Location: Singularity 5 - E Pluribus Unum (North American Myth War)
Year: AD 1783
Status: Civil War (Celts vs. America)
The Rayshift landed them in a red wasteland. Canyon walls stretched high, and the wind carried the scent of dust and gunpowder.
Raiden dusted off his coat.
"America," he took a deep breath. "Land of the free. Home of the Whopper."
He looked around the empty canyon.
"Where are the burgers?"
Mordred kicked the dirt. "Burgers? I want a fight! This era smells like war!"
Jack tugged on Raiden's sleeve. "Papa... hungry. Want heart."
Melusine scanned the horizon. "Hostiles approaching. Mechanical units. And... a very angry woman in red."
A woman in a red military uniform marched toward them. She carried a large bag and a pistol. Her eyes were dead serious.
Florence Nightingale (Berserker).
She pointed a thermometer at Raiden like a weapon.
"You!" she shouted. "You look pale! Your mana circulation is irregular! You are sick!"
Raiden blinked. "I'm just hungry."
"Hunger is a symptom of a failing digestive system!" Nightingale declared. "I must operate immediately! I will remove your stomach to prevent further infection!"
She pulled out a bone saw.
Mash stepped in, panicked. "Wait! Miss Nightingale! He's not sick! That's just how he is!"
"Silence!" Nightingale shoved Mash aside (with surprising strength). "Sanitation is paramount! Germs must be killed! Patients who refuse treatment must be sedated... with blunt force!"
She swung the bag (filled with heavy medical equipment) at Raiden's head.
Raiden caught the bag.
"You have a strange bedside manner, Nurse."
Nightingale stared into his eyes. "I will save you. Even if it kills you."
Raiden grinned. "I like your intensity. You're hired as the nutritionist."
Nightingale: "Nutritionist? Very well. I prescribe a diet of sterile water and antiseptic gauze until your condition improves."
Raiden: "...You're fired."
They were interrupted by a barrage of cannon fire.
Mechanical infantry - robots wearing Revolutionary War uniforms - marched over the hill. Leading them was a man in a blue suit with the head of a lion.
Thomas Edison (Caster).
"Halt!" Edison roared (literally). "I am the Presi-King of America! Thomas Alva Edison! Are you Celtic spies?!"
Raiden stared at the lion head.
He looked at Ishtar.
"Is that a costume? Or is he a furry?"
Ishtar: "I... I think that's his actual head."
Raiden walked up to Edison. He poked the lion mane.
"Fluffy."
Edison bristled. "Do not touch the presidential mane! I am the incarnation of American Ingenuity! Mass Production! Direct Current!"
Raiden: "Direct Current? I ate AC yesterday. DC might be a nice change."
Tesla(from inside Raiden's stomach/mana reserve): [No! DC is inferior! Don't eat it! It will give you indigestion!]
Edison saw Nightingale. "Ah! The Angel of Crimea! Join my army! Together we shall crush the Celtic savages with superior logistics!"
Raiden interrupted. "Do you have food in your fortress?"
Edison puffed out his chest. "We have military rations! Corned beef! Hardtack! Produced in factories with 99% efficiency!"
Raiden sighed. "Canned food. Better than nothing."
Before they could head to Edison's base, the ground shook.
A chariot pulled by massive bulls thundered down the canyon.
Riding it was Queen Medb (Rider), dressed in pink fur and looking every bit the tyrant queen.
"Oh my," Medb licked her lips, spotting Raiden. "I heard a strong male entered my territory. You... you aren't human, are you?"
She stopped the chariot. Her soldiers - Celtic warriors - surrounded the group.
Medb looked Raiden up and down.
"Those horns. That dangerous aura. You're perfect. Forget the Lion. Be my King. I'll give you anything you want."
Melusine stepped forward, her arm-blades deploying. "Back off, harlot. He is taken."
Jalter lit a fireball. "Another annoying woman. Why is every Singularity filled with thots?"
Medb laughed. "Little girls. I am a Queen. I take what I want."
She snapped her fingers.
"Cu-chan! Fetch!"
From the sky, a dark meteor crashed down.
BOOM.
The dust cleared to reveal a monstrous figure. Red skin, a tail covered in spikes, and an aura of pure violence.
Cu Chulainn Alter (Berserker).
He let out a breath that smelled of rot and blood.
"Kill...?" Cu Alter rasped.
Raiden looked at the monster.
[Nyx Analysis]
[Target: Cu Chulainn Alter. Created by the Grail. Concept: The King of Survival. Durability: EX.]
"A dinosaur," Raiden smiled. "Finally. Red meat."
Cu Alter didn't waste time. He threw his red spear.
"Gae... Bolg!"
This wasn't the precise heart-stab of the original Lancer. This was a tactical nuke thrown with brute force.
Mash: "Lord Camelot!"
She tried to deploy.
"No," Raiden pushed her down. "I want to catch this one."
Raiden raised his hand. [Void Claw].
The red spear spun like a drill, shredding the air.
Raiden grabbed the shaft.
The momentum drove Raiden back ten feet, his boots carving trenches in the rock. The friction set the air on fire.
SCREECH.
Raiden stopped the spear.
It vibrated in his hand, trying to explode.
Raiden bit the tip of the spear.
CRUNCH.
He ate the cursed red metal.
"Spicy," Raiden chewed. "Tastes like chili powder and iron."
Cu Alter tilted his head. "You... ate... my... spear?"
Medb's jaw dropped. "He stopped the Gae Bolg?!"
Raiden tossed the handle back to Cu.
"You have good toys, Dog. But I'm going to need more than toothpicks."
Cu Alter roared and prepared to charge.
Suddenly, a red spear (a different one) landed between Raiden and Cu.
A woman in a purple bodysuit stood on the cliff edge. She held dual spears and wore a veil.
Scáthach (Lancer). The Teacher of Heroes.
"Foolish pupil," Scáthach looked down at Cu Alter. "You have lost your way. And you..."
She looked at Raiden.
Her eyes, which sought death for millennia, flickered with interest.
"You are not a Heroic Spirit. You are a Calamity."
Raiden looked up.
"Purple tight-suit," Raiden noted. "Are you the trainer?"
Scáthach jumped down, landing silently.
"I am Scáthach. I have come to put my foolish student down."
She turned her spear toward Raiden.
"But perhaps... you are the one who can finally kill me?"
Raiden sniffed her.
"You smell ancient," Raiden said bluntly. "Like dry aged beef. Too stringy. I prefer fresh meat."
Scáthach froze. A vein popped in her forehead.
"Stringy...?"
She spun her spears.
"I withdraw my assistance. I will kill you myself."
Mordred laughed. "Hah! You pissed off the gloomy lady! Nice one!"
Medb, annoyed at being ignored, screamed.
"Kill them all! Clan Calatin! Swarm them!"
Hundreds of grotesque, stitched-together monsters poured from the canyon walls.
Raiden cracked his neck.
"Jack. Mordred. Melusine. Dinner time."
Jack vanished into the fog. "Dismember!"
Mordred unleashed red lightning. "Clarent Blood Arthur!"
Melusine turned into a blue comet.
Raiden walked toward Cu Alter.
"Hey, Dino-Dog. Let's see who bites harder."
Cu Alter grew spikes from his back. He transformed into a more bestial form - Curruid.
"GRAAAAAAAH!"
He slammed a massive claw down.
Raiden met it with a punch.
BOOM.
The shockwave shattered the canyon walls.
Raiden grabbed Cu Alter's arm.
[Gluttony: Devour]
He bit into the Berserker's stony skin.
Cu Alter howled, thrashing.
Raiden didn't let go. He was like a pitbull latching onto a chew toy.
"Your armor is crunchy!" Raiden shouted with his mouth full. "High calcium!"
Medb watched in horror as her champion was literally being eaten alive.
"Retreat!" Medb shrieked. "This guy is crazy! Pull back to Washington!"
Cu Alter ripped his own arm off to escape Raiden's jaws. He grabbed Medb and leaped away, retreating at supersonic speed.
Raiden swallowed the arm.
"They run fast," Raiden wiped his mouth.
Nightingale walked up to him, checking his pulse.
"Pulse elevated. You just ate raw unknown biological matter. I must pump your stomach immediately."
Raiden patted her head.
"Relax, Nurse. It's organic."
Location: Edison's Fortress - Cafeteria
Raiden sat with Edison, Geronimo, and Billy the Kid.
Raiden was eating a stack of 50 pancakes (Mass Produced by Edison's machines).
"So," Raiden poured syrup. "The Grail is with the Queen."
"Yes," Geronimo nodded. "She is using it to spawn the Celtic army."
"And Cu Alter is her guard dog," Billy spun his revolver. "He's tough. Even my bullets bounced off."
"I'll eat him whole next time," Raiden promised.
Scáthach sat in the corner, glaring at Raiden.
"I will not be ignored," she muttered. "I am not stringy."
Romani (Hologram): "We have a reading on the final Clan Calatin assault. They are marching on the White House. It's going to be a total war."
Raiden stood up.
"A war for the White House? Sounds like a good place for a BBQ."