The Fujisawa Fireworks Festival, for Kaito Tanaka, was nothing more than the geographical representation of hell: a seething crowd, intense heat, the smell of grilled squid, and a cacophony of noise.
His walk was as stiff as a rusty robot, the gray yukata chafing his legs with every movement. In contrast, the crowd around him flowed like a dense, sweaty liquid.
"Detecting critical population density levels," Fia whispered, clutching Kaito's left arm with divine strength. She was wearing her "summer skin" yukata and chewing on a candy apple with a ferocity that frightened nearby children. "Kaito, if we get separated, the System recommends using smoke signals!"
"If we get separated," Kaito replied, looking straight ahead to avoid eye contact with strangers, "I'm going straight home and considering it a divine intervention of mercy."
To his right, the "Futaba Squad" advanced. Mai Sakurajima led the formation, cutting through the crowd with her celebrity aura. Behind her, the Original Futaba (Rio) and the Other Futaba (Reo) walked side by side, a strange visual duplicate that Kaito prayed no one would notice.
"This is risky," Kaito murmured. "We are walking with a living paradox in a public place."
"Relax, Kaito-kun," Mai said, turning slightly. "No one is looking at logic. They are looking at the food and the pretty clothes. Superficiality is our shield."
They arrived near the bridge leading to Enoshima island, where most of the food stalls were concentrated. The smell of yakisoba was overwhelming.
"Hey! Futaba!"
The familiar voice cut through the crowd noise.
Rio froze. Reo stiffened, her eyes frantically searching for the source.
Kaito sighed. "Encounter Event activated. Prepare the lie scripts."
Emerging from the crowd, with the casualness of someone strolling in their backyard, were two boys.
One was tall, athletic, and had that easy smile of someone who has never had an existential crisis in his life: Yuuma Kunimi.
The other had an expression mirroring Kaito's in cynicism, though with a more mischievous glint in his eyes: Sakuta Azusagawa.
"Oh no," Kaito thought. "The Retired Protagonist and the Romantic Interest."
"Kunimi..." Reo whispered.
Sakuta was the first to arrive. He looked at the group. His eyes swept over Mai (immediate recognition, followed by a discreet nod), Kaito (tired male solidarity), Fia (momentary confusion), and finally landed on the two Futabas.
Kaito held his breath. This was it. The moment reality would collapse.
Sakuta looked at Rio. Then he looked at Reo.
He raised an eyebrow.
"Rio," Sakuta said, with his usual deadpan voice. "Did you multiply? Or am I having a heat-induced hallucination?"
"It's my cousin!" Futaba (Rio) shouted too quickly, her voice high with panic. "This is Reo! She came to visit! From... from the north! That's why we look alike! Strong genetics!"
"Reo," Sakuta repeated, looking at the made-up and mature "cousin." "Pleasure. The Futaba genetics are truly impressive."
"P-Pleasure," Reo said, trying to maintain her "college student" composure.
Kunimi, being the simple and kind creature he was, accepted the explanation without question. "Wow! You guys are identical! Like, twins! Nice to meet you, Reo-san!"
"H... hi, Kunimi-kun."
"And who is the colorful little one?" Sakuta asked, pointing at Fia, whose mouth was smeared with red caramel.
"Kaito's cousin," Mai said quickly. "Fia-chan. From the countryside."
"I'm the country cousin!" Fia confirmed, mouth full. "I like harvests and... tractors!"
Kaito massaged his temple. "This group's acting level is shameful."
But the immediate danger had passed. Sakuta, being Sakuta, probably knew something was wrong, but also knew it wasn't the time to press. He had his own battles with Adolescence Syndrome.
It was then that Sakuta turned his attention back to the Original Futaba.
Rio was wearing the hydrangea yukata, her hair tied up simply, and her thick-rimmed glasses were back on her face.
Sakuta studied her for a moment, hand on his chin.
"Rio," he said.
"What is it, Azusagawa?" she replied, defensive, adjusting her glasses.
"Glasses and yukata," Sakuta declared, with the gravity of a Greek philosopher. "That combination... is surprisingly erotic."
The world stopped for a second.
Rio turned red as a ripe tomato. "W-What?! What are you talking about, you perverted Rascal?!"
"It's not perversion, it's aesthetic appreciation," Sakuta defended himself, unperturbed. "There is something in the contrast between the intellectuality of the glasses and the sensual tradition of the yukata that creates a pleasant cognitive dissonance. It is erotic."
He turned to Kunimi. "Don't you agree, Kunimi?"
Kunimi, who was eating a squid skewer, stopped to think. He looked at Rio with an innocent and honest smile.
"Now that you mention it..." Kunimi said. "Yes. The yukata looks really good on her. She looks... grown-up. Yeah, I think 'erotic' in the sense of 'attractive' makes sense. You look very pretty, Futaba."
Rio looked like she was going to spontaneously combust. The "Reo" beside her seemed torn between jealousy and pride.
Sakuta, not satisfied with causing just one nervous breakdown, turned slowly to Kaito.
"And you, Tanaka?" he asked. "As an external observer... what is your verdict? Futaba with glasses and yukata. Erotic or not?"
Kaito felt the weight of five pairs of eyes on him.
Mai watched him with an amused smile. Rio looked at him with panic. Reo looked at him with curiosity. Fia looked at him while licking the candy apple. And Sakuta looked at him with a challenge.
Kaito sighed. He could lie. He could say "I don't know." He could run away.
But Kaito was logical. And Sakuta's logic, while expressed questionably, was not incorrect.
"The analysis is valid," Kaito said, his monotone voice cutting through the stuffy air. "The glasses frames frame the face, directing focus to the eyes, while the yukata exposes the nape, a culturally recognized erogenous zone. The juxtaposition of 'academic rigor' and 'festive relaxation' generates a specific visual appeal."
He paused, taking a sip of his water.
"So, yes. I agree with the classification. It is erotic."
Rio Futaba let out a sound like a boiling kettle and hid her face in her hands.
"T-TANAKA TOO?!" she squeaked.
"Wow," Sakuta said, smiling. "You talk like a robot, but you have good taste."
"I merely process visual data," Kaito defended himself.
Sakuta then took a step back, looking at the entire group of girls—Mai stunning, Reo mature and elegant, Rio shy and "erotic," and Fia chaotic and cute.
"Actually," Sakuta said, with a sigh of exaggerated appreciation. "Looking closely... all of them are erotic today. The summer air does wonders, doesn't it?"
He looked at Mai. "Especially the 'senpai' over there."
Mai smiled, a dangerous smile. "Watch your tongue, Sakuta. Or you'll end up swimming in the bay."
Sakuta laughed and looked at Kunimi. "Kunimi?"
"Yeah," Kunimi agreed, laughing. "Everyone looks amazing. We're lucky guys to be accompanied by such pretty girls, right?"
Kunimi's simplicity disarmed any tension.
Sakuta turned to Kaito again. The final test.
"Tanaka? Do you agree that we are surrounded by a dangerous level of festive eroticism?"
Kaito looked at them.
Mai, who knew exactly how beautiful she was. Rio and Reo, two sides of the same coin, both discovering they could be beautiful. Fia, who despite being a headache, was radiant in her pink yukata.
He felt the exhaustion. The heat. The scratching of the yukata.
But he also felt, deep within his apathy, that the view wasn't unpleasant.
"The aesthetic density per square meter in this group exceeds the statistical festival average," Kaito admitted, reluctantly. "Visually speaking... it is a high-quality scenario."
"That's a 'yes' in Tanaka language," Sakuta translated.
The girls exchanged glances.
Mai tilted her head, eyes shining. "My, my. Kaito-kun has functional eyes after all. Who knew the 'Logistics Manager' could appreciate beauty?"
"I appreciate symmetry," Kaito retorted, looking away.
"You said I'm erotic!" Fia accused, jumping in front of him. "The Chosen One finds the Goddess erotic! This is going into the official report! Divine Charm Bonus!"
"I said the group has high aesthetic density. You are just a colorful pixel in the corner of the screen," Kaito tried to correct, but the damage was done.
"He admitted it!" Reo laughed, seeming lighter than ever. "The ice man melted."
Even Rio, still red, peeked at him through her fingers. "You are... surprising, Tanaka. But thank you."
Kaito looked at the sky, where the first test fireworks were starting to burst, small and distant.
"I hate festivals," he muttered. "And I hate conversations about teenage hormones."
"Let's go," Sakuta said, patting Kaito on the back with excessive force. "The fireworks are starting. Let's find a place to sit before all this eroticism causes a riot."
The group moved. Kaito found himself walking between Sakuta and Kunimi, surrounded by the girls.
For a moment, just for a moment, he didn't feel like a crisis manager. He felt like a normal teenager, at a summer festival, surrounded by noisy friends and pretty girls, complaining about the heat, but secretly... not hating being there.
"How troublesome," he thought, but there was no poison in the thought. Just resignation.
And, perhaps, a hint of anticipation for the fireworks.
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