Keep watering yourself. You're growing
~E.Russell
All my life I have been raised in the love of my grandparents. Growing up in a lovable environment and then to suddenly be thrust into an environment that is not. You could see how that would change your self esteem.
From your mother not liking how you look to your father only looking at you as a pawn in his play. Now you're standing around watching two men go back and forth about who is using you for personal gain. All the while your father thinks this is amusing.
I could see it…the amusement on his face. He thought this was funny that two men were arguing over a girl who he didn't deem useful only for the mine was I deemed somewhat useful and as soon as I got married he would demand that mine.
"You only want her for the mine"! Stellan yelled at Agustin pointing his finger in his chest. Agustin wasn't moved by this at all. He simply stared down at him. His wolf-like eyes seemed that they could come out with fangs and end Stellan with a simple bite.
Agustin was taller and bigger than Stellan. Stellan had to stare up at him. Agustin's hair was black and his eyes were these deep dark brown. They lit up every time he moved his head reflecting the sun in them. "We are making a scene here"! My mother interrupted.
"Lord Wolf Thomas, will you please do something"?! They continued to watch both with their arms crossed to see if Agustin would do anything or if Stellan would. The sad thing about this all was they weren't fighting over me because they loved me. No they weren't in love they were fighting because they wanted what I had.
I felt nothing in my hands. Neither did I feel disappointed anymore my parents had given me so much disappointment I was full of it. "Fighting over the diamond mind is useless". I interrupted causing them to be quiet and look over at me. "None of you will see any of it, not even you father".
The look on all their faces was priceless. I could see the anger rising up in my fathers eyes, others confused on what this meant so I explained it to them.
"An inheritance is an inheritance that's exactly what it means you won't be able to touch it even if I did get married the diamond and the business shares in Qiaiar are in mine name so they are mine".
I stared every one in their faces. My mother was in shock that I was talking back my father was angry of course he's always angry. Stellan and lord Wolf was confused on what this meant and Agustin I couldn't read his expression nor did I care to.
I sighed and crossed my arms. "The inheritance said that I couldn't get controlled until I married contract but what you don't ready is if I didn't get married three years after my debutante I could get them I'm twenty three years old it's been three years".
"So you mean to tell me you didn't get married for three years so you could have control over the mine and shares"! My father yelled.
I held my hand up to him. "Do you really think I wouldn't get married for three years to get control of the mine? Getting married means I get to leave you guys. I would gladly accept that".
"But what everyone doesn't seem to understand is that if I get married then they suddenly get access to my mine and my shares. You should've read the will more because the diamond mine and the shares are for me if I get divorced my spouse or parents cannot touch them at all. I couldn't even hand it over to you if I wanted". I shook my head at all of them in disgust.
Fighting over my diamond mine and shares. The last thing my grandparents gave to me. "None of you would touch it". My voice could barely come out. It only came out as a whisper. I walked away with Amara who ran after me. Her arms interlinked with mine.
My stomach hurt. It had been hurting for hours after I had eaten that shaved ice. I don't know why I had eaten it in the first place. I hated sweets. I hated alcohol. I hate the water but I got in that stupidly boat with Stellan anyways. All day Agustin and Stellan had been fighting over who would do what with me and I hated it all only because I thought they liked it so I did it.
"You wanna go home". Amara said, staring down at me holding my stomach. I nodded yes. And she agreed with me with a silent nod. "I had wondered why you had eaten that shaved ice. You hate sweet things". Amara placed her hand on my back and stomach as a sort of support even though she knew it would be of no help to my pain to still ease it in a weird way.
When we got home my father nor mother called me down to have one of those conversations that usually was of them berating me. I laid in bed that night with Amara. Neither one of us talked that much. We just laid there in silence and I enjoyed that silence.
It was silent for a few days until a sudden appearance was made by Stellan wolf. Why he had thought it was okay to see me who knows why. I stood on the balcony of the main stairs by the front door. Stellan and his father entered. He gave a bouquet of flowers to my mother and held another bouquet of flowers in his hands, yellow and pink roses.
The bouquet was huge. It had to be over a hundred of roses in that bouquet. My mother waved for me to come down and I came down reluctantly. He handed me the bouquet of flowers with a smile that went from ear to ear. Such a fake smile I thought to myself.
"Well why don't we have one of the guards to accompany you two to the gardens while lord Wolf and your father catch up". My mother said so excited for me and Stella's meeting. "Sounds good". Stellan said holding his hand out for me to lead the way.
My personal guard and his shadowed behind us as mostly Stellan talked and I answered some. The garden was just a bare hedge maze garden with some flower beds here and there. Mother wasn't that very interested in gardening I don't know why she thought it would be a good idea for me to take Stellan on a tour here.
"The flowers match your dress yellow". Stellan smiled. "It seems I choose well". I looked at my dress. "Oh it seems so".
"You always wear these flowy loose dresses, is it Qiaiar fashion"? Stellan asked as we sat down on a bench. "Yes, in fact it is much more comfortable than the fashion in the empire".
"And your hair is down again I see". Stellan said staring at my hair he turned his attention to me making eye contact with me. "You seem to turn heads when you let your hair down".
"Would you make me put it up"? I asked seriously. I could see the thinking in his eyes and the tapping of his foot. "Do you know what these flowers represent?". Stellan asked, seemingly changing the conversation.
I shook my head no. "The wolf family loves flowers and plants the flowers of their wife. Yellow roses friendship and joy I choose them because of your name and then we have the pink roses". He said touching the pink rose.
"Sweetness and admiration". "Admiration for what"? I was confused and almost disgusted at this deep act that he was trying to pull. "For yesterday how you yelled at all of us this is your inheritance we can't touch it"! He chuckled.
"I thought of you as a quiet woman when I first met you". "Am I"? I rubbed my fingers over the yellow roses. "Yes but you show strength when needed". He plucked a pink rose out of the bouquet and put it in my hair. "I would love for you to agree to my marriage proposal".
"You have seen me wear pink yes". I said removing the rose from my hair. "Yes but rarely". I nodded. "I don't really like the color pink and it doesn't look good on me so I rarely wear it". I placed the rose back into the bouquet and stared at Stellan wondering if he began to understand what I was saying.
"The only time you see me wearing pink is when my mother has dressed me and I have no choice". This time I looked him in the eyes. He stared back into mine slowly beginning to understand what I was saying. "Just like wearing the color pink my marriage is of no choice of mine".
I looked away, staring at the window my mother was staring down out of at us. "Don't worry young lord you do not have to woo me over with flowers and sweet words I'm pretty sure my father will agree to me marrying you".
"I-". "You are and you did". I answered him before he tried to deny. "I truly do admire you". Stellan said in an almost panic. I looked at him. I couldn't understand if the panic was because he was scared I would tell my parents to reject the marriage or because he genuinely admired me.
The sun beamed in my eye causing me to flinch. He raised his hand up blocking the sun from my eyes still panic in his eyes. "I do- I do admire you".
I couldn't help but laugh at him. He looked like a child begging their parents to believe them. That their imaginary friend was indeed real. "Why are you laughing? I'm serious". He pleaded. "I believe you young lord". I said, staring back at my mother who was gone.
We began to walk again at the center of the garden was this hill that went up to a cut down tree stump. We climbed the hill. I could feel Stellan's eyes on me as we climbed. I didn't looked back on him I didn't care what he was staring at or so called admiring. I was too busy thinking of what my future would be like if I had to marry him.
At the top of the hill the wind began to blow. Pushing my hair back and forth in my face. I stared down at the meadow field and forest that laid beyond the field. Wishing that my grandparents were still alive so I wouldn't have to go through this. I tucked a piece behind my ear and sighed. "What are you thinking of-". I looked at Stellan. "Staring at me so intensely like that".
"I have the answer to your question…. When you ask whether I would make you put your hair up if this marriage were to go through". He cleared his throat, staring at me like he had saw some amazing thing.
"I wouldn't force you too but I would get jealous that others other than me would get to see this amazing sight that I am seeing right now…with you and your hair down".
"Amazing". I whispered to myself and stared back into the meadow. Stellan finally took his eyes off of me and stared in the meadow also. "I stay in books all of the time". Stellan says. "I've read about multiple beauties but yours is the most gentlest I've ever seen".
"Thank you". I said sincerely. "Seeing what beauties look like from a book". I chuckled. "Yes I have quite the imagination". Stellan grinned.
"Canary I would like to say a word may I"? I nodded. "Go ahead". "Earlier you said you don't have a choice on who you marry-". I nodded again. "But the choice is always yours if you don't want to marry me reject me right in front of everyone and in my part I will agree with your choice of rejecting the marriage".
I looked at Stellan. Wondering where he was getting at with saying this. What he was plotting- "not everything is a plot". Stellan said, smiling and staring right back at me.
"If you don't want to marry me I won't force you to this I promise". "Th-thank you". I answered. I was taken aback by how sincere he was. Just a couple of days ago I viewed him as a completely different person. "Though I will ask for your favorite flower, it seems you don't like roses". "I love marigolds". Stellan's face was very surprised at this classic flower; his emotions showed all in his face.
"Vey classic I know but I love that yellow color". "I guess I won't ask what your favorite color is then". Stellan chuckled. "It's green too. I love green and yellow". Stellan smiled a pleased smile and put his hands behind his back. "Yours"? I asked. "I love red". "Like a fire red the colors that you see in a fire". "How the red dances around the orange sometimes mixing together". "Isn't fire usually an orange color"? "Yes it is but im talking about that red you see at the bottom of the flame".
"I feel as though it is just like me. The orange color is mostly noticed but that red is still there comforting the orange flames". "What a way to put it". Stellan nodded. "I hope to be the red to your orange even if it's just as friends". My silence was my agreement or rather my comfort in these words of Stellan. The rest of the way we walked in silence.