While everyone was staring at me in the classroom, I felt an incomprehensible pressure, so I had no choice but to leave the room. I couldn't bear that throbbing feeling in my chest, so it was for the best.
At that moment, the recess bell rang, and I went to eat alone, but she found me: the one who had defended me that day. Seems like nobody wanted to leave me alone today.
What a nuisance, how unnecessary… Then she interrupted me and said:
—What, unnecessary, huh? —the very word I was about to say. That left me more than shocked. And she asked:
—Shall we eat together? —with a face that said I had to accept, no matter what.
I can't believe someone like me is eating with another person… and it's not just any person, it's a woman.
I saw a familiar silhouette at the door. Ah, yes, it was Elizabeth. She was making strange sounds with an expression that said she wanted to come in. That weird jealous sound, that "shhhhh"… or maybe I'm just imagining it. That's what loneliness does.
A laugh escaped me, different from before. That classroom, where it used to be my sad place to eat and escape from people and heavy air… for the first time, didn't seem so horrible.
And then that lady who had helped me before told Elizabeth to come in, asking what she was doing standing there. She said:
—What are you doing standing there? Come on, food tastes better with more people.
Everything so surprising, everything so incredible… I don't understand. After all, does someone like me have the right to feel this happy?
I don't know, but it feels good.
And so, that classmate who helped me introduced herself and said her name:
—Nice to meet you. I hadn't told you my name yet, I'm Rin.
Then Elizabeth also said her name. We spent a great time, so incredible.
And then, almost as if we had rehearsed it, we all asked at the same time if we could exchange numbers. And we did. It was the first time I did something so simple… and yet, my heart trembled as if I had signed an eternal pact.
Red cheeks, clumsy words, discomfort floating in the air… and yet, in the middle of all that, I found myself smiling. For a ridiculous but true moment, I felt happy. So happy that I didn't know if the incredible thing was exchanging a number… or realizing that I too could belong to something.
After that, we had to go back to class. When I returned, the stares were fixed on me, as always.
We sat down, and when I realized it, the classes were over. The rain hit the school roof, everyone had left. No one was left. I went down and grabbed my umbrella, but at the entrance she was there: yes, the one who had tripped that time.
She was at the entrance, alone, as if waiting for someone. I approached.
It seemed to me that she didn't have an umbrella, so I asked if we could go together. She slapped me again and replied, with an annoyed expression:
—And who told you I don't have an umbrella?
I told her that was what I thought when I saw her. And she answered:
—And do you think that seeing a woman alone at an entrance means she doesn't have an umbrella? Fool!
I just said I understood and turned, telling her I would leave.
She, with a sweet face, grabbed my shirt and asked:
—Are you leaving already?
I replied:
—But that's what you were trying to say, that I should go…
She shouted at me in the worst way, called me a fool, and hit me again. Seriously, women are a problem. So I took her hand and put her under my umbrella. Maybe that would stop her from bothering.
She hit me again and told me not to do it again.
Still.
She didn't move away from me.
We walked together to her house. There I said goodbye, but she couldn't even look at me. I understood… who would want to look at me?
While thinking that, I turned, and she appeared. As if from a dream, she asked if I was leaving and, if so, why didn't we exchange numbers? Though she said it with a big excuse, claiming that it would help her recognize me when I "harass" another girl, trying to see her underwear.
And I admit it.
That walk under the umbrella made me feel like I wasn't completely alone.
I returned home, but this time, just this once, I didn't feel it so… so cold.
So I couldn't sleep. That's when a message arrived: it was that unknown number I still hadn't added to my contacts, the one calling himself "my best friend." I read the message; it said he had a surprise for tomorrow.
I asked what it was about, but he left me on read.
The next day at school, I found out. Yes, that stranger had started going to my same school and even my same classroom. When I arrived at school and sat down, I saw him. He whispered something to the teacher, and a déjà vu ran through my body. Then he sat next to me, on the other side.
—Helloooo, best friend! —he said, with such dazzling enthusiasm I thought he would blind me.
That's when I noticed something: Elizabeth hadn't arrived that day. Normal? I suppose…
Wait? Why do I think that simple fact is normal? I don't understand. Do I know anything else about her besides meeting her on a train, with strangers, and that she tends to be a nuisance? I don't think so.
Meanwhile, by talking so much about what I think, it might seem like I made time speed up… or at least that's what an ignorant person would think.
Scientifically, time is relative, especially in the mind: when a person thinks like that, it's because temporal perception depends on neural activity. The prefrontal cortex and hippocampus synchronize electrical impulses that distort the notion of seconds and minutes; each thought alters the density of experience, and then the outside clock no longer matches the inner clock.
Or that's my humble opinion. It's amazing how smart I think I am in my head, but yesterday, when the teacher asked me something about algebra, I froze and couldn't say a word. I think what I have in my head is just information I read somewhere… when I'm alone.
I mean, all the time. Well, at least I understand my own jokes.
I checked my locker to leave, and a letter seemed to fly and fall to the floor. I picked it up, and it said:
—I'll wait for you on the school roof. Att: Holly
Incredible… or so I thought. And like any normal person, I threw it in the trash. I sighed and left.
But it seemed I was being watched, because suddenly a girl grabbed me by the arms. When I realized it, I was first looking at the sky and then the ground. Ah, yes… a girl had locked me down.
That's when she said, with a very annoyed face:
—Why did you throw it away?
I told her I didn't want to, that I didn't have time, while my face showed no sign of pain or distress. The truth is, inside I felt like I was going to explode from pain.
When she turned, I started rubbing myself from the fall. And she told me she would wait for me on the school roof.
I had no choice but to go. When I arrived… she looked beautiful, or so I think. And there she told me what I didn't expect…
That… we should go out.
WHAAAAAT?!