Editors are the quiet warriors of filmmaking.
Calm.
Patient.
Precise.
They have seen chaos.
They've patched together disasters.
They've saved careers.
But nothing—absolutely nothing—prepared them for editing Aria Lane.
And today, the post-production suite officially declared:
"She is a menace."
Inside the Editing Room
Three editors sat surrounded by:
energy drinks
eye bags
five monitors
one shrine of stress snacks
Editor #1 rubbed his temples.
Editor #2 stared into the void.
Editor #3 whispered:
"Roll the warehouse fight footage."
Editor #1 clicked the file.
The screen showed—
Aria disappearing out of frame.
Then reappearing behind another actor.
Then reappearing on the other side of the set.
Editor #2 gasped.
"She TELEPORTS."
Editor #3 corrected him.
"No. She moves faster than the cameras can track."
Editor #2 clutched his heart.
"That's WORSE!"
They Review the Door Scene
Editor #1 dragged the next clip onto the timeline.
Mason's voice echoed:
"Just open the door GENTLY!"
The editors all leaned forward.
Aria reached for the knob.
Turning…
Pulling…
CRACKKKK—
Door: exits the universe.
Editor #3 paused the video.
"…How do we edit this?"
Editor #1 whispered:
"Do we… CGI the door… back into her hand…?"
Editor #2 panicked.
"No! If we CGI it back, she'll break it again in the next shot!"
All three fell silent.
Then collectively agreed:
"We are doomed."
The Fake Punch Scene: A Psychological Attack
Editor #1 clicked on the next file.
Aria threw the infamous "fake punch."
Sam flew out of the frame like a comet.
Editor #2 slammed the desk.
"WHY DOES HER 'FAKE' PUNCH HAVE SOUND EFFECTS?! WE DIDN'T ADD ANY!"
Editor #3 whispered:
"…That's the wind."
Editor #1 replayed the moment.
Sam screamed in the background.
Editor #2 covered his face.
"This is not footage. This is evidence."
Julian's Improvised Scenes Make It Worse
Editor #3 dragged a romantic-tension clip onto the timeline.
Julian leaned in too close.
Aria responded with deadly calm.
Lighting turned soft as if the universe wanted a romance arc.
Editor #1 groaned.
"How do we edit this into an action scene?"
Editor #2 zoomed in.
"They're looking at each other like they're about to elope."
Editor #3 mashed his keyboard.
"NO.
WE ARE NOT MAKING A LOVE STORY.
MASON WILL KILL US."
Editors Start Keeping Notes
Editor #1 wrote:
Aria moves too fast
Julian too smooth
Camera too traumatized
Mason too loud
Daniel crying again
Editor #2 added:
No more slow-motion scenes. Aria turns them into teleportation.
Don't use close-ups. Her expressions cause fandom riots.
Do NOT release behind-the-scenes footage. Ever.
Editor #3 scribbled:
Add more blur effects to hide her speed
Reduce sound of wind-generating punches
Maybe cut the door-breaking scene? (No, she does it again later…)
They Summon Mason
Mason entered the editing suite looking 20 years older.
Editor #1 gestured at the screen.
"Director… sir… please explain… this."
They played a clip of Aria fixing her hair—
—and in the background, a stunt actor flew across the set because she accidentally shoved him while moving a chair.
Mason pressed both hands to his face.
"I don't know! I didn't tell her to do that!!"
Editor #3 put a hand on Mason's shoulder.
"Director… she cannot be edited."
Mason blinked.
"…What do you mean she cannot be edited?"
Editor #1 whispered with haunted eyes:
"She breaks continuity."
Editor #2 added:
"She breaks physics."
Editor #3 concluded:
"She breaks the editing timeline itself."
Aria Accidentally Enters the Room
Aria walked in quietly.
All three editors flinched.
Editor #2 yelped and dropped his mouse.
Aria blinked.
"…I knocked."
"No you didn't!" the editors said in unison.
Aria tilted her head.
"I did. You didn't hear."
Mason cried into his hands.
The Final Blow
Editor #1 cleared his throat.
"Miss Lane… if possible… could you move more predictably on camera?"
Aria thought seriously.
"…No."
Editor #2 fainted.
Editor #3 whispered:
"She answered honestly. We respect that."
Aria nodded politely and exited the room.
Editor #1 watched her leave.
Then turned to Mason with dead eyes.
"Your lead actress is un-editable."
Mason whispered:
"I know."
Editor #1 added:
"And we mean this respectfully—"
Editor #2 revived briefly, shouted:
"—SHE'S A MENACE!"
Then fainted again.