[The courtroom buzzes with confusion and minor chatter. The JUDGE, a balding man with a stack of porn dvds under his gavel, smacks the table.]
JUDGE
Court is now in session! The case of Mochizuki and Soba vs. Mochizuki. Defendant, state your name.
[GORO standing tall]
I'M MOCHIZUKI GORO!
PROLIFIC MOCHI MAKER!
AND!
EX KING OF BAMBOO FIST CHAMPION!
[JUDGE]
Alright, settle down old man. You are being charged with attempted murder, destruction of public property, and smashing two citizens across the street like a patty on the grill. How do you plead?
[GORO, smacking his table]
Innocent! I wasn't the one to trample them, the mob chasing me was!
[BOKKI, arms crossed, whispering to Soba]
This guy just admitted to doing it, but loud and indirect.
[SOBA, adjusting his glasses]
It's like he thinks dramatic calls are admissible evidence.
[BOKKI]
Yeah, what you said…
[Soba looks at Bokki like he's stupid, Bokki nervously chuckles]
[GORO]
I- uh- well- I was leading the mob! There was a dangerous white haired delinquent and he was looking real dangerous your honor-
[BOKKI]
Dangerous white haired delinquent…. HEY! YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT ME! I'M NO DELINQUENT YOU SHITTY, OLD GEEZER!! AND WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU WERE LEADING THE MOB?! WOULDNT THAT MAKE YOU MORE AT FAULT?!
[JUDGE]
Alright, alright. Let's get testimonies going. Uh… Takoyaki? Ticky-tocky?
[BOKKI, Twitching]
Tteokbokki.
[JUDGE]
Right, sorry. Mr. Bokki, please take the stand.
[BOKKI slams his fist on the table]
NO!
I WON'T HAVE IT!
I WON'T BE REDUCED TO A DICK JOKE!
[JUDGE]
Right, right… So, Mr. Bokki-
[BOKKI twitches again]
[JUDGE]
-explain what happened.
[Bokki proceeds to exaggerate the story like he's reciting a feudal tragedy, with dramatic overtones and fake tears.]
[BOKKI]
There we were… So close to bringing about a newfound comradery. Then BAM! The wrath of what felt like one of the Mongol's armies trampled us like divine judgment from the sky!
[SOBA, deadpan]
I had just gotten fired. I didn't even get severance pay.
[GORO]
I'M TTEOKBOKKI'S FATHER!
[BOKKI]
LAST TIME I SAW YOU YOUR HAIR WAS STILL BROWN!
[JUDGE]
Alright, alright! I've heard enough.
[GORO, gulping]
Is this where I ground him?
[JUDGE]
No.
[JUDGE slams his gavel dramatically.]
[JUDGE]
Mochizuki Goro, I find you guilty of assault and battery via trampling. You'll be fined 100,000 dollars, and you will be—
[A MASSIVE EXPLOSION tears through the back wall of the courtroom.]
[BOKKI]
End the chapter.
[SOBA]
DID YOU SEE THAT?!