"Spicy mapo tofu, coming right up!"
The moment the bowls were set down, Naruto and Sasuke dug in with a ravenous intensity that would make a starved ninken blush. The fiery spice instantly conquered their taste buds, and the two boys devoured the entire contents in two massive, inelegant bites.
*Ninja Dog
Watching the two empty their bowls with steam practically coming out of their ears, Raimon couldn't help but smirk.
"If it's delicious, you should eat more. Don't worry, you'll have your fill tomorrow!"
It wasn't that he was being sinister; it was simple logic. Intense training required intense fuel. Naruto, with his Uzumaki and Jinchuriki vitality, would be fine. Sasuke might have a… rougher morning.
Watching the two rivals bicker even with their mouths full, a sense of profound peace settled over Raimon. It had been so long since he'd experienced such a simple, domestic moment. Not even the Pure Land had felt this stable.
Just three more years, he thought, looking longingly at the steaming ramen bowls he could no longer taste. I really miss the flavor of real food.
...
Meanwhile, on the road far from Konoha, Jiraiya sat cross-legged by a riverbank, miserably chewing on a piece of hard, dry field ration.
"Seriously… I finally get back to the village for some proper research and relaxation," he grumbled to the empty air, his face a mask of resentment. He hadn't even gathered enough 'inspirational material' for his next Icha Icha book, and now his writing schedule was completely derailed. "My poor, dear readers are going to be so disappointed!"
He took another bitter bite of the tasteless brick and pulled out a scroll, deciding to at least jot down the notes he'd gathered from his brief time in Konoha.
He'd been traveling for a full day, following leads and asking discreet questions. He'd basically pinpointed Tsunade's location. To complete the terrifying mission given to him by a certain drill-wielding specter as quickly as possible, he'd resorted to summoning Gamabunta to travel across unpopulated areas. He was genuinely afraid that if he was too slow, he'd get a 'reminder' delivered directly to his backside.
She's Konoha's biggest spender, he thought. Just ask at any casino between here and the coast, and you'll find her.
"I'd kill for a hot bowl of ramen right now," Jiraiya sighed, holding up the dry ration as a single, dramatic tear traced a path through the dirt on his cheek.
Swish.
A figure materialized in front of him so suddenly it barely disturbed the air. It was Namikaze Raimon, holding a steaming, fragrant bowl of Ichiraku Ramen.
"Well, well, well~ Crying at your age? How unbecoming."
Hearing that voice, Jiraiya's tears instantly reversed course, sucked back into his tear ducts through sheer force of will.
"W-who's crying?! I just got some dust in my eye!" he blustered, quickly wiping his face. He knew Raimon all too well; the man had no filter and took immense pleasure in other people's embarrassment.
"It's fine to cry. No need to be shy," Raimon said with a dismissive wave, handing the ramen over.
Jiraiya snatched the bowl, glaring daggers at the blond man. He wasn't embarrassed about crying; he was terrified Raimon would spread some exaggerated rumor. By the time the story circulated back to him, it would be something like: 'Konoha's Legendary Sannin, Jiraiya, Heartbroken and Banned from Bathhouses, Cries Bitterly by River, Contemplating Suicide!' Or worse: 'Jiraiya's Posterior Pummeled, Secretly Licking Wounds in Solitude!'
He shuddered, shaking the horrifying mental images from his head.
"Any news on Tsunade?" Raimon asked.
"Yeah, I've got a lead," Jiraiya replied between voracious slurps of noodles. He then picked up the bowl and chugged the entire contents, broth and all.
"You know Tsunade! Just ask at any casino worth its salt and you'll find her!" He rolled his eyes. He had to go find his own wife? Honestly!
Raimon considered it. He'd left a Flying Thunder God mark back in Konoha, so returning was instantaneous. Tomorrow, he'd take Naruto with him to find Tsunade. Sasuke could continue his… unique training with Might Guy.
I just hope Sasuke doesn't get completely led astray by Guy's 'youthful' enthusiasm, Raimon mused. He tried to picture a bowl-cut Sasuke in a green spandex jumpsuit and failed miserably. He wondered if Uchiha Itachi would be compelled to disown his brother on sight.
(image on my Patr3on)
Ah, well. I'm not exactly among the living right now anyway. As long as he doesn't seal me with that Totsuka Blade…
Still, he longed for a true resurrection. This Edo Tensei state was so limiting. He couldn't even enjoy a good meal or change his clothes. He was stuck in the same outfit for eternity, truly achieving the ultimate minimalist wardrobe.
"Tomorrow, I'll bring Minato's kid and meet you to find Tsunade," Raimon declared.
With that, he extended his right hand toward Jiraiya.
"What do you want? I'm not into that!" Jiraiya said, recoiling slightly.
"The bowl, you baka!" Raimon said, his eye twitching. This old lecher's mind was always in the gutter.
"Oh. Right. Of course." Jiraiya handed the empty bowl back, and in a flash of yellow, Raimon vanished.
"Hey! Wait! You didn't give me a ride back!" Jiraiya shouted at the empty space where Raimon had been. Why should he sleep in the woods feeding mosquitoes when he could be back in his comfortable bed in Konoha?
Then he remembered. Oh, right. He left a mark. He could just teleport back tomorrow. His frustration eased slightly.
"I'm going to complain about you! I'm telling Tsunade everything!" he yelled at the night sky for good measure.
Once he'd vented, he calmed down, bit his thumb, and slapped a hand on the ground. "Summoning Jutsu!"
A few small, confused-looking toads popped into existence around him.
"Little Jiraiya? Is it time to fight?" one squeaked. They were eager to see the human world but weren't exactly keen on being cannon fodder.
"Nothing like that. Just keep watch for me tonight," Jiraiya instructed, lying down on the grass. Spending the night outdoors without a tent required a few living 'alarm systems.' Besides, these alarms were also excellent at catching mosquitoes.
...
Back at Ichiraku Ramen in Konoha, Naruto and Sasuke were still in the middle of their impromptu eating contest. They both paused mid-slurp when Raimon reappeared.
"Uncle! Where'd you go?" Naruto asked, a noodle hanging from his mouth.
"Nowhere important," Raimon replied casually. "Just paying a visit to a lonely empty-nester."
"A lonely elder?" Sasuke mused, his expression softening. "It seems Sensei is a kind person after all."
He was reminded of a kind elder from his own clan who would always help old ladies cross the street.
If Raimon could have heard Sasuke's thoughts, he would have retorted, "You're one to talk! You 'encourage' old men from behind with your youthful vigor!"
"Sasuke! I win!" Naruto shouted, having taken advantage of Sasuke's momentary distraction to scrape his bowl completely clean, even giving it a thorough lick for good measure.
"Cheater! That doesn't count!" Sasuke glared, his face a picture of indignation. The dead last had ambushed him!
Watching them bicker, Raimon could only look on with disdain. The two of them combined didn't have the sheer, terrifying eating power of a certain Hyūga heiress.
"Alright, that's enough. Go home and get some rest once you're full," he said, cutting their argument short.
He then instructed Sasuke to continue his training with Might Guy tomorrow, explaining that he would be taking Naruto to find Tsunade.
A flicker of wanting crossed Sasuke's face, but he had no good reason to ask to come. Raimon was, after all, Naruto's uncle. And he had to admit, just one day of the 'butt-wiggle' training had been more effective than a month of his solo practice. Listening to this man was clearly the right path to power.
...
In a bustling town in the Land of Fire, Tsunade walked with a spring in her step, a flask of sake in her hand. Shizune followed behind her, struggling under the weight of a large bag full of money.
"From now on, if anyone dares to call me the Legendary Sucker, I'll break their legs!" Tsunade declared, a triumphant grin on her face.
For once, her infamous luck had turned. She'd been on a winning streak all day. If the casino owner hadn't physically escorted her out, she would have played until the sun came up.
But beneath the surface of her joy, a familiar, cold dread was coiling in her gut. When she lost, everything was fine. But when she won… something catastrophic always happened.
Her thoughts drifted to the news she'd received days earlier. That old man Sarutobi… he should be gone by now, right?
She took a long swig from her flask, the alcohol doing little to warm the chill inside. She'd had an inkling of Orochimaru's plans and had done nothing to stop him. Her great-grandfather and great-uncle had sacrificed everything for Konoha's future. But the Third Hokage?
It felt like he was burning Konoha's future just to keep his own flame flickering a little longer. The village was rotten. Maybe it needed to burn to the ground before something new could grow.
"It's better this way… It's better he's gone," she whispered to herself, the words tasting like ash in her mouth.