Life - The Architect's Dream

Somebody was blowing into my ear. The warm air gently brushed against my eardrum.

A familiar sensation.

I opened my eyes.

"You're not running away?" she asked with a curious innocence.

You...

It couldn't be her.

I knew I should be running, but—

"I don't understand."

"That's the point." The little girl spoke in a nonchalant manner, sitting on the mattress with her legs crossed under her white gown.

"There is a point? Why are you here?"

"I don't know, either." She gave another cryptic response. "Like you said, there is no point. So I can be here or I can not be here."

"You're not her, are you." It wasn't possible. It couldn't be the same person.

"Oh I am her. The one who is coming to visit you in a few days will also be me. After that, it will all be over."

Thousands of diamond hair strands swayed back and forth, glistening under the dim light.

Neither of us said anything for a while.

I noticed the faint scent of citrus in the air. It was coming from my right.

Looking beside me, I caught a delicate sprig lying on the top of the drawer. Tiny white flowers were coming out of its stems.

White blossoms? No.

I'd definitely planted these for a client once. They told me to put it in the design, saying they specifically wanted this plant.

Aloysia.

"I picked that from my garden," the girl said.

What a waste. The flowers were nice, but I'd hate to see them wither.

"Is that so?" Apparently, she could hear my thoughts. "You said the same thing last time. It shows how kind you are."

"I'm anything but that."

She smiled. "There were so many of them. They kept blooming and covering up the horizon. They all wilt in the end and yet more continued to bloom. This one was different, however." Her eyes rested on the fresh sprig. "It had specifically called out to me and asked to be brought along just so it could see you, and be by your side."

Shimmering beads of morning dew hung onto the stems and leaves, glistening in the darkness as if to let the world know that the sprig was still alive, that its host would stay eternally fresh.

"You have a question for me?" She suddenly broke the silence. "You've been waiting for this moment for so long."

"Do you have the answer?" I asked with some hesitation.

The child squinted her eyes and gave me a knowing grin.

"I can tell you. However, I don't think you will like it," she said.

I was willing to accept whatever was coming. I just had to know.

"What is a soul?"

After hearing my question, the child leaned in to give me a warm embrace, like a child hugging their parent.

Then she pulled back and sat cross-legged on the mattress again.

Although I appreciated the gesture, I didn't understand its intended meaning.

"The soul is the world," she expounded in her child-like voice. "The world is the flesh. The world has no boundaries. However, the soul is also that which is not the world, and it too has no boundaries. Therefore, all that is contained within the world must subsequently be infinitely distant from this certain aspect of the soul, which is all that is not the world."

"How can I reach the soul?"

"In order to get closer to the soul, you must know the soul. In order to know the soul, you must consume the flesh." The little girl raised a hand with her palm turned toward the ceiling. "The flesh is the color. The flesh is the noise. The flesh is the scent. The flesh is the touch. The flesh is the thought. The flesh is the bliss. The flesh is the tears." She lowered her hand and turned to me with an intense expression.

The flesh is the world.

The flesh is what is.

The flesh is the moment.

This moment.

Consume the flesh and you shall draw ever closer to the soul. Even if the soul is infinitely distant from the world, by consuming the flesh of the world, you will day-by-day come a little closer to the soul itself.

The room had become very quiet.

I could almost hear the nerves in my body.

"You do not like the answer because these are your words. I'm only here to remind you of what you already know, just like how you already know everything I'm going to say next."

"So we will never reach the soul?" I asked.

"You have already done it. You have already reached your destination just as many times as you have arrived at this very moment we are sharing."

"How many times have we had this conversation?"

She didn't respond. She simply sat and looked at me.

"How many?"

"To assign a quantity to it would be meaningless. Such a number could not exist."

"When was the last time we'd had this conversation?"

"An eternity ago. An infinite length of time has passed since that moment took place. If you could have all the time in the world, and you wanted to come back to this very moment in the distant past, you would not have any time left. An eternity inside another eternity. Back then you were also called Robert, and you were lying on this bed. And I was also wearing this same gown. You were asking the same questions. And I was saying these same words. Although it feels like it was only yesterday."

"That's not—it's not physically possible."

She would not reach this point if that length of time was infinite.

The only way she could arrive at this moment in time was if it was a finite duration.

"It's not logical?" she asked me with a grin, with that knowing look on her face. "Logic would not allow it? Then it must be a miracle!"

"A miracle..."

"A miracle is only that which the law does not permit! The law dictates that there should only be nothing, that nothing should exist. And yet, everything emerged from the nothingness. There is no end to that which emerges eternally from the nothingness. To say that which is is nothing short of a miracle would not be an understatement."

"A miracle..."

"Logic is the dream," she said. "The dream is the key to infinite gateways. And all the gateways are familiar."

So that's how it was.

Then the child said, "But at the same time, you know, for some reason, it also feels like this is the first time we've met. It's almost like we've never had this moment together before. This might as well be the first time we've ever talked to each other."

My eyes softened when those words could finally reach me.

"I wish it wouldn't end like this," I said. "I don't want to see what's going to happen next."

The child leaned in and gave me another hug.

"Perhaps the Devil is so great and powerful that he could step outside of the soul," she said.

Again, she was giving me that knowing look, as if I should already have all the answers at this point.

"The Devil could step outside and become separate from the soul," she continued, "as if he was the real and the soul was the lie."

A tragedy.

I closed my eyes shut.

I don't want the future.

Look! Open your eyes.

I don't want to wake up tomorrow.

But the world is beautiful.

You're wrong!

The world is perfect.

You're lying!

The world is perfect because it is the only thing that will ever be. The world is perfect because it has emerged from nothing. Someone has looked into the empty darkness and has brought forth everything.

Look! Open your eyes!

The world is perfect!

Even the Devil in all his hideousness can be perfect.

But since the Devil has denied his own perfection, he must be infinitely far away from God.

However, even the Devil would want to be closer to God.

"This is my drama."

This moment.

"You're the narrator," she said.

This moment.

We sat together for a while.

The girl was giving me that knowing look again.

This moment.

She was looking at me with those loving eyes.

This moment.

We sat together for a very long time.

The next moment is coming.

The moment stretched out indefinitely.

The next moment is coming.

What was supposedly finite became another eternity.

The next moment is coming.

An eternity inside an eternity.

The next moment is coming.

It was time for us to go our separate ways.

The girl said, "We will forget everything, but that's okay."

Everything is going to be okay, she reassured me.

We'll never see each other again.

But that's okay.

The future is not the truth. Only this is true.

Everything is going to be okay.

Chapter 36 - Life