Chapter 1 — "Congratulations, You Died Like an Idiot."
New York smells like ambition and old fries. It's the kind of smell that tells you no matter how high you climb, you're still one step away from stepping in someone's vomit.
I was trudging home from a twelve-hour shift that paid me in disappointment and caffeine headaches, muttering at every glowing billboard. Homelander smiling down, milk ad in one hand, hostage in the other. America's Savior. Yeah, right. Corporate Jesus with heat vision.
Amazon people were doing shit ton of promotion on this shit for some reason. Although I liked it, but making Homelander into a milk sucking f*cker wasn't a good idea. But not like I have a say in things.
Then I saw it—two junkies mugging a woman near a bodega. One had a rusty pistol; the other looked like a tattoo artist's failed project. The smart move was to walk away. The dumb move was the one I took.
"Hey!" I yelled, channeling my inner idiot.
They turned. I grabbed a metal rod from the trash. For half a second, I felt heroic. Then my sneaker hit something slick—banana peel cliché and all. I went airborne, swung by reflex, and the rod clanged against the gun.
Bang.
The world exploded in red and ringing silence.
My last sight was my own reflection in a puddle, a neat hole dead-center in my forehead. A neon billboard above me said, 'Be The Hero.'
Guess I followed directions.
Dark. Weightless. Quiet.
I floated in what looked like the loading screen for existence. Then a flicker of blue light blinked on in front of me:
WELCOME, USER_404
CAUSE OF DEATH: MORONIC HERO COMPLEX
PROCESSING REINCARNATION...
I blinked. "Is this… heaven's IT department?"
A woman's voice echoed, metallic and smug.
> "You have been selected for Project DOWNLOAD. Humanity's final attempt to survive its own stupidity."
"Figures," I said. "Even God outsourced to Microsoft."
> "Reincarnation protocol engaged. Destination: Earth-23, Designated Reality 'The Boys.'"
I laughed. "That's not funny."
> "Well your death was. Oh and before I forget Congratulations, You Died Like an Idiot. Good Luck."
Light flared—and the universe punched me in the face.
I came to on a couch that smelled like old pizza and regret. My head pounded. The TV blared a talk show: "Homelander rescues school bus—again!"
My jaw dropped. The Vought logo glowed in the corner of the screen.
"Oh, you've gotta be kidding me."
I staggered to a cracked mirror. Same brown hair, same unimpressive face. Maybe a little leaner, but still me.
Then: ping.
SYSTEM ONLINE.
DOWNLOAD INTERFACE ACTIVATED.
CURRENT PERMISSIONS: HUMAN DATA ONLY.
So I was in The Boys universe… armed with the knockoff version of a god-mode cheat.
I poked the TV.
> Downloading... 0.01% complete.
Result: random fact about 1970s cola ads.
Tried my phone.
> Keyboard Typing Skill +2 acquired.
Great. I could now file a complaint to Vought slightly faster.
Desperate, I touched a dead rat near the fridge.
> Anatomy – Rodent (Partial).
My stomach lurched. I learned two things: rats have impressive spleens, and I still had a gag reflex.
That night, New York reminded me why nobody sleeps here. Gunshots popped down the block. Curiosity beat survival instinct. I crept out, hoodie up.
An alleyway painted in red and neon. Two gangsters arguing with a Supe—a low-rent thug with skin like bone armor. The gangsters fired; bullets pinged off him like BBs on a tank. He laughed and crushed one man's skull against a dumpster. The other ran; bone-boy skewered him mid-stride.
Blood everywhere. It glistened under a flickering streetlight like some sick modern art.
I should've run. Instead, I whispered, "Well… that's one way to settle rent disputes."
When the Supe finally left, I knelt by the bodies. My hands shook as I touched a cooling wrist.
> Downloading: Handgun Handling (Basic).
Downloading: Street Combat Instinct 5%.
Pain lanced through my head—flashes of memories that weren't mine. Shooting, ducking, screaming. I puked bile and maybe part of my soul onto the pavement.
When I looked up, everything felt sharper. Sounds clearer. I could hear a siren ten blocks away.
> "I just pirated someone's skill set," I muttered. "I'm a walking torrent site."
And I laughed—half terror, half thrill.
Next few days were a blur of cautious experiments. The more I touched, the more fragments I got: bits of medical knowledge from a nurse's ID badge I picked up, a bartender's muscle memory from shaking drinks. The system fed on contact, on proximity, on curiosity.
But it also whispered goals.
> Quest Unlocked: Find the Source of Power.
That's when I noticed a familiar name drifting through back-alley gossip: Compound V.
The stuff that made Supes. The thing Vought pretended didn't exist.
Maybe that's what the system wanted. Maybe that's how I'd stop being the world's most armed intern.
A week later, I found Bone-Armor Guy again, alive and bragging in some dive club about "crushing skulls." Turns out Supes heal fast when you've got Compound V in your veins.
I followed him out the back after midnight. Rain slicked the alley, thunder rolling like bad foreshadowing.
"Alright, Tony," I whispered, "download the freak and get out."
I reached for his shoulder.
> Downloading Superhuman DNA… Incompatible.
Pain like lightning ripped through me. I collapsed, blood gushing from my nose.
He turned, grinning. "Another junkie looking for a hit?"
Bone spikes slid from his forearms with a wet crunch.
"Oh, come on," I gasped, trying to crawl away.
He stabbed me—sharp pain, fire in my gut. I screamed, grabbed his wrist on instinct.
> Downloading: Combat Movement (Fragment).
My body moved before I did. I twisted, forced his arm sideways, heard something crack. Shock on his face turned to panic as I drove his own spike back into him.
Warm spray across my cheek. The world shrank to ragged breathing and rain.
> Kill Confirmed.
Data Absorbed: 12%.
New Ability: Pain Tolerance (Low-Level).
I slumped against the wall, holding my stomach. My fingers trembled but my mind was cold.
I'd killed a Supe. Me. Tony Rogers—part-time cashier, full-time disappointment.
"Well," I wheezed, "congratulations, Tony. You finally did something impressive… and definitely illegal."
Then I laughed, loud and ugly, until it turned into coughing.
Through the rain clouds, a streak of light carved the sky. Homelander, floating majestically like a patriotic nightmare. His cape fluttered, eyes glowing faint red.
He didn't see me, of course. People like me don't exist in his world.
But I stared up anyway.
"One day, shiny boy," I whispered. "One day I'll download you too."
A final ping flickered before my eyes:
NEW QUEST UNLOCKED:
ACQUIRE COMPOUND V
REWARD: SUPERVERSION UNLOCK
I smiled through blood-stained teeth. The rain washed the alley clean, but not me.
Back in my apartment, I stared at the cracked mirror. The man looking back wasn't the same loser who slipped on a banana peel a week ago. His eyes were steady. Predatory.
Somewhere deep inside, the system hummed like a heartbeat.
The city roared outside—sirens, thunder, distant laughter.
I grinned. "Let's download the world."