"So this is what my boy has come down to."
"Dad?"
He was sitting on the sofa next to me, right over my head, looking down with a huge grin on his face. Dad was still carrying that dusty trucker hat around with him.
"You have no idea, dad."
"I heard the little girl was the one doing all the fighting. That doesn't sound right. I didn't raise you to turn out like this."
"Where's mom?"
"Oh, her? She had something going on so I came here myself."
"She's mad at me, isn't she?"
"No, she's fine, don't worry about it." He hung his arm along the top of the sofa. "I mean, personally, I wouldn't want her to see you in this state. Look at you."
"..."
"Even when you aren't feeling like it, at least you still gotta put on a front and try to look tough. Back in my day, me and my buddies had to cross battlefields on our way to school."
"..."
"We had to hide among the bodies and play dead to avoid getting caught by the enemy. And those of us who did get caught, man, I tell you. Those were many weeks spent in solitary confinement. We had to condition our tendons to the point where we could bend those metal bars just enough so we could squeeze through and get back to school."
"Can't skip class even if you're in prison."
"Now you're getting it." He shook his head in disbelief.
"You always come up with the dumbest stories. Who's gonna buy all that?"
"But it's true!" he insisted. "I wouldn't be sitting here to tell you about it if I hadn't made it out of those prisons alive."
"They put you in more than one? How many prisons did you go to?"
"Seven." His face turned grave.
"All right... Why are you telling me this? Are you trying to cheer me up?"
"Is it working?" He gave a cheeky grin, the corners of his lips stretching to his jaws, deep wrinkles forming around his squinted eyes.
"... A little bit, yeah."
He patted me on the shoulder a few times.
For some reason, I couldn't hear the crickets outside my house.
"You should be running," he said.
"Where can I run off to?"
"Doesn't matter. You should be running."
Go as far as you can from here, he said. As long as you still have the strength, you must keep moving forward.
"Was that why you brought me into this world?"
"Of course not! What kind of idiotic parent would want to watch their children suffer?"
"The world is an ugly place. You know that." It was the usual exchange. I already knew how this conversation would turn out.
He stroked my hair and straightened the collar of my shirt.
"Don't be a fool. You are capable of so much more than you realize."
"Why am I here?"
"Because you're Robert. You are my son."
"Find a better one."
"There cannot be any other way. Only you can complete the puzzle piece."
"Puzzle piece?" I looked at him in surprise. It was something I'd never heard from him before.
"The world will never be complete without you. I can't even begin to imagine my life without you, boy. We are so proud of you."
Hearing that made me chuckle. "Is this one of your lies again?"
But he wasn't smiling. "You just have to take my word for it."
Then he gave me a hug.
I felt the protruding rib bones behind his T-shirt.
"Dad, I'm so sorry."
"No, it's okay, it's okay." He patted me on the back. "It was meant to be… Your future is more important than anything else—I taught you that. I should know better than anyone. Everything's okay. We are here with you… Everything is going to be okay... What? Why do you look at me like that?"
"You know, dad, there's something I wanted to ask you."
"Hm? Sure, buddy! Shoot."
"When I was a kid, you always told me that you knew everything."
"I did?" He stuck a finger under his trucker hat to scratch the back of his head.
"I used to ask you all kinds of questions, and you always said that you'd tell me the answers when I grew up."
"I did say that," he quietly conceded.
"You think you can tell me now?"
"Oh, that question, oh no," he raised his hands in front of him, "I can tell you. I know the answer but," he groaned. "I think it'll be better if she's the one telling you, instead."
"Who?"
He turned and looked away. "I admit that I lied to you. I can't know everything. It's embarrassing for me to say this but"—he pulled down his trucker hat as if he didn't want me to see his face—"I only said that because I wanted you to think highly of me. I was afraid if I'd told you I didn't know the answer, you wouldn't love me anymore."
"..."
"I can't know everything. I'm different, now. I've changed, for better or worse, but I still don't have all the answers." He raised his hat to meet my gaze. "And what you have there is not just some random question. She'll tell you."
"Dad..."
"Be strong, buddy. We're always here with you. Everything is going to be okay."