"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars".
Oscar Wilde, Lady Windermere's Fan
Agustin continued to come over to the house. Completely normal as if nothing happened as no words were exchanged in the hallway between him and Canary and all the while Agustin acted and looked unfazed. Canary thought that she might go mad with her feelings and angry towards Agustin.
She thought she could feel this way towards Agustin… but she could feel none of this all she could feel was regret and sadness.. regretting that she let herself grow feelings for someone else. And not sadness because of the situation..she was sad for herself.
"I might grow into an old maiden Tearina". Canary said laying on a couch in her bedroom. "An old maiden with God children". Canary looked at the empty finger on her hand. "Really lord Will seems to be interested in you"? Tearina said. "Lord Wolf has said he had no interest in politics, especially one of a marriage and would rather run away". Canary said.
"Istella". Canary whispered just for herself only to hear. "Good evening Istella". Agustin said, greeting her Lyikarian. As normal as ever and Canary didn't know how she should respond. She was taken back by how calm and normal Agustin was. Once again Agustin had put his mask on no sign of the other Agustin was seen. Which scared Canary on how Agustin could change back and forth so easily.
"Hello-". Canary said bitterly. Agustin simply smiled at Canary's bitter reply. Even more at Stellan who was sitting next to her at this outing they were on. Canary had barely given Agustin any glance or acknowledgment. Though he had sent a letter apologizing to Canary for his actions even when he had managed to get Canary somewhat alone he had apologized again.
Canary had accepted his apology and once again he had finally seen her warm smile but it was not the same warm smile that he had seen in that garden or at other times. The rain had finally cleared up and the young adults of white wood had set out to look at the market. Amara with her fiancée and Eddison by himself for Realina could not come.
As for Stellan and Agustin they had tagged along since they were always at the Whitewood country house. Though they were mostly in a group it was clear that Canary and Stellan were sticking close together. Though Canary seemed to be smiling she seemed to also be in a daze and once again Agustin thought if he could just talk to Canary he could persuade her.
Agustin would not be able to persuade and he soon realized this when he had finally met eyes with Canary who was at a stall a little ways off from the others. Her unmoved eyes that once sparkled when he had met eye to eye with her. Were now dim. The same dim eyes that he had seen when he first met Canary. "Canary". Agustin said, grabbing her before she could walk away.
"It is unpleasant when you grab me like that". Canary said, making Agustin let go. "Canary I-". "Do you truly think I will give up Lyikar for you"? Canary asked. "Especially for someone who does not have feelings for me"? Agustin stood there for what seemed like a while staring at Canary. Though he hated to admit it he knew Canary wouldn't leave Lyikar for him…nor anyone else which made him think about it even more she probably wouldn't even leave Lyikar even if she was in love with him or anyone else. "Yes I know". Agustin answered. "That being said, I shall still help you with the business situation". Canary said.
"What"? Agustin said, confused. "Why"? "Because unlike you I really do consider you a friend". Canary said. "Do and not did". Agustin mumbled. "I also consider you a friend even still". "Do you really"? Canary said, trying to get a read on Agustin. "Or did you just want me as a friend to use me"? Canary asked. "No, I considered you a friend". Agustin said, shaking his head. "I have friends other than you. You aren't my only friend". Agustin shrugged his shoulders. "Your brother can't really be considered a friend". "I mean other than my brother". Canary said, frowning. "I mean it". She said, staring at Agustin who was disrespectfully chuckling. "In Lyikar you would be surprised you are quite disrespectful". She said almost shouting.
"I do not mean to be disrespectful". Agustin said. "Yeah you did just like that night". Canary said, crossing her arms. "I- I admit I was disrespectful and I am sorry for that Istella there was no excuse I should've controlled my emotions". Agustin kept staring and studying the different expressions on Canary's face at what he just said. Whether she should believe and trust Agustin's words or not. But in truth this was Agustins most sincere and honest self that few people could see. "Explain your actions afterwards, acting as if nothing happened and being so friendly with me"? Canary said. "I-i". Agustin stared over Canary's head and sighed. "I tell you Istella I am most sincere with you so I shall tell you this". "I was embarrassed". Agustin said. "Right after I said those things to you I regretted them instantly". Agustin said. "Can you say that while staring at me". Canary said, standing on her tiptoes to see Agustin's face. "I was embarrassed". Agustin said fian;;y staring at her. "Right after I said those things to you I regretted them instantly". Agustin said. "And I did not know how to confront you afterwards. Very few times do I show my emotions and rash with my actions". Agustin said. "If you needed words of affirmation I would've simply given them to you". Canary said.
Agustin nodded. "Your conversations with me give me all the affirmation I need". Agustin said. "I just don't want you marrying the Wolf boy". Agustin said looking at Stellan who was staring back at them. "Why are you scared Stellan would not let me do the business with you"? Canary asked. Agustin nodded. "That and I don't want you to marry that Wolf boy the other reason I shall figure that out later". Canary smirked. "Stellan doesn't want to get married or involve himself in the situation between the crown prince faction and the king's faction". She said, "Really so you had marriage talks"? Agustin said.
Canary nodded. "I at least had to acknowledge it". "No you didn't". Agustin said. "You didn't have to acknowledge anything". "I did". "So you wanted to marry him"? Agustin said. "Thats the only reason you would acknowledge marrying the Wolf boy is because you wanted to marry him too I thought you said you'd only marry for love"? Agustin said. "I do". Canary said,answering his interrogation. "Then why are you talking to him about marriage then". Agustin then crossed his arms with this huge grimace on his face. Was Stellan okay for Canary to have marriage talks to but he wasn't. "I don't understand-". "I had to talk to him because of my mother". Canary said. "Have I soothed your worries"? She teased.
"My worries"? Agustin chuckled. "Yeah your worries". Canary said, picking up a trinket. "My only worries are if me and you have made up". Agustin said. Canary sighed and stared at the gold and ruby trinket that was in her hands. Her eyes reflected back in them and in the corner of the round trinket Agustin's eyes were staring at Canary. "Me and you are okay". Canary said, setting the trinket down. "We're okay"? Agustin said excitedly. "Yes we're okay". Canary said, looking at Agustin. "You know the sad thing is I already forgave you right when you said those words". Canary said. "Why is that sad"? Agustin said. "It's not the fact that I would forgive you no matter what-". Canary said. "Its more of the fact I think I would take you back no matter what you do". "Is that a bad thing or a good thing"? Agustin said walking after Canary he began to leave the stall. "I don't feel like telling you right now". Canary said. "All that matters now is that me and you have made up". Canary had already known what this meant although she wouldn't be telling Agustin. Especially now that she knew Agustin didn't share the same feelings as her. The truth of this saying was that Canary knew that if she had married Agustin no matter what fight they would get into, no matter what they would say to each other, or what Agustin would do or something he would commit Canary would take him back no matter what…all the reason why she didn't want to marry Agustin. She had felt after this argument that she had with Agustin and his charm when apologizing to her that she felt herself fall for him even more.
She could cry at her feelings for what she had put down Agustin had come back up. The fact that she would see him in Lyikar didn't help the situation either, who knew how long Agustin would be in Lyikar for the trade deal with Lyikar. Canary could feel happy about this situation she thought. But overall she wasn't. Especially after seeing how happy Agustin was at their reconciliation. So happy that he picked up the trinket that Canary was looking at (For no reason at all by the way she didn't want it) and bought it for Canary. "Here". Agustin said, handing her the wrapped trinket. "They said it's a brooch from Lyikar though it's old and broken now I'm sure we can find a jeweler to fix it". Agustin said smiling. "For our reconciliation". "Too bad I don't have a gift for you then". Canary smiled. "Don't worry it's more for a gift on my side anyways". "Lets join the others". Canary said, leading Agustin back to the group.
"Made up"? Stellan said, smiling at Canary who came by his side. "Yes". Canary answered. "How…wonderful". Stellan said side eyeing Agustin. "Is it truly so wonderful to you"? Agustin said noting this look from Stellan. "Maybe wonderful on your end". Stellan smiled. "But on Carrie's end, who knows". "Hah I'll have you know-". "Auggy". Eddison said, shaking his head at Agustin outburst. "Seems like you two have become quite close". Agustin said irritated. "Is this your other friend you were talking about Istella"? Eddison rolled his eyes and pulled Agustin away from the group. "What is wrong with you why are you acting like this"? Eddison scolded.
"Don't you find it strange how Stellan Wolf has been in society all this time and now all of a sudden he wants to be friends with Canary". Agustin argued. "You are so stupid and rash"! Eddison sighed. "Before Amara's debutante rarely did Canary come out into society Stellan Wolf hadn't seen Canary at all in society until this year she stayed with our uncle-". "I still don't like it". Agustin said cutting Eddison. "You don't have to like but understand this! Canary is a grown woman. She is not your sister nor your child, she is your friend. Only you cannot order her around and tell her who she can and can't talk to"! Eddison yelled. "Many times me and Shimon have let you slide on your immature behavior due to your situation but I draw the line at my sister"! "You have to grow out of what happened in your childhood, you cannot become possessive over every little thing"! Eddison yelled. "And now you're showing your tanned butt in public embarrassing us"! Eddison sighed and placed his hand on his head. Agustin couldn't argue back at anything that Eddison said because he was right. He knew too that he had to change his ways. Agustin grew up having no one but his nannies and the Longwood's to help him. So when Shimon,Tearina,and Eddison had come along he grew possessive of the people that he gained.
Only with Canary it was something different. He seemed more possessive of Canary than the others and he didn't know why. It wasn't because of the business he had already ruled that out,maybe he thought just maybe it was because unlike the others Canary was sort of similar to him and could understand where he was coming from. Someone he could talk to and have a mutual conversation with. If she were to get married all of that would be taken away. He wouldn't have that comfort of a conversation someone he could tell all to and not be judged of course Eddison and the others wouldn't judge him but they couldn't relate with him either. That where Canary came in she could relate to him and understand and even give him advice.
He stared at Canary and Stellan happily talking and looked back at Eddison. "I agree". Agustin said. "I understand". Eddison nodded and patted him on the shoulder. "It's good that you understand". Agustin looked back at the two and something even more fierce lit up inside of Agustin. More than before. He would let up and change his possessiveness towards Eddison and the others but Canary would be a different story. He would not let up on Canary and he would not let anyone else take Canary away. "All the more reason to marry her". Agustin mumbled under his breath. "Let's go". Eddison said, pulling Agustin back to the group.