Chapter 18
The Sorting, and That Evening
Sunday, September 1, about 7 p.m.
The Great Hall, Hogwarts SOW&W
The students to be Sorted were at the front of the Great Hall, with the High Table behind them and the four House tables in front of them. But immediately in front of John, Paulina, and the firsties was the four-legged stool that was brought out once a year, on which was placed the patched, frayed, and dirty Sorting Hat.
Professor McGonagall stepped forward, holding a long roll of parchment. "When I call your name, you will put on the Hat and sit on the stool to be Sorted. Abbott—"
John Potter stepped forward and called out, "Sorting Hat! I am John Potter, the Potter Regent and a seventh-year transfer student, and I ask that you Sort me first!"
The Hat calmly asked, "Why should I do this, John Potter?"
"I'm responsible for myself and three other people, all of whom you will Sort today. It becomes much harder for me to protect the three people if we're in different Houses. One of our foursome is a great fit for Ravenclaw, but I'm a poor fit for Ravenclaw. One of our group is loyal to the bone and is hardworking—a great fit for Hufflepuff. One of our foursome becomes cunning when someone makes her angry. In a worst-case scenario, Sorting Hat, the four of us, if Sorted in the traditional way, would wind up in four different Houses. How can I protect them then?"
"Whom do you ask to be Sorted out of turn?"
"Me, John Potter, who is the Potter Regent and a seventh-year transfer student. Also, my wife Paulina Potter, another seventh-year transfer student. I'm the guardian of Harry Potter, a first-year student. I'm the Protector of Hermione Granger, another first-year student."
"Very well," the Sorting Hat said, "I call John Potter for Sorting, out of turn."
"MERLIN'S SAGGY SOCKS!" the Hat blurted, seconds after the Hat was put on John's head.
John thought at the Hat, May I make recommendations?
The Hat thought back, You know the future. Of course you may make recommendations.
John thought, Neville Longbottom nowadays comes across as nervous and timid, not a Gryffindor; but Neville in May 1998 would have made Godric proud. Since evil kids go into Slytherin nowadays, send Draco Malfoy, Zacharias Smith, and Ron Weasley to Slytherin this year, and Ginevra Weasley next year. But send Vincent Crabbe and Gregory Goyle to Hufflepuff—Hufflepuff helps the slow students, and Draco can't cause so much trouble with his minions in a different House.
After a l-o-n-g time of the Hat sitting on John Potter's head—
—instead of the Hat announcing a House, the Hat said, "Next!Stand up and step aside, John Potter. I call Paulina Potter out of turn."
Paulina sat on the stool while she wore a photogenic, beauty-queen smile that told those people who could see this smile, nothing about what Paulina actually was thinking or feeling.
After several minutes, the Hat called out, "Next! Stand up and step aside, Paulina Potter. I call—"
Undoubtedly everyone expected for Harry Potter's name to come next.
"—Hermione Granger out of turn."
As the eleven-year-old girl eagerly hurried to the stool, many students commented on the Potter crest on her right sleeve—
"Who's she?"
"That's not a wizarding name."
"A first-year Muggle-born is a Protectée of House Potter?"
After a time, the Hat said, "Next! Stand up and step aside, Hermione Granger. I call Harry Potter out of turn."
By the time Harry was sitting on the stool and was mentally conversing with the Sorting Hat, John had put his hand on Hermione's shoulder, and Hermione and Paulina were holding hands.
After a while, the Hat yelled, "GRYFFINDOR, GRYFFINDOR, GRYFFINDOR, GRYFFINDOR! Professor McGonagall, Hogwarts assigns Gryffindor Married Suite 1 to John, Paulina and Harry Potter."
As Harry and Hermione went to sit on the bench at the empty first-years section of the Gryffindor table, and John and Paulina went to sit among the Gryffindor seventh-years, the normal Sorting began. McGonagall called out, "Abbott, Hannah."
Meanwhile, the Weasley twins were chanting, "We got Potterzzz! We got Potterzzz!"
Hermione said to Harry: "I'm sure our Sorting will be written-up in the next edition of Hogwarts: A History."
Lavender Brown squealed when she was Sorted into Gryffindor—
—mainly because now Lavender would be in the same House as her new idol, Paulina Potter.
But also, Lavender was happy because now she would share a dormitory with Hermione Granger. Lavender did not recognise Granger from parties, which meant that either Granger was an American like Paulina, or Granger was a British Muggle-born. But if already Harry Potter was holding hands with Granger, Granger was the coolest witch in their year, and now Lavender got to room with her!
Neville could not begin to guess how he had been Sorted into the House of the Brave, but he was not about to complain one bit. The relief he felt, being put in the same House as Hermione Granger and the three Potters, was too big to be described.
Neville in 1991 had no way of knowing that the Sorting Hat had seen John Potter's memories of Neville in 1998—in whose chest beat the heart of a warrior. After the Hat saw those memories, Neville's Sorting into Gryffindor was a no-brainer.
Nor did Neville know that Headmaster Dumbledore had ordered that Neville be put in Gryffindor, but this order had had zero effect on the Hat's decision.
For Albus, the Sortings as they progressed were a mixture of good and bad.
The Hat had obeyed Albus's orders and had put both Harry and the Longbottom boy in Gryffindor. But the Hat also had taken the unprecedented step of Sorting the Potters (and the Granger girl) out of turn, and had put John Potter in Gryffindor against Albus's specific order.
Some of the Sortings were puzzles to Albus. The Smiths were a reliable Light-sided family, always Sorting into Hufflepuff; but Zacharias Smith had Sorted into the Dark House. This was the exact opposite of the Crabbe and Goyle boys, whose fathers were Kissed Death Eaters, but who had been Sorted into Hufflepuff.
But John Potter being Sorted into Gryffindor, and Harry Potter not living in the regular Gryffindor boys' dormitory, were not the disasters that Albus at first had thought they were. Because Harry still would share a Great Hall table, and classes, with Ronal—
Wait, Slytherin? The bloody Hat just put Ronald Weasley in Slytherin? Does the Hat not understand the importance of the Greater Good?
"NO!" yelled newly Sorted Ron Weasley. "Bloody hell, NO! Sort me again—I refuse to go into the House of the slimy snakes! Weasleys have been Gryffindors for generations."
"But you're no Gryffindor," the Hat replied calmly. "Nor are you a Hufflepuff, nor a Ravenclaw. You're scared of spiders, you've no loyalty to anyone but yourself, and your intelligence shows itself only when playing chess. You're ambitious, though you're too lazy to work for anything that you cannot earn easily; and you have cunning when it comes to destroying those people of whom you're envious. You see Muggle-borns as subhuman. Slytherin House as it is now, suits you, though Salazar would be ashamed to have you in his House."
The headmaster said, "Hat, you have made your point, but I insistthat you re-Sort Mr Ronald Weasley."
The Hat replied, "This won't happen—my orders come from the Founders, not from you. Professor McGonagall, is the Sorting complete, or do you have more names to call?"
"One more name," McGonagall replied.
Snape stood up and pointed to the Slytherin table. "Mr Ronald Weasley, you've fifteen seconds to run to your proper table and to sit down there, or you'll be assigned the first detention of the new term!"
Back at the Gryffindor table
John and Paulina, at one end of the table, and Harry and Hermione, at the other end of the table, were telling their respective tablemates that they had "dodged a curse"/"dodged a bullet" by Ron Weasley not being Sorted into Gryffindor.
In the middle of the table, Fred, George and Percy, when asked, said nothing about their youngest brother's Sorting, and immediately tried to change the subject.
During the Welcoming Feast
Paulina walked up to the Head Table and presented the "Paulina Potter is Hermione Granger's magical guardian" document to McGonagall.
Dumbledore said, "My dear, I see no need for this. I have complete confidence in Professor McGonagall as the magical guardian of any Gryffindor Muggle-born."
Paulina replied, "Your scheming is easily spotted, headmaster."
Then Paulina walked over to where Poppy Pomfrey was eating, and gave her a copy of the document.
As soon as Paulina returned to the Gryffindor table, John stood up and walked to the Head Table. "Headmaster, do I have your permission to address the room?"
"What about?" Dumbledore asked, his eyes twinkling.
"About Harry Potter—the myth and the reality."
John looked Dumbledore straight in the eyes, all but daring the bearded bloviator to read his mind. John felt no mental attack; instead, Dumbledore frowned and glanced down at John's right hand—where the Potter Regent ring was.
McGonagall said timidly, "Albus, I'd love to hear what Mr Potter has to say about Mr Potter."
Dumbledore tried to stare John down. "Everything I have done for Harry has been for his own good."
John replied coldly, "Are you trying to convince me, or trying to convince Professor McGonagall? Director Ragnok and I know what you are."
Dumbledore said, "And if I refuse permission to speak?"
Dumbledore's question drew sharp looks from McGonagall and Flitwick.
John replied, "Then I find the school gossips and tell them about Harry. It takes longer this way, but the word still gets out—and your name gets mentioned, unfavorably."
"Very well, you may address the Great Hall."
Which John did. He told hundreds of listeners that the Roy Locke books about Harry Potter were cover-to-cover lies. The real Harry Potter had not grown up in Wales; he had not grown up in a blue palace; and Harry had not grown up with George and Rowena Potter, because those two people did not exist. The real Harry Potter had not gone on even one magical adventure.
Then John told the students and professors about the real Harry's life—but John used understatements and euphemisms. The first-year students in all four Houses often looked at John in puzzlement, not understanding what he was trying to say.
But even with many understatements and euphemisms, the seventh-years and the professors looked at John in horror.
"...It was I who told Harry Potter, at age ten, who his parents were. Harry's relatives never had spoken his parents' names in his hearing."
When John told the Great Hall that Harry had grown up with his mother's no-magic sister, Petunia Evans Dursley, John turned around and tried to look Snape straight in the eyes. But John's attempt failed because Snape was himself glaring at Dumbledore.
Young Harry's face was white and he looked sickly.
Hermione's hand was gripping Harry's hand, and she looked sympathetic.
Despite John's words, and Snape's glares, Dumbledore's eyes twinkled and he looked serene.
John pointed out to his listeners, "One thing you guys should realize about what I told you: Harry Potter's family on his father's side goes back hundreds of years, yes; but Harry himself knows about none of his heritage except for what I have been able to teach him in the past five very busy weeks. Harry thinks like a Mundane-born, and he'll make the same mistakes around you wizard-raised kids that a Mundane-born makes.
"Oh, and let me tell you one more thing: about Harry's owl-mail. Until this July, there was an owl-mail redirect on Harry. If you ever wrote him a letter, or sent him a birthday card or a Yule card, your owl went somewhere, and perhaps someone read what you wrote. But Harry? He never saw it. This most recent July 31st was the first time that Harry received birthday cards and birthday gifts from magical people."
At the Slytherin table, during the Welcoming Feast
The other Slytherin firsties were unpleasantly surprised to have Zacharias Smith amidst them. They all had attended children's parties with him, and they had each decided that they did not like him. So tonight, none of the other new Slytherins warmly welcomed Smith into the House of Snakes. However, neither were they rude to him.
On the other hand, Ron Weasley was ignored by the other Slytherin first-years; and when he could not be ignored, he was insulted. The insults grew, and came from half the table, when Ron Weasley demonstrated his (total lack of) table manners.
Ron Weasley was sitting, not by his choice, at the very end of the Slytherin table. Meanwhile, three bodies up towards the seventh-years' end of the table, on the other side of the table, firstie Daphne Greengrass was telling both third-year Sam Flint and his older brother Marcus Flint to get lost—
Daphne yelled, "Am I the only person at this table who reads the newspaper? The Dark Lord—the evil idiot—is dead, and all the Death Eaters except for a Russian, they're all dead too! You Flints, and many other kids at the Slytherin table, you have dead Death Eater fathers. But the Prophet did not print only 'So-And-So the Death Eater died yesterday,' the Prophet revealed what he said under truth serum at his trial. The Death Eaters weren't heroes who were fighting for a noble cause, they weren't role models; they were disgusting, sick murderers!"
Sam Flint yelled, "You're a blood-traitor to say that!"
Daphne ignored the insult and yelled back, "But you want to know who at this table has a father alive? Meaning, not Kissed by a Dementor? Everyone whose father wasn't and isn't a Death Eater. So before you threaten me because you're bigger than I and you know more magic than I, remember that every firstie you threaten has a father who will defend his child against the half-orphaned son or daughter of a disgraced corpse! Get a clue that the game has changed, you inbred morons, or it will be you lot who suffer."
Tracey Davis said, "My father has been taking shit from Death Eaters for twenty years. He'd love to give a bit of pushback, Flints."
Millicent Bulstrode said, "Same with my father."
Blaise Zabini said, "My father is dead, but not by Dementor's Kiss, and my stepfather is a lust-mad milquetoast. But my mother? She's un-Marked; and you really, truly do not wish to make her angry."
Daphne smiled sweetly at the Flint brothers. "My father, unlike some people"—Daphne chin-pointed at the bearded wizard who sat on the golden throne—"does not believe in giving misbehaving Slytherin children 'unlimited second chances.' Like I said, the game has changed."
Meanwhile, Draco Malfoy was sitting at the first-years' part of the Slytherin table, keeping silent whilst he ate. Between Paulina Potter's words and her Relationship chart on the train, and Daphne Greengrass's words now, Draco had no idea what to think.
About an hour later
After the Welcoming Feast, in Gryffindor Tower
McGonagall gave a short speech to the first-years, to the two transfer students, and to the other Gryffindors, which boiled down to If you have a problem, talk to a prefect, because this is what they are here for; only if Gryffindor Tower is falling down should you bother me.
Then McGonagall took the three Potters out of the Gryffindor common-room portrait-hole, and across the hallway to a portrait that John never had noticed before—
This portrait showed a young woman with blond hair and smiling brown eyes; and a man with red hair and a trimmed red beard. Both the man and the woman were wearing velvet robes with narrow shoulder-covers—meaning, robes from centuries ago.
McGonagall said to the portrait-couple, "Lord Geoffrey, Lady Heather, these are John Potter, the Potter Regent; his wife Paulina Potter; and John's second cousin and ward, Harry Potter, the Potter Heir. Mr Potter, Mrs Potter, Mr Potter, these are Geoffrey Weasley, the one-time Head of House Weasley, and Heather Weasley his wife."
The portrait-couple bowed/curtseyed to the three Potters who, caught by surprise, belatedly returned the courtesies.
"Well met and good e'en," said Lady Heather.
Lord Geoffrey smiled as he asked, "Now, a password or passphrase, if you would be so kind?"
John and Paulina looked at the deputy headmistress with raised eyebrows, while the elder Potters said nothing.
McGonagall said archly, "You don't trust me to know the password?"
Paulina said, "Bless your heart. What happens if Harry is in his bedroom asleep, and John and I are 'enjoying our marriage' up against the wall, just inside the front door? I reckon you'd be embarrassed by what you see."
McGonagall looked scandalized.
John said, "Harry lived a nightmare life with the Dursleys for ten years, and Dumbledore put toddler-Harry with the Dursleys. Swear on your magic that you had not even a guess where Harry was living, and we'll trust you enough to let you hear the password."
"I cannot make such an oath."
Paulina said, "We bid you goodnight then."
McGonagall huffed, then walked away.
Not that John was paranoid or anything, but before he set the passphrase, he checked for Listening Charms nearby. He found two such Charms, and removed them both—
—but not before saying clearly, very close to one of the Listening Charms, "Albus Percival Dumbledore is beginning to piss me off."
Then John cast a Muffliato that was small enough in size that only the three Potters and the portrait-door were inside the Muffling Charm. Now John grinned at Paulina. "It's time to set the passphrase. I defer to you, O intelligent one."
" 'Spiders under the stairs,' " Paulina replied.
Harry gave Paulina a surprised look.
"Sleep well," Lady Heather said, as the door was being opened.
In Gryffindor Married Suite 1, as soon as the door was shut (and after the Potters checked for Listening Charms), Paulina took charge—
"Harry, breakfast begins at seven, and the first class begins at nine, so normally you can sleep late if you're willing to miss breakfast. But the morning after the Sorting, the Heads of Houses want everyone in the Great Hall by 8:15. This is when class schedules—at Hogwarts, they're called timetables—are handed out. Anyway, we'll wake you at 7:30, so you can shower. We'll collect Hermione in the Gryffindor common room sometime between 8:00 and 8:15, then we'll go to the Great Hall together. I strongly suggest that you go to bed now."
Harry said, "Sure, I'll go to bed now, but I won't sleep good. I ate too much, and my tummy hurts."
John said, "A Stomach-Soother Potion will fix you up. Greyclay!"
John was not sure that a Potter house-elf could pop through the Hogwarts wards. Maybe the situation would be different if an unmarried student called for a house-elf; but however it was allowed, John called for Greyclay, and Greyclay popped into the suite. Five seconds later, a vial of Stomach-Soother Potion was on the table.
Paulina asked, "Harry, do you mind if I practice a spell that I haven't had a chance to practice before?"
Young Harry looked at Paulina warily. "What spell?"
"The 'From Bottle to Person' spell. Mostly it's used to give healing potions to unconscious patients. The spell puts the potion directly in someone's stomach."
Harry said, "Erm..."
John said, "Paulina, I trust you completely, but Harry still believes a little, that every adult he meets is out to fuck him over."
Paulina said, "Language, John!"
Then Paulina looked at Harry and asked in a soft voice, "Is this true? You think I'm uncaring or a klutz, and won't cast the spell correctly?"
Harry now was blushing red. "You're great at magic, Paulina, but if you make a mistake, maybe you'll blame me for it."
John said, "How about she practice on me first, so you can learn to trust her?"
Harry looked relieved. "Yeah, let's do that."
John summoned Greyclay again, who was told to go fetch another vial—but this second vial was to be filled with pure water, not any kind of potion.
Paulina took the vial of water from Greyclay, thanked him, then put the vial on the table.
"Ex Utrem," she incanted, then pointed her wand at the vial of water; "Ad Persona," she incanted, then pointed her wand at John's stomach. Paulina kept pointing her wand at the same part of John's stomach.
After about ten seconds, Paulina pointed her wand at the floor.
"Is the vial empty?" John asked Harry.
Harry went to the table, picked up the vial, and shook it. "Yeah, it's empty."
John asked Paulina, "How did you know the vial was empty?"
She shrugged. "My wand stopped vibrating in my hand."
Paulina asked John, "How do you feel?"
"Less thirsty," John replied.
Paulina nodded. "Which means that the water that was in the vial, now is in your body."
"I suppose. But you mentioned 'vibrating.' Where you were pointing your wand at me, I felt a vibration at the spot on my stomach that you were pointing to. The vibration was as though I were holding Uncle Vernon's electric shaver there."
Harry said he now trusted Paulina to cast the Ex Utrem ad Personaspell safely on him, so she cast it—sending Stomach-Soother Potion directly to Harry's stomach.
Harry, like John, reported that one spot on his stomach felt like someone was holding Uncle Vernon's vibrating electric shaver there.
Meanwhile, in the Gryffindor common room
As Hermione had walked from the Great Hall to Gryffindor Tower, she had had a minor decision to make: whether to write a quick note to her parents and to owl-post it tonight before curfew; or to wait to write her parents a letter tomorrow, after she had attended classes.
Tonight's note, had Hermione written it and sent it, would have said I'm in Gryffindor! Actually, all four of us are in Gryffindor. Headmaster Dumbledore tonight warned everyone away from the "third-floor corridor on the right-hand side" unless they "wish to die a most painful death," which is exactly what John and Paulina predicted.
This little note of Hermione's, had it been written and sent, would have been a disaster for John and for Paulina.
But disaster was averted when Professor McGonagall finished giving her little speech and left the Gryffindor common room. Because then almost all of Hermione's new Housemates fired question after question at her; and it was unthinkable to Hermione to refuse to answer questions. Hermione did not even have time to break out her parchment and quill before curfew demanded she go upstairs to her dormitory and climb into bed.
Even then, two of Hermione's new roommates, an Indian girl and a blonde, continued the bookworm's interrogation.
What surprised Hermione was that Lavender Brown had as many questions about Paulina Potter as about Harry Potter, and about Hermione herself.
Several hours later, in the headmaster's office
The room was empty of humans; Dumbledore was in the headmaster's suite and was snoring.
Well out of the way, where nobody would bump into it accidentally, was the four-legged stool that was used for Sortings. The Sorting Hat was set upon the stool.
The Hat said lowly, "Spirit of Hogwarts, it's time for the annual Sorting briefing."
In front of the Sorting Hat, the Spirit of Hogwarts appeared.
The Spirit of Hogwarts looked like a marble statue of a young woman—a statue which could move and talk, and which was wearing four-colour robes that displayed the Hogwarts crest. The Spirit of Hogwarts was the facilitator for the magical operation of the castle; a Muggle-born would say that the Spirit of Hogwarts was the school's operating system.
The Spirit of Hogwarts, right after she appeared in front of the Sorting Hat, did not ask what to do next. She created a Silencing Charm so that the headmaster-portraits, any house-elves who were nearby but invisible, any ghosts who were nearby but invisible, or the headmaster (if he should walk out of his suite) would not hear what was said between the Sorting Hat and the Spirit of Hogwarts.
Once the Silencing Charm was in place, the Sorting Hat briefed the Spirit of Hogwarts about the most interesting things that the Hat had learnt from peering into forty or fifty eleven-year-olds' minds this year.
This was something that the Hat and the Spirit of Hogwarts had been doing together on Sorting Night for the past thousand years; and nobody but the two of them ever knew what was said between them. Dumbledore had "insisted," to both the Hat and to the Spirit of Hogwarts, that they each divulge the first-year children's secrets; Dumbledore had predicted frightening, but wildly unlikely, dire catastrophes if the children's secrets were not shared. But both the Hat and the Spirit of Hogwarts had told Dumbledore to sit down and to shut up; they would tell him nothing.
This year's conversation between the Hat and the Spirit of Hogwarts about the Sorting was quite different than the thousand before. Once the Silencing Charm was cast, the Hat said, "Seventh-year transfer student John Potter, who was Sorted into Gryffindor, is a time-traveller from 1998. Actually, he is the older version of first-year student Harry Potter. John Potter's wife Paulina Potter, another seventh-year transfer student, who also was Sorted into Gryffindor, also is a time-traveler from 1998. Actually, she is the older version of first-year student Hermione Granger. Here is what I've learnt about the next seven years..."
Chapter 19
Another Eventful Day
The next morning
Monday, September 2, 8:05 a.m.
While walking to the Great Hall
As the foursome walked away from Gryffindor Tower, Hermione reported that she had not gotten as much sleep as she would have liked—
"Two of my new roommates wanted to know everything they could learn about you three. I didn't tell them anything I shouldn't have, though. Honestly, they even kept asking questions about me, and I'm ordinary!"
John said, "Hermione, you never have been, and you never shall be, 'ordinary.' "
Hermione blushed, hearing this.
Paulina asked, while wearing a knowing smile, "Were the two roommates who were trying to pump you for information, Lavender Brown and Parvati Patil? I declare, those two are a pair."
Meanwhile, at the Slytherin table
Slytherin firstie Ron Weasley told everyone who could hear his voice that he was best mates with Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived.
His Housemates, to put it mildly, expressed scepticism.
Twenty-five minutes later: 8:30 a.m.
In the Great Hall
PPPG (the three Potters and Granger) had been handed their "timetables" (class schedules) fifteen minutes ago. The two seventh-year Potters had discovered that the one class they were taking, NEWT seventh-year Charms, did not meet till Wednesday morning.
On the other hand, the two first-years in their foursome had Transfiguration (with the first-year Hufflepuffs) right after Monday morning's breakfast.
Meanwhile, mail-owls had arrived with owl-post for some students, and with copies of the Daily Prophet for those who subscribed. In this morning's Prophet, but buried on page 7, was a headline, "ILLEGAL ANIMAGUS RITA SKEETER ARRESTED."
Also delivered by owl: two Howlers. One was sent by Molly Weasley to Ron Weasley, and expressed her disapproval of Ron "asking for" Slytherin at his Sorting. Nobody would know what else this Howler to Ron was going to say, because Severus Snape, Ron's new Head of House, destroyed the Howler in mid-yell.
The other Howler also was sent by Molly Weasley, no surprise, and informed Headmaster Dumbledore that Molly was a bit displeased that Dumbledore had not overturned Ron's Sorting into Slytherin.
(Hermione was offended that this Molly Weasley person seemed to believe that Sortings were what Dumbledore decided they would be, not what the Sorting Hat decided they would be.)
Ten minutes later: 8:40 a.m.
John and Paulina were walking Harry and Hermione from the Great Hall to Transfiguration class, and in the process, were pointing out landmarks so that the eleven-year-olds would not get lost in future.
The foursome came to the hallway outside the Transfiguration classroom with six minutes to spare. Hermione, who was shaking with excitement, hurried toward the classroom door for her first-ever magic class—but Paulina put a hand on the child's shoulder to stop her.
To Hermione's puzzlement, Paulina then cast a Silencing Charm, to keep everyone other than the foursome from hearing what PPPG were saying.
Paulina said, "Hermione sugar, do you remember the game Monopoly™?"
Hermione nodded, her face looking puzzled.
Paulina said, "In Monopoly, the object of the game is for you to wind up with all the properties and all the cash."
"Okay?" Hermione said, in a Where are you going with this? tone of voice.
Paulina said, "Back when I was brand-new to Hogwarts, whenever the professor—any professor—asked a question in class, I acted like I was playing Monopoly. I tried to earn all the House points that could be earned that day. I raised my hand every time, I wanted to answer the professor's question every time, and I wanted to earn points for Gryffindor every time."
John said, "Except when she didn't know the answer to a question. But this never happened, because this witch next to me neverdidn't know how to answer a question."
Paulina looked at Hermione. "By the time Ron and this manrescued me from the troll on October 31st, I was hated by the other first-years, in all four Houses. The Slytherins hated me because I was Muggle-born; everyone else hated me because I was an insufferable know-it-all."
Hermione gulped.
Paulina said, "What ended the hatred was when I stopped playing Monopoly. Instead of raising my hand for every question, I raised my hand only one time out of three, or one time out of four, or when it was clear nobody else could answer the question. This was when I started to see something beautiful."
"Like what?" Hermione asked.
"When I earned points in class, I didn't write my parents about it, because it happened so often—many times per class. But when I started to let other students in a class answer the professor's questions—oh my. Listen, when a kid who expects to earn only an Acceptable for that day's class, answers a question and earns House points, he or she smiles, they're happy, and he or she writes to his or her parents to brag about it. So my advice, younger self, is when the professor asks a question in class, sit on your hands and share the House points."
John said, "Don't worry about your reputation. Everyone else in your year still will figure out you're a supergenius, but they won't hate you for it."
Paulina then cancelled the Silencing Charm; John immediately cast Tempus.
Now a Hufflepuff prefect was leading yellow-clad Crabbe and Goyle, along with Susan Bones, Hannah Abbott, and the other Hufflepuff firsties, to the Transfiguration classroom. To John, Crabbe and Goyle looked nervous.
Meanwhile, John was saying, "Harry and Hermione, you have one minute to cross the hall and to enter that classroom. When you do, you'll see a cat on Professor McGonagall's desk."
John smirked. "Don't insult the cat."
Paulina, herself smirking, added, "Or Professor McGonagall."
9:00 a.m., at Hogwarts
As soon as Transfiguration class for Harry and Hermione began, John and Paulina walked up to the seventh floor. Less than a minute later, they were in the Room of Lost Things, where the horcruxed Diadem of Rowena Ravenclaw was.
John had forgotten where exactly in the Room the Diadem was, so the couple wasted time wandering around and looking for it. But after twenty or thirty minutes, John and Paulina found the Diadem.
Paulina transfigured a rotten-wood box into a lead box, then John levitated the Diadem into the box.
Next, John summoned parchment and a pencil, and wrote a note to Ragnok—
.
This is the last of Voldemort's horcruxes.
As you did with the locket, please remove the horcrux from the diadem without damaging the diadem itself, or damaging whatever Founder magic that Rowena Ravenclaw placed on the diadem; then please place the diadem in the Potter family heirloom vault.
Charge Vault 14 whatever you think is a fair price.
Please tell my house-elf Greyclay when the diadem has been de-horcruxed.
.
Then John summoned Greyclay to deliver the note, and the lead box, to Director Ragnok.
By now, about an hour was left until Harry and Hermione would finish Transfiguration class, and until John and Paulina would escort the younger two to Charms. Now John cast a Parseltongue Silencing Charm—even though he was almost sure there were no invisible ghosts or invisible house-elves who were nearby and listening in—then John and Paulina made plans for the next few days.
Meanwhile at Malfoy Manor
Narcissa Malfoy nearly fell off her chair while she was reading Draco's letter.
Draco had been Sorted into Slytherin—after less than a second with the Hat on his head. This was not news at all. But Vincent Crabbe and Gregory Goyle had been Sorted into Hufflepuff? This was quite odd. And Molly Weasley's youngest son had been Sorted into Slytherin, along with Draco? Narcissa chuckled—either the redhead boy or Dumbledore would be getting a Howler today, or both of them would!
But what left Narcissa gobsmacked was the Relationship Chart that Draco had included with his letter. One heard from time to time, Muggle-borns claiming that they were descended from Squibs; but Narcissa never had seen proof of any such claim. (Andromeda's husband Edward, for instance, claimed to be descended from a Selwyn Squib, but Narcissa had not actually seen the parchmentwork.)
But here were two Muggle-born witches, now attending Hogwarts, who not only were proven to be descended from a Squib, but they were descended from a Malfoy Squib!
What should Narcissa do now? Should she pretend these two Malfoy Muggle-borns did not exist? Should she invite them to tea? Should she disown them, so they could not try to get a piece of Lucius's estate? (Assuming that disowning someone was a power that a Malfoy Regent had.)
So far as Narcissa knew, no problem like this ever had been faced before by any Head of House or Regent. Narcissa was in uncharted waters here.
Then Narcissa had a thought: Maybe her sister Andromeda would advise her.
Five minutes later
At the Tonks residence in East London
Narcissa knocked on the front door, because she did not recognise the doorbell button for what it was.
Drommy (Andromeda) opened the door. Narcissa was surprised to see that her older sister looked wrinkled and saggy-faced like Narcissa now did, and even more so. The last time Narcissa had seen Drommy in person, 1973, Narcissa had been a bride, Drommy had been married to the Hufflepuff Muggle-born for only two years and Drommy had been pregnant with her Metamorphmagus daughter.
Now Narcissa spoke her first words to Drommy in eighteen years: "May I come in? I have an apology to make, and I need your advice."
After Narcissa stepped inside and Drommy shut the front door, Drommy said, "Two things you should know. My shift at Saint Mungo's starts at noon, so I can't talk to you all day. Secondly, if that's your idea of Muggle clothing, Cissy, either you pulled clothes out of your wardrobe whilst you were blindfolded, or you've been keeping company with Dumbledore too much."
Narcissa winced. "I look that bad?"
"Cissy dear, if I ever take you to Harrods for some 'retail therapy,' I'm transfiguring your clothes first!"
Then Drommy looked Narcissa in the eyes. "But even with you looking like a parody of a Muggle"—now Drommy rushed forwards, threw her arms round Narcissa, and hugged Narcissa fiercely—"it's so good to see you again and to talk to you, dear baby sister."
Narcissa was shocked. Purebloods did not hug, and members of House Black absolutely did not hug. Yet Andromeda Black Tonks was hugging Narcissa.
When eventually Drommy broke the hug, Narcissa took a half-step back, and stiffened her posture as she looked her younger older sister in the eyes—
"Andromeda Athena Tonks née Black, I, Narcissa Diana Malfoy née Black, spoke hurtful words to you on the day of my wedding to Lucius, and have avoided you in the years since. I apologise for my wrong words and wrong acts that caused you anger, sadness and distress. I regret my actions."
Drommy's eyebrows went up. Sometimes etiquette required a British witch or wizard to give an insincere apology; but when this happened, the apologist never spoke about regret.
Drommy said, "Apology accepted." Then she sighed. "Since I know you're a recent widow, I know I'm supposed to say I'm sorry for your loss. But we both know those words would be a lie, since I chose to be disowned rather than to marry Lucius Malfoy."
To smooth over the awkwardness between the sisters, Drommy asked, "What is the advice you want from me?"
Narcissa replied, "First, let me check whether I've my facts straight. Is it true that your husband Edward is descended from a Selwyn Squib?"
Drommy nodded. "Ted is descended from Ozymandias Selwyn, who was Stunned unconscious on the day he didn't go to Hogwarts, and was left at age eleven to fend for himself in Muggle Liverpool. He changed his name to Oscar Sloan. His nonmagical daughter, Mary or Marilyn Sloan, married nonmagical Jeremy Tonks; and I-forget-how-many generations later, Edward Tonks did accidental magic, to his Muggle parents' surprise."
Narcissa said, "Here's my question: If Lord Selwyn walked up to your husband and offered him the Selwyn Heir Secondary ring or the Selwyn Heir Tertiary ring, would Edward accept it?"
Drommy shook her head. "That won't happen. Lord Selwyn got Kissed, about a month ago; and Heir Selwyn also got Kissed, about a month ago. Turns out they both were members of You-Know-Who's secret social club. Anyway, I suggested to Ted a month ago that he go to Gringotts, contact the Selwyn account manager and find out whether my husband could claim the Selwyn Head of House ring. Want to know what Ted told me? Many vulgar words that summarised to 'I'm not at all interested.' "
"Why?" Narcissa asked. She could not fathom that a Muggle-born, given a possible chance to head a Pureblood House, would turn it down.
"Want to know what he calls the Pureblood families of Wizarding Britain? My sweet Hufflepuff husband, who seldom gets angry, calls us Purebloods a rhyming insult: Sewerbloods."
Drommy then had to explain what a sewer system was; why Muggle cities needed them, since they could not magically vanish their waste; and why nobody wanted to spend any time in a sewer if they possibly could avoid it.
Drommy continued, "...Sewers are filled with sewage—faecal matter—and this is how the Muggle-borns see us Purebloods in general: filled with faecal matter. Ted would dance if the Daily Prophet reported that House Selwyn had gone extinct, and the Sacred Twenty-Eight now was the Sacred Twenty-Seven."
Narcissa stared at her sister. "And you're fine with this? Your husband is scorning our entire Pureblood way of life."
Drommy said, "Actually, I've come to agree with him. What is 'the Pureblood way of life,' other than spellbooks, genealogies, pretentious rules of etiquette and blood-snobbery?"
Narcissa stared, openmouthed.
Drommy calmly continued: "The Muggles have visual arts other than portraiture; we don't. The Muggles have every sort of music; we have only a few songs. The Muggles have millions of written stories; whereas I could hold all the fiction books written by Wizarding Britain authors in my arms and not need a Featherlight Charm. We have no dramas; the Muggles come out with new dramas for entertainment every week. American Muggles have travelled to the moon. British Muggles in the nineteenth century built factories that spun cotton and wool into thread, and wove thread into cloth, faster than any witch could do with spells. Nowadays Muggles can buy machines that think, sort of. We scorn Muggle-borns as 'brutes' and 'savages'? That's how they see us!Ted also calls us 'Victorians'—which is an insult."
Drommy had to explain the term to Narcissa. Narcissa, even after hearing the explanation, could not understand why the term was insulting. Muggle-borns were saying that the wizard-raised British magicals acted the same, and thought the same, as they had acted and thought in the nineteenth century? Why was this a bad thing? Nineteenth-century Wizarding Britain had not suffered through Grindelwald and Voldemort (and Dumbledore), so would not returning to the nineteenth century be a good thing?
No, replied Drommy. In the nineteenth century, life was brilliant for male Purebloods; whilst everyone else was expected to stay in their place. Wives were obligated to have sex often, in order to get pregnant, even if they did not enjoy the sex act; but husbands were not obligated to take the time to make sure their wives enjoyed the sex that these wives were required to engage in—
"Let's be honest, Cissy," Drommy said. "I can tell, just from the pictures of you and Lucius together that the Prophet has printed over the years, that you haven't had a shatter-the-windows screaming orgasm since you got pregnant with Draco, right?"
Red-faced Narcissa said lowly, "Since 1974, actually."
Narcissa then told Drommy why she had come: Draco had found out on the firstie train that two Muggle-borns witches were related to him—Narcissa showed Drommy the yellow-highlighted Relationship Chart. Narcissa asked, what should she as the Malfoy Regent do about those two Malfoy Muggle-borns?
Drommy's answer: Teach these two Muggle-born witches everything they might want to know about House Malfoy—"but don't treat either of them like she's plotting to steal Draco's inheritance. Neither of them is."
As for Draco, Drommy advised him to befriend Paulina and Hermione, to teach them about the wizarding life and what they did not know, whilst he learned about the Muggle world from them.
Then Drommy said, "And Cissy, drive this thought out of Draco's head and out of your own head, that these two Muggle-born witches are crying in their pillows at night because they aren't Purebloods. Believe me, they are doing no such thing."
Then Drommy changed topics: "This morning I received a letter from Nymphadora, who was working Platform 9¾ yesterday. Sirius Black introduced her to Harry Potter, and to Harry's second cousin John Potter, who is now the Potter Regent and Harry's guardian. Sirius also introduced Nymphadora to John Potter's wife."
Then Drommy grinned at Narcissa. "That wife being Paulina Potter, Draco's older Muggle-born cousin. Nymphadora reports that Harry, after a month living with his cousin and his wife, seems happy."
"That's good, I suppose," said Narcissa, who had little interest in the famous Boy Who Lived.
Drommy grinned mischievously. "Apparently Harry Potter already has made friends with Paulina Potter's cousin Hermione, who is—"
"Draco's other Muggle-born cousin." Narcissa facepalmed. "Wow, what a tangle."
Drommy grinned. "Things get even stranger. John Potter mentioned to Nymphadora that he wants to hire me to tutor Harry and Hermione about wizarding etiquette, since they've both grown up in the Muggle world; and maybe I'd also be hired to tutor them in Potions. John Potter probably has heard the rumours about Severus Snape."
Narcissa pointed out, "Mind your tongue. Severus is Draco's godfather."
"Doesn't mean he can teach. All the mediwizards, mediwitches and healers at Saint Mungo's who once were Hufflepuffs, Ravenclaws, and Gryffindors, those people all are my age or older. For the past ten to twenty years, all the new-hires are former Slytherins. This is because NEWT-level Potions has become a Slytherin-only class. Severus Snape is a bully and he's blatantly biased, and Hogwarts students are ignorant because of it."
Just before Narcissa apparated back to Malfoy Manor, she threw her arms round Drommy and gave Drommy a fierce hug. Narcissa said, "I'm so glad we're sisters again, not strangers anymore."
About an hour later: 10:30 a.m.
At Hogwarts, after first-year Gryffindor/Hufflepuff Transfiguration class
Paulina asked Harry and Hermione, "How was Transfiguration class?"
Harry replied, "The cat turning into Professor McGonagall was wicked. But the rest was boring. It was all talk—we didn't work any magic."
Hermione looked at Paulina and smiled. "I earnt twenty points for Gryffindor. And I kept my hand down and let other kids earn sixty points for their Houses."
Paulina smiled approvingly at Hermione.
Then smiling Harry said, "But in class, Hermione was smart, reallysmart. I didn't realise before, how smart Hermione is." Then Harry turned to Hermione. "I like it that you're smart, it makes you special."
Hermione gave Harry a Hermy-hug, out in the hallway for anyone to see.
Minutes later, in Charms class
Harry and Hermione sat through their first-ever Charms class. Again Hermione was thrilled to be learning fascinating new things about magic; while Harry was bored because the firsties only sat and took notes without casting any spells.
After Charms, Harry and Hermione were escorted to lunch by John and Paulina.
At lunch, in the Great Hall
At the Gryffindor table
At lunch, John and Paulina ate with the seventh-year Gryffindors, while Harry and Hermione ate with the first-year Gryffindors. John was relieved to see that Harry and Hermione seemed to be fitting in.
Paulina stood up for a few seconds, looked toward the opposite corner of the Great Hall (where the Slytherin firsties were sitting), then Paulina sat back down. She informed John that Ron Weasley was glaring across the Great Hall at Harry (or was Ron glaring at Hermione?)
Pop. Greyclay appeared by John's piece of bench with a note held out; John noticed that Dumbledore was paying close attention.
The note read, It is in your heirlooms vault now, with its corruption removed. G695 charged to Vault 14. (signed) Director Ragnok.
John passed the note to Paulina, while he smiled at Dumbledore. Paulina, after reading the note, vanished it—to Dumbledore's clear frustration.
Meanwhile, at the Slytherin table
Ron Weasley continued to claim that he was best mates with theHarry Potter.
The other first-year Slytherins continued to call Ron Weasley a liar, either politely or rudely. Nobody said "I believe you."
After lunch
John and Paulina walked Harry, Hermione and Neville to first-year Herbology class with the Ravenclaws. Hermione and Neville were eager for this class; but Harry's attitude was Must I do this?
After the older Potters dropped off the first-years at Greenhouse One, John and Paulina took a walk to the castle dungeons—or more specifically, to the office of Potions professor Severus Snape.
John had no way of knowing whether Snape was in his office or was in a class. Fortunately (in a manner of speaking), when John knocked on the door, Snape yelled "Enter."
When John and Paulina stepped into the office, Snape raised an eyebrow. "Mr Potter and Mrs Potter," he drawled, "I am confused. Neither of you is taking NEWT-level Potions, and Mr Harry Potter does not have first-year Potions with the Slytherins until Friday."
John said, "Actually, I'm not here to talk about Potions class or potions-brewing at all. I'm here on Potter family business."
Neither John nor Paulina had taken a seat in front of Snape's big desk, though Snape had gestured for them to do so. Now John, who already was standing up, stood straighter—
"Severus Tobias Snape, I, John George Potter the Potter Regent, do apologize to you for wrongs done to you by James Charlus Potter while you both were students at Hogwarts. If there is any way that House Potter can make restitution, name it, and I will do what I can. House Potter regrets its harm to you."
Snape looked shocked by John's words. He looked at the ceiling for a time, then his eyes again met John's. "Repeat the apology in the Great Hall tonight, and pay me twenty-five thousand galleons, and I will accept your apology."
"Done," John said, with no hesitation.
Five minutes later, John and Paulina were in Vault 14, underneath Gringotts. The cart driver knew a goblin spell to levitate a specified amount of galleons into a moneybag, so John was filling a Space-Expansion-Charmed moneybag with twenty-five thousand galleons.
Paulina remarked, "Professor Snape must have some idea about how much the Potters are worth. I'm surprised he didn't ask for ten times as much money."
John sighed. "I suspect that if it had been James Potter doing the apologizing, Snape would've asked for ten times as much money."
At 3:30, Herbology for Gryffindor first-years let out. John and Paulina escorted Harry and Hermione (and the other Gryffindor firsties) back to Gryffindor Tower.
To neither John's nor Paulina's surprise, Hermione immediately asked a Gryffindor prefect to escort her to the library. What didsurprise John was that Hermione, before she left for the library, invited Harry, Neville, Lavender and Parvati to go with her.
5:02 p.m. (the start of dinner)
The Great Hall
When PPPG walked into the Great Hall, John did not lead Harry and Hermione to the first-years end of the Gryffindor table. Instead, John led the other three to the end of the Hufflepuff table that was at the opposite end from the High Table.
The other three gave John confused looks. "Trust me," John said, "you'll like it."
John pulled a half-foot of parchment from his pocket, then said loudly, "May I have a Hogwarts house-elf please?"
Pop. "I be Nokky," the house-elf said. "How can Nokky help?"
John said, "Nokky, I have a list of Hogwarts students I want to find. I don't know their ages and I don't know their Houses, I know only their names. Can you lead me to them?"
"Nokky can."
"The first name on the list is Susan Bones."
The walk turned out to be short, because Susan Bones was a red-haired first-year Hufflepuff. (Which John already knew, but had to pretend to not know.)
John looked at the curious girl. "Good evening, Miss Bones. I'm John Potter, who is Harry Potter's magical guardian. A month ago, you sent a birthday card or birthday gift to Harry Potter. I invite you to join Harry Potter and the rest of us for dinner at the end of the Hufflepuff table."
"Oh wow, sure," Susan Bones said, standing up.
John escorted Susan to the end of the table, where Paulina, Harry and Hermione were sitting. "I invited her to eat dinner with us," John explained to them. "More will be coming."
The next name on the list was Millicent Bulstrode, a first-year Slytherin (but John had to pretend he did not know this).
John said the same thing to Millicent that he had said to Susan Bones; but then John added, "I also am inviting Miss Tracey Davis and Miss Daphne Greengrass. Do you know where I can find them?"
"Right here," said the black-haired girl to Millicent's right, and the brunette girl to her right.
It was when John had led the three Slytherin girls to the end of the Hufflepuff table that the bearded blighter spoke up—
"John my boy, students must eat at their own tables. These three young witches must return to their seats at the Slytherin table."
John pulled a sickle coin out of his pocket and laid it on the table in front of Paulina, acknowledging he had lost the bet. (The bet was not whether Dumbledore would interfere, but how soon.)
Paulina handed a slim, bookmarked book to John. John turned to Dumbledore with the book in hand. "Headmaster, I'm afraid your memory is faulty. Harry was gifted by Percy Weasley—whom I also will be inviting to dine with us today—with the Hogwarts Student Handbook, 1938 edition."
John held the book up higher, and opened the book to the bookmarked page. "According to the 1938 Handbook, page 25, 'Students are required to sit at their House tables only for the Welcoming Feast, the Samhain Feast, the Yule Feast and the Leaving Feast. For other meals, students sitting at a different table not only is allowed, it is encouraged, in order to enable inter-House friendships to bloom.' This is what I'm trying to do tonight: to start many inter-House friendships and to make them bloom."
Then John turned with a smile toward where the fifth-year Gryffindors were sitting. "Speaking of which, Percy Weasley, I invite you to join us now."
As Percy stood up and made his way to the end of the Hufflepuff table, John heard McGonagall say, "I see no harm in it, Albus."
"Very well, John my boy," Dumbledore said, his voice seemingly cheerful. "I had forgotten that rule. Enjoy your dinner party."
John and Nokky resumed going here and there in the Great Hall, finding students who a month ago had sent birthday cards or gifts to Harry Potter, and tonight inviting these students to dine with the Boy Who Lived.
Invited were: Cho Chang (second-year Ravenclaw), Cedric Diggory (third-year Hufflepuff), Gemma Farley (fifth-year Slytherin prefect), Neville Longbottom (first-year Gryffindor, who had not given Harry a birthday gift but PPPG liked him), Padma Patil (first-year Ravenclaw), Parvati Patil (first-year Gryffindor), Fred and George Weasley (third-year Gryffindors), and Blaise Zabini (first-year Slytherin).
As Blaise Zabini climbed over his piece of bench, having just accepted the invitation to eat with Harry Potter, he looked over at Ron Weasley. Blaise said, "The invitations were done in alphabetical order, except for Miss Davis, Miss Greengrass and Mr Percy Weasley. How is it, for all the kids whom Harry Potter will have dinner with, they went from the Patil twins, to your twin brothers, to me, but they skipped Ron Weasley, 'best mates with the Boy Who Lived'? Could it be that you aren't 'best mates with the Boy Who Lived'?"
Ron said nothing, but his ears turned red.
Fred and George Weasley also were invited, but their invitation was conditional on taking an oath: "I swear on my magic that I will not prank anyone who eats dinner with Harry Potter as a member of the Birthday Club, nor will I prank him or her for seven days thereafter, nor for those seven days afterward will I prank any group of which the Birthday Club member is a part. So mote it be."
And yes, this meant that the Weasley Twins were not allowed to prank Percy, and they were not allowed to prank the five Slytherins who were eating at the table. John wisely did not point this out till after both Twins had taken the oath.
But after all the invitees, including the Weasley Twins, had sat down at the end of the Hufflepuff table, John had one more thing to do before he could sit, eat, and talk.
John pulled a tiny moneybag from his pocket, set it on the Hufflepuff table, enlarged the moneybag to regular size, then carried the moneybag to the High Table—as all the professors except for Snape looked at John with curiosity.
John set the moneybag by Snape's golden plate; the Potions professor's expression was unreadable.
Then John said, loudly enough for everyone in the Great Hall to hear, "Severus Tobias Snape, I, John George Potter the Potter Regent, do apologize to you for wrongs done to you by James Charlus Potter while you both were students at Hogwarts. Earlier I offered you restitution, and you requested a certain amount of money in galleons; here it is. House Potter regrets its harm to you."
John noticed that the Great Hall was completely silent.
Snape stood up and bowed to John Potter. Speaking with his usual drawl, Snape said, "I accept the apology and the restitution, Regent Potter. I praise you for your sense of honour, and you have my deepest thanks. Now I wish to make my own apology—to Harry James Potter."
Snape looked across the Great Hall, at where the first-year boy was sitting at the end of the Hufflepuff table. "In my youth, I acted like a dunderhead—not once, not twice, but three times. As a result of my three acts of youthful foolishness, Lily Evans Potter died and James Potter died. I apologise to you, Harry Potter, that my three foolish acts made you an orphan. I deeply and bitterly regret the harm I have caused to you."
With those words, Snape sat down.
John turned to see everyone's reactions.
Almost everyone in the room, both professors and students, looked puzzled as they tried to figure out what Snape was talking about.
Harry looked flabbergasted. Both Paulina and Hermione were rubbing his back to soothe him.
Quirinus Quirrell looked furious because of Snape's words; this was no surprise. But Dumbledore looked just as angry.
McGonagall looked guilt-ridden.
The first dinner for the members of the "Birthday Club" was a success, for the most part.
Everyone older than first-year was suspicious of the Weasley Twins, till John told the group that the Twins each had taken an oath to behave. What John noticed was that afterward, the Twins were acting like choirboys—well, like snarky choirboys.
Cho Chang tried twice to steer the conversion to "Harry, what sort of girl do you like?" The second time, Harry snapped, "I'm eleven years old, so I don't know what sort of girl I like! Except I know Hermione is a girl, and I like Hermione."
(This comment promptly earned Harry a kiss on the cheek from Hermione.)
Percy had seen the three Potters come out of Madam Malkins' shop, last 31st July; Percy had figured out, the day before the Prophet reported this fact, that Harry was going to Hogwarts. Percy's birthday gift to Harry, the 1938 Hogwarts Student Handbook, was a duplicate copy of, according to Percy, "the book that I wish someone had given to me when I was a first-year."
Gemma Farley, the Slytherin prefect, told the group that her mother was a Muggle-born, so would have been targeted by Voldemort, sooner or later. A month ago, Gemma gave a birthday gift to Harry Potter because, the way she figured it, "Back in 1981, Harry Potter saved my mum's life."
Also during the Birthday Club dinner
Daphne Greengrass said to Harry, "Ron Weasley claims you and he are best mates."
"Who?" said Harry, looking puzzled.
Millicent Bulstrode said, "Redhead boy, next to last in the Sorting, was Sorted into Slytherin." She scowled.
Harry said, "Never heard of him."
Daphne, Millicent, and Tracey looked at each other and smiled.
Meanwhile, Neville was saying, "He's the bloke who pushed me down before the Sorting."
Percy, Fred, and George Weasley all facepalmed.
Harry said angrily, "This Ron Weasley bullies people before he knows magic? What will he do once he knows some magic? No, he's not my friend, and it sounds like he's nobody I want as a friend!"
Hermione gave angry Harry a side-hug. Meanwhile, John shot Slytherin prefect Gemma Farley a look that said, You'll keep an eye on this idiot boy, won't you?
At the end of the dinner, John thanked everyone for coming, and said he hoped this could become an every-dinner event. He also told the invitees who were second-year and older (Cho Chang, Cedric Diggory, Gemma Farley, and the three Weasley brothers) that in the future, they were welcome to bring a "Plus One."
Later that evening: 7:30 p.m.
Still at Hogwarts
Not-sensed John just had apparated back into Gryffindor Married Suite 1, but Paulina did not know this yet. She was sitting in a chair in the suite's sitting room, waiting patiently.
"§Sentiri§," John hissed. He changed from being the green ghost to being natural-colored and opaque.
Paulina blinked and stood up. "Well?" she asked.
John replied, "Quirrell is in the DADA classroom. No professors or students are in the room, but he's talking to himself."
Paulina's grin was vampiric. "Talking to yourself is a sign of excess loneliness. Let's be kind to the poor man and pay him a visit."
John matched her grin. "Especially now that all the horcruxes are destroyed."
After a quick walk to just outside the DADA classroom
John cast a Silencing Charm, three feet outside the classroom door.
Then John's posture stiffened, and he said to Paulina in formal tones, "Paulina Priscilla Moffitt Potter, act as my Hand, but follow the plan."
Paulina, instead of replying formally, grinned and said in a mischievous voice, "The results will be grand, and bring joy to the land."
Now John was grinning too. "But for one old man, whose hopes stand on sand."
John waited to end the Silencing Charm until Paulina quit laughing, then both elder Potters walked into the DADA classroom—
—a classroom that was empty except for Quirinus Quirrell, his purple turban—and the Dark Lord who was hidden under this turban.
"H-hello," Quirrell said, as he moved to sit behind his desk. "C-can I h-help y-you? Y-you are J-John and P-Paulina P-P-Potter, y-young H-Harry's ad-d-doptive p-parents, c-correct?"
John thought, Laying on the "stutter" a bit thick, aren't you, Voldy?Aloud, John said, "I'm Harry's guardian, not his adoptive father—but yes, close enough. Paulina and I are here to talk to you about Harry."
Paulina said, with her Georgia accent cranked up full, "Professah Quirrell, Ah jus' know you will do the raht thing fo' Harry."
Antonia the angel had given John and Paulina each certain knowledge so that they each could assume his/her new role more believably. With a firm voice, John could tell someone, If you're ever in Omaha, they serve great food at the Bohemian Cafe. Likewise Paulina, unlike older Hermione, knew modeling poses.
Now John glanced over at Paulina, who was standing there in most of a modeling pose. Her right leg was straight, with her right foot pointed toward Quirrell's feet; her left foot was bent downward, and her left leg was bent at the knee, with her left knee facing Quirrell.
But instead of Paulina completing the modeling pose with her hands resting on her waist or her hips, her right hand was casually wrapped around her left wrist that was in front of her hips. (It was surely pure coincidence that this put Paulina's wand-hand only an inch away from her wand in its wand holster.)
Someone who was magically aware, would understand the possible threat of Paulina's hands being where they were; but one glance at Paulina's face would remove all worry. Paulina's pasted-on smile was so stupid that it sent a message of Don't try to tell me "blonde jokes," because I won't understand the punchlines. Nobody who looked at Paulina right now would believe she was a threat to anyone—unless she tried to brew a NEWT-level potion.
Now Quirrell asked, "Wh-what p-problems is y-young M-Mister P-P-Potter h-having?"
John replied, "He's been magical all his life, but he was raised by his mother's sister's family, who not only were nonmagical, they hated magic."
Paulina said sadly, "They hated Harry. Poor Harry's life was so sad."
John nodded. "I rescued Harry a little over a month ago. Before then, his relatives starved him, beat him, overworked him, and insulted him."
Paulina said sadly, "Harry was shown no love and no kindness in that house. I declare, he would've been better off in an orphanage! At least there, he would've been fed."
Quirrell said, "An orphanage is no fit place for a magical boy either." John noticed that Quirrell's stutter had disappeared.
John said, "Well, it didn't matter. The Dursleys took young Harry to an orphanage three times, but Dumbledore always dragged Harry back to the Dursley house."
Quirrell, who again was stutter-free, asked carefully, "You don't like Dumbledore?"
Paulina said, "He stole money from Harry. That's wrong."
John said, "The bearded blowhard is a thief, a liar, and a swindler. I don't want to even think what would've happened if Dumbledore would've made Harry stay with the Dursleys after Harry started Hogwarts."
Quirrell asked, "What do you think would've happened?"
John replied, "C'mon, more and more years of abuse till Harry reached seventeen, all while Harry was attending Hogwarts? Harry would've committed suicide, or he would've spent all his time hiding under the bed, or he would've AK'd all three Dursleys in fourth year."
Quirrell said, "If he'd done the last one, he would've done right. Some Muggles deserve to be Avada Kedavra'd."
"No!" blurted Paulina. "This isn't true! My parents are no-magics, and they don't deserve to be killed!"
"Fine, not all Muggles deserve to be killed," Quirrell backtracked, "but at least a few of them, definitely need to die."
"Perhaps maybe," said John. "Theoretically speaking."
Quirrell changed topics: "I've heard that Harry Potter is the subject of a Prophecy. Do you know anything about it?"
John sighed. "The Potter wills both mentioned it. But what the wills said was that Dumbledore had heard the Prophecy, but refused to share what it said. James and Lily, it seems, believed with blind faith that whatever Dumbledore's interpretation of the Prophecy was, must be perfect truth." John rolled his eyes. "Right now if Dumbledore told me that the sun rose in the east every morning, I wouldn't believe that statement at all, because Dumbledore said it."
Quirrell pressed John: "So you've no idea what the Prophecy actually said, or when or if it was fulfilled?"
Paulina said, "Of course the Prophecy was fulfilled! Harry killed Voldemort in 1981; everyone knows this!"
John shrugged. "I agree with Paulina. Voldemort died in 1981 when Harry killed him. Now the Prophecy is nothing that anyone needs to worry about."
John then cast a quick Tempus, then looked apologetically at Quirrell. "I'm sorry, it's late, Harry needs our help with his homework, and you probably have parchments to correct. Thanks for listening to us."
Quirrell replied, "It w-was m-my p-pleasure. Th-this h-has b-been an enl-lightening d-discussion."
John said, "I'm pleased you think so." He walked around Quirrell's desk till John was standing two feet away from the turbaned professor. John all the while was wearing a pleasant smile and was holding his hand out to shake.
Quirrell stood up and reached for John's hand, all while Paulina smiled her blond-airhead smile.