I found myself lying in the grass, sun in my eyes and clouds above my head. The wind whispered to me sweet nothings and calmness over my heart. I was feeling so good that I knew this was a dream. And so it was.
I wake up in my room, unchanged from yesterday's work clothes and pain ringing in my head. I feel nauseated with the alcohol smell on my breath and a burning sensation at the pit of my stomach.
I force myself up and check my phone; it has that one missed call from the friend I ignored last night, and I feel somewhat disappointed. He didn't bother calling twice. Then, I saw that I was added to a school reunion group chat. It was weird, but when I saw the texts, it made me more nauseated.
Everyone pretending to know each other well and acting like good old pals was somewhat interesting. There was a reason I chose not to stay in touch with any of them. School wasn't all fun and games to me, and I definitely wasn't friends with any of them. This just reminds me of bad, bad times. Just as I was about to leave the group chat, I saw the mention of my name.
The popular girl whom I always stayed clear of says: And how are you, Ivy? I heard you're back in the country.
I say nothing. But she can see that I saw the text. So I reply: I'm good. Yeah, it's been a year now that I've been back.
Are you coming to the reunion? We're all so excited.
No. I'm busy.
It's on a weekend, though.
I have plans. But have fun.
Then someone says: Come on, it'll be fun. Everyone's gonna be there. We've been planning this for months, and Nir just told us that you were back.
Nir, the guy I was ignoring. We had a history back in school. I could say he was the first guy I ever loved. He screwed me over and that's a different tale to tell.
Still, I have plans. You guys have fun. Bye. I leave the chat. I don't have enough energy for this.
***
"What the fuck, Ivy?" I was napping in my room when my sister barged in and started yelling at me.
"What?" My voice sounded hoarse from all the napping.
"Mom moved out, and you couldn't be bothered to tell me? Why the fuck wouldn't you tell me?" Oh. Yeah. That explains all the yelling. I have to get up for this one.
"Look, I didn't want to hide it from you. I was gonna tell you eventually, but I just-"
"Just what? fucking forgot I existed?"
"Hey! Mind your fucking language, Isha!" I sound very harsh when I'm at fault, but she needs to calm down. The only way to do that is the big-sister dominant tone. She sits down in my bed and looks like a tired puppy. I rub her back—still trying to wake up.
"I know I should've told you, okay? But there's so much going on, I can't do everything. If you just talked to Mom, she would've told you that herself." She stopped talking to our parents since their divorce, and as much as I want to do the same, I have to hold it together.
"I would've talked eventually. I thought 'Where is she even going? She'll be right here. I'll talk to her once I'm ready.' Guess she gives zero fucks after all."
"Again, language. And you got me, okay? Forget about Dad, forget about Mom. They want to live a life that excludes us. Maybe we can show up once in a while, cause well, 'parents.' But, it's not gonna be the same anymore. I'm sorry you have to go through this, but I promise I'll try to be enough family for you."
"Shut up, you're already enough. Just sad about 'parents.' I'm sorry you had to go through with her moving out alone." There are tears in her eyes so I hold her hands.
"Go back to being a bitch. This doesn't suit you."
"Yeah, right." We both share a painful smile.
"We'll get through this together. Don't you worry, we got this."
She nods at me with tearful eyes, and my heart breaks for her, but there's nothing I can do about it.
"I love you. I hope you know that." She hugs me tight.
"Of course, silly. I love you too." We've never been expressive like this, but maybe tough times made us closer, and we let go of our sibling ego.
"Have you had anything to eat?"
"No, I was napping. I had a nasty hangover this morning."
"Explains why you look like this." She gives me a disgusted look.
"Shut the fuck up. Cook me something now that you're here."
"Why don't we just order some momo?"
"Now that you mention it. I want some."
"Yay! My rich sister!"
"Get off of me."
I could feel my anxiety fading away just being in her presence, eating takeout, and gossiping. She's the only constant in my life. I can't afford to lose this.