I opened my eyes wide and looked around, realizing I was standing in a strange garden.
Completely naked. Well… at least I had a pair of sneakers.
— Helloooo?! — I shouted, hoping for someone to answer, but the only reply was the sound of the wind.
— Where the hell am I? — I thought, taking my first step in that unknown place.
— Oh! I see you've finally woken up! — said a cheerful voice from the sky.
I looked up, slightly scared, and saw a handsome, blond, muscular man descending from above. It was beautiful… and yeah, I know how that sounds, but it really was.
— Fear not, my friend! — said the stranger heroically as his feet touched the ground.
— I, Limbo! The… of the… uh, whatever… — I didn't hear what he said. He was too far away.
Not knowing who he was or what he wanted from me, I took a step back, slowly.
He looked at me calmly, and in the blink of an eye, he was right in front of my face, making me fall backward.
— Hey, what are you doing? — I asked, as he leaned way too close to my face, invading all my personal space.
— Trying to run away, huh? If that's the case, I'm sorry to tell you that… THE AFTERLIFE HAS NO ESCAPEEEE!! — he shouted with absurd confidence.
Stunned by his words, I ran in panic, but before I knew it, I was floating in midair.
— I think you didn't hear me, Xheva… — said the man as he approached my ear.
— There's nowhere to go!! — he yelled right into it, then dropped me back to the ground.
— I'm sure you've got a lot of questions, kid, so I'll make it quick! — he said proudly with a confident grin.
— You, dead. Arrive to afterlife. Me, the guy in charge. — I stared at him in shock from head to toe.
— DEAD?! — I screamed, still on the floor.
— Yes, my friend! D-E-A-D!! — he shouted, suddenly turning into an elementary school kid.
— What, did you think I was a dream or something?! — he laughed out loud.
— Well… for women, yeah, clearly. — he bragged, turning his back on me.
— But that's not the point. Now tell me, why do you think you only have sneakers on? — he asked, glancing halfway over his shoulder.
— Uh…
The kid sat in front of me, sighed, and said in a calmer tone:
— Because that's the only thing that didn't get covered in your blood, bro.
The wind blew hard, scattering some flowers from the garden.
I remember being completely in shock. I looked down with resignation and asked after a few silent minutes:
— So… are you the one who decides if I go to heaven or hell?
His expression changed for a moment. He looked at me, then gave a small smile.
— That's the good news! — he exclaimed, standing up.
— There's no heaven. And there's no hell either. Souls aren't infinite. And the pyramids of Egypt weren't built by aliens. All those theories… are just that— theories. — the kid said confidently as he walked circles around me.
— Then what? What's gonna happen to me? — I asked nervously.
— Excellent question! Remember that meme? I loved that movie, haha.
Anyway, short version— I'm sending you to another world! — he said playfully, morphing into a muscular bald man.
Shocked but thrilled, I stood up, excited.
— WHAT?! LIKE IN THE ANIMES?! — I yelled without thinking.
— Yeah… but first, wear this, — he said, looking disgusted.
I don't wanna see your pocket baton anymore.
With a small wave of his hand, I was suddenly dressed in cyberpunk clothes.
— Oh wait, wrong one. Sorry, — he said awkwardly.
— This is for you! — He snapped his fingers, and the clothes turned into worn-out rags.
— Hey! What about the outfit?!
— You're wearing it. Don't complain.
Now… any questions before I send you to your new life?
— Wait, wait!! So I'll go to a world with magic?! With waifus for my harem, where I'll fight the Demon King in a medieval world leveling up?! — I screamed, overflowing with excitement.
— Who's gonna be my first companion?! A furry girl?! A goddess?! A mage?! A princess?! Tell me who!! Now I'm hyped!!
He tried. He really did. But he couldn't stop laughing.
— HAHAHAHA!! You think?! You seriously think I'd send you somewhere like that?! — he laughed hysterically.
I stood there confused for a second, and before I could speak, he cut me off mockingly.
— Demon King?! Waifus?! Harem?! Hahaha!! That's only for the Asian region!! — he shouted, pointing at me between laughs.
— Wait, didn't you say you'd send me to another world?!
— Yeah, but not to your cliché manga world, dumbass!
That froze me completely. I didn't understand anything.
Once he stopped laughing, he put a hand on my shoulder and smiled.
— What I'll give you, though, is a skill. So you don't die instantly like the others. — he said casually.
— The others? — I asked, terrified.
— Yeah… but don't worry about that.
Oh, and don't you dare say you're human, — he whispered right in my face.
Before I noticed, I was standing at the edge of a black hole behind me, with his hand on my chest, ready to push me in.
— Wait, are you seriously gonna—
— Yep!! We can't bore him!! — he said, pointing to his side.
— Bore who?!
— The reader, idiot!! Bye!!
He pushed me in. I fell at high speed into the black hole, and from afar I heard his voice shouting:
— DON'T SAY YOU'RE HU…MAN!!
I closed my eyes calmly for a few seconds before reaching my new life.
Soon, the darkness faded, and I felt the sun's rays on my face.
— I don't remember anything about my past, but that doesn't matter. My new life is about to—
BOOM!! A strange being crashed into the battlefield.
Pain surged through my whole body. I couldn't understand what was happening anymore. I got up slowly and opened my eyes with effort.
I froze in place. Hundreds of monsters surrounded me— some huge, others small, some with horns, tentacles, muscles, or claws.
— WHAT THE HELL?! — I shouted, breaking the silence.