The dense, untamed jungle of Amazon Lily gave way to a sprawling, beautiful village carved directly into the steep, terraced cliffs of the island.
The Kuja warriors, led by Marguerite and Sweet Pea, escorted the massive, bizarrely diverse Straw Hat crew through the main gates. News of the intruders had spread faster than a wildfire.
As they walked down the central stone path, hundreds of female warriors, citizens, and children gathered on the rooftops, balconies, and streets to get a glimpse of the absolute impossibility walking into their home.
Men.
For a nation completely isolated in the Calm Belt, where the very concept of a male was the stuff of legends and children's books, the arrival of the Straw Hats was an event of mythological proportions.
"Look at them!" a Kuja archer whispered loudly, pointing at the group.
"Why is that one covered in metal?!" another gasped, looking at Franky.
"Does that one have a sword growing out of his mouth?!"
The crew walked in a tight formation, feeling the intense, unblinking scrutiny of a thousand curious eyes.
But the most spectacular sight was currently floating ten feet in the air behind the Magician.
Sanji was still securely held in Ben's invisible telekinetic grip, suspended horizontally. The moment the cook's eyes registered the sheer, overwhelming volume of beautiful, fierce, minimally dressed warrior women lining the streets, his biological systems experienced a catastrophic failure.
"WOMEEEEEN!" Sanji's voice was a garbled, ecstatic shriek.
FWOOSH!
A literal, high-pressure geyser of bright red blood exploded from both of Sanji's nostrils. The force of the nosebleed was so intense it propelled him backward against Ben's telekinetic hold, threatening to snap the gravity lock. The blood sprayed into the air like a macabre fountain.
"He's dying!" Chopper screamed, running underneath the floating cook. "His blood volume is dropping to critical levels! He needs a transfusion!"
Ben sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. Without even looking back, he raised his free hand, tapping into the Medea template.
"Golden Fleece."
A warm, radiant shower of golden healing magic enveloped the cook. Sanji's ruptured blood vessels instantly knitted themselves together, and his depleted blood volume was magically replenished. The color returned to his deathly pale face.
Sanji opened his eyes, saw another group of Kuja women waving at him from a balcony, and his heart pounded out of his chest.
FWOOSH!
Another massive blood geyser erupted.
"I'M IN HEAVEN!" Sanji sobbed happily, his life force actively trying to exit his body again.
"Golden Fleece," Ben repeated, his tone entirely flat, healing the cook for the second time in thirty seconds.
The cycle continued as they walked through the village. Sanji would see a woman, violently hemorrhage, nearly die of blood loss, and Ben would casually hit him with a healing spell to prevent a fatality. It was a rhythmic, exhausting process.
After the fifteenth geyser of blood splashed onto the cobblestones, Ben finally had enough.
"That's it," Ben grumbled. "I am not spending my afternoon playing medic to your perversion."
Ben stopped walking. He turned around to face the floating, heavily breathing cook. Ben's eyes glowed with a faint, iridescent light as he wove an illusion charm directly into Sanji's optic nerves.
"Let's try a little aversion therapy," Ben smiled sadistically.
Sanji blinked. Suddenly, the beautiful Kuja warriors lining the streets vanished from his sight. The architecture of Amazon Lily melted away. The sky turned a sickly shade of pink.
And standing right in front of him, blowing a massive, hairy kiss, was Caroline.
"Come back, sweet prince~!" the illusion of the massive Okama master cooed, winking a heavily mascaraed eye. "We missed you!"
"NOOOOOOOOO!" Sanji shrieked, the blood geyser instantly stopping as raw, unadulterated terror flooded his veins. He curled into a tight, trembling ball in mid-air. "GET IT AWAY! I'LL BE GOOD! I PROMISE I'LL BE A GENTLEMAN! JUST MAKE IT STOP!"
Ben snapped his fingers, dissolving the illusion.
Sanji gasped, looking around the village. The beautiful Kuja women had returned, but Sanji didn't dare swoon. He kept his eyes locked firmly on the cobblestone path beneath him, shivering violently.
"If your heart rate spikes above ninety beats per minute," Ben warned casually, turning back around to walk, "I will make that illusion permanent. You will never see a normal woman again for the rest of your natural life."
"I am a monk," Sanji whimpered, completely broken. "I am a pillar of chastity and restraint."
"Good."
With the cook neutralized, the Kuja women finally felt brave enough to approach the bizarre group. They swarmed the crew, completely ignoring personal space.
"Why do you have three swords?!" A Kuja warrior, trying to grab Zoro's swords.
"Don't touch those!" Zoro snapped, trying to pull away, but five more women crowded around him, poking his chest and examining his green hair.
"Why is his nose so long?" another woman asked, grabbing Usopp's nose and pulling it like a rubber band. "Is it a weapon?"
"Hey! Unhand me! I am God Usopp!" the sniper protested weakly, blushing furiously.
Franky was surrounded by a group tapping their knuckles against his metallic forearms. "Is this armor? Or is this your skin?"
Even Brook, despite being an undead horror, was not spared. Three Kuja women were actively poking their fingers through his ribcage.
"Fascinating!" one woman noted. "No internal organs at all! How does he move?"
Another woman boldly patted Brook's pelvic bone. "And he doesn't have family jewels like Luffy-san! How curious!"
"Oh my!" Brook gasped, his jawbone clattering in pure embarrassment. "Ladies, please! My bones are quite sensitive! Though I don't have any nerve endings! Yohohoho!"
"Alright, that is enough," Marguerite said firmly, waving the curious crowd back. "The Empress has granted them an audience. We must proceed to the palace."
The crowd parted reluctantly, allowing the Straw Hats to continue up the steep, winding stairs toward the highest peak of the island.
The Kuja Palace was a magnificent, traditional fortress built into the rock face. As the heavy wooden doors swung open, the crew stepped into a massive, opulent throne room.
The air smelled of roasted meat and incense.
At the far end of the room, sitting cross-legged on a massive, silk-cushioned floor mat, was Monkey D. Luffy. He was wearing an oversized, luxurious red and gold robe. In front of him was a mountain of roasted boar, sea king steaks, and exotic fruits.
Luffy was aggressively inhaling the food, bones and all.
"LUFFY!" Nami and Usopp yelled, relieved to see their captain in one piece.
"Oh! Hey guys!" Luffy paused, a massive drumstick sticking out of his mouth. He waved cheerfully. "You made it! The food here is great!"
But the crew didn't just look at Luffy. They looked at the woman sitting directly beside him.
She was breathtakingly beautiful, possessing an ethereal, almost dangerous elegance. She wore a stunning, crimson cheongsam dress that revealed her long legs. Her raven-black hair cascaded down her back.
This was Boa Hancock, the Pirate Empress, Warlord of the Sea, and the ruler of Amazon Lily.
And she was currently using a silk napkin to gently, lovingly dab a smear of barbecue sauce from Luffy's cheek.
"Eat slowly, Luffy," Hancock cooed, her voice dripping with absolute, unadulterated adoration. Her cheeks were flushed a deep, rosy pink. Her dark blue eyes were locked onto the rubber boy, shimmering with a dreamy, lovestruck haze. "There is plenty more. If you desire the moon, I shall have it fetched for you."
Luffy swallowed the drumstick whole and pointed at the door. "Hamcock! These are my crewmates I told you about!"
Hancock didn't even flinch at the butchering of her name. "Your crewmates? Any friend of yours is a welcome guest in my kingdom, my beloved."
The Straw Hats stood in the doorway, absolutely paralyzed.
Sanji, who had been forcibly keeping his head down, accidentally glanced up. He saw Boa Hancock. He saw the most beautiful woman in the world looking at his rubber idiot captain with eyes full of pure, undeniable love.
Sanji's brain simply stopped working.
The impossibility of the situation broke his mind. His skin turned a dull, slate gray. His body stiffened. Cracks appeared on his face.
With a soft, scraping sound, Sanji completely calcified, turning into a solid, crumbling stone statue.
"SANJI!" Jewelry Bonney shrieked, pointing at the petrified cook. "He turned to stone! The Warlord got him! She used the Mero Mero no Mi! It's a trap!"
Bonney dropped into a fighting stance, ready to age the Kuja guards into dust.
Nami casually walked past the screaming Bonney and waved a dismissive hand.
"Relax, Bonney," Nami sighed, looking at the stone statue of the cook. "She didn't use a Devil Fruit power. That's just his own biology. His perverted brain couldn't handle the gap between her beauty and Luffy's stupidity, so he petrified himself out of pure shock. Just leave him there. It's quieter."
Bonney blinked, dropping her fists. "He... turned himself to stone?"
"Don't question it," Zoro grunted, walking into the room.
Vivi stepped forward, offering a polite, royal bow to the Empress, before turning to Luffy.
"Luffy-san," Vivi asked, her brow furrowed in confusion. "How exactly did you get here? And why are you treated like royalty on an island that executes men on sight?"
Luffy swallowed a massive piece of meat, wiping his mouth.
"Oh! Well, when I bounced off the ship, I went really high!" Luffy explained, gesturing wildly with his hands. "I was in the clouds! I tried to change direction, so I kicked my legs again, but I didn't control the power! I went so fast my clothes caught on fire! They burned completely off!"
The crew winced.
"Then I started falling," Luffy continued bluntly. "I crashed right through a roof! I landed in a big bath full of hot water. And Hamcock was in the bath too! She was completely naked!"
CRASH.
Hancock's face turned the color of a ripe tomato. Steam practically erupted from her ears.
"L-L-Luffy!" Hancock shrieked, covering her face with her hands, trembling violently. "You mustn't tell them the intimate details of our meeting! It is too embarrassing! It is a secret between us!"
She spun around, her embarrassment instantly morphing into fierce, protective anger. She pointed a trembling finger at the Straw Hats. "You heard nothing! If any of you speak of this, I will turn you all to stone and shatter you into the sea!"
"Then what happened?" Robin asked calmly, entirely unfazed by the Warlord's threat.
"She got really mad!" Luffy laughed. "She threw me in an arena and made me fight a giant snake and her two sisters! But I beat them up! And then I covered her sister's back when her clothes burned so nobody could see her secret mark! After that, she wasn't mad anymore! She forgave me, and now I'm a guest!"
Nami stood perfectly still. Her brain processed the story. She looked at Luffy, who was currently picking his nose while chewing on a rib. She looked at Boa Hancock, one of the most feared, ruthless, and beautiful women in the World, who was currently hiding her blushing face behind her hands like a bashful girl.
Nami's eyes narrowed into suspicious slits. "There are a massive number of loopholes in that story."
Ben stepped up behind Nami, leaning down slightly to whisper in her ear.
"It's not complicated, Nami," Ben murmured, a highly amused smile on his face. "She fell in love with him. Completely, hopelessly, and irreversibly in love with our idiot captain."
Nami's jaw unhinged. She slowly turned her head to look at Luffy. He had food on his chin. He was wearing an ugly, oversized robe. He was laughing at a joke Chopper just made.
Nami then looked at Hancock, who was currently offering Luffy a peeled grape with trembling, affectionate fingers.
Nami tilted her head, her brain actively misfiring as she tried to comprehend the fundamental laws of attraction. How? Nami thought wildly. How in the world does the most beautiful Empress on the seas fall for a rubber boy whose primary personality trait is 'meat'?! What is happening to reality?!
"Do not attempt to understand it, Nami," Robin chuckled softly, patting Nami's shoulder. "Love is a hurricane."
"Bring food for my beloved's crew!" Hancock commanded her guards, regaining a shred of her regal composure. "Anything they desire!"
The palace servants rushed to obey. Long, low tables were brought into the throne room, loaded with delicacies from the Amazon Lily jungles.
As the smell of the food wafted over the crew, the stone statue of Sanji suddenly cracked.
With a loud shatter, Sanji broke out of his petrified state, immediately drawn by the scent of a kitchen and the presence of women.
He slid over to the serving girls, his eyes turning back into hearts. "Ah! Such exquisite culinary technique! Allow me to assist you, my jungle flowers! I am a chef of the highest caliber!"
The Kuja women, having never interacted with a man who actively served them, were fascinated.
"He cooks?" one woman asked, poking Sanji's cheek.
"He's very polite," another giggled, pulling on his tie.
Across the room, Chopper was surrounded by a group of warriors. They were absolutely enthralled by the talking reindeer.
"His fur is so soft!" a woman cheered, rubbing Chopper's cheeks.
"Look at his little hooves!" another squealed, tapping his feet. "And his antlers!"
"Stop it!" Chopper wiggled happily, blushing furiously. "Praising my hooves doesn't make me happy at all, you jerks! Ehehehe!"
Brook was having an equally bizarre experience. Several Kuja women had cornered the skeleton, examining his lack of anatomy with intense, clinical fascination.
"There is no skin!" a warrior noted, poking Brook's ribs. "How does the skeleton hold itself together?"
"And his pelvic bone is completely exposed!" another pointed out.
"Y-Yohohoho!" Brook laughed nervously, holding his cane sword defensively across his lap. "Ladies, please! I am a gentleman! You are making my nonexistent face blush!"
Watching the unrestrained chaos from the corner of the room was Elder Nyon, or Gloriosa. The short, wrinkled former Empress leaned heavily on her snake-staff, grumbling loudly to herself.
"Madness. Utter madness," Gloriosa muttered, shaking her head. "Men in the sacred palace. The Empress acting like a lovestruck maiden. A talking skeleton. A cyborg. The traditions of the Kuja are being trampled into dust! This is the end of Amazon Lily!"
"Oh, it's not the end," Robin said, walking past the elder with a cup of tea. "It's just a new chapter. Luffy enjoys banquets like these, Elder?"
Hancock, whose ears were perfectly tuned to catch the word 'Luffy', immediately snapped her attention to Robin.
"My beloved loves banquets?" Hancock gasped, her eyes shining. She stood up from her throne, pointing dramatically at her guards. "Hear me! Tonight, we throw the grandest banquet in the history of the Kuja! We shall feast, dance, and celebrate the arrival of my future husband—I mean, the Straw Hat Pirates!"
The Evening Banquet
By nightfall, the central courtyard of the Kuja Palace had been transformed into a massive, vibrant festival. Paper lanterns illuminated the stone walls, and a massive bonfire roared in the center of the plaza.
The food was endless. The alcohol flowed freely. The entire village had been invited up to the palace, creating a massive, cheering crowd of warriors mixing seamlessly with the pirates.
Sanji was in absolute paradise, serving plates of exquisite seafood to the delighted women. Dory, Brogy, Oimo, and Kashii engaged in arm-wrestling contests with the strongest Kuja warriors, laughing boisterously at the fierce competition.
Usopp regaled a crowd of children with heavily exaggerated tales of his bravery at Enies Lobby, while Franky showed off his mechanical arms.
Ben sat comfortably near the fire, enjoying the chaotic harmony, a glass of wine in his hand.
Suddenly, a loud, upbeat drum fill echoed from the stage set up near the edge of the courtyard.
Brook stepped up to the microphone. He wore a crisp, white suit jacket over his bones, a vibrant pink fedora resting atop his afro. Behind him, Merry and Sunny manned the synthesizer and the drums.
"Ladies of Amazon Lily!" Brook's smooth, soulful voice boomed over the speakers. "And to my wonderful crew! It is a glorious night to be alive! Even though I am dead! Yohohoho!"
Brook grabbed the microphone stand, tilting it backward with a smooth, practiced flair.
"Let's get this party moving!"
The beat dropped. It was a heavy, infectious, brass-heavy rhythm. The horns blared, the percussion kicked in, and the tempo instantly possessed the feet of everyone in the courtyard.
Brook tapped his bony foot, launching into a song Ben had written out for him earlier.
"Ladies and gentlemen, this is Mambo Number Five!"
The crowd cheered. Brook slid across the stage on his knees, striking a rock-star pose before popping back up.
"One, two, three, four, five...
Everybody in the ship, so come on, let's ride...
To the local tavern around the corner...
The boys say they want some rum and juice...
But I really don't wanna..."
Sanji heard the music. His eyes locked onto the stage. He threw his apron aside, sliding onto the dance floor.
"Ale kegs like I had last week...
I must stay deep because talk is cheap...
I like Angela, Pamela, Sandra and Rita...
And as I continue, you know they getting sweeter..."
Sanji spun into a flawless breakdance routine, his legs a blur. He popped up, grabbing a rose from a vase and spinning toward a group of Kuja warriors.
"So what can I do? I really beg you, my Lord...
To me is flirting it's just like sport...
Anything fly, it's all good, let me dump it...
Please set in the trumpet!"
The brass section roared. Brook played a fierce, high-speed solo on his violin that perfectly mimicked a trumpet's flair, dancing the moonwalk across the stage.
The Kuja women, infected by the rhythm, flooded the dance floor. They pulled Luffy in, bouncing him around like a rubber ball.
Brook leaned into the mic for the legendary chorus, pointing his cane at the crowd.
"A little bit of Monica in my life...
A little bit of Erica by my side...
A little bit of Rita is all I need...
A little bit of Tina is what I see..."
Sanji slid on his knees past Marguerite, handing her the rose with a charming wink. He spun back to his feet, dipping Sweet Pea flawlessly in time with the beat.
"A little bit of Sandra in the sun...
A little bit of Mary all night long...
A little bit of Jessica, here I am...
A little bit of you makes me your man...
(Mambo No. 5!)"
"YEAAAAAH!" The crowd roared.
Luffy was laughing, eating a piece of meat while jumping up and down to the beat. He noticed Hancock watching him from her throne, her face bright red as she swayed her shoulders slightly to the music.
"Hey, Hamcock! Come dance!" Luffy shouted, swallowing his meat.
Before the Empress could even register the request, Luffy's rubber arm stretched across the courtyard, gently wrapping around her wrist. With a cheerful laugh, he pulled her right off her throne and into the center of the plaza.
"L-L-Luffy!" Hancock squeaked, completely overwhelmed as she stumbled into the crowd. Her heart fluttered wildly in her chest.
"Just follow the beat! Shishishi!" Luffy laughed, grabbing both her hands and bouncing her up and down.
Hancock's regal, untouchable facade melted instantly. Guided by his infectious energy, she let out a genuine, breathless laugh and started jumping and dancing right beside him, much to the absolute, jaw-dropping shock of every single Kuja warrior present. Their Empress was dancing.
"Jump up and down and move it all around...Shake your head to the sound...Put your hand on the ground...Take one step left and one step right...One to the front and one to the side...Clap your hand once and clap your hands twice...And if it looks like this then you doing it right!"
The entire courtyard—pirates, giants, Kuja warriors, an Empress, and androids—fell into a massive, synchronized line dance. Even Zoro, who tried to sit out, was dragged into the line by Chopper and Usopp, awkwardly stepping left and right with a scowl on his face.
"A little bit of Monica in my life...
A little bit of Erica by my side...
A little bit of Rita is all I need...
A little bit of Tina is what I see...
A little bit of Sandra in the sun...
A little bit of Mary all night long...
A little bit of Jessica, here I am...
A little bit of you makes me your man..."
Sanji was in his element. He danced with every woman in arm's reach, executing flawless salsa steps, twirls, and dips, ensuring every lady felt like the star of the show.
Brook played the final, sweeping chords on his violin, striking a dramatic pose as the song reached its energetic climax.
"I do all to fall in love with a girl like you...
You can't run and you can't hide...
You and me gonna touch the sky...
Mambo Number Five!"
The music ended with a massive crash of the cymbals.
The courtyard erupted into deafening applause and laughter. The Kuja warriors cheered for Brook and Sanji, their strict isolationist traditions entirely overridden by the sheer, unadulterated joy of the Straw Hat Crew.
Ben raised his glass from the sidelines, smiling as he watched his crew turn one of the most dangerous islands in the world into their own personal dance floor.