Christmas is a major event in Japan. It's fair to say that since Japan doesn't celebrate the Lunar New Year, but instead rings in the New Year on the last day of December, Christmas is essentially how Japanese people celebrate the New Year.
On Christmas Eve, a certain Mr. Iwasaki Isao, who preferred to remain anonymous, was working on a car. In the background, the television was idly playing a mix of boring afternoon shows and commercials.
"Um, I'm very sorry, but I'm not exaggerating—your carburetor is truly clogged. My suggestion is to buy one of our fuel system cleaners here; it will help the fuel burn more completely and protect your carburetor."
As Iwasaki Isao was pitching the product, a strange voice suddenly came from the TV behind him.
"Dazhao! I am Sanada Hiroyuki. This Christmas, join me in restoring the Han Dynasty!"
Iwasaki Isao spun around. What the hell was that?
But the commercial had already ended.
Iwasaki Isao could only shake his head in confusion and continue pitching his fuel system cleaner.
After a long day's work, in the late afternoon, Iwasaki Isao was digging into his takeout meal when the television suddenly started playing again.
"Dazhao! I am Sonny Chiba. This Christmas, join me in conquering cities and expanding territories!"
Iwasaki Isao snapped his head up.
What the hell was that?
He glanced at the TV, but the commercial had already finished.
But Iwasaki Isao was absolutely sure he had just heard a strange commercial!
Fortunately, his TV was connected to a VCR. This wasn't an isolated case; many Japanese households had their VCRs linked up, making it easy to record programs for later viewing. This was why the VCR market in Japan remained significant well into the 21st century.
Iwasaki Isao rewound the tape and watched the commercial again. Against a blue screen, with catapults flinging stones in the background, the face of the veteran actor Sonny Chiba appeared.
"I am Sonny Chiba—"
Iwasaki Isao's eyes widened.
What the hell is this?
He was certain this was a game commercial.
"Atlas?! Oh, wait, no. Atlas is just the publisher. Is it... Koei?"
Iwasaki Isao leaned back in shock.
He had to admit, this commercial had truly captured his attention.
He even called a friend to ask about it. The game, titled Romance of the Three Kingdoms, had previously been released on PC. But since Iwasaki Isao didn't play PC games, he hadn't known much about it. Now that the commercial was so extravagant, he was genuinely intrigued.
What kind of game is this? You can play as Zhuge Liang AND Cao Mengde?
By evening, Iwasaki Isao was glued to the TV, only to find that the commercial had evolved! Judging by their costumes, the actors were now portraying characters from Romance of the Three Kingdoms.
Still, Iwasaki Isao felt something was off about this character.
Standing behind Cao Cao weren't Xiahou Dun and Xiahou Yuan, but Guan Yu, Zhang Fei, Zhao Yun, Ma Chao, and Huang Zhong. Among them were even two quite famous actresses who, according to their self-introductions, were playing Da Qiao and Xiao Qiao!
"No, this is wrong!"
Iwasaki Isao was utterly shocked.
What kind of game was this absurd? How could they actually depict the "Two Qiaos locked deep within the Tongque Spring"?
"No, Guan Yu-san, why are you just watching? Have you betrayed your lord as well? Have you abandoned Big Brother Liu Bei?"
Iwasaki Isao beat his chest in frustration, then suddenly looked up.
No.
A game this ridiculous—he absolutely had to buy it and play it! Even if it wasn't developed by Atlas, they were the ones publishing it, so it couldn't be bad!
But the price tag made him hesitate.
In the Mega Drive era, many games had already risen in price to 5,000 or 6,000 yen. But that was understandable for expensive 16-bit cartridges.
This Romance of the Three Kingdoms was an MS game! The MS was an outdated 8-bit console!
And yet, on the MS, it was priced at a staggering 11,680 yen!
Iwasaki Isao patted his pocket.
He could afford it, but the price was making him think twice.
Just then, his uncle, Iwasaki Daisuke, walked over. Iwasaki Isao casually greeted him.
"Hey, nephew! What are you looking at?"
"Romance of the Three Kingdoms," Iwasaki Isao explained. "It's a game published by Atlus, but it's incredibly expensive! A whopping 11,680 yen!"
Iwasaki Daisuke was stunned. "Is Atlus trying to rob us? They don't seem like a company short on cash!"
However, his eyes soon fell upon the GG recording Iwasaki Isao had captured.
Hiss!
Iwasaki Daisuke gasped so hard he nearly swallowed a Diaochan.
What kind of game is this?! You can even recruit Guan Yu and Zhang Fei into your harem!
"Why don't we buy it and give it a try? Ten thousand yen isn't cheap, so how about we split the cost?" Iwasaki Isao said, slapping his chest confidently.
It wasn't that Iwasaki Daisuke was exaggerating. In his youth, he had read Romance of the Three Kingdoms cover to cover!
Well, okay, it was Yoshikawa's Romance of the Three Kingdoms.
Still, he considered himself an expert on the Three Kingdoms!
Iwasaki Isao challenged him, "Then why don't you recite it backward?"
Iwasaki Daisuke fell silent for two seconds before replying, "Kingdoms Three Romance."
When Nakadai Tatsuya appeared on screen as Liu Bei, many Japanese viewers couldn't help but groan in despair.
Nakadai Tatsuya... [left a blank space]...
He had fallen from grace!
Come on! That's Nakadai Tatsuya we're talking about!
Nakadai Tatsuya, a favorite of director Akira Kurosawa and the actor who succeeded Mifune Toshiro, had starred in numerous samurai films, with recent acclaimed works like Kagemusha and Ran.
Nakadai Tatsuya was undoubtedly a representative of the "serious actor" echelon in Japan.
Japanese actors have a hierarchy of prestige. Even if someone like Kimura Takuya is immensely popular, he still occupies a lower rung of this hierarchy. Actors of Nakadai Tatsuya and Mifune Toshiro's caliber, however, stand at the very top.
Yet now, this legendary actor—a revered figure among fans of Japanese period dramas and samurai films—had actually appeared on television in such a cringeworthy commercial.
Dressed in the armor of a general and playing the role of Liu Bei, Liu Xuande, he proclaimed to the audience: "I am Nakadai Tatsuya! This Christmas, join me in restoring the Han Dynasty!"
The shock was so profound it was as if an elf had stepped outside, only to return transformed into an orc. It was as if an orc had been defeated by an elf and forced into a life of servitude—an utterly absurd and jarring spectacle.
Nakadai Tatsuya hadn't received such a flood of letters since his performance in Ran. Unfortunately, this time, the letters weren't praising his acting or offering accolades. Instead, they were an overwhelming torrent of insults and condemnation.
Nakadai Tatsuya, a veteran actor in his fifties, was now in his studio, reading through the letters, his back drenched in sweat.
One letter was from an old friend, who bitterly denounced him for stooping so low just for money. According to the letter:
"Please, you're Nakadai Tatsuya! All the chanbara fans in Japan admire you so much, yet you'd shoot this kind of GG! By doing this, you're practically apologizing to all the chanbara fans in Japan!"
Nakadai Tatsuya could only sigh in resignation.
"What else was I supposed to do? They paid so much!"
Besides, he had been paid for the job, so he wouldn't turn around and bite Atlas just because the GG had a bad reputation.
In the end, the veteran Japanese actor could only write a letter with tears in his eyes, intending to publish it in the newspapers.
He would state that he would be more careful when accepting GG roles in the future, but for now, he hoped everyone would focus on the game Romance of the Three Kingdoms and stop attacking the company! If they wanted to curse someone, they should curse the director who made such a GG!
Who was the GG director?
His name was written right on the credits.
GG Director: Hideo Kojima!
After Nakadai Tatsuya's statement was published, the Japanese players fell into a brief silence.
Seriously?
Not you again, Hideo Kojima! We really need to keep you under control!
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