I look at Setsuna, who looks at me with a smile. I can't even believe I actually managed to save those two girls.
My hands are trembling with nervousness, and that frightening scene is etched in my mind. I'll never forget that, that terrible and disgusting scene that makes me feel nauseous.
Mutilated bodies, blood, and inhumane cruelty it was traumatizing, but even so, Setsuna fought, protected me, and promised to protect me. She gave me courage.
And thanks to her, I saved two girls who could have died. That was undoubtedly terrifying, and it was my fault that we were discovered, but fortunately, everything turned out okay.
"S-Setsuna, thank you," I thank Setsuna as I get up, seeing Lenore leaving the building without any problem.
"It was nothing, Ayane. I'm glad I could help," Setsuna says warmly. It's a bit strange that she's not afraid, but it's very nice of her to help me.
For someone who doesn't have many feelings, she can be more expressive than many people. It's a bit amusing to see this side of her as well.
Now, according to the standard for magical girls, those two girls will forget everything they saw, so Lenore, the veteran, will take care of that part of the memories.
"You two can go home now. It was a very productive night, although Ayane, you were disappointingly feeble. I recommend trying..." Lenore speaks a bit coldly to me.
"Lenore, with all due respect, you're wrong," Setsuna interrupts Lenore immediately, and I feel discouraged by Lenore's words.
"..." Lenore looks at Setsuna, and it seems like they might have some kind of discussion, but Lenore just sighs.
"Where am I wrong?" Lenore says only that.
"Ayane was not disappointing, and the failure she committed should not be judged as something bad. She has never been through something like this before, so it's natural for her to be afraid. You're being hypocritical to want her not to be afraid of a vision like that on her first mission as a magical girl," Setsuna defends me.
This is unexpected, and it's a bit embarrassing for me. Lenore is right, but I don't know what to say when Setsuna defends me like this.
"..."
"For today, that's it. You can go home," Lenore says, taking the two frightened girls and climbing onto a building, probably to avoid further discussion.
"Come, Ayane, I'll take you home," Setsuna says calmly, giving me space to pass.
"Setsuna... s-sorry for freezing... I was afraid... and... sorry for falling, I was really scared," I say, trying not to recall the scene. It was more frightening than the first monster I encountered.
When I became a magical girl at the constant requests of Septarion, I knew I would see terrible things. He made that clear, but I still accepted it with the confidence that I could be useful and help others.
But as soon as I saw the horror of death and the evil of the monsters, I just froze. My fear took over, my hands were trembling, and my vision blurred with tears that threatened to fall.
"Ayane, it's okay. It's natural to be afraid, as I've already told you, but you overcame your fear. It may have been by a narrow margin, but you did it. With those two hostages there, if the monster had decided to attack, they probably would have died, or one of us would have died."
"It's your first time seeing something like this, so it's natural for you to freeze. Your heart races, and everything becomes blurry, but you mustn't let fear dominate you. Even with fear, you must always keep moving forward."
"A bird afraid to fly is only sacrificing all its freedom," Setsuna says, and this phrase immediately touches my heart.
'A bird afraid to fly... is sacrificing its freedom...' I don't know why, but this phrase resonates with me.
"...Setsuna... you weren't afraid... have you gone through something bad like this before?" I ask while we stop at a corner because a car is passing.
"Something bad, huh... yes, I've been through something terrible in the past. It was hell for me... I... lost the person I loved the most in the world, and the worst part is that I lost her before I even realized I was losing her."
"She disappeared from my reach, even though she was right in front of me... and I only discovered the truth when I lost her for good, when she was no longer there for me."
"She was breaking and withering in front of me slowly, but I only noticed it too late..."
"However, I didn't let that shake me, because now I have a second chance to redo everything," Setsuna says with a smile. It's a strange smile, not like the ones she gives me. It's more chilling, one that I think doesn't suit her at all and makes her look scarier than beautiful.
But that doesn't matter, because what she said reminds me of myself. I lost my parents, both of them at once, but I didn't overcome it. I know I didn't, and I let this problem grow in my heart, ignoring that everything is not alright.
"A-Ayane, are you okay?" Setsuna sees my tears. What she said deeply touched my heart because it's like how I feel at home. I'm afraid, I lost my parents in an unexplained accident.
And now I feel like a bird that's afraid to fly, even though it's trying. Everything new seems terrifying to do, even making friends. Setsuna and I have only known each other for a few days.
It's not something that makes our friendship beautiful or extremely reliable, but I'm so lonely, and Setsuna is so receptive and friendly that this friendship seems like a dream.
However, I fear the day when this dream will just crumble. I try to surround myself with friends, be positive, and do good things, but everything seems scary, and I hide the fear.
The fear I have of everything just falling apart in front of me is like building a sand castle on the beach, where you don't know when a wave will come and knock it down.
"..." Setsuna suddenly hugs me. She doesn't say anything, doesn't ask why I'm crying, she just gives me a comforting hug, as if we've been friends for a long time.
Normally, I know people would avoid this. Someone who barely knows me would just try to get out of this uncomfortable situation, but Setsuna, for some reason, hugs me, caressing my head.
The fear of this night made all my insecurity explode, and it leaks out as silent tears.
"S-Setsuna... hick... can we just stay like this... for a few minutes?" I miss this, the warmth of a family. After losing them, I was left alone. My home is like a prison of memories that I was forced to stay and watch alone.
"Yes..." Setsuna says only that, in a calm and gentle voice, while maintaining the hug. I don't hug her back; my arms feel heavy, the weight of the sadness I've been holding all this time.
"S-Sorry for being weird," I apologize for being like this. Setsuna must think I'm a strange girl. We barely know each other, and here I am, crying in her arms.
"You're not weird... you're just very emotional, and that's a good thing," Setsuna speaks gently to me.
"E-Emotional?"
"Yes, you're very emotional, but not in a bad way. I see at school how you're happy, positive, and always try to get along with everyone. By 'emotional,' I mean you have a lot of emotions."
"Maybe that's why fate made us two meet, because I have few emotions, so it's like we make a great combination together," Setsuna says in a soft tone.
"I-Is that good?"
"Yes, it's very good. In fact, it's one of the things that make you special in your own way."
"There's nothing wrong with feeling fear when you see brutal scenes, nothing wrong with feeling disgust when you see things like that, nothing wrong with crying every now and then. Even I've cried before."
"Because you're more emotional, your emotions have to come out. Don't try to repress it, or you'll just end up hurting yourself. We may have only been friends for a short time, but you're the first friend I've had since I was born."
"That just shows how special you are. Your emotions make you see the best, even in what is confusing and inexplicable." She slightly breaks the hug, and I see her smile.
It's bright and beautiful, but not like the sun more like the moon, which is beautiful and mysterious, but uses the brightness of others to shine, keeping a hidden side. So I wonder what Setsuna hides behind her smiles.
If I repress my emotions and am emotional inside, then what is Setsuna like inside, what does she have deep in her emotions?
"T-Thank you... I... I really needed this," I say to her with the biggest smile I can manage, a genuine smile, although a few tears still run down my face.
"Hahaha, your smile is like the sun," Setsuna says with a laugh as we step apart, and I feel embarrassed. I can't believe I cried and made such a scene in the arms of a friend.
I look down, embarrassed, as the mood quickly breaks. I want to disappear from here before my embarrassment kills me.
"Can you get home by yourself from here? I need to take care of something before going home," Setsuna says calmly, returning to her normal expression.
"Y-Yes, I can. Thank you so much, I really needed this... more than you can imagine," I murmur the last part as I start to jog to get home sooner.
I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight. That frightening scene of dead people is still in my mind, but even though I'm afraid of it, my heart feels lighter.
Lighter for finally removing one of the weights I had hidden deep inside, out of fear of showing my fragility. I only have to thank for having a friend like Setsuna, who, even barely knowing me, is so understanding.
Maybe she's right, and it was fate that made us two meet at school and end up becoming friends.