Tayuya hated the Land of Fire. It was always hot, always humid, and when you weren't in a fucking forest, you were scorched by the fucking sun overhead. Maybe going south had been a stupid idea. Or perhaps she was just moody.
She had been on the road for three days now. And it sucked. Dammit! She hated traveling almost as much as this damn county! Thank the gods that there were so many villages to stay in.
All of them sucked, but hey. At least the one she passed through now offered some lighter clothes. At a fair price, too.
She glared up at the sun. Hm. Turning to the merchant, she said: "Gimme that hat, too, will you?" pointing at the wide brim straw hat that sat on a shelve behind the counter.
The old guy smiled at her. "Of course, Miss. Here, you can have it."
She took the offered hat and raised an eyebrow at him. "For free?" A scowl tugged at her lips. Did she look that much like a fucking pauper?
He laughed as he packed the short-sleeved tunics and shorts, the one dress and the wider clothes for once her pregnancy would start to show. "Now, don't scowl like that, missy. The hat isn't one of my wares. But if you want it, you can have it."
Shrugging, she put the hat on, glancing up at the brim. "I guess. Thanks, old man."
He laughed, handed her the bag, and sent her on her way with annoying as hell advise. But Tayuya didn't say anything. He earned it. The hat was nice.
She grabbed an apple at that small market stand near the center of the hamlet. Not bad. Pretty sweet. Now then. Should she stay or should she go now? The inn didn't look too dirty, and the sun was relatively low already. Yeah, fuck traveling and fuck it doubly so at night.
The lady at the inn was weird. She didn't even look up as she handed Tayuya the key. Good thing she was only staying one night. She made her way upstairs to the measly three rooms the inn offered, unlocked the second door, and stepped in.
Tayuya threw her bag onto the bed and-
"OUCH!"
-hit the guy that sat there right in the face.
She drew a knife out of her belt. Holy fuck. Who was that? He pulled the leather bag of his face and... and... it was "Blondie?"
What the fuck was he doing here? How did he follow her? And why was he shirtless!?
"Hey!" he said, smiling.
"Why are you here?" She raised the knife and stepped forward, so close that she pressed the tip of the blade against his nose.
He tilted his head, obviously not bothered by the weapon. "Because I'm going to be a father!"
Tayuya blinked at him and almost lowered the knife. "What? No! The kid's mine! You don't get to play a part in this!" Tayuya hadn't needed a father. Why would her kid need one?
He stood up, and she almost stabbed him right in the chest. "Well, there is a dad to every kid! And I am this one's!"
Why he-! "Fuck you," she said simply. "I asked you to get me pregnant. You did that." Quite nicely, really. "But that's it. I don't need you messing my family plans up!"
"That would mess mine up!" he countered, glaring petulantly at her.
Scowling, she poked his chest with the blade. He didn't flinch. "You don't have any plans, you stupid fuck!"
"Do too!"
You don't!"
"Do too!"
Tayuya almost bit her tongue as she snapped her mouth shut. Fine. She wasn't about to fight a shinobi. Not while pregnant (or as good as. These things took a while). That only meant she had to get rid of him someway else.
Alright, new plan. Get him to fuck off on his own.
"And now what?" she spat at him, taking the knife off his chest. "You're gonna follow me around? I'm gonna fucking stab you on your sleep, you fucking creep."
He crossed his arms. "I'm gonna be there for my kid."
She rolled her eyes. A lot of assholes had probably said that before. "So you upped and left your stupid ass village behind? Just because you maybe had a kid somewhere that no one asked you to care about?"
He nodded. "Yeah!"
Oh god. An idiot. "You fuckin' deserted. Just like that?"
"No!" he said, "I left a message. Dad's gonna understand."
Dad. Dad? Tayuya squinted at him. Blue eyes, and very, very bright blonde hair. Could he be...? No. Right?
"Your dad... the Hokage?"
He nodded, smiling. "Yup, that's the one! So I'm in no trouble whatsoever!"
She scowled. Great. Now she couldn't kill him. The son of the fucking Hokage. Wait. She was pregnant with royalty? Heh. Huh. Uhm, shit?
Minato had had an awfully early morning. Kushina had left early for a mission, and of course, he had risen with his wife to see her off. Naruto had been absent, but he was around the Uchiha district more often than not. Maybe he was bugging Itachi again. Or Shisui. Or Sasuke. Or... well, everyone. Damn, his son was annoying the hell out of his village's greatest clan.
Anyways. Minato came into the office just in time to see a toad vanish into a plume of smoke on his desk, leaving a scroll being. He thought it might have been a message from Jiraiya but the handwriting was so awful, it could only have been from his son. Why in the world did he use a toad? Hadn't he done that weird blood brother thing with the Uchiha and signed the cat contract? Well, as long as Itachi didn't let him sign the Crow contract...
The message read as follows:
Dad!
I'm leaving! I going to be a dad, too!
See you!
- Naruto.
Minato squinted really hard at the scroll and considered getting glasses for a second.
"What?" he asked aloud. "What the..." He looked up. "Kakashi, where is Naruto?"
The silver-haired ANBU appeared next to the Hokage. "He has left the village yesterday night."
"And you let him?" Minato asked incredulously.
Kakashi shrugged. "What was I supposed to do? Stop him?"
Right, right. His son was one of the strongest ninjas in the village. Heh. Proud of that. "Yeah... uh... the scroll says he's going to be a father," he said numbly.
"May I?" Kakashi took the scroll from him. He nodded as he read it. "Mhm, congratulations, granddad."
Minato blanched. "Oh god. You think it's true?"
"Well," Kakashi began, scratching his chin. "I remember Yugao telling me that she had seen him visit a hotel with a young woman and didn't leave it all day."
"Oh god," Minato said again, slumping into his chair. "I mean.. am I supposed to be... proud?"
Kakashi merely shrugged. "Perhaps. Though I strongly advise not telling Kushina about this."
"Oh GOD!" Minato jumped right out of his chair. "She's going to kill him! She's going to kill me! And you! All of us!"
"Oh no! Leave me out of this!" In an uncharacteristic panic, Kakashi disappeared with a body flicker.
Sucking in a breath, Minato began pondering his options. Number one: Run. Ah, hold on, he was Hokage! He couldn't just run! Shit. Number two: Hide! But where? Ah, to hell with it...
He grabbed one of his kunai, chucked it out of the window, and vanished in a flicker of yellow light.
"So... you're not leaving."
He shook his head. "Nope. A father has to be there for his kid!"
Ugh, idealistic asshat. She took a deep breath. Alright, what now? How could she hope to ditch the son of the Yellow Flash? Meh, she'd just sneak out at night.
"Fine," she huffed, picking up her bag. "But, get the fuck out of my room!"
He actually pouted. Who did he think she was?
"Out," she commanded, opening the door for him.
He still pouted mutinously but moved. "Fine," he mumbled.
She was about to slam the door shut when he stopped her. "Oh, wait! What's your name?"
Ah, right, she never told him. And she still rather not. "... Tayuya," she said after a moment. "You?" She asked, just in case the kid would one day want to know the name of its father. Easy enough.
He smiled at her. "I'm Naruto and-"
And the door slammed shut in his face.
Yeah, still got it.
Stripping down and preparing some of her new traveling clothes for tomorrow, Tayuya hopped into the surprisingly soft bed. Ah, not bad. After a languid stretch, she snuggled into the blanket. And felt something on the side. Frowning, she pulled the piece of cloth out from under her.
It... smelt like blondie.
It was his fucking shirt.
The memory of him plowing into her came unbidden. She didn't need to think about how fucking awesome that felt! Her stomach clenched. Well shit, now she was kinda horny. Hm, masturbation was a thing. But... wasn't blondie, like, right outside the door?
...
...?
Well, she was unlikely to get rid of him anytime soon, right?
She hopped out of bed, searched through her bag and found what she was looking for. Another dose of the fertility potion. She downed it, gagged on the rancid taste - like, the very essence of rancid, ugh - and skipped over to the door, all but kicking it open.
"Eh, hi?"
He still stood there, leaning against the wall. Still shirtless.
"What the fuck are you doing, creeping around in front of the door?"
He didn't answer immediately. His eyes roamed over her body. Right, she was naked. "Uh, the rooms are all booked. So, uh..."
She flicked his shirt in his face. He failed to react and it fell to the ground. "Get in."
His grin didn't annoy her as much as she would have liked. "Thanks, would have sucked to sleep out here."
She raised an eyebrow at him. "Who said you were going to sleep?"
Better make sure she was really pregnant.