The Corefather's warning echoed in my rind.
> "Gather allies, or be peeled alone."
And so, with the mighty Sir Stoolius the Gloriously Sanitized by my side, I began my quest to build…
THE PEEL ALLIANCE.
---
First Stop: The Cutting Board Highlands
A shadow loomed in the distance.
Tall. Spiky. Radiating pure unprovoked violence.
Pineapple the Berserker.
Dragging behind him was a broken butter knife — wielded like a legendary greatsword.
He sniffed the air.
> "I SMELL A CHALLENGE."
Sir Stoolius trembled.
I floated forward with diplomacy.
> "Mighty Pineapple, we seek your aid in—"
SLAM!!
He headbutted the counter so hard the salt shaker jumped in fear.
> "SPEAK NOT OF PEACE. SPEAK ONLY OF GLORIOUS ANNIHILATION."
I paused.
Then smiled.
> "There will be bananas."
Pineapple's eyes widened.
> "…I ride at dawn."
---
Next Stop: The Meditation Corner (a.k.a. The Fruit Bowl)
Sitting cross-legged between a spoon and a napkin…
Avocado the Monk.
Eyes closed. Perfectly centered. Radiating calm wisdom.
Sir Stoolius approached humbly.
> "O holy Avocado, we come seeking—"
> "You are unripe."
Stoolius flinched.
> "I—what?"
Avocado slowly opened his eyes.
> "Your spirit is firm… but your purpose? Mushy."
I floated forward, determined.
> "Bananarch threatens the realm. Will you stand beside us?"
Avocado stared at me.
A long silence.
Then he nodded.
> "Very well. I shall spread peace…
And if necessary, spread them across the floor."
---
Recruitment Stop 3: The Drawer of Shadows
A tiny green blur leapt from the darkness.
Commander Kiwi, wearing a bottle cap like a tiny helmet.
He stabbed the floor with a toothpick like a knight planting a flag.
> "WHO DARES TRESPASS?!"
> "Juicebringer. Recruiting for war."
Kiwi squinted.
> "I'm three centimeters tall and full of rage. I accept."
---
Final Stop: The Spice Cabinet
The door creaked open with mystical flair.
Glowing red dust spiraled into the air.
A jar hovered, whispering…
> "Ssssssooo… the prophecy comessss to passsss…"
Paprika the Sorcerer Spice floated out, cape made of tissue paper.
> "The Cumin tried to stop me. He hasss been silenced."
I did not ask how.
> "Will you join us?"
Paprika spun dramatically.
> "The Bananas mussst burn."
---
We gathered in a circle. Pineapple cracking his knuckles. Avocado meditating. Kiwi vibrating with fury. Paprika levitating for dramatic effect. Stoolius dripping bubbles. Me glowing faintly.
I raised my voice.
> "TOGETHER — WE SHALL END THE REIGN OF BROWN-SPOTTED TYRANNY!"
Everyone cheered.
Except Avocado, who whispered:
> "We should also stop global warming."
---
The Peel Alliance was born.
And deep below, in the sewage realm…
Bananarch felt it.
He snarled.
> "So… the Fruit Uprising begins. Good. Let them gather…"
His form twitched. His peel cracked. Something slithered behind him.
> "For I… am no longer merely BANANARCH."
He turned, revealing glowing red eyes.
> "I… AM BANANARCH PRIME."