Arin's oceans churned with heat, minerals, and volcanic chemicals.
Deep beneath the surface, in the dark zones around hydrothermal vents, something miraculous was happening.
Minerals dissolved.
Chemicals reacted.
Energy surged.
And the first organic molecules began forming.
Amino acids.
Fatty chains.
Little strands of carbon-based structures.
To a scientist?
This was the dawn of life.
To Arin?
"…Cool! This looks like the beginning of evolution!"
To the system?
DING!
[Notice: Strange hair-like filaments forming inside Host's bathwater.]
Arin immediately froze.
"…Pardon?"
Another message appeared instantly:
[Recording collected: Host shedding inside the bath ×384872]
Arin screamed internally.
"I AM NOT SHEDDING ANYTHING! THAT'S ORGANIC CHEMISTRY! NOT HAIR!"
The system ignored him like always.
[Recording collected: Host producing loose strands ×1048387]
[Recording collected: Host losing body hair ×9984879]
Arin roared:
"BODY HAIR!? I DON'T EVEN HAVE A BODY!"
Lightning exploded across his surface.
Huge waves slammed into his new coastlines.
Volcanoes belched steam in confusion.
But the system continued in its calm monotone:
[Notice: Sufficient 'hair formation' records collected.]
[Generating skill…]
Arin prayed silently.
Please don't be something humiliating. Please. Please.
The system dinged.
[Skill generation successful.]
Arin braced himself.
[Skill Generated: Hair Formation]
{Effect: Host forms hair-like filaments 1% faster while consuming 1% less material.}
Arin almost died.
"…You're telling me I now have a SKILL…
for producing HAIR…
INSIDE MY OCEAN!?"
Steam burst from vents.
Earthquakes rattled his crust.
Waves crashed violently.
He was having a full planetary meltdown.
"THAT'S NOT HAIR! THAT'S THE FIRST ORGANIC MOLECULES! THAT'S PRE-LIFE SLIME! THAT'S THE START OF EVOLUTION!"
The system beeped cheerfully.
[Host's hair growth rate increasing.]
Arin nearly flipped his tectonic plates.
"STOP CALLING IT HAIR! I'M NOT A FURRY PLANET!"
But the system continued:
[Notice: Host's bathwater is becoming increasingly hairy.]
[Warning: Bath hygiene decreasing.]
[Recording: Host ignoring hair buildup ×48936939]
Arin's rage hit maximum temperature.
"I'M NOT IGNORING HAIR! THAT IS LITERAL PROTO-LIFE!"
But the system delivered the final blow:
[Host should consider cleaning himself more often.]
Arin fell silent.
Very silent.
"…System… one day… I swear… I'm going to replace you. Or throw you into the sun."
But even as he raged, he noticed something beautiful.
Those hair-like organic chains were evolving.
Linking.
Growing.
Becoming more complex.
Life… was coming.
Arin's anger softened.
"…If being misinterpreted as 'hair' is the price for evolution…
then fine. Let it be hair."
His oceans shimmered.
His vents glowed.
And his world continued to grow.
But evolution wasn't done.