After breaking up with him, I realised I wanted better, needed better.
So I decided not to date again.
He did try to get back with me later but I....never get back with an ex.
The next few months, I dated men that don't really count as exes.
Taylor, that hot motherfucker that was, unfortunately, too horny for me. I was in 11th grade at the time. He had lighter skin and seemed obsessed with me but I knew he looked at other girls, perhaps jerked off to them?
I once caught him posting a girl, ass out and only in lingerie and honestly, thats not the kind of boyfriend I wanted.
I broke up with in April that year, probably dated less than a month. He was hot as fuck but I, as a girl that was trying to keep her virginity, was not for him.
God forbid I fuck a highschool kid with nothing to his name and accidentally get pregnant. Not saying its guaranteed but I'd rather take a risk with the right person.
After him, I dated a Dylan who I think my then best friend had a crush on? She kept asking to meet him. He was great. Greatly horny.
He was, just like Taylor, older than me.....perhaps 22?
The first time we met, his fingers brushed my buttocks before cupping them. The kissing seemed to go somewhere I didn't want it to go so I was always stopping it.
Pulling away, I hesitated before telling him. "I don't want to do it now"
His hands sneaked around my waist as ge kissed me, mumbling "but I want you."
I tried to pull away. But he didn't let me. He kissed me harder, as his fingers roughly played with the garment of my panties. He pushed me to the floor and before I knew it, his member was in full display in front of me.
I had no idea how to do it. I just knew that people did it. It was irritable, he was rough. But I doubt he ever saw my tears.
It was then that I became afraid of him.
The next time we met, he had a pack of condoms prepared.
Before we started dating, I had already explained to him that I did not wish to have sex any time soon.
His words? "But I'm horny right now."
"I want you."
"I'll be gentle, I promise."
I don't remember how I got out of that conversation but but I remember breaking up with him because of it. I did not tell him the real reason I broke up with him, because like the idiot I was—I chose to protect his feelings.
I remember seeing him cry as he begged me not to leave him. His grip on my hand never loosened but it never hurt me.
When I did not give in, he looked me dead in my eyes, his voice hoarse and asked, "Can I at least hug you? One last time?"
It was the first time I had ever felt broken at the sight of a teary man. His hug was long, tight and comfortable—making the goodbye even more unbearable.
But it was necessary.
The break up was necessary.
Because we never did want the same things.
I don't remember how many months had passed, but I met someone again.
A footballer.
He was older than me.
He and his friends had come over to my house after practice and asked for water. I had a small phone at that time and when I met him, I realised there were indeed hot guys in my hometown.
I gave him my number and we started flirting before finally dating. It was great, absolutely great. But then the communication started to weaken.
From late night calls every day to 1 call a week.
Then,
I got a smartphone.
I installed WhatsApp.
And on his story was a screenshot of he and a girl on a video call.
She was pretty.
Painfully pretty.
I replied, half hurt half jokingly, "your girlfriend?"
But contrary to what I had hoped, he said "yes."
So I did what every other person would have done, I said congratulations.
To a guy,
Who had cheated on me,
And had shamelessly proclaimed so.
Perhaps he thought i couldn't do anything about it.
And honestly, what could I possibly do about it?