The pasta dropping from her mouth, Artoria could not comprehend why on earth the blue little pipsqueak in front of her uttered these stupid words. This was not some Monty Python show (and yes, the Holy Grail, for some very odd reason, decided to give her a very, very, comprehensive record of Monty Python and the Holy Grail).
Though confused, Artoria decided that she would be the magnanimous king as depicted in the stories, and let off the rude man in front of her (and this was not because the breakfast was getting cold– I repeat once more, not because the delicious breakfast was getting cold!). Seeing that she was just confused, Shinji heaved a sigh of relief, for her reaction revealed that she was not the one he had pissed off all those years ago, back when they raided Area 51...
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Alarms could be heard blaring from all around, as a ragtag group composed of a small-time crook wielding the ability to have his choices manifest in real life, a white Japanese Macaque wielding a samurai sword, and a blue-haired drunkard broke into a tightly guarded facility that was supposed to have been raided back in 2019, carrying one of their biggest heists of their lives...
"Cree, craw, oo, oo, ah-ah? (Boss, now that we have the arrow, we should go out. Why are we trying to steal more?)"
"Cause Monsieur Stickmin over here had to steal the damned diamond. Doesn't he know that the Dark Diamond is the US Government's greatest secret!? If we're caught, forget about dying, they'll strip us of our dignity with those damn shemales. I want my anus tight, not a freaking subway tunnel!"
"Sorry..."
Rolling his eyes, Shinji quickly took them downstairs, just as some genetically modified dolphin men were storming the corridor.
As they went further down, they were met with a cavalcade of prisoners, each held in harrowing conditions. Magical girls writhing in tentacles, brooding edgelords listening to 'Pink Fluffy Unicorns', clutching their ears in pain, and even some BDSM dominatrixes beating some very unwilling furries!
As they went further in, they were met with a large steel door, behind which, through some very opaque glass, they saw two people sitting with their heads bowed down in resignation. Hearing their footsteps, both raised their heads:
One was a beautiful blonde, her hair pinned in a crown raid. Wearing heavy mail, her blue cloth beneath showed signs of heavy damage. Even though they were separated by a 10-inch steel door, the group could still hear the grumblings her stomach made...
The other one was a caucasian man, his beard rough and frayed from what appeared to be weeks of neglect. Tossing a walnut in the air, he turned is face towards the group. Despite wearing dirty chainmail, he still exuded a breath of nobility in the fetid atmosphere...
"So, who are you lot again?"
"I am Artoria Pendragon, King of Knights, ruler of ancient Britain-"
"No you're not, you bloody twat. I am Arthur Pendragon, and you're just a wee little girl pretending to be so. How much did they pay you to portray as me!?"
"You dare shame me!? Bring it on, you old codger!"
Seeing they were about to fight, Shinji felt compelled to force them apart. "Okay, okay, enough! Does anyone know where the portal is located at? We need to skedaddle from here..."
Arthur (the male king, obviously) drew a knowing gaze at them. "Hoh... so it seems that you were the ones who broke into Area 51, eh? And it seems to me that your escape route seems to have been blocked, eh? And since the front gates are blocked, looks to me that your only option is to find the portal. Luckily for you, I do happen to know where a certain shiny circly looking thing is at. The only thing is, a certain dashing king needs help to escape from this Godforsaken place-"
"You're the faker! Don't listen to him, I know where it is as well! Also, unlike that bastard over there, I am more beautiful than him, not to mention, I have assets that he does not..."
"I have the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch~"
Pushing up her modest busoms, Artoria drew in the gooning gazes of Hit Monkey and Henry Stickmin. Though they both wanted the pretty-looking Arthur, they knew that the final decision was left to Shinji Matou. Turning their gazes, they saw their pensive leader, furrowing his eyes. He took a deep breath, before releasing the penultimate question, the one that would determine who would come, and who would stay...
"What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?"
"Wut?"
"African or European?"
"Okay, you're coming with us."
Clang!
With a swift chop, Shinji used his lightsaber to free Arthur Pendgragon. Rubbing his wrists, Arthur quickly ran to the west side of the prison. "Quick, here. Follow my lead, and we'll quickly reach the escape portal without alerting many guards!"
Seeing that they were leaving her, Artoria could not help but cuss at them:
"You unholy !#$^#$%! The day I escape will be the day I wreak vengeance against you, you traitorous ar*(02!@! I swear by my kingdom, I shall be free...!"
Her voice fading in the background, they quickly escaped, lest her cries call forth more guards than need be. Yet as they escaped, Shinji could not help but have a sinking feeling that one day, she might actually come after him...
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Shaking his head, Shinji quickly finished his breakfast before heading out:
He needed to find where those sons of bitches were hiding, for if he didn't, who knows what they'll do, especially considering if they still have that on their hands. I mean, what's the worst that could happen anyways
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Emerging from a blue portal, a pale-skinned girl, wearing a paper crown and munching on her 30th Whopper, stepped out. Wiping her mouth with her greasy hands, she laughed maniacally, before taking out a jet-black sword with her other hand. Her golden eyes scanned the area, before stepping out of the dark alleyway...
I've come for you...
Shinji Matou