"This is it."
William didn't hesitate.
He picked up his phone, took a deep breath, and dialed the number.
The call connected quickly.
After a "beep," a cacophony of noise, like a mix of heavy metal rock and arcade game explosions, came from the other end.
Immediately, a flippant and excited voice spoke up.
"Yellooo! This is the 'Deadpool Hotline,' offering assassination, kidnapping, dog walking, and spiritual massage services!"
"If you want to designate the Fourth Wall as your safe word, please press 1!"
"If your budget is lower than my moral standards, please hang up and pray I don't find your address! Ah ha!"
William listened expressionlessly, feeling his ears being forcibly filled with information garbage.
"Hello, Mr. Wade,"
He spoke in the calmest, most professional tone.
"My name is Rodriguez, and I'm from a risk management company…"
"Oh! Risk management! That sounds so kinky! Is it like, wearing a suit and tie, then tying people up with data reports? I like it!"
"But my schedule is super packed lately; I'm playing a game with a big purple guy called 'Guess if I can pry a gem off your Infinity Gauntlet'…"
William cut him off expressionlessly.
"I'm paying."
"…"
The other end of the line instantly fell silent.
It felt like a high-speed spinning washing machine suddenly had its plug pulled.
After a few seconds, Wade's voice spoke again.
This time, with an unprecedented, almost "pious" tone.
"Master, what are your commands? Do you need me to pluck the Moon for you? Or do you want to see me perform loading a pistol with my toes?"
"I have a target."
William went straight to the point.
"A man named Jackson Awad, currently active in New York. He can absorb energy and is hunting superpowered individuals."
"Absorb energy? Oh ho! Sounds like a mobile power bank!"
"And a solar-powered one at that! I like this eco-friendly concept for a villain! So, you want me to… uh, help him charge up? Or pull his plug?"
"I want you to make him disappear from this World."
William's voice was devoid of emotion.
"Physically disappear. Corpse, remains, DNA samples—I don't want to see anything."
"Wow, oh wow, rooting out evil! I like this vibe!"
Deadpool's voice became excited again.
"So, here's the important part! Remuneration! Don't talk to me about ideals and justice; my ideal is to count money until my hands cramp!"
William looked at the numbers on his account and calmly stated a price.
"Five hundred thousand U.S. dollars. Half as a deposit, half upon completion of the mission."
"Five hundred thousand?! U.S. dollars?!"
Deadpool's voice was as shrill as a cat whose tail had been stepped on.
"Deal! Forget killing a power bank; you could ask me to give Godzilla a vasectomy right now and I'd do it!"
"The deposit!"
"Send the deposit quickly!"
"My Mexico burrito supplier is threatening to stop deliveries! This is a humanitarian crisis!"
"There's also an additional clause."
William added.
"What clause? As long as it's not making me wear a pink leotard, anything goes! Of course, if the price is right, pink isn't entirely out of the question…"
"I will provide you with a special insurance policy."
William's voice held a subtle, almost devilish whisper of temptation.
"An 'Immortal Accidental Insurance' policy. Coverage includes, but is not limited to: limb retrieval and reattachment services after dismemberment, head recovery services after your head is used as a bowling ball, and… rapid stitching services after your mouth is torn apart for talking too much. All costs will be borne by my company."
On the other end of the phone, Deadpool fell completely silent.
This silence lasted longer than any previous one.
So long that William even wondered if he had short-circuited his brain from overexcitement and was rebooting.
Finally, Wade's voice, thick with a nasal tone as if holding back tears, came through the phone.
"Are… are you my long-lost father?"
William gently tapped his finger on the phone screen, sending the insurance terms he had just drafted in his mind as an email.
He even thoughtfully attached a beautifully designed PDF brochure, with the cover featuring a bold, black word—[IMMORTALITY].
"The title of father is too heavy, Mr. Wade."
"I prefer that we have a pure, healthy, and sustainably developing business partnership."
"You can call me Mr. Rodriguez, or, if you insist, 'Sugar Daddy' is also acceptable."
A sniffing sound came from the other end of the phone, followed by exaggerated coughing, as if trying to cover up the previous lapse in composure.
"Cough, cough! Alright! Su… Mr. Rodriguez!"
Wade Wilson's voice instantly switched back to its excited, hyped-up state.
"Partnership! I love partnerships! Especially ones where I get paid! So, my dear… partner, where's the deposit? I can almost hear the Mexico tortillas waving at me, crying and accusing me, their poor Master!"
"Processing."
William tapped his finger on another screen.
"Jarvis, transfer two hundred and fifty thousand U.S. dollars to the target account."
"Command confirmed, sir. Transfer in progress… Completed."
Almost the instant Jarvis finished speaking, a pig-like shriek erupted from the other end of the phone.
"Ah ah ah ah—! Money! It's the smell of money! I see it! I see it! So many zeros! God, I feel like half my cancer is cured! I feel like I could punch through a Fourth Wall right now!"
This was followed by a clanging, banging, chaotic noise, as if something had been knocked over, and the sound of an arcade machine being smashed.
"Shut up, you noisy voice-over! I'm rich now! I'm going to buy a pure gold toilet! And it's going to be diamond-encrusted!"
William waited patiently; he even poured himself a glass of Water.
Doing business with a madman requires the most patience.
You have to wait for him to vent his madness, like waiting for an app to finish its splash screen ad.
A few minutes later, the phone line finally quieted down, leaving only Wade's heavy breathing.
"Ha… ha… Sorry, sir. Just had a little… financial celebration."
Wade's voice sounded satisfied.
"Now, let's talk about that unlucky power bank. Send me his information: address, photos, what color underwear he likes, if he has any special XPs… Oh, I don't need to know that, unless he likes being chased by burly men in ballet tutus with dual katanas."
"The information has been sent to your email, along with your exclusive insurance contract."
William said, "Target Jackson Awad, a street criminal with a long record, who accidentally gained the ability to devour energy. Recent behavior patterns show he is hunting with a purpose."
"Oh, an ambitious villain! I appreciate that drive!"
Wade's voice was filled with the joy of "finding a kindred spirit."
"So, what are the rules? Is there anything I can't do? Like, no public property damage? No collateral damage to innocents? No telling dirty jokes during the operation?"
"No rules."
William's answer was simple and clear.
These two words were more tempting to Deadpool than five hundred thousand U.S. dollars.
"Oh… my God…"
Wade's voice, like a dream, came from the other end of the phone.
"No rules… I love your company! Are you hiring? I can be a receptionist! Or a mascot!"
"I only have one requirement."
William interrupted his wild thoughts.
"Clean and swift. I don't want to see any news reports about 'Red and Black Spandex Pervert Battles Green Glowing Man' in the morning news."
"Nor do I want S.H.I.E.L.D. or some clueless superhero coming to ask me why Hell's Kitchen's sewers are clogged with human organs."
"Got it!"
Deadpool instantly understood.
"Covering up the evidence! I'm a professional at that!"
"I guarantee he'll disappear more thoroughly than a comic editor's conscience! Even his DNA will be packaged and thrown into the neighboring DC Universe! So, when do I start?"
"Now."
William glanced at the time on the screen.
"Your mission timer starts the moment we hang up. I expect your closing report within forty-eight hours."
"Report? I have to write a report? Your company is too formal!"
"An oral report will suffice."
"Received! Mission accomplished, Sugar Daddy!"
Wade's voice was as cheerful as a weasel about to pounce into a chicken coop.
"I'm going to gather my little darlings! And my Mexico burritos! New York, here I come—!"
-------------------------------
I've already uploaded 40 chapters of this story on Patreon!
If you enjoy it, come check out the latest chapters in advance.
[patreon.com/TripleCrown07]
Thank you so much for your support!!!
"And If you're enjoying it, drop a Power Stone for me!"