she thinks, but Bee suspects that he is reserving his magic to heal the torn muscles and broken bones in his back.
'Loser,' Bee thinks a little cruelly, amused at the thought of the posturing prick suffering underneath that obnoxious smile. She hadn't even been that serious when she kicked him through the wall, yet here he is, struggling to stand up straight as he and the rest of the hotel crew listen to Mammon blabber on and on.
It makes Bee wonder: are sinner overlords really this fragile? When Charlie introduced him as an overlord, Bee had expected him to take that hit with… well, perhaps not ease, but some composure. When Lilith added overlords into the political hierarchy of Hell, she and her kin had been skeptical, but she assured them that the title would require certain qualifications before anyone could obtain it. But now it seems those qualifications aren't enough.
She pulls out her phone and sends a quick private message to Leviathan. Out of the seven of them, Leviathan is the most politically savvy, and his thoughts about this will surely help. Maybe they can make some changes while Lilith is out of the picture.
And maybe, just maybe, they can all try to convince Lucifer to keep her out of it for good. It's now becoming clear to Bee that whatever politicking Lilith had been doing in Pride, it was all for the benefit of sinners—whether they are deserving of it or not. Climbing up the ranks to achieve overlord status should require more relevant qualifications, such as physical and magical formidability. And fearlessness.
Which the Radio Demon currently does not possess.
Bee can still smell the fear and desperation wafting from his aura earlier. Is it because she's a Sin? She and her Fallen kin do inspire quite a bit of fear from sinners and Hellborn alike. But she had smelled true disdain coming from him upon his introduction, and most of it seemed to be directed at Bee specifically. Hell, she had smelled it even before he showed up. That means he had been quietly observing them since the very moment she and Mammon arrived.
Bee frowns. He seems to truly despise her, but she can't figure out why for the life of her.
'Ditto, though,' she thinks. Whatever grudge the Radio Demon has against her, Bee doesn't really care. What she does care about is that he is a pretentious, scheming bastard who has managed to hook Charlie into a deal. A simple deal, it seems, since she claims that she never used her soul as collateral, but a deal bound by magic nevertheless.
That tiny little detail is what saved him. If it had been Charlie's soul she had traded, Bee would have squashed him like a bug then and there. Charlie can't exactly protect him "to the best of her abilities" if Bee kills him too fast for the princess to react, can she? In fact, the terms of the favor are so vague and open to interpretation that even Bee thinks it's a waste of a favor.
And that further confirms the idea that the prick had been desperate to get Bee to stop. Why?
As she considers this, Bee watches Mammon do what he does best: distraction and deflection. She hadn't been paying attention earlier, but now he's talking about some inane business venture with the hotel crew, saying that all they need to do is promote Looloo Land to sinners (even though sinners can't even leave Pride yet) to get free entrance every month for the first ten minutes. It's all bullshit, but it's what Mammon's good at, and it lets Bee observe everyone with a critical eye while maintaining the image of someone stewing from an aborted temper tantrum.
And speaking of aborted temper tantrums…
She shifts her narrowed gaze on the red-clad Radio Demon, who, not even thirty minutes ago, had been writhing under her heel and clawing at her leg. Now, he's the perfect host: seemingly indulging Mammon's business proposal, and even chiming in with his own ideas.
The act would have been terribly convincing if Bee couldn't sense the resentment and disgust wafting from him in waves.
'What the fuck is his problem?' she thinks, drumming her fingers on the counter. The sound makes one of Alastor's ears twitch, but he keeps his attention firmly planted on Mammon. The idea of him trying to maintain some semblance of control by faking that stupid smile and exuding an air of cheerfulness makes her want to vomit, but not just because she thinks it's pathetic.
It's because she can relate to pretending everything is all right when all she wants is to see the world burn.
She sighs and glares at the marbling on the counter. Back when she was a disciple of Temperance, she had always forced herself to say no to a lot of fun activities and pretend she wasn't hungry when she was. Overindulgence is wasteful, the elders used to say. A life of asceticism is the most productive and honorable way of living.
Of course, Bee eventually realized that that was all pretentious bullshit, which is why she didn't hesitate to take up arms and join Lucifer's rebellion. Since then, she has promised to become an avatar of permissiveness; one who doesn't prohibit fun but still makes sure said fun is safe and consensual.
(If she can only figure out how to teach Hellhounds about consequences. She feels guilty about the way they were used during the Imp Rebellion, so she hesitates to tell them to stop reproducing so much. Her adoption centers and pounds help a little, but she can't exactly check on every single one, can she?)
Now she wonders, however, if she is being too permissive, letting the smiling scumbag get away with such a grave insult towards her kin. A small reflection of her repressed, but resentful past he may be, but this Radio Demon is extremely bad news. She also suspects that he's the one who drove Lucifer to reclusion once more, but so far she can't come up with an explanation.
Just as she can't explain what about Alastor's scent is so familiar. Has she met this douchebag before? She'd certainly remember such a tacky bastard!
She is pulled out of her thoughts when she senses someone stand next to her. Anxiety rolls in waves as a bowl of warm food is placed in front of her, and Bee looks up to see Charlie's girlfriend, Vaggie, smiling at her.
"Here you go, your Infernal Highness. Please enjoy," Vaggie says. She tucks a few strands of white hair behind her ear, causing Bee to look more closely at her for the first time. She stares at the large X on the left side of her face and… oh.
"You're one of Adam's," Bee says suddenly, blinking. When Vaggie tenses in front of her, Bee holds up all four hands and says, "Whoa, easy there! Not accusing you of anything, sweetie. Just making an observation."
"Oh! Oh, I'm—I'm sorry." Vaggie laughs a little, tucking more hair behind her ear. A nervous tic? How cute. "I didn't mean to insult you, or anything. I was just caught off guard because you found out so easily—"
"It's perfectly fine, babe. And to be honest it's not that hard to find out if you know where to look," Bee says, patting Vaggie's shoulder once and smiling. Her secondary hands pull the bowl closer just as she accepts a spoon from Vaggie. "So. How long has it been since you Fell? The exterminations are fairly new, so your arrival must be recent."
"Four years, ma'am," Vaggie says, folding her arms behind her and standing at attention. Bee blinks at this. Huh. "Like you said, I was part of Adam's extermination army. I was… his best soldier. It's not something that I'm proud of, but I'm here now, making up for those mistakes."
"Mistakes?"
"Participating in the genocide, ma'am."
"Ah," Bee says, looking up at the ceiling. After a few beats, she nods and says, "Well, I have no love for sinners, but I don't see any reason to mindlessly exterminate them, either. Live and let live, yeah? If not for Heaven's demands, Lucy wouldn't have allowed it."
"... Heaven's demands?" Vaggie echoes, frowning. "You mean he didn't just… sign the lives of sinners away for the heck of it?"
"Ha, that's funny," Bee snorts, shaking her head. At Vaggie's silence, Bee gapes at her. "Wait, are you for real, girl? You really think he did that for the heck of it?" She makes air quotes with her primary hands, blinking at Vaggie.
"I mean, yes. It makes sense, right?" Vaggie asks, frowning and crossing her arms over her chest. Bee feels vibes of resentment and distrust rolling off of her in a sudden wave before it vanishes. "Lucifer hates sinners. He said so himself. Calls them violent psychopaths, even. Are you telling me he wouldn't jump at the chance to be rid of them for good? We've heard stories about how he went crazy when he was sentenced to Fall. Of course, I'm not saying everything the council says is true, but—"
"Okay, first of all, you don't know shit, girl, so watch your damn mouth." Bee's eyes flash briefly as she clenches her fist on the table, sneering. "Second, Lucy went crazy because Dad wanted to kill off the lower angels who joined the rebellion. He convinced him that it was his idea, and in exchange for their lives, he gave up his own fucking name. We did the same because it wasn't fair for him to take all of the blame, and we just wanted nothing to do with Heaven anymore.
"And third: you say you know that not everything the council says it's true, but here you are, parroting their words. Hasn't time under Adam's watch taught you not everything they do is right? I don't know what stories they've been telling you about him up there, but he isn't bloodthirsty. He can't even bring himself to kill a cockroach, you know?"
"I… I didn't know that he gave up his name. I'm sorry." Vaggie's frown deepens as she stares at the floor, chastised. "Well, he may not be bloodthirsty, but he's certainly not a saint. We saw the way he almost killed Adam…"
"Oh, that's different. He and Lucifer go way back. And Adam's a douche who had it coming. I'm just sorry I wasn't there to help him out," Bee says, shrugging. As she twirls the spoon in her hand, she finally looks down at the bowl of… what is this supposed to be again? She sniffs it, tilting her head. It doesn't smell half bad. "What is this?"
"Like I said earlier!" Vaggie jumps when Alastor materializes beside them, and she hits him across the arm after she regains her composure. Bee is unphased, as she had sensed his eyes on them since she first mentioned Lucifer's name. "It's my mother's famous jambalaya! You'd be hard-pressed to find anything like it on this side of the Pentagram!"
When Bee just raises a brow at the bowl, skeptical, Alastor sweeps a hand over her meal. "Oh, don't be shy now, Your Infernal Highness! Dig in, dig in. Indulging in the finest culinary creations the universe has to offer is your creed, yes? I am ever so curious to know what a connoisseur of feastly and flavorful indulgence will think about it."
Bee looks back down at the bowl. Tentatively, she scoops a portion, staring at the ingredients she recognizes. There's definitely rice there, as well as bell peppers, celery, and jalapeños. Taking another sniff, she detects garlic, bay leaf, and other herbs in the tomato-based dish, as well. Scents that seem familiar, but she can't explain why. But overall, there's nothing poisonous from what she can tell.
After a few beats, Bee turns her gaze on Alastor; mouth drawn down as she nods once. "I didn't peg you to be a foodie, freakazoid. That almost makes you somewhat decent. Almost."
"Well, you're not exactly what I expected either, madam! You don't strike me as a ravenous personification of gluttony!" Alastor releases a laugh track after saying this, clutching onto his chest as he guffaws. "Though perhaps you also overindulge in other forms of consumption? Let's say… of the carnal sort? What is taught to humans back on Earth may not be completely accurate, after all."
"What's your first clue?" Mammon chimes in as he walks over to them, jingling all the way. "You bloody humans think you got it all figured out! Just because Lulu gave your slutty ancestors the fruit of knowledge, doesn't mean you actually know shite!"
"Hmm," Alastor intones, staring at Mammon's shaking fist. He looks Mammon up and down once and shrugs his shoulders. "Well, perhaps there are a few things we got right."
"Oi, what's that supposed to mean, you little red wanker!"
"Nothing, my good man! I was just saying how well you embody the spirit of miserliness and greed!"
"Oh. Well, that's very nice of you," Mammon says, deflating. Then, with narrowed eyes and a snarl, he points at Alastor. "You're still on my no-discount list, fuckwit. You're paying 10,000% more for my products for the rest of your pathetic, sinner life."
"None of your products are even available here, Mams," Bee says, shaking her head fondly at her fellow Fallen who shakes his fist at her and screams, 'It will be!' Then, with a scowl, she turns to Alastor and asks, "And what's with that carnal comment, asshole? You coming onto me, or something?"
High-pitched static resounds abruptly in the room, causing most of them to cover their ears and cry out. Bee controls her impulse to wince for the most part, but she retains her composure, watching as Alastor's eyes widen in shock. She would have grinned at him if the static wasn't so annoying!
The static stops (finally!), and the unhinged bastard snaps his neck (what the fuck!) and honest to Dad laughs . Freak. "Absolutely not, madam! I am simply speculating the many, many interpretations of your assigned Sin! There are many ways to overindulge, after all. And oftentimes, a gluttonous nature means we do not… discriminate against the source of what we consume. Hellish or… heavenly."
Bee squints at Alastor who continues to smile at her like he knows something she doesn't. Shaking her head, she turns away from him and opens her mouth to finally taste whatever the fuck jambalaya is. "Whatever, you weirdo. But don't think I don't know when I'm being insulted, because that is clearly loaded with…"
"Auntie Bee?" Charlie pipes up after a few beats. She had been observing the exchange with a careful eye—just in case Alastor decides to pick another fight. She stands next to Bee and bites her lip. "Auntie Bee, are you okay?"
Bee blinks. She realizes she must be painting a picture of ridiculousness right now, as one cheek is puffed up as she chews slowly. She chews a little faster, and after a few beats, she swallows.
Emotions roll around her in waves. Anticipation. Anxiety. Curiosity. Annoyance. But she ignores all of that; instead, she scoops another spoonful of jambalaya and takes a bite. Then another. And another.
Eventually, the "annoyed" emotion gets replaced by another: satisfaction.
"I take it you like it, Auntie Bee?" Charlie asks, smiling lopsidedly as she watches Bee scoop every last bit of rice and sauce from the bowl.
"I'll get you some more, ma'am," Vaggie announces, already stepping away to get another bowl.
"Thanks, Vaggie," Charlie says, sharing a sweet smile with Vaggie when she passes her by. She clasps her hands in front of her and glances in Alastor's direction. "You know, auntie, Alastor's the best cook in the hotel. His culinary knowledge from Earth is really extensive, and we think it would help make future guests feel more at ease here if they're eating something familiar. He's in charge of cooking all of our meals currently, but we hope to bring in more people to make it less taxing on his workload."
"Oh, you flatter me, dear!" Alastor says, a track of an audience saying "aww," resounding after. "But to think you're considering hiring kitchen staff to replace me! Why, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you're just praising my cooking to spare my feelings."
"What feelings," the cat Husk mutters under his breath. Then his eyes widen, and he shifts his gaze from Alastor to the doorway. "Err, I mean—"
But Alastor just laughs, holding a hand to his chest. Husk watches warily as Alastor pats his shoulder companionably. "What feelings, indeed! You certainly know me well, my friend. Goodness!"
Husk blinks as he stares down at his shoulder. He looks up to stare dumbfoundedly at Alastor. "What the fuck?"
While they're busy bantering, Vaggie has already returned with a fresh bowl of jambalaya for Bee. Actually, she has two, and she offers the other bowl to Mammon, who thanks her with a toothy smile.
"Thanks, luv," Mammon says. Then with a wink and a thumbs up, he says, "You know, if you're ever feeling homesick, you can come 'round to one of ours. Must be tough being the only Fallen 'round here. You're like family, so don't hesitate to give us a call, yeah?"
"T-Thank you, sir," Vaggie says, smiling. Then she sighs as she makes her way back to Charlie, covering her left eye. "I need to figure out how to make this less obvious…"
"Make room, Bee," Mammon says, sitting on his own stool at the counter. He takes a bite of jambalaya, and after the pause, lights up and points at it. "Oi, this is pretty good!"
"Yeah, I was surprised," Bee says. Then they both feel and hear their phones vibrating. They pull theirs out at the same time and see Belphegor's name on their screens. They exchange brief looks before tapping on the screens so fast they crack.
"Lucy's awake. He's also hungry, so bring something up here for him to eat, Levi and Ozzie," her message reads.
"Oh, you think he'd like this?" Mammon asks, pointing at the jambalaya. Then he squints as he rubs his chin in thought. "Or I dunno, what do preggo people eat? Don't they have like cravings and shite— mmff!"
"Sssh," Bee whispers harshly, glancing between Mammon's squished face and the hotel crew. They're still trapped in their own world, bantering about hotel things, she assumes. She lets go of Mammon's face and adds, "Watch it, Mams. No one is supposed to know about Lucy's current situation yet. So shut the fuck up."
"Everyone's gonna find out eventually, anyway," Mammon whispers back just as harshly, glaring at Bee as he rubs his sore cheek. "Especially little Charlie! You'd think she'd want to know that a little sib is on the way."
"I get that, Mams, and I agree with you. But it's not our place to tell," Bee says, sighing. Both of them turn to Charlie, who is in the middle of a conversation with Alastor. "The truth has to come from Lucifer himself. The poor kid's already stressed about this entire thing; I don't want to add to her plate by dropping a bomb like that out of nowhere."
"I guess," Mammon says sullenly, taking another bite of jambalaya. He lights up when he sees Belphegor's latest message. "Oi, he's craving meat! Maybe he can go easy on the sugar, finally."
Mammon cackles as he types this all out, making Bee roll her eyes. She sees his message and types her own, saying out loud, "Don't you think it's so weird that he's craving meat. Isn't he like, vegetarian?"
"Just preggo things, I guess? And I think his diet doesn't restrict all meat?" Mammon says. Then, he guffaws, pointing at the screen. "Ha, look at that, Bee! Ol' Levi still knows Lulu's diet by heart. The fucking simp."
"Oh my Dad, he's saying we should ask the other Fallen to help," Bee says excitedly, pumping her secondary left fist as she types her message. "I smell partyyyyy."
"We can make it a reunion party!" Mammon offers, sharing a wide grin with Bee. "And so many other parties! Charlie's birthday party, a baby shower, the works!"
"That's a great idea!" Bee says. Then, after a brief glance towards Charlie and Alastor, she asks, "Hey. We should probably tell them about that, right?"
Mammon follows her gaze, and for a brief moment his extra eyes appear from beneath his primary eyes, flashing a deadly green. Then, he reverts back to his normal form, frowning at the counter. "I think so. But do you think it would be good for Lulu right now? You said he had a fainting spell earlier, yeah?"
"Oh shit, you're right. Stress is bad for him right now." Bee clenches her fist and gnaws at it. After a few beats, she sighs and types out her message. "Maybe we can tell the others first. There might be a way to get rid of the deal somehow."
"Satan probably knows. He's good with all that magicky shite," Mammon says. A round of pings resound from their phones, and he guffaws. "Ha! Speak of the other devil. He really should get over himself and forgive Lulu. Prickly twat."
"So!" Both Bee and Mammon jump when the Radio Demon materializes in front of them, all smiles and squinting eyes. "I see the King of Greed has also indulged in my mother's cooking. What does the Master of All Things Green have to say about it, hm?"
"He likes it," Bee says, glancing at Mammon who is busy arguing with Belphegor in the chat. She stacks her two empty bowls and pushes them away from her. She sets her primary elbows on the counter, smirking up at Alastor as she places her chin on the back of her hands. "I gotta say, that was pretty good food, Radio Freak. Maybe if you were as good at conversation as you are at cooking, you'd be a more likable person."
"Too right!" Mammon appears behind the hotel crew to agree, back to munching. He takes a spoonful from his own bowl of steaming jambalaya. Then, he elbows Alastor in the side, causing the Radio Demon to hiss and take a wobbly step back. "Say, fuckstick, how's about you partner with me in selling this in frozen food form? We can rack up heaps of moolah! You get about one percent of the annual profits every 100,000,000 packs sold. Not a bad offer, eh?"
"I'm flattered, good sir," Alastor says with a smile that twitches at a corner. "But I must decline such a miserly offer. This recipe is my dear mother's, and I would be remiss in commercializing it. The offer is very kind of you, however!"
"Eh, suit yourself," Mammon says, shrugging. He stands next to Bee and shows her the bowl. "Oi, you think Ozzie can figure out how to make this? I'm sensing myself craving this shite."
Bee opens her mouth to say something, but the phone in her hand suddenly buzzes, making her pause. Staring at the screen, she sees that Belphegor has sent her a message.
"Hey, Bee," it reads. "If you're still at the hotel, can you pick up Lucy's shampoo? His old one is making him puke. He says it's the apple and mint-scented one."
"We're still here, but it's probably time for us to go," Bee types quickly, standing up. She senses everyone's curiosity at her sudden movements, but she pays them no mind. Mammon appears behind her in a burst of confetti and a royalty-free cheer track, and she angles her phone so he can read what she's typing. "Is that all? We can pick up other things along the way."
"I guess. You can ask him yourself if you want, but you're free to decide what else to bring home from his room."
"Lazy bitch. Ok! We'll be back in a few."
"So, Auntie Bee, Uncle Mammon," Charlie begins when Bee pockets her phone, sticking her hands together in a praying pose. "I'd like to apologize again for the misunderstanding earlier. I've already spoken to Alastor, and he says he will be on his best behavior moving forward. Isn't that right, Alastor?"
"Yes, yes, of course, my dear," Alastor nods along with her words, all smiles and no sincerity. "I do apologize for my slight, Your Infernal Highnesses! I had wrongly assumed that you had a sense of humor. You can be sure that I'll take your delicate sensibilities into consideration for future conversations."
"You better be sorry, you drongo," Mammon says, shaking his fist and snarling. He pokes Alastor in the chest with both left pointer fingers. "And don't think you're out of the woods just yet! You're still on thin ice for making a deal with little Charlie in the first place."
"Duly noted, sir," Alastor says through gritted teeth.
"Okay!" Charlie jumps in between them, laughing. She trots to the side and makes jazz hands at the doorway. "So, um, since you're here, why don't we give you a tour of the place? We've added more communal areas and facilities during the renovation, and it would mean a lot to us if you can give some feedback. We want to make future guests feel welcome and entertained, so—"
"Sorry, sweetie, but I think we have to cut this visit short," Bee says gently, placing a hand on Charlie's head. She shares a look with Mammon and nods. "Maybe next time when we're all complete? Your other aunt and uncles are also dying to meet you, you know. We'll have the tour then!"
"Oh, that would be great! I can't wait to meet them!" Charlie exclaims, clapping. Then her smile falls. "Wait, you're leaving? Right now?"
"Yeah, I know, you'll miss us," Mammon says, crossing his arms over his chest and nodding. "But we got shite to do, yeah? Our Rings aren't going to run themselves. Plus! We gotta get back to Lulu and make sure he's doing fine."
"Mams," Bee says, but it's too late. Charlie's expression turns sour, and there are tears forming in her eyes again. Sighing, Bee bends over to place a hand on Charlie's left shoulder. "Sweetie, don't stress yourself out, okay? Your dad will come around. He just needs to rest."
"But I just want to see if he's all right!" she cries out, wiping the tears running down her face. Vaggie starts rubbing her back, but it doesn't stop the tears from falling. "Can't I come with you? I promise I won't be long! I just want to see him and apologize."
"I know, luv, but he needs to rest today," Mammon says, waddling forward to place his own hand on Charlie's left shoulder. "He was a little… light-headed, you can say. He didn't eat at all the past few weeks, so he might be too weak to even speak to you."
"Oh God, he hasn't eaten at all?" Charlie blanches and grabs onto their wrists. "Please let me come with you! Please!"
"Charlie." Everyone turns to the source of the voice. Alastor stands a few feet away from them with a food container in his hands. He walks up to Mammon and offers it to him, and the Sin accepts it, albeit bewildered. Bee watches as Alastor stands next to Charlie, heedless of the way Vaggie is glaring daggers at him. "I do believe your relatives have stated that your father needs rest. I understand that you are anxious to see him, but haste makes waste. What did I warn you about before when it comes to your emotions?"
"To always control them," Charlie says, sniffling. Bee and Mammon watch, wide-eyed, as Charlie takes a few deep breaths to calm herself. Then, after a beat, she looks up at them with determination in her eyes. "Okay, I can wait. Do you need to get anything for him, by any chance?"
"Good girl," Alastor praises, nodding with a grin.
"The fuck," Mammon says under his breath, staring at Bee.
"Actually," Bee says as she returns Mammon's wide-eyed stare. With a smile, she opens her arms and says, "Your dad needs his shampoo. The apple and mint one, I think? His old one isn't… working out, ha."
"Oh, I thought he smelled a little different," Charlie says, rubbing her chin. After a few beats, her eyes seem to light up, and she smiles widely at Bee and Mammon as she side-steps towards the doorway, pulling Vaggie with her. "I can get it for you! Just stay here and I'll be back before you know it."
"Charlie—" Vaggie starts to say before she is pulled completely out of the kitchen, yelling in a different language.
"We'll be right back!" Charlie yells, leaving the Sins and the rest of the hotel crew in the kitchen.
All of them stare at the empty doorway for a few beats. Then, they hear a sigh, and turn towards Husk who starts to trudge out of the kitchen, looking tired. "Well, I'm done with whatever this is. You folks just… stay here, I guess."
"Off to take a nap, my friend?" Alastor calls out, making Husk stop in his tracks. He laughs and waves his fingers jauntily. "Well, don't let us keep you! Have a good rest, dear Husker."
"... Christ, that's creepy," Husk mutters to himself. His wings shudder as he leaves the kitchen, continuing to grumble under his breath.
"And Niffty, my dear," Alastor says, turning to the small maid who has been silently watching the proceedings with a creepy smile and bright… eye. "Do you not have an ongoing skirmish against the bugs in the stockroom? Why, I heard they're gathering their forces as we speak."
"Oh no, not the stockroom! I just cleaned it an hour ago!" Niffty gasps, squishing her face with her hands. She pulls out the gadget that Mammon had gifted her and summons an oversized torch. Her face is painted a feral, fiery green as she tests it out. "Heh, time to give this baby a whirl. Thanks for the gift, greedy boy."
"Erm." Mammon steps away from her when she gives him a sultry, kissy-faced look, laughing nervously. "Don't mention it, luv. Ever."
Hoisting the torch up, Niffty releases a battle cry and zips out of the kitchen in a flash of red hair and green fire. One of the plants by the side of the doorway unfortunately gets hit by the flame, and it burns quickly to its death; its ashes the only proof of its former existence.
"Okay," Bee says, dragging the syllable along. She turns to Mammon, who is still looking a little green in the face. "I guess we can wait for Charlie to come back with the shampoo. And wait, what do you have there?"
"I dunno, the drongo just gave it to me," Mammon says, pointing at Alastor with his free hand.
"It's the rest of my jambalaya!" Alastor supplies, making jazz hands. "I couldn't help but overhear that our deer sovereign hasn't eaten in weeks, so I thought he'd like some leftovers! If memory serves me well, he always did finish everything I made on his plate. Do let me know if he has any requests; I'd be happy to oblige."
"Uh huh," Bee says slowly, watching as Mammon inspects the container and sniffs it. She narrows her eyes at Alastor, saying, "You didn't poison this, did you? Based on what we heard from Lucy about you, you two don't seem to get along that well."
"Oh, I would never!" Alastor says dramatically, holding his hands up. He adjusts the broken monocle on his face and adds, "I'm simply worried for our esteemed ruler, is all. I'm not overly familiar with angel biology, but I understand that you require some form of sustenance, still. His majesty shouldn't be going without… especially since he is quite heavily burdened at the moment."
Bee and Mammon freeze. They slowly turn their heads to share a look, then eventually turn back to a smug Alastor; their eyes flashing. "So. You knew all along."
"Of course I do!" Alastor says, tapping his nose. "While I detest this hellish form I have taken, it does come with perks. I am now sensitive to smells, and my hearing is exceptional. It comes quite in handy… especially if people are discussing something fascinating where one normally can't hear them. I daresay that, even if I didn't know, I would have found out today just from overhearing you!"
"Oh, shite," Mammon says, blinking. He turns to Bee. "I think he's talking about us, Bee."
"Gee, you think?" Bee rolls her eyes at him. She takes a step forward and looks down at Alastor, raising a brow at him. "And what of it, Radio Freak? You got something to say about it?"
"Only that I wish his majesty to have a speedy recovery," Alastor says, clasping his hands together. Then, disgust rolls off him in waves, taking Bee aback. "And I suppose a congratulations is in order. You must be… very proud."
Bee blinks. "Proud? Proud of what?"
Alastor stills. He looks her up and down; his smile dropping only the slightest bit. "Lucifer is expecting. Surely you are… invested? More so than anyone else?"
"Uh," Bee says, glancing at Mammon who just shrugs his shoulders at her. "I guess? I mean, it's been a while since Charlie was born. And we never really got to see her because that bitch Lilith kept us away from here. A new niece or nephew would make anyone happy, right?"
"...I see." Alastor's form seems to glitch as he considers this, smiling at the ground. "You are happy because you are becoming an aunt again… is that it?"
"Yeah?" Bee shrugs, raising a brow. Frowning, she bends over towards him, flaring her nostrils. "But what does that have to do with anything? And why do you smell like—"
Bee takes a long whiff and freezes. She had sensed relief and giddiness wafting from him for a while and had leaned over to investigate, but a certain series of scents have triggered something in her memory.
Bay leaf. Paprika. Thyme. Oregano.
These are some of the scents she smelled from Lucifer this morning.
"No way." Bee draws back from Alastor; her wide eyes flashing. "No fucking way. Really?"
Alastor blinks. "I beg your pardon?"
"Here it is!" Charlie comes running back to the kitchen at that moment, waving a bottle of shampoo in her hands. Her hair is messy and falling out of her hair ties, and she rests her hand on her knees as she takes a few deep breaths. "S-Sorry for the wait! I had to, um, fix something else. Completely unrelated to dad, I promise, heh."
"Thanks, Charlie, luv," Mammon says, grabbing the bottle of shampoo with his free hand. With a snap of his fingers, both the food container and shampoo vanish into his dimensional pocket. "So! It's been fun. But we gotta go. Call us up so we can arrange a visit for next time, yeah?"
"Yes, I will! I look forward to meeting everyone," Charlie says, beaming. Then her face falls when she sees Bee and Alastor staring at each other silently. "Um, what's going on? Alastor, are you picking a fight with Auntie Bee again?"
"I most certainly am not!" Alastor cries, shaking his head. "It is your aunt who is suddenly acting peculiar."
"No, it's fine." Bee shakes her own head, blinking. She sends Alastor a look, which he returns with a raised brow. Shaking her head again, she turns away from him to clasp Charlie's hands in hers. "But yes, please reach out to us, okay? We'll also let you know when Lucy's well enough to receive guests."
"Okay," Charlie says quietly, smiling sadly at their joined hands. She looks up at Bee and Mammon with glassy eyes. "I really am glad to meet you. I've… always wondered about you, but I thought you were never interested in me."
"Never," says the both of them. Bee uses her free hand to cup Charlie's face. "We've always wanted to meet you. Please believe that."
"Okay. I believe you," Charlie says quietly, nodding. After a beat, she asks, with a tentative smile, "Say hi to dad for me?"
"Oh, we will," Mammon says as Bee summons a portal to the outside of the hotel. Bee waves before flying out first, and Mammons steps backwards into the portal, saying, "And remember! If you need tickets to Looloo Land, just hit me up and I'll give you a one percent discount voucher for every 10,000 tickets—"
"See ya, Charlie!" Bee's head pops back in as she grabs Mammon by the collar. She pulls him through the portal, making him cry out expletives. She grins and waves before closing the portal, leaving Charlie, Vaggie, and Alastor in the kitchen.
"So," Vaggie says, standing next to Charlie. She pulls out a handkerchief from her pocket to wipe at Charlie's eyes, and they both share loving looks for a few beats. "I guess that went relatively well? At least, better than I expected after Alastor fucked everything up."
"Oh, all's well that ends well!" says Alastor, opening his arms in a dramatic sweep. A laugh track follows his own as he inspects his fingers. "I had wrongly assumed that they would behave similarly to his majesty. Perhaps the Sins are a little more formal than I expected."
"Yeah, it was a little scary," Charlie says, nodding. Then, with a stern look, she crosses her arms and says, "But really, Alastor, you should have been more careful. Dad may be willing to play along with you, but not everyone's gonna appreciate your sadistic sense of humor. I don't want you to get hurt, you know?"
Alastor pauses. Then, with a scoff, he says, "I am delighted that you feel that way, my dear. Alas, we all make mistakes. Rest assured, I will refrain from making similar follies in the future."
"You better, asshole," Vaggie says, stepping in to poke a finger in his chest. She doesn't flinch at the way Alastor's antlers grow in size at her assault. "And it's not just the Sins you should be worried about. Cashing in that favor… you better sleep with one eye open tonight, shitass."
"Vaggie," Charlie starts to say, but Vaggie stomps out of the kitchen, muttering under her breath. She watches her leave and sighs, turning to Alastor with a tired smile. "But she's right, Alastor. You… You didn't need to call in that favor, you know. I would have protected you regardless."
"...I suppose I wasn't in my right state of mind," Alastor says. He moves to clutch at his chest, but he aborts the action midway. Still, Charlie notices this and frowns. Gesticulating, he adds, "But I suspect that your relatives will be out for blood in the coming weeks. I trust that I can rely on you to make them see reason?"
"Sure, Alastor," Charlie says, rolling her eyes. Her phone vibrates in her pocket, and she sends Alastor an apologetic look before pulling it out. Her eyes widen, and she taps on the screen. Alastor watches as a wide range of emotions fly across her eyes, before they turn glassy with unshed tears. "S-Sorry, Alastor, I need to… I need a moment."
She runs out of the kitchen, leaving Alastor to his lonesome. His shadow appears from behind him, panting with its back bent. Alastor glances at it briefly before nodding his head towards the spot where the portal had been.
"If they're still here," he says to his shadow. "Follow them."
His shadow nods and disappears into nothingness. Alastor stares at the tiles for a few beats before sighing; his smile less strained, and his eyes alight with vigor.
So the sire is not the Queen of Gluttony. That makes things easier for Alastor in the long run. He can now find the mutt responsible for knocking up his deer sovereign and exact vengeance more swiftly than he had hoped.
Using a shadowy tendril, he grabs his trusty apron hanging from the side of the fridge. The words "Careful, It's Hot!" are splayed across his middle when he wears it, and he looks down at it in mild disdain before remembering that this is a gift from Charlie. He shakes his head and heads toward the pantry.
Despite itching to get his claws on the faceless sire, he knows he still has time. For now, Alastor has a pregnant sovereign to feed.
"Oi!" Mammon barks, shaking his fist at Bee. He stands up using the grills on the hotel gates and dusts himself off, causing the bells on his clothes to jingle angrily. "What the fuck was that for, you cunt?"
"We got what we came here for. It's time to bounce," Bee says, placing a hand to her hip. She frowns and stares over her shoulder at the hotel.
Mammon blinks and says, "Oi, Bee. You right?"
"...Yeah, I'm okay." Bee shakes her head and snorts, waving a hand in the air. "I'm probably just being silly. Like, if that Radio Freak's the father, Lucy would have told us, right?"
Mammon blinks. "You what."
"Yeah, it's probably not true. Radio Freak, the father of Hell's next royal. That'll be the day, HA!" Bee laughs to herself, slapping her thigh. With a wave of her hand, she summons another portal, but this time it leads to the Morningstar Palace foyer. She didn't open a portal directly to it earlier because she didn't want Charlie to suddenly run through it.
Looking through the portal, she squints and says, "Hmm, this looks a little brighter than earlier."
"Maybe Levi and Ozzie fixed it." Mammon steps through the portal. With an impatient hand wave, he says, "Well, what are you waiting for, Bee? Get a move on! Lulu's not gonna wait forever!"
"Lucy's pregnant, not dying, asshole," Bee says, sticking her tongue out. But she flies through the portal nevertheless, and with a snap of her fingers, the portal closes.
And Angel Dust stands right behind it; wide eyes blinking at the spot where the Sins just vanished. The seconds pass by, and his eyes get wider and wider by the second.
Lucifer… is pregnant? With Alastor's child?
"What the fuck?"
Notes:Hello, I'm back! xD A wild Vox appears! I didn't know if I was going to add in the Vees, but then I thought about it and was like... you know what? It'll fit the whole Political narrative I'm going for haha. I personally don't like them, but I'll try to portray them as well as I can haha. Also I named his assistant Morrie because he reminds of an eel… get it… Morrie… Moray Eel? 🤣
More scenes with Bee and Mammon at the hotel! Some truth bombs scattered across this chapter, hee, hee. Also, Alastor finds out that Bee isn't the father! And lmao I'm so sorry for making Lucifer's preggo scent smell like jambalaya ;laskdl;aksdl;asd I THOUGHT IT WAS FITTING OKAY.
Also Angel Dust HAHAHAHA the poor thing found out! Is he going to tell Charlie, you think? Let's find out next chapter xD
Some of you are probably getting impatient and demanding more RadioApple moments huhu BELIEVE ME SO AM I but plot ; u ; we're almost at the part where Lucifer goes back to the hotel! We just need two to three more chapters till then lol.
Once again, thank you all so much for reading, commenting, leaving kudos, subscribing, and bookmarking ; u ; I appreciate you all so much. See you next time!!