"WHAT'S UP, GUYS! IT'S MRBEAST, AND TODAY WE'RE DOING THE MOST INSANE CHALLENGE EVER BROUGHT TO YOU BY—" Jimmy yelled, as the camera drone hovered behind him, capturing the broken silhouette of a derelict Space Hulk drifting through space like the galaxy's ugliest yard sale.
"—THE FIRST EVER SPACE HULK HIDE-AND-SEEK WITH ONE HUNDRED CONTESTANTS!" He pointed dramatically at the rusted mega-structure. "First person to survive without being found wins ONE MILLION EURODOLLARS!"
The contestants cheered.
***********
MrBeast clapped his hands. "Okay, guys! Rules are simple: you hide. The seekers—which include professional genestealers trained and brainwashed—will try to find you. Oh, and we couldn't get regular security, so the only other seeker is—"
A servitor dragged itself forward, one eye glowing red, the other dangling like a depressed Christmas ornament.
"SERVITOR-47 READY FOR… HHHHHHH-HELP… SEEKING… OR… HUNTING…"
"Yeah, that," Jimmy said. "Anyway, good luck! Doors open in—"
A genestealer shrieked and punched the button.
"—NOW."
Everyone ran.
Except Chandler, who tripped, fell into a vent, and disappeared.
Jimmy shrugged. "We'll find him later."
Karl whispered, "We never find him later."
***********
The 100 contestants flooded into the labyrinth of metal corridors, flickering lights, and strange fluids that were definitely not health-code compliant.
Some hid behind crates.
Some inside pipes.
Some inside other pipes.
One guy hid behind a sign that said 'Absolutely Do Not Hide Here.'
Meanwhile, the genestealers spread out silently.
Contestant #54 whispered, "Are they fast?"
Contestant #55 whispered, "I heard they can run on walls. They're worse than Spider-man"
They both looked up.
A genestealer casually ran across the ceiling above them.
Both contestants died screaming.
***********
Chandler crawled through a vent, muttering: "Okay okay okay, I just gotta hide. Easy. I'll hide so good Jimmy won't even—"
He fell out of the vent and landed directly on top of a Genestealer.
The Genestealer froze.
Chandler froze.
The camera drone froze.
Chandler whispered, "Are you… seeking me or… am I seeking you?"
The genestealer tilted its head.
Chandler picked up a random metal box. "TAG! You're it!"
To everyone's shock, the genestealer accepted this, let out a questioning hiss, and sprinted off.
Chandler stood, dusted himself off, and said, "I think I'm on the wrong team."
He wandered off to find people to tag.
***********
Servitor-47 booted up with a sparking noise.
"SEARCHING FOR TARGETS… SEARCHING FOR… SOUP?" it asked.
Then its arms rotated 360 degrees while it floated an inch above the ground.
One contestant peeked around a corner.
SERVITOR-47 spotted him.
It sprinted toward him, arms flailing like inflatable tube men, screaming digital static.
The contestant ran.
SERVITOR-47 ran harder.
A bolter fell off its back and discharged into the ceiling.
Genestealers looked up, confused.
SERVITOR-47 crashed through a bulkhead wall, overshot its target, and fell into a garbage chute.
"SEEKING… COMPLETE."
It was not complete.
***********
Jimmy's drone descended. "Guys! Thirty minutes in and we're already down to 64 contestants! If you're still alive, congratulations! You've beaten the average survival rate!"
Karl added, "The average survival rate for infested Space Hulk hide-and-seek is zero."
A genestealer ran behind them carrying a dead contestant.
Jimmy continued without turning. "Anyway, time for the first challenge twist! We're releasing—"
Three more servitors slithered from the shadows.
"—the HAUNTED SERVITORS! They've been wandering this Space Hulk for like… five thousand years? So try not to get near them. They whisper things."
"Horrible things..." Karl shuddered.
One servitor floated past.
"YOUR TAXES ARE DUE," it murmured.
A contestant dropped dead from stress.
***********
Ten contestants huddled in a bloodstained storage room.
"We have numbers!" one said.
"We have courage!" said another.
A genestealer crawled out of an air vent.
They no longer had numbers.
Or courage.
Or limbs.
***********
A contestant stood in a hallway
Perfectly still.
Eyes wide.
A genestealer noticed him immediately.
He continued not moving.
The genestealer ran past him.
"HA! I WAS RIGHT!" he yelled.
A servitor rolled up behind him.
"SILENCE."
It tasered him.
***********
One contestant painted themselves the color of the wall.
They painted so well that even they got confused and punched themselves.
A passing genestealer actually walked by twice before noticing them.
The third time, something tapped the wall-person.
It was the wall.
He screamed.
The daemon possessed wall screamed.
The genestealer screamed.
They all screamed in unison.
***********
Chandler found a group of survivors.
He marched up confidently. "Okay guys! I'm on the Seeker team now. Or maybe still on the Hider team? Not sure. Either way, I'm in charge!"
The contestants stared.
A genestealer quietly sat behind Chandler like an obedient dog.
"Chandler," one contestant whispered, "is that YOUR genestealer?"
Chandler shrugged. "He followed me home."
The genestealer purred.
Chandler pet it.
It purred louder.
The contestants screamed and ran.
Chandler called after them, "YOU CAN'T RUN FROM FRIENDSHIP!"
***********
A trio of haunted servitors floated into a hallway, chanting like broken dial-up modems.
"FILL OUT THIS JOB APPLICATION."
"PROMETHEUM PRICES ARE GETTING HIGHER AND HIGHER."
"JOIN OUR NEWSLETTER."
"I REMEMBER EVERY SIN YOU'VE EVER COMMITTED."
Contestants fled.
One tried to hide under a fallen pipe.
The servitor scanned him: "HIDING NOT APPROVED."
It poked him with a rusty data-spike.
He fainted.
The servitor nodded approvingly. "SUCCESS."
***********
Jimmy popped onto a loudspeaker. "Contestants! We've reached the one-hour mark! That means it's time for the Chaos Round! For the next 15 minutes, Chandler will be given"—a crate dropped from the ceiling—"a FLAMETHROWER."
Chandler cheered.
Karl screamed. "WHY WOULD YOU GIVE HIM THAT?!"
Chandler fired it immediately.
He didn't hit anyone.
He did set a genestealer on fire though.
The genestealer ran around shrieking, accidentally slamming into three contestants.
Chandler shouted, "I DID SOMETHING!"
***********
MrBeast's drone found the remaining ten contestants huddled in a corridor.
"You're almost done, guys! ONLY TEN LEFT!"
Behind him, a genestealer dragged someone into a duct.
"NINE LEFT!" Jimmy corrected.
Chandler ran by carrying a servitor.
"IS THIS A HIDER? OR A SEEKER? OR BOTH? HELP!" he screamed.
The servitor whispered, "YOUR DOOM APPROACHES."
Chandler screamed louder.
***********
Three contestants remained.
They stood on a rusted bridge above a bottomless pit.
A genestealer approached silently.
A haunted servitor approached not so silently.
Jimmy watched through a drone, munching popcorn. "This is intense, guys. I don't even know who's winning anymore."
Contestant #3 screamed and jumped off the bridge.
Contestant #2 fainted.
Contestant #1 looked around in horror—and then Chandler burst in with his flamethrower.
"GUYS I FOUND A SECRET ROOM AND ALSO THIS SCARY BOX AND I THINK IT'S—"
He dropped it.
The box was a melta charge.
The bridge exploded.
Everyone died.
EVERYONE.
***********
Back outside the Space Hulk, MrBeast smiled brightly at the camera.
"So guys, funny story—because everyone died at the exact same time, the winner of the Space Hulk Hide-and-Seek Challenge is…"
He dramatically lifted Chandler's unconscious body.
"CHANDLER! Who technically survived four seconds longer because he bounced off a wall before dying!"
Jimmy handed Chandler a giant novelty check.
Chandler blinked awake. "Did I win?"
"Yes, Chandler," Jimmy said proudly. "You beat the genestealers."
A genestealer in the background crossed its arms.
Chandler pointed at it. "He's my best friend now."
The genestealer nodded.
End.