I turned around to run away but the echoes of an unforgettable past grabbed my leg, keeping it in place. "AMBIKA PLEASE!" I turned and grabbed onto a blooded Charles and looked for John. He grabbed onto his bow and was getting prepared to shoot the monster, till one of the spiders bit his leg. He got on one knee and began to gag. He waved us to run away, so I looked around for Polari. But he was already gagging too. I pulled Charles with all my might only to see a spider biting onto his leg too. Are we gonna die? I…I don't wanna run away. I can't. I rushed to John's side and grabbed onto his bow, I prepared to shoot it until…wait how do you shoot an arrow. A spider bit my leg and I quickly got to gagging too.
I threw up a black fluid that kept coming out of my mouth, I began to submerge into it. Until finally, I was completely inside of it. It was dark, empty, dreadful…it was…it was…
Library, we know.
Through emptiness, I endure.
The stares when I'm near.
…
polari who do you love
as polari answered my question
father peaked through the room
filled with hatred
he grabbed my arm and pulled me away full force
where is mother
she will save me
she loves me
i jerked back with all my might calling for mother
she finally came preaching to my father to let me go
they yelled and screamed for the first time and it was all my fault
i'm sorry i'm so sorry
my father slapped my mother and pointed at the door
he threw me to her side and yelled at me
i'm sorry
i stared at my father
tears in both eyes
i'm sorry
it's all my fault
i'm sorry
i'm sorry
i'm sorry
I'm sorry
it's all my fault
i grabbed onto my father
begging
pleading
i'm sorry mother
i can't
Couldn't
she grabbed onto my face and hugged me tightly
she grabbed my hand and pulled me into town
i'm sorry
i'm sorry
why do you love me
i don't deserve it
i'm disgusting
An abomination
she pleaded on the street for work
just for me
for nothing
Nothing
and yet everyday she hugged me tightly
she loves me
a disgusting thing
a monster
Tedious
my life is so tedious
just get rid of me
you deserve it
you deserve everything
i don't deserve you
i don't deserve anything
not even to
Be alive
i'm evil
I need it
Retribution
my mother grabbed onto my cheeks
and kissed me on my forehead
she loves me
Everyday
she deserves the world
she asked me if I love her
i do mother
i love you
she kissed me again
And again
and again
The pressure got to me
i don't deserve your love
i want to be with you forever
i'm sorry mother
everyday she would come kiss me
again and again
every single day
showing me the love she deserves
everyday it would she would get rougher and rougher
How wonderful
this is HEavenLy right poLari
…
Drill it into your skull, without me your life would be ever so dull. Jeopardizing autonomy for power. You're pathetic, don't look at me, you're a coward. Envious of a chained soul, not me. Your life is miserable and your blindness to that is despicable. You disgust me! I walked to the dinner table. Looking at my ethereal beauty through the reflection off my plate, I smiled. I grabbed my utensil and pierced my food, indulging in the fine culinary arts. Wait…did that make sense? "AMBIKA WHY ARE YOU EATING SO FAST!" My father said. "WHY ARE YOU EATING SO MUCH YOU FAT BITCH! My mother said shortly after. I'm…disgusting…there's no point.
I drowned in the abyss, letting the despair sink in. Until an arm came from deep within and grabbed my hand. "Hey, focus!" Suddenly a boy with short red curly hair and sharp blue eyes emerged from the depths opening up room for light. His skin was pure and he was beautifully handsome, almost angelic. He grabbed both of my cheeks and stared me in the eye. Our eyes were unmoving as we drifted deeper into the abyss. He looked down, and I looked up. Looking at my reflection through his bright eyes, it wasn't ugly but it wasn't beautiful. It was ordinary, disgusting, and revolting but for some reason I didn't mind it as long as I could see it through someone else's eyes.
I grabbed onto his face and smiled at him, barely showing my teeth as I shifted our positions. Holding onto him as I looked down at him. My hair slowly shifts to white and grows past my shoulders. I couldn't help but cry tears of blood as I looked at the man who caused this transformation. The abyss began to crack rays of light. Suddenly a younger version of me charged at me and grabbed my throat.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" See stared at me frantically scanning my face. "WHAT DID YOU DO TO YOUR HAIR?!" She raised her hand and stared at me with hatred. "YOU DISGUST ME!" She slapped me with all her might, she hates me and the feelings are mutual. She clenched her fist and began to punch my disgusting face. "I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!" I grabbed her hand and stared into her eyes. "I see you." I said softly. She pushed me down and quickly got off of me, she looked at me with disgust before walking away. I grabbed onto her hand. "Look at me." I said. More cracks of light began to appear as she slowly turned back to look at me. "What?" She said softly. I stared at her, not knowing what to say. How could I? I lowered my head as she looked down on me. "Ambika…" she continued to stare as I stumbled on my words, almost gagging. "Ambi…" I clenched my teeth as I tightened my grip on her hand. "Ambika…maybe…just maybe…" I raised my head and looked at in the eye with tears in my eyes. "You don't have to be perfect."
Suddenly the abyss broke into a world of light. I reached out and ripped through the world, and suddenly…I was free. I looked around and noticed that I was in a web cocoon. The boy with curly hair stood in the distance and pointed at the arrow next to my cocoon. I smiled and threw a thumbs up, looks like this wasn't the end after all.