~ How to Talk to Other Beings Without a Full-Blown Identity Crisis ~
"Voice interface activated. Warning: human language may contain traces of misunderstanding, passive sarcasm, and unsolicited advice."
~ The First Communication Paradox ~
You speak to be understood… and no one understands you.
In the vast universe of lost souls, interaction with other beings is considered:
• a necessity;
• a diplomatic hazard;
• an opportunity to collect traumas you'll later reinterpret (read: sing) in the shower.
Communicating is like sending a message into space inside a bottle… that explodes.
The words you use are never the ones others hear.
You say: "I'm fine."
They hear: "Please, let me sink with dignity."
It's all perfectly normal.
Well—normal by the Earthly scale of relational madness.
~ The Interpersonal Decoding Guide ~
Since you're an emotional cosmonaut, here's your basic universal translator module for common encounters:
1 ~ Base-Type Humans (category: family)
You say: "I just need some quiet."
They receive: "You hate everyone and want to destroy Christmas."
Solution: Fake a helmet malfunction. Static noises help.
2 ~ Social Humans (category: coworkers, acquaintances, strangers invading your personal space)
You say: "I'm good, thanks."
They receive: "I'm perfectly functional."
Actual translation: I haven't slept for three moons, I'm mid-existential crisis, and I can hear the void screaming inside.
3 ~ High-Emotional-Content Humans (category: lovers, exes, or yourself at 2 a.m.)
You say: "Let's talk."
They hear: "Prepare for an interdimensional verbal assault."
Solution: Use light signals or primitive drawings. Often far more effective.
~ Recommended Alternative Communication Modes ~
If human speech keeps causing system errors such as:
Passive-Aggressive Communication
Widely used across many terrestrial societies. Requires only sarcasm and prolonged stares into the void.
Intergalactic Memes
The supreme art form. A picture with the wrong font speaks louder than a thousand words.
(Note: never share memes with bureaucratic species. They might explode.)
Cosmic Silence
Elegant. Enigmatic. But don't overuse it—it can easily look like you've lost Wi-Fi in your emotional network.
~ Internal Communication ~
(the hardest one)
Contacting yourself remains the most difficult mission.
Questions like:
"Who am I?"
"What do I really want?"
"Did I actually reply to those messages, or did I just imagine it?"
These are signs of ongoing inner communication.
Do not rush to solve them. Let them float.
You'll reply in a couple of reincarnations.
~ Cosmic Lesson ~
Misunderstand Yourself—But With Style
In the cosmos, communication itself is a quantum illusion.
Everyone talks. No one understands.
And yet, amid this linguistic chaos, something strange happens: we still move closer.
So you—keep talking, even when you don't know what to say.
Keep listening, even when you don't understand.
And if all else fails… send a meme.
~ The Junction of Unspoken Emotions™ ~
{r-ei_42}
Where you learn that repressing too much just gets you stuck in traffic… in the emotional universe.
Onboard Voice Transmission (with empathic sarcasm enabled):
"Warning: you are entering a high-emotional-density zone.
Secure your traumas and avoid sudden braking."
You're floating in your spiritual rocket, but something feels off.
The lights dim. The soundtrack grows dramatic (probably your teenage playlist reactivated), and ahead appears…
A junction.
Gigantic. Interstellar. Jammed.
Welcome to the Junction of Unspoken Emotions™,
where uncried tears, unhugged hugs, and screams trapped behind polite smiles all meet.
Environmental Data:
Atmosphere: damp, heavy with withheld crying.
Scent: a mix of regret and jasmine hand cream.
Flashing Signs:
"Turn left if you've repressed something today."
"Unauthorized negative emotions? Too late now."
"Permanent frustration zone – speed limit reduced."
Space tightens. Senses heighten. And then… the other vehicles appear.
~ The Other Cosmonauts ~
In traffic, you'll meet:
• The Professional Crier:
floats in a ship full of tissues, plays sad playlists, and sighs with impressive regularity.
• The 'I'mFine' Creature:
wears a strained smile and drives a shuttle plastered with motivational stickers—pure panic underneath.
• The Chronic Ruminator: cruises at 10 km/e* while replaying the last argument from 2021 on infinite loop.
('e' stands for existential speed.)
One drifts beside you and asks:
"You too bottled up your anger until it became passive-aggressive jam?"
You nod.
Or maybe you shed a tear.
The communication is messy but authentic.