Jack was used to waking up in terrible situations:
On a stranger's couch after a failed party.
In a ditch after "celebrating" a rent payment.
Once in a Walmart parking lot with a half-eaten burrito and no memory of buying it.
But waking up in the wreckage of a community hall—covered in cupcake frosting, soda, and someone's wig—was a new low, even for him.
Lucian stood nearby, disgusted. Karen was still licking icing off her claws. Love Dick was painting her nails like none of this mattered.
And the townsfolk? They were cheering his name like he was a rockstar.
Jack groaned. "Why do I feel like I've been adopted by an entire town? Do they know I can't even keep a plant alive?"
The Discovery
Before anyone could answer, a small sound echoed through the hall.
A soft, squeaky chitter.
Jack blinked. "Uh… did someone lose their guinea pig?"
From under a broken table emerged a ball of fluff so adorable it made grown men weep. Round face, huge shiny eyes, striped tail swishing.
A red panda.
The crowd gasped in unison.
Jack fell to his knees. "Oh my God. Look at you. You're like… a raccoon designed by Disney."
The red panda waddled up, climbed onto Jack's lap, and promptly curled into a ball.
"Guess I've been chosen," Jack muttered. "By a living plush toy."
Karen frowned. "That's no ordinary beast. I smell… power."
Lucian narrowed his eyes. "It reeks of ancient bloodlines. Dangerous."
Love Dick tilted her head, smiling. "Adorable and lethal? Sounds like your type, Jack."
First Signs of Power
Jack tried to pet it. The red panda purred, then sneezed.
The sneeze created a shockwave that blasted the snack table across the hall, flattening three walls and knocking half the townsfolk onto their butts.
Everyone froze.
Jack blinked at the destruction. Then at the panda. Then back at the destruction.
He whispered, "Okay… so my pet is basically a nuclear plushie."
The panda yawned, then climbed onto Jack's shoulder, tiny claws gripping his hoodie like it was born to perch there.
The townsfolk erupted in cheers again. "It's his spirit beast!" "The Blood Moon Loser has a god-pet!"
Jack groaned. "Great. Now I'm a single dad."
Naming the Menace
The Council demanded he give it a name.
Karen shouted, "Name it Fangcrusher!"
Lucian suggested, "Perhaps… Bloodfang the Eternal."
Love Dick purred, "Call it Darling Junior."
Jack shook his head. "No. Look at this thing. It's not a Bloodfang. It's not a crusher. It's… fluff."
He thought for a moment, then grinned. "I hereby name you… Mr. Snuggles."
The arena fell silent.
Lucian sputtered. "You cannot—he is a divine beast!"
Karen gagged. "Mr. Snuggles?! Are you kidding me?!"
Love Dick clapped slowly, smirking. "Honestly? It suits him."
The red panda squeaked happily, clearly approving.
Internet Fame
Of course, someone had recorded the entire thing: the discovery, the sneeze explosion, the naming ceremony. Within hours, the video was viral.
Clips of Jack cuddling Mr. Snuggles were plastered across every platform:
"Blood Moon Hero adopts ultimate killing plushie."
"Mr. Snuggles: Protector of Humanity?"
Memes of Jack with captions like When your pet is stronger than you.
By morning, Jack wasn't just infamous. He was an international sensation.
Trouble on the Horizon
But not everyone was amused.
In a dark command center, Hunter Guild leaders watched the footage. Chad Thunderbullet slammed his fist on the table.
"He's got a divine-class beast. If we don't act, the balance of power is over."
One elder whispered, "That's not just any beast. Legends say the Red Eclipse Panda only appears once every thousand years… to the one who will reshape the world."
Chad snarled. "That loser? No way. Prep the kill teams."
Back at Jack's "Home"
Meanwhile, Jack was learning what it meant to be owned by Mr. Snuggles.
He couldn't eat without sharing. The panda would squeak angrily until Jack gave up half his food.
He couldn't sleep without it curling on his face, nearly suffocating him.
He couldn't even shower; the panda insisted on sitting on the sink like a judgmental roommate.
Jack groaned. "I wanted a pet. I got a furry landlord."
But the moment danger appeared—a stray vampire scout sneaking too close—Mr. Snuggles transformed.
Its eyes glowed. Its tail flared like fire. And with one cute headbutt, it sent the intruder flying through three buildings.
Jack whispered, trembling, "I think my pet is stronger than all of us combined."
Lucian scowled. "That is… probably correct."
Karen slapped Jack's back. "Congrats, mate. You're now the weakest member of your own team."
Love Dick laughed. "Don't worry, darling. I like weak men. Easier to manipulate."
Jack buried his face in his hands. "I wanted a dog. Instead, I got a nuclear bomb with whiskers."
That night, as Jack lay in bed with Mr. Snuggles snoring on his chest, he heard whispers outside his window.
Shadows moved in the treeline. Dozens of glowing red scopes.
The Hunters had come.
Jack sighed. "Of course. Couldn't let me have one peaceful nap."
Mr. Snuggles opened one eye, glowing with power. It purred, almost eager.
Jack gulped. "Great. My pet wants to fight a war. And I just wanted eight hours of sleep."