Chapter 16
Kreacher is Tried and Albus is Robbed
That afternoon
Sunday, August 4
At a park in London
John and Paulina had realized yesterday that they had forgotten where Sirius Black lived. Yesterday they also had realized that there were big gaps in their memories of Sirius. For Paulina, some of these gaps in memories meant she had forgotten months of her previous life.
The newlyweds could remember using a Time-Turner to rescue Sirius from being Kissed, and riding with Sirius on Buckbeak's back. John could remember talking to Sirius in the cave. But whatever time John and Paulina had spent in—the place where Sirius lived—the young couple could not remember at all now.
Anyway, now John and Paulina were meeting with Sirius at an agreed-upon place and time (a certain London park, at 3 p.m.), to discuss Harry's visitation. John suspected that this park was within walking distance of—wherever Sirius lived.
Once John and Paulina arrived at the park, they found the new Lord Black easily enough. Now-Sirius looked much the same as Sirius in the previous 1993, except that this Sirius was cleaner, had a hairstyle, wore clean clothes—and looked optimistic for the future.
After introductions were made, Sirius kissed Paulina's hand. Paulina exaggerated her accent and said, "My, my, Sirius Black, what a charmer you are."
Sirius flashed a bedroom smile, but immediately dropped it to get—pardon the pun—serious. As Sirius gestured for John and Paulina to walk with him through the park, he said, "I'm seeing a mind-healer. I'll keep seeing the mind-healer till he tells me I'm done. Please tell me about Harry."
John said, "We took Harry to Saint Mungo's. The list of injuries went on for three pages. The last time he had been in Saint Mungo's, James or Lily brought him; Dumbledore never took Harry to Saint Mungo's even once in ten years."
Paulina said, "Right after we rescued Harry from Petunia and her family—whom Harry never considered to be his family—we brought Harry to my Cousin Emma's house, so Harry could meet Cousin Emma's daughter, who is a witch Harry's age. That night the six of us ate a huge spread of delivered Italian food—Emma's husband ordered the food, but John paid for it. Harry was the guest of honor at this gathering, obviously—but at first Harry was worried that John was angry at him because Harry hadn't gone into the Grangers' kitchen and cooked the food, which would've saved John the expense of paying for the food."
John nodded. "Harry's first day with us at Potter Manor was shocking. With every minute at the dinner table, Harry got more and more nervous—"
"Why?" confused Sirius asked.
"Because experience had taught Harry that after five minutes, ten minutes at most, Harry's fat cousin would snatch his plate away, and nobody would object."
Sirius snapped, "Dumbledore allowed this?"
Paulina replied, "Pfft. Dumbledore never once visited Harry, or sent anyone else to visit him. Somehow Wizard Child Services never visited Harry either. Dumbledore also stole from Harry's vaults—but Gringotts has dealt with that thief."
Sirius sighed. "When I got my trial, two days ago, as soon as the Wizengamot session ended, Dumbledore hurried up to me. He spoke not a word of apology for letting me rot in Azkaban for ten years. Instead, he asked me, 'What are your plans now, Sirius my boy?' I told him I planned to go to Gringotts, to claim the Lord Black ring. The wank—sorry, git tried to talk me out of that. 'Sirius my boy, I would hate to see you turn Dark.' Then he offered to cast a new Fidelius Charm on—the place where I live—with himself also becoming the Secret Keeper. The nerve of that man! I told him that I planned to hire the goblins to cast the Fidelius, I would be the Secret Keeper, and Dumbledore's name would be scratched out ofthe house's Wards Ledger, as soon as I could get the book in my hands."
"What was his response?" John asked.
"His 'disappointed grandfather' look, as if I were being unreasonable. Ha! No apology at all, and he thinks he can suggest 'Let me be the person who decides who knows where you live'? Bloody idiot."
Paulina said, "One of the people Dumbledore the Secret Keeper certainly would tell would be Professor Snape. After all, Dumbledore has complete confidence in Professor Snape whom, Dumbledore assures everyone, is a reformed Death Eater."
Sirius stared. "Wait, Snivellus is teaching at Hogwarts?"
Paulina nodded. "Potions. Students hate him."
John said, "Don't only scratch Dumbledore's name out of your Wards Ledger's Friends section. If your Wards Ledger has an Enemies section, definitely write Dumbledore's name in there. Casting a new Fidelius is supposed to make Dumbledore forget where you live, but I suspect he has a way to remember. Potter Manor got a new Fidelius cast on it a week or so ago, and afterward Dumbledore showed up there twice and tried to kidnap Harry."
Paulina smiled at John. "But my sweet husband fixed the old man's little red wagon—Dumbledore won't cause Harry any more trouble till Harry goes to Hogwarts."
John smiled at Paulina, then said to Sirius, "Keeping Harry safe from Dumbledore is the real reason that Paulina and I are going to Hogwarts too. After all, I don't care about learning NEWT-level Charms."
Paulina smacked John's arm. "Turkey."
Sirius was still a little crazy, because of ten years in Azkaban, which limited how much time Sirius should spend with Harry. John knew this, and Paulina knew this—fortunately, Sirius knew it too.
The visitation scheme that the three magical adults worked out was simple and it was cordial: Every weekend in August, Sirius would get Harry from 6:00 Friday evening till 6:30 Sunday evening. Then Sunday evening, Sirius and Harry would meet John and Paulina at the Grangers' house. There, three Grangers, three Potters and Sirius would eat delivered food and would talk; each Sunday it would change, which man paid for the food.
Sirius admitted to being nervous about this part of the plan, but John told him, "My cousin James believed in you enough to list you as Harry's first choice for guardian, and Paulina's cousin Emma and her husband are eager to meet you. Just relax, don't try too hard to be liked, and you'll be a hit."
A new visitation plan would be figured out once the three Potters and Hermione arrived at Hogwarts. Sirius told the Potters that at Hogwarts, parents did not visit their children more than rarely; Paulina did not know whether the 1938 Hogwarts Student Handbook banned parents and guardians from coming to the school, or whether Albus Dumbledore scowled at the parents and guardians, and his Scottish minion upheld a rule that was not actually a rule.
Paulina said, "I need to research this." John grinned.
All the time that John and Paulina were talking to Sirius in the park, the young couple did not tell Sirius who they really were.
Dan and Emma Granger, being dentists, had an unusual work week: they worked Wednesday through Sunday, with Mondays and Tuesdays off. So for the dental Grangers, Sunday night was everyone else's Friday night.
When John and Paulina had discussed with Dan and Emma, the topic of Sirius joining the Sunday-night dinners at the Granger house, John had mentioned that Sirius would not be told the big secret—that John and Paulina were Harry and Hermione from the future—unless Antonia the angel gave permission.
Dan Granger had asked, "But what if Harry tells Sirius the secret? Or Harry slips up and Sirius figures out part of the secret?"
John had replied, "If one of those things happen, we'd rather have Antonia and Thanatos angry at Paulina and me than raise our voices to Harry. Harry has had more than enough of that."
Now Sirius led John and Paulina to the edge of the park. They stood across the street from a row of shabby townhouses.
There was a gap in the townhouses' house-numbering: 9, 10, 11—then 13, 14, 15. John was sure he had never seen those townhouses before, because he would have remembered the odd house-numbering.
Sirius lowered his voice and said to the couple, "Listen to me carefully. The Black family's London house is at Number 12, Grimmauld Place."
John watched Number 11 and Number 13 pull apart and Number 12 appear between them. More than this neat visual effect happened: Memories returned to John—of a dark, dirty, and depressing place. John hoped that Sirius did not plan to take the Potters inside Number 12; but John also knew that the universe hated him.
As soon as Sirius, John and Paulina stepped into the dark house, the shit started for Sirius. Portrait-Walburga screamed insults. Kreacher popped in and insulted Sirius some more. And Sirius—his shoulder slumped—stood there and took it.
John thought, Why have I never noticed before, that Walburga Black talks and acts like a female version of Vernon Dursley? Just substitute the word disappointment for the word freak.
John asked Sirius, "Can you get them to be quiet?"
Sirius yelled, "QUIET!" Both the portrait and the house-elf silenced themselves, but they both glared angrily at Sirius.
John said, "Correct me if I'm wrong, but Sirius, you're not ScionBlack anymore, you're not Heir Black anymore, you're now LordBlack, right?"
Sirius sighed. "Yeah, I suppose."
"Then why do you let these two treat you this way?"
"Because they always have, and I'm used to it."
"He has 'learned helplessness,' " Paulina said. "It's how, in a parade, a circus performer can lead a full-grown elephant around with only a kite-string tied around its neck. Because back when that elephant was a baby elephant, what was around its neck was a thick chain that was bolted to the floor. The baby elephant could neither break the chain nor escape, no matter how much it strained and pulled. So the feeling of the string around its neck is enough for the elephant to remember that feeling of helplessness caused by the thick chain; and the elephant never thinks, But am I still helpless?"
Sirius looked hopeful now, but did not say anything.
John glared at Kreacher. "You would insult and degrade your House's lord in front of him?"
"Kreacher not have to answer you!" the house-elf snarled. "You is not Black!"
John looked at Paulina. "Shit, shit, shit. I don't like what I'm about to do."
John then said to Sirius, "I know we had an agreement in the park, when and how Harry would visit here. But I'm either going to have to break the agreement and never let Harry come here, or now I'll have to do something that your portrait-mother won't like, your house-elf won't like, and that might make you as Lord Black feel insulted. What should I do, Sirius?"
Sirius asked, "Why won't you allow Harry to come here?"
John looked Sirius in the eyes. "Harry just escaped ten years in an abusive home. I'm not sending him here if it means being insulted by a portrait and insulted by your house-elf. Harry wouldn't insult them back, he'd quietly stand there and he'd believe all the insults were true. I'm sorry, but your house, as it is now, is a complete deal-breaker."
Sirius looked like his Quidditch team had lost the championship. "I want to spend time with Harry. Do what you think you need to, even if"—now Sirius puffed up and looked pompous—"I as Lord Black feel insulted."
"It'll royally piss off Kreacher," John warned.
"I don't care sod-all if Kreacher feels insulted. Do it."
John said to the air, "All Potter Manor house-elves come here!"
Pop-p-p-pop. Four house-elves appeared, each with the Potter crest on his or her clothes' left breast. Greyclay said to Sirius, "Master Jamie's friend Sirrie, it be great to see you again!"
John asked Sirius, "Do you want your mother's portrait to remain where it is, to be somewhere else in the house where it never can bother Harry, or to be destroyed?"
Kreacher yelled, "Portrait will stay where it be till Mistress decide portrait be moved!"
Sirius scowled at Kreacher, then said to John, "I want her gone, and sod all if this upsets my worthless house-elf!"
All this time, the Potter house-elves had been glaring in outrage at Kreacher, but otherwise had said or done nothing. Now John looked at his house-elves and said, "Potter elves, listen up. We're in the Black-family London house, which belongs to this wizard, Lord Sirius Black. Harry will be staying here for two days a week, beginning Friday at six, every week till September first. Kreacher here is old, he's disrespectful, and I think he's a bad elf, but I'll let you four be the judge of that. Your job is to get this house ready for Harry's visit this Friday, as much as you can in the time you have; Greyclay, you're in charge of scheduling. Understand?"
The four Potter house-elves stood straighter, having just been given important work. All four nodded.
John said, "Your first order of business: Get rid of that loudmouth portrait!"
Kreacher dropped into a fighting stance. "You invader elves not be harms Mistress!"
Pop. Greyclay now was standing right in front of Kreacher, and mere inches away. "And who be stops us? You? You brings shameto Ancient and Noble House of Black! Even Elder House Dumbledore not deserves bad elf like you!"
By the time Greyclay finished his speech, Walburga Black's portrait was on the floor, brought down by two Potter elves working together. Sirius personally destroyed his mother's portrait with the Incendio charm.
Kreacher screamed, and looked about to attack Sirius.
Angry Sirius said, "Oh please, Kreacher, give me an excuse to kill you."
Meanwhile, the Potter elves had begun cleaning Black Manor. John pulled Greyclay aside and gave him instructions about a green locket—instructions that John wanted neither Sirius nor Kreacher to overhear.
The next day: Monday, August 5
Still at Number 12, Grimmauld Place
Kreacher was gone—either dead or in house-elf prison. Greyclay had called for a house-elf trial overnight, Kreacher had been the accused, a Hogwarts kitchen elf had been the judge, and the judge had ruled Kreacher guilty. The charge against Kreacher, if John understood what Greyclay was telling him, had been First-Degree Bad-Elfness.
The house-elf judge offered Sirius three never-bonded adolescent house-elves to replace Kreacher, stating the hope that Sirius would bond with at least one of them. Sirius bonded with brother and sister house-elves Lenny and Penny.
Meanwhile, the Potter house-elves continued to clean Number 12, Grimmauld Place. Monday morning, Potter house-elf Daisy "just happened to find" a locket in the house that reeked of evil magic.
John asked for a meeting with Sirius, telling him, "It seems to me that the locket has a piece of Voldemort's soul, just like the piece of Voldemort's soul that was in Harry's scar."
By afternoon, Sirius and John had elf-mailed the locket to Director Ragnok. John had written a note—
.
Director Ragnok,
This is the locket of Salazar Slytherin. It also is, we suspect, another of Voldemort's horcruxes. We would prefer, even though this is the more expensive option, to remove the horcrux from the locket without damaging the locket itself, or damaging whatever Founder magic that Salazar Slytherin placed on the locket; then we prefer you place the locket in the Black family heirloom vault. If this request cannot be fulfilled, then destroy both locket and horcrux utterly. Charge half of whatever you think is a fair price to the Black family coinage vault, and the other half to the Potter family coinage vault.
Sirius O Black
Lord Black
John G. Potter
Potter Regent
.
As Daisy elf-popped to Gringotts with the locket-horcrux (which was contained in a conjured lead box), John thought, Now the only horcrux still in play is the diadem. Which Paulina and I can fetch as soon as we get to Hogwarts. Surprise, surprise, Quirrellmort!
The only thing that John regretted with how the problem of the locket-horcrux had been resolved was, he could figure out no way to let Sirius know that the locket had wound up here in Grimmauld Place because Regulus Black had had a change of heart as a Death Eater, and had stolen the locket-horcrux from Voldemort (and had been killed for it).
By the time John had thought up the idea of a Potter house-elf "finding" a "lost letter" in Regulus's bedroom, Lenny and Penny had thoroughly cleaned that bedroom.
Late that evening, at Potter Manor
Paulina asked John, "How tired are you? Do you feel like staying up a half-hour more?"
John's voice was husky: "What do you have in mind?"
She slapped his arm. "Not that." Then she smiled saucily. "Well, not that now. Are you up for us to make a quick visit to the Burrow, using your new Parseltongue spell, then to make a quick Apparation to Grimmauld Place?"
By now, Paulina was grinning evilly. Paulina told John her plan, then John grinned evilly too.
The next morning (Tuesday, 6 August)
At Number 12, Grimmauld Place
Sirius came down to breakfast to discover that both of his new house-elves were upset.
On the kitchen table was a small cage, a rat in the cage, and a paper note by the cage. Sirius got excited—and the rat got frightened—when Sirius saw that the rat was missing a toe on its front paw. The note, which was written with a Muggle machine, was missing any hint of a magical signature.
The new house-elves, Lenny and Penny, were worried because they could not explain how the cage, the rat and the note got into the house without the house-elves noticing.
The note read—
.
The cage is unbreakable. The rat is who you think it is. Peter is a Death Eater, if you didn't know.
If you turn Peter over to the Aurors, he'll likely escape from his holding cell. If he is tried and convicted of his many crimes, he'll likely escape Azkaban. (Azkaban has a hard time holding an animagus.) The people I took Peter from, don't know he's human and won't report he's missing.
I know what I would do, in your place. But I leave the final choice up to you.
(signed) The Slythy-Gryff Avenger
.
Sirius looked at the rat in the cage, and confirmed again that the rat was missing a toe on a front paw. Then Sirius smiled cruelly.
"Oh my, Peter, you and I will have fun today. Or at least, I will have fun."
Ten minutes later, at Gringotts
Gringotts owled to Paul and Leona Pettigrew a letter in a black envelope. The letter informed the Pettigrews that their son Peter was dead. Gringotts apologised for not being able to state how Peter Pettigrew had died, or where his body was; however, Gringotts was sure he was dead.
Three days later
Friday, 9 August
The weekly session of the Wizengamot
Twenty-four more arrested Death Eaters were put on trial. All twenty-four, when questioned under Veritaserum, named Purebloods and half-bloods whom they had killed; all twenty-four were found guilty; all twenty-four were Kissed.
None of the Death Eaters on trial was Peter Pettigrew; Sirius clearly had not turned the rat-man over to the DMLE.
John and Paulina made a list of all the Death Eaters they had known in the previous timeline. After August 9, 1991 in this timeline, the only Death Eaters who John and Paulina believed were alive were Bellatrix Lestrange, Antonin Dolohov, and the other eight Death Eaters who had been sentenced to Azkaban for life—and Karkaroff and Snape. Peter Pettigrew's status was unknown, but neither John nor Paulina believed that Sirius had let Pettigrew live.
During the rest of August
Cornelius Oswald Fudge was sentenced to Azkaban, convicted of many (many, many) counts of corruption.
The good news for Cornelius was that he was sentenced to the minimum-security wing at Azkaban. Minimum-security Azkaban was like a nonmagical Queen's Prison, except that the inmates trash-talked each other by threatening to Lust-Potion each other's wives and girlfriends.
The bad news for Cornelius? He was sentenced to fifty years, with no "concurrent sentencing" codswallop—Minister Bones had insisted on this.
Young Hermione had many playdates with young Harry at Potter Manor. It was a win for everyone.
For the Granger parents, Hermione at Potter Manor meant that they did not need to leave Hermione alone at home when they were at work.
For Hermione, she at Potter Manor meant much time in the Potter Library. (Hermione was overjoyed when she realised that the Potter Library had a complete set of Hogwarts textbooks from the 1930s, covering first year through fifth year.) For Hermione, time at Potter Manor also meant spending time with Harry, whom she really liked.
For Harry, Hermione visiting the Manor meant hours with a fun magical girl his age, whom he really liked.
For John and Paulina, the playdates meant opportunities to mentor their younger selves.
For the four Potter house-elves, Hermione visiting meant more work—which was something to make house-elves happy.
The two eleven-year-olds were taught how to play Exploding Snap, gobstones and Wizard Chess. Hermione always beat Harry at Wizard Chess; but she found the game to be boring, despite the fact that the chess pieces moved on their own and said cheeky things.
So the two children started playing Muggle games at Potter Manor—card games and board games. Paulina introduced the other three magicals to the British version of the American board game Monopoly™. The dental Grangers soon were shocked when John told them that their sweet daughter acted Voldemort-ruthless when she played Monopoly. John then added the comment that, since he was married to Hermione's older self, he was not surprised.
After mid-August, every time Harry and Hermione got together, at the Granger house or at Potter Manor, the children said goodbye by Harry hugging Hermione, and Hermione hugging Harry and kissing him on the cheek.
One day when Hermione was visiting Potter Manor, she and Harry were speaking to Portrait-James and Portrait-Lily. John and Paulina walked into the Portraits Room to tell the children that lunch would start late that day, because the elder Potters had to "run an errand."
Hearing this, both Portrait-James and Portrait-Lily smirked; they know what "errand" the newlyweds were planning. (And no, it wasn't that.)
Once John and Paulina were away from the children, they killed time (by passionately kissing) till 12:20. Then John cast the "Not sensed within all the world" Parseltongue spell on himself and Paulina.
The couple apparated to inside Hogwarts, knowing that One, the Hogwarts wards would not detect their entrances; and Two, Dumbledore was eating in the Great Hall, so would be away from the headmaster's office for a while.
In no time at all, the newlyweds were inside the headmaster's office. (Paulina took a moment to write down the Apparation coordinates for the headmaster's office, for future reference.)
John cast a Potter-family-magic spell that created a floating white arrow that pointed to any item of Potter family property. One second later, John and Paulina saw nineteen floating white arrows.
Eighteen arrows pointed to eighteen books in the headmaster's office that had "Ex Libris Potter" bookplates on the front-cover inside. The nineteenth arrow pointed to Dumbledore's pensieve—which turned out to have a small version of the Potter crest on it. Paulina theorized that when previous-timeline Harry had viewed memories in the pensieve, Dumbledore either had Disillusioned the Potter crest or had put a Notice-Me-Not Charm on the crest, so that previous-timeline Harry would not realise that the pensieve belonged to his family.
Anyway, less than ten minutes after John and Paulina had sneaked into Dumbledore's office, they left. All nineteen Dumbledore-stolen Potter items left with the Potters, thoroughly de-stolen.
John wondered whom Dumbledore would suspect of the "crime."
The de-stolen books each had a white P or a red P on its spine; but somehow Dumbledore had removed the "Potters only" family-magic on the book. Now, with the help of the Potter grimoire and the Elder Wand, John put that protection back on each de-stolen book (after John and Paulina first ate lunch with two hungry children).
Young Harry and young Hermione were delighted with what the pensieve could do. They happily watched their older selves' first meeting, on the firstie train. After watching the incident with the troll in the previous 1991, Hermione hugged John, hugged Paulina, and hugged Harry—and kissed both John and Harry on the cheek.
One day in August, while John and Paulina were exploring the Potter family heirloom vault, they found a betrothal contract for Harry James Potter and Ginevra Molly Weasley, dated 3 November 1981. The betrothal contract was signed by Arthur Weasley (signature transparent) and Albus Dumbledore (signature transparent).
John's Potter Regent ring told him that a shiny, transparent-glass signature on a betrothal or marriage contract meant that Magic decided that the signature was invalid in some way.
John suspected that to get Arthur Weasley to sign the betrothal contract, either Dumbledore or Molly had mind-whammied Arthur.
John's Regent ring already had told John that only a Potter Head of House could sign a betrothal contract or marriage contract that obligated a Potter Head of House or a Potter Heir Primary. This was why Dumbledore's signature was transparent—Dumbledore as Harry's magical guardian did not have the authority to betroth Harry to anyone.
John tore up the Harry-Ginny betrothal contract. Paulina kissed John like she meant it.
Then Paulina said, "Let's hope that you don't find a marriage contract in this vault that's signed by James Potter or Charlus Potter, which obligates Harry to marry, say, Daphne Greengrass. Or Susan Bones, or Fleur Delacour."
"Or all three," John said, grinning.
Paulina smacked his arm. "Turkey."
On the Potter Manor Quidditch pitch, John taught Hermione how to fly a broom.
(John likewise taught Harry how to fly a broom, but Harry went from newbie to expert within a single lesson.)
Paulina never had become comfortable flying on a broom, because she had the fear of heights that all nomagic-borns came to Hogwarts with, and because the school brooms at Hogwarts were almost worthless. But in this, John did not want young Hermione to follow in older Hermione's footprints.
Hermione learned how to fly while using a Potter Manor broom, which, while old, was in good shape. John gave Hermione one-on-one instruction, while always beside her on his own broom, which was help that Madam Hooch had not been able to give to previous-lifetime Hermione.
The big difference between this Hermione learning how to fly a broom, and previous-lifetime Hermione learning how to fly a broom, was what Paulina did. Paulina conjured a giant airbag, like what Hollywood stuntmen would use when they jumped out of a high window; and this big airbag moved hither and thither on the Quidditch pitch, always underneath Hermione on the broom.
This-lifetime Hermione soon stopped acting scared on her broom, even when she moved up high, because she knew the airbag would save her if she fell—and because she learned to trust the runes-based sticking charms that her broom invoked whenever it moved. (Paulina had not spent enough time on a broom to learn to trust the sticking-charm runes.)
Hermione mounted a flying broom for the first time, with John floating alongside her, on a Wednesday. Seconds later, Paulina had conjured the airbag underneath Hermione. By Friday, thanks to both John's calm coaching and the airbag, Hermione was flying higher than Potter Manor (which was 81 feet tall).
Once Hermione became truly comfortable with flying on a broom, her competitiveness kicked in. She and Harry started racing—which John was glad to see, but which frightened Paulina.
Since it was a Potter Manor rule that the children were not permitted to fly brooms unless both John and Paulina were supervising, Paulina worried a lot by the end of August.
Hermione surprised everyone—Paulina especially—when she asked to see John's memory of the Quidditch World Cup final match between Bulgaria and Ireland in August 1994. The girl explained that she wanted to see a Quidditch match played right.
After the four magicals emerged from the memory, John said, "Did you two notice the hero of the game, Bulgaria's Viktor Krum? Four months later, he, not I, asked this woman to the Yule Ball, because I didn't realize what my heart was telling me. Harry, let this be a lesson to you."
Meanwhile at Hogwarts, in the headmaster's office
Dumbledore had many stolen books in his office, from many different families. He had stolen books from so many different families that while he realised within a day of the Potters' burglary that he had books missing from his office, he never realised that the missing books all were Potter books.
What really sent Dumbledore into a rage was when he discovered that "his" pensieve was missing too.
Dumbledore blamed Peeves for his missing books and pensieve.
Dumbledore press-ganged McGonagall, Flitwick and Snape into joining Dumbledore in a ritual to exorcise Peeves. The ritual worked—finally, after centuries of Peeves annoying students and professors alike, the poltergeist permanently was blocked from the castle.
The same ritual, with the same participants, if repeated, would exorcise Professor Binns too—but Dumbledore decided not to bother.
Chapter 17
Pardon Me Boy, is This the Hogsmeade-Destined Choo Choo?
Sunday, 1 September 1991, 8 a.m
Azkaban Prison
The ten Death Eaters who had been imprisoned since 1981—Bellatrix Lestrange, Antonin Dolohov and that lot—were found dead. Apparently during the night, they had been stabbed to death, by means of an Muggle ice pick entering the heart or the base of the skull, each inside his or her cell.
The Aurors had no suspects and no theories how the crimes had been committed, but they had plenty of motive.
Two hours later, 10:04 a.m
King's Cross Station
Dan and Emma were missing a half-day of work, but they did not care. This morning they intended to drive Hermione (and Harry, John, Paulina and Sirius) to King's Cross Station, and to see the magical students off. The people-carrier was crowded—but not as crowded as it would have been, had not shrinking-charms been thrown around like confetti, to shrink trunks and cages.
(Who were the cages for? John had bought Harry a snowy white owl on his birthday; and about a week later, Paulina had gifted Hermione with a mutant orange cat.)
Sirius never before had entered Platform 9¾ from the Muggle side (King's Cross Platforms 9 and 10), so this was a new experience for him. It was a new experience for the dental Grangers too, because Sirius was holding their hands when he walked through the magical barrier.
John saw the wizard-raised adults and older students on Platform 9¾ sneer at the mostly no-magic-dressed group of Potters, Grangers and Black; but the group from Crawley did not care.
Only one magical person approached the Grangers-Potters-Black group with a smile on his face: Remus Lupin.
Once the Granger parents were at Platform 9¾, both their Muggle clothing, and all the rubbernecking they were doing, clued onlookers that they were Muggles.
At the other clothing extreme, Sirius was wearing gray acromantula-silk wizard robes that proclaimed him to be Lord Black. (Sirius had worn the robes all the way from the Granger house; but until he had passed through the magical barrier, he had glamoured his robes to look like a gray Muggle suit.)
Young Hermione was wearing her unsorted-firstie robes. The right sleeve of those robes marked Hermione as a Potter Protectée; many wizard-raised magicals startled when they noticed this.
The other magicals who had come with the Granger parents—Harry, John and Paulina—were dressed Mundane. Eighteen-year-old buxom Paulina was wearing a form-fitting, knee-length, quarter-sleeved white dress and white three-inch heels, an ensemble that would not have rated her a third glance in Harrods; but on Platform 9¾, her outfit was a showstopper.
One blond little girl on Platform 9¾ did not sneer at Paulina (though her mother did); the blond firstie girl stared at Paulina in awe. The girl murmured "May I be excused?" but did not wait for an answer. The blond child then rushed over to the blond young woman.
The girl stopped in front of Paulina and almost begged, "Are you going to Hogwarts? Please tell me you're going to Hogwarts."
Paulina recognized the girl instantly, but could not guess why thisparticular girl had started a conversation.
"I will attend Hogwarts, yes," Paulina replied—the girl's eyebrows rose, hearing Paulina's Georgia accent. "What's your name, sugar? Why do you want to know whether I'm attending Hogwarts?"
"I'm Miss Lavender Brown of Elder House Brown," the girl said, curtsying, "and you may make free with my first name. I'm hoping you'll teach me how to be a fashion trendsetter like you."
Paulina returned the curtsy, then introduced herself and the rest of their group. Lavender actually looked at Harry Potter in confusion—maybe because she had not noticed her yearmate till Paulina had pointed him out; but Lavender also was confused because Harry wore no glasses and he had no forehead scar.
Paulina then looked at Lavender and said, "You are wizard-raised and British; I'm neither. If you want to know the rules of fashion for a British witch, I don't know those rules and I have no wish to learn them—sorry, Miss Brown. I suggest you owl Madam Malkin if you want to learn those rules."
"All right," Lavender said, sounding disappointed.
"But sugar, if you want to know how to be a fashion trendsetter, I can teach you everything you need to know, right now on this platform."
"Tell me, tell me!"
"It's not fashion knowledge that makes you a trendsetter, it's confidence. It's an attitude of I know I dress differently from all the other witches, but I'm sure I look good. Other witches will sense that."
Lavender thanked Paulina, dropped another curtsy, then walked back to her parents while looking thoughtful.
John murmured to Paulina, "How ironic, Lavender asking her one-time nerdy roommate for fashion advice."
Paulina replied, "But I'm not that girl anymore. The young woman who fought in the Battle of Hogwarts would be dressing like a librarian now, if we'd won and you'd married Ginny. But instead, now I'm the Chosen One's soulmate, and I'm half of the couple that will vanquish Voldemort, neutralize Dumbledore, and shake up Wizarding Britain. Put those things all together and my attitude is I am Woman, hear me roar. Between my improved confidence and having boobs to die for, of course I'll dress to be noticed."
By the time Lavender had returned to her parents, Sirius had escorted Dan and Emma back through the magical barrier to Platforms 9 and 10 (after the Granger family had hugged the stuffing out of each other).
Then Sirius had returned to Platform 9¾. Immediately he found Remus on the platform, and led him over to the Potters plus Hermione.
Meanwhile, grinning Hermione in her new Hogwarts robes was looking about Platform 9¾ as though she were standing in the middle of Disneyland. She casually let her left hand, which was dangling down by her side, brush against Harry's right hand.
"Harry, we're going to Hogwarts!"
"We are."
"I'm so excited!"
"I ... sort-of am?"
"Hogwarts will be so much more fun with you there, Harry."
Harry Potter did not reply; instead, he took Hermione's hand that was within easy reach.
Many witches, fourth-year and younger, groaned when Harry took Hermione's hand. Maybe Harry did not notice those groans of envy—but Hermione did.
One blond witch, whose days as a Slytherin student were long ago, looked at the no-scar, glasses-less Boy Who Lived holding hands with the bushy-haired girl and thought, I smell a story.
The blond witch casually strolled over to the public Floo. Then she placed herself so that her back was to the Floo and the Platform 9¾ crowd was in front of her.
When the blonde was sure that nobody was looking her way, she transformed into a water beetle.
Beetle-Rita could not decide yet how she would slant her upcoming story—"HARRY POTTER FINDS FIRST LOVE" or "HARRY POTTER, FUTURE DEVIANT."
Meanwhile, Sirius murmured to John, "Follow me. I see someone whom Harry needs to meet."
Sirius took the lead, and strode over to the part of Platform 9¾ where Senior Auror Kingsley Shacklebolt (in red robes) and Auror Cadet Tonks (in gray robes) were standing.
Sirius and "Shack" backslapped and playfully insulted each other; introductions to the three Potters, to Hermione, and to Remus then followed.
Everyone nearby was looking at Lord Black and the dark-skinned Senior Auror whilst those two acted like clowns; nobody was looking at Harry Potter's bushy-haired friend. Beetle-Rita landed in the girl's hair.
Still-grinning Sirius stepped in front of Auror Cadet Tonks and grabbed her shoulders. "Oh my, look at you! Little NymphadoraTonks, all grown up and on her way to becoming an Auror."
Shacklebolt did not laugh at his trainee's expression—but he didgrin.
John saw Tonks's pink hair instantly turn red; Harry and Hermione gasped. Tonks growled, "It's 'Tonks.' Just 'Tonks.' You know I hate my first name, cousin."
Sirius said cheerfully, "Now Nymmie, is this any way to speak to Lord Sirius Black who, as Lord Black, restored your mother and you to the Black family?"
"My apologies, Lord Black," Tonks growled.
Sirius waved off the apology. "Speaking of the Black family, Nymmie, I came over to humble the bald troll here"—Sirius grinned at Shacklebolt—"but mainly to introduce you to Harry Potter. His grandmother was Dorea Black Potter, so you and he are related. Nymmie, let me introduce to you Harry James Potter, the Boy Who Lived"—Sirius rolled his eyes. "Harry, this is Nymphadora Tonks, but don't ever call her that. She's some sort of cousin to you."
Young Harry grinned at the pink-haired Auror-to-be. "I like your hair; I wish I could do that. So glad to meet you!"
Enthusiastic Harry shook Tonks's hand, John noticed, as though he were trying to hand-pump a well all the way dry.
Tonks looked at Harry and said, "My mum's been trying to find you for ten years. She wanted to raise you. But Dumbledore blocked everything she tried."
"Dumbledore again," Paulina snarled. "He's caused Harry a million times as much misery as Voldemort has."
Shacklebolt looked confused by Paulina's words.
John asked Tonks (while already knowing the answer), "Your mother is Andromeda Black Tonks, right?"
Tonks nodded.
"Sister to Narcissa and Bellatrix, right?"
Tonks nodded.
"A healer who works at Saint Mungo's, right?"
When Tonks nodded, John continued, "I'd like to ask your mother to do a favor to Harry and Hermione here. I'm willing to pay generously for the favor."
Tonks asked cautiously, "What is the favour?"
"To teach Harry and Hermione"—Sirius gestured toward the bushy-haired first-year—"everything about the British Pureblood world that British Purebloods sneer at no-magic-raised magicals for not knowing."
Then John lowered his voice. "And maybe I'd also hire her to tutor Harry and Hermione in Potions. Potions Professor Snape has earned himself quite an awful reputation in the USA."
Tonks smiled. "Regent John Potter, I'm going to owl Mum as soon as I can. I make no promises, but I don't expect her to tell you no."
By now, the two Aurors plus Sirius, Remus, the three Potters, and Hermione, all were surrounded by ten or fifteen eleven-year-olds, who all were listening closely. Little Susan Bones stepped forward and said nervously, "Pardon me, but did I overhear someone say that the boy with you is Harry Potter?"
In this group of eleven-year-olds, all but one were awestruck at meeting the Boy Who Lived.
Zacharias Smith, on the other hand, stood with his arms crossed. He called Harry a liar, because Harry did not have the forehead scar. He demanded that Harry "Prove it!" when Harry, quite confused by the boy's sneers, stated he was indeed Harry Potter.
John said to Smith, "It doesn't work that way, junior. You're not only calling Harry a liar, you're calling Lord Black a liar, and you're calling me the Potter Regent, my wife and Hermione all liars too. You say Harry isn't the real Harry Potter? You prove it! This or you apologize, then shut up."
Red-faced Smith mumbled something that had sorry in it, then walked away.
John saw Draco Malfoy standing to one side, watching the dispute but saying nothing. Draco looked puzzled. Crabbe and Goyle stood behind him.
John saw no sign of any redheaded Weasley anywhere. He wondered if they all had yet to arrive; or were they all on the other side of the barrier, while Molly Weasley brayed about "packed with Muggles of course"?
Harry looked nervous and panicky about all the "Boy Who Lived" attention, so John said a quick goodbye to Sirius and Remus, then led Paulina, Harry and Hermione onto the train.
Once the four had chosen a compartment and had stored everything in the overhead racks, John cast a "Ron Weasley Notice-Me-Not" Charm on the compartment door.
John did not lay down an equivalent charm for Draco Malfoy. Paulina had told John that she wanted Draco to drop by.
When John cast his "Ron Weasley Notice-Me-Not" Charm, the time was 10:26. The real Ron Weasley was not on the Express then; the Weasley family was not even nearby at King's Cross. At 10:26, Ron still was back at the Burrow, packing his trunk. (He had not begun to fill his trunk till after breakfast; and with Ron, breakfast never was a brief event.)
Later at King's Cross, but before departure
John had been talking to the three others in their compartment when he noticed that there was a water beetle in Hermione's bushy hair.
John casually drew his wand, saying, "Hold on, I just noticed the window is dirty. Let me clean it."
John did point his wand at the window—but then he abruptly swung his wand around to point at Hermione's hair. "Stupefy."
It was John's intent that Hermione be unaffected by the Stunning Charm; so Hermione was not stunned, but she was certainly alarmed. After Hermione screamed, she demanded, "Why did you do that, you prat?"
As soon as Paulina saw John conjure a little glass jar with a screw-on lid, she asked, "Rita?"
As John levitated the stunned bug into the jar, he replied, "Yeah. Rita was in Hermione's hair."
John explained to the children, "Rita Skeeter is a vicious and lying newspaper reporter who goes places she's not allowed to go, by turning into a beetle and hiding in people's hair..." A minute later, John and Paulina were grinning viciously, as John was saying, "...It's illegal to not register your animagus form. You're sentenced to a fine and/or prison time if you're arrested for this. Then there's Rita, who is in a class all her own. Someone who has sneaked into meetings at the Ministry probably will get much prison time."
As John opened the compartment door, with the jar containing one stunned water beetle in hand, he said to the others, "I'll be back in a few, with a tale to tell."
When John was away from the compartment, where the three others could not see what he did, he Obliviated the last fifteen minutes from Beetle-Rita's memory, just in case.
When John handed the jar to Kingsley Shacklebolt, John spun a tale of "I noticed this beetle in Hermione's hair, which was odd. Even more odd, the beetle wasn't crawling around her hair, and the bug was facing forward. This made me suspicious. I stunned the water beetle, put it on the floor, and cast Homorphus animagi," the animagus-to-human spell. "Jackpot."
It was Tonks who pointed out that Rita in her beetle form was spying on two eleven-year-olds. Tonks's hair turned red as she said this. Then she added, "I predict that Rita will be a guest of Minister Bones for a long, long time."
At 11:00, the Hogwarts Express began to move. Hermione grinned, she beamed, she smiled like she just had been handed a pillowcase filled with gold coins. Paulina and John, seeing this, smiled at each other.
Harry looked thoughtful.
Hermione, in her excitement, hugged Harry and kissed him on the cheek. Harry hugged her back.
Even as Hermione was grinning with excitement and was hugging Harry, she saw Paulina draw her wand. Paulina did not point her wand at anyone or anything, but held the wand straight up. Paulina incanted Set alarum 12:17, then Hermione saw the wand flash yellow for a second. Paulina then calmly put her wand back in her forearm wand holster.
"What did you just do?" Hermione asked her older self.
"I turned my wand into an alarm clock. It's a spell I often have used over the years."
John said, "Yeah, the month before we took our OWLs, I don't think this woman woke up naturally even once."
Paulina huffed. "The results speak for themselves, John."
At 12:17
Abruptly Paulina stood up and said, "I think I'll take a stroll through the train."
Harry and Hermione looked at each other with curiosity. They knew Paulina was up to something, but they could not guess what she was about to do.
About twenty minutes later, Paulina returned to the compartment—along with a chubby and shy young boy with sandy-blond hair. The boy had a two-handed grip on a big, ugly toad.
Paulina said cheerfully, "Y'all, this is Neville Longbottom, another first-year. The toad tried to escape, but I helped Neville catch his toad."
John stood up and walked over to the nervous boy; John's hand was out to shake and he was wearing a big grin. "Neville Longbottom, I'm so glad to meet you!"
"You are?" Neville said.
John looked over at Harry and explained, "House Potter and House Longbottom have been allies for centuries."
Looking back at Neville, John said, "Anyway, Neville, I'm John Potter, seventh-year transfer student and the Potter Regent. I presume Paulina, my wife, already has introduced herself. These two other first-years are..."
Seconds later, Neville stared at Harry and stammered, "You-youare Harry Potter?"
Harry said, "Yeah. Big disappointment, right?"
John said, "Neville, please listen to me carefully: Everything you've been told about Harry—except that you're his godmother's son, and he is your godmother's son—are lies told to sell books. Harry's life is very different from what you think it is."
Harry said, "Neville and I are godbrothers? Cool."
John said, "And Neville, don't overlook Hermione"—who at the moment was holding hands with Harry. "If Paulina hadn't found you first, Hermione would've helped you find your toad—she's nice that way. Also, she's a genius—she's not famous now, but by next June, everyone in your year will know her name."
Paulina said, "Older years will know about her too, by the end of the year. Or so I predict."
Hermione blushed crimson.
Paulina said, "Neville sugar, I hope you'll stay here with us for the rest of the train trip. We want to know you better."
Neville's jaw dropped. "You want me to stay with you? Erm, sure, no problem, thanks for the invitation!"
By the time Draco Malfoy, Vincent Crabbe, and Gregory Goyle had entered Paulina's compartment, Harry, Hermione, and Neville were taste-testing the wide variety of magical candies that Paulina's husband John had bought the children.
Now Draco stepped forward, while looking nervously at John. "Good afternoon, sir, I am Draco Malfoy, Heir Malfoy. Am I correct that you are John Potter the Potter Regent?"
Paulina was shocked by this Draco's more cautious, less confident manner—he was nothing like the Draco she'd spent seven years of her life opposing. But then Paulina realized, This Draco can never threaten anyone with "Just wait till my father hears about this," because Lucius Malfoy already is dead in this timeline. Also, Draco might have seen our family acting friendly with Lord Sirius Black.
Meanwhile, John was replying, "Yes, I am John Potter the Potter Regent. This is my wife, Paulina Moffitt Potter; my second cousin and ward, Harry Potter; and my Protectée, Miss Hermione Granger of New House Granger."
To Paulina, Draco seemed confused when he looked at Hermione. A mudblood who was a House-Potter Protectée? Paulina figured Draco probably had no idea what to think about Hermione.
John meanwhile was saying to Draco, "Perhaps you already know Neville Longbottom, Heir Longbottom. He's here because he and Harry are each other's godbrother."
Neville nodded at Draco. "Heir Malfoy," he said coolly.
"Heir Longbottom," Draco replied, just as coolly.
John said to Draco, "May I ask you to introduce me to your companions, please?"
Heir Vincent Crabbe and Heir Gregory Goyle were introduced. John invited Crabbe and Goyle to sit down—"You three will be here awhile."
Draco clearly wondered what John meant by this.
Then John asked, "Heir Malfoy, what's on your mind?"
Draco still looked nervous. "I came here to offer Heir Potter introductions to other first-year children who also are members of long-magical families, especially children who are, like Heir Potter and myself, the Heir Primary or Heiress Primary in their House. Heir Potter would know, from the beginning, children his age who one day will be important."
"This is a generous offer you make, Heir Malfoy," John said in a skeptical voice. "What do you ask of Harry Potter the Boy Who Lived, in return?"
Draco looked at Harry. "Eventually I hope that House Malfoy and House Potter will make an alliance of some sort; or at least, never become enemies."
John looked at Harry. "This decision is yours. He's your age, and in six years you'll be Head of House Potter."
Harry stood up and walked toward Draco, his hand out. "Heir Draco Malfoy, today I neither accept your offer nor refuse your offer. But I thank you for taking time to make the offer."
To Paulina, Draco looked relieved as he shook Harry's hand.
After Draco broke the handshake, he eyeballed the three Potters, Hermione, and Neville; then bowed and said, "Thank you for your time. I'll let all of you go back to whatever—"
"Oh, please," Paulina said, "don't go yet, Draco Malfoy, great-great-grandson of Ramses Malfoy. Did you know that Hermione and I are each a third cousin of yours?"
"WHAT?"
Draco discovered that Mrs Potter had a handbag with purple beads on it. Now she reached in and pulled out a Relationship chart. Then Mrs Potter pulled out a bright-yellow Muggle stick, which made bright yellow, transparent, thick lines on the Relationship chart.
As Mrs Potter handed the Relationship chart to Draco, she commented, "Your great-grandfather, Pontius Malfoy, had a brother, Stefanus Malfoy. Stefanus was a latent—or in your words, a Squib. Stefanus Malfoy was forced by his father Ramses to leave the magical world and to leave the Malfoy family. Stefanus changed his name to Stephen Moffitt. Stephen Moffitt's son is my grandfather; Stephen Moffitt's daughter is Hermione's grandmother."
Indeed, the Relationship chart that Draco had been handed, unless the chart was a forgery, backed up Mrs Potter's claims. The Muggle bright-yellow lines were quite helpful at leading Draco to the most important information.
"But this is impossible!" shocked Draco blurted. "When someone becomes a Squib, their entire line becomes nonmagical!"
"Honestly, Mr Malfoy," Hermione huffed. "I can cast Lumos, I can cast Wingardium Leviosa, and I can fly a broom. I'm quite magical, thank you very much, despite Stefanus Malfoy the Squib being my great-grandfather. The same is true with Paulina, except she doesn't like brooms."
Paulina stared into Draco's eyes. "I point out something that maybe you don't realize. Hermione and I, we're no-magic-raised, not wizard-raised, because our great-great-grandfather, Ramses Malfoy, kicked a son out of the Malfoy family simply because the boy couldn't do magic! So don't blame Hermione and me if we don't know all your precious little Pureblood traditions, blame Ramses Malfoy!"
Draco pocketed the Relationship chart he had been given, then said, "I need to think about all of this." He looked gobsmacked.
Paulina smiled at him, her anger spent. "You do that, cousin. But know that you're free to visit Hermione or myself anytime."
"Thank you," Draco said distractedly. Then he, Crabbe and Goyle left.
Hermione said to Neville and Harry, "Almost a year ago, Professor McGonagall visited my parents and me, to tell me that magic was real and that I was invited to Hogwarts. The professor turned a table into a bunny, and back again; my parents both wore expressions of But that's impossible! Poor Draco now knows how my parents felt—not only has he found out that a Squib line can have magical people in it, which is something which he thought was impossible, but even worse, those magical people in the Squib line are related to him!"
Paulina nodded. "I've blown Draco's mind."
The train arrived at Hogsmeade Station. Hagrid collected the first-years—and collected John and Paulina, since they were unsorted transfer students.
By now, John, Harry, and Paulina were wearing black unsorted-Hogwarts-student robes; Paulina had color-changed her high-heeled shoes to black. Paulina, with her bodacious figure and now wearing robes that were solid black almost everywhere (the left breast of her robes showed the altered Potter crest that declared Paulina to be the wife of the Potter Regent), looked like a "witch" in a nonmagical teenaged boy's sex fantasy.
For purposes of the "No more than four in a boat" rule, John and Paulina were considered to be the equivalent of two first-years. Not waiting for Hagrid to assign them to a boat (or to two boats), John and Paulina stepped into the same boat. Then grinning Paulina said, "So sorry, Hagrid, but it looks like this boat is officially full now."
John and Paulina, once alone in their boat, did not quite cavort in a way to offend Professor McGonagall, when she later would hear about it. On the other hand, they did not behave like eleven-year-olds either. Suffice it to say, John and Paulina kissed as their boat moved over the Black Lake.
Harry, Hermione, Neville and Terry Boot rode in a different boat. (Ron Weasley demanded to be the fourth kid in Harry's boat, but he got to the dock too late.)
Soon the boats landed. A minute or two later, the boat-riders had left their boats and had gathered around Hagrid as he knocked on the door. This was when Ron Weasley came up from who-knows-where and shoved Neville to the ground. "Shove off, Squib, so I can be with my best mate Harry Potter!"
" 'Best mate'?" Harry yelled at Weasley, as Harry and Hermione helped Neville to stand. "I've never seen you before in my life!"
"Doesn't matter," Ron said. "I'm—"
John stepped in front of Ron, grabbed the ginger-haired boy by his shoulders, and lifted him a foot in the air—not by magic, but by muscle. "Anyone know who he is?" John asked the first-years.
"That's Ron Weasley," several children said.
John gave no clue that he knew well, who the redhead boy was.
Now John faced the boy he was holding up. "Ron Weasley, obviously your parents didn't teach you manners—"
"You leave my parents out of this!"
John secretly smiled when he saw that Ron's ears were turning red. "You pushed a kid down like a Muggle bully, you told Neville a lie about you being Harry's 'best mate,' and clearly you're angling to get in good with the Boy Who Lived. Harry is perfectly able to decide for himself, who his friends are—and I know for a fact that he hates both bullies and Boy-Who-Lived fanboys. So you're shit out of luck, little wizard."
John still was holding Ron a foot off the ground. Now he carried Ron to the back of the group of first-years, saying as he walked, "With a name starting with W, you might be the last to be Sorted. If your attitude doesn't improve, get used to being last at everything during your seven years here."
When John returned to Paulina, Harry, and Hermione, he discovered that the door was open and McGonagall was trying to stare him down.
McGonagall demanded, "What is the problem here, Mr Potter?"
"No problem, professor. An immature student tried to bully another student; and I resolved the conflict peacefully."
McGonagall said archly, "You couldn't have waited for a professor to resolve the issue?"
"Mr. Longbottom belongs to House Longbottom, which historically has been allied with House Potter. I considered this to be a House matter, so I acted. Besides, the New York Wand has written many stories about how well you professors at Hogwarts deal with bullying."
John's raised eyebrow added a sentence, not spoken but impossible to miss: How you Hogwarts professors deal with bullying is pathetic, and the rest of the Wizarding World knows this.
Soon the group of firsties-plus-two-newlyweds stood in the entrance hall, waiting to be brought into the Great Hall.
John quietly murmured to Paulina, "I expect a Howler from Molly, tomorrow or the next day. I insulted Ron's parents' parenting skills."
Paulina slapped John's arm. "I declare, John, you are bad."
This was when the four House ghosts showed up.
This lifetime, the ghosts' "overheard" conversation was different: John heard no mention of Peeves. John could not figure out why this had changed.
A few minutes later, the students to be Sorted were at the front of the Great Hall, with the High Table behind them and the four House tables in front of them. But immediately in front of John, Paulina, and the firsties was the four-legged stool that was brought out once a year, on which was placed the patched, frayed, and dirty Sorting Hat.
Professor McGonagall now stepped forward, holding a long roll of parchment. "When I call your name, you will put on the Hat and sit on the stool to be Sorted. Abbott—"
John Potter stepped forward and called out, "Sorting Hat! I am John Potter, the Potter Regent and a seventh-year transfer student, and I ask that you Sort me first!"