When Sbu opened his eyes again, everything felt… heavier. His body ached as if he'd been run over by a bus made of spiritual energy and bad decisions.
"Ah, so the disgrace lives again," a deep, rumbling voice said.
Sbu froze. "...What?"
A flash of golden light filled his vision, and from it stepped a lion — majestic, glowing, and way too smug. Its mane shimmered like molten sunlight, its eyes sharp and amused.
"Name's Lungelo," the lion said, stretching lazily. "Guardian spirit, apparently stuck with a human who thought absorbing cosmic gas raw was a bright idea."
"Wait— you can talk?"
"Oh, wonderful. He can hear. My ancestors really sent me to babysit this one…" Lungelo sighed dramatically. "Let's get something straight. You died, embarrassed your entire bloodline, and now you're on a second chance probation. Try not to explode again."
Sbu blinked. "...Wow. Thanks for the motivational speech, Simba."
"Simba?!" Lungelo's mane flared slightly. "I'm older than your cartoons! Respect your elders, cub."
---
By the time Sbu dragged himself out of bed, the sun had dipped low. The orphanage smelled of pap, beans, and chaos. In the dining area, the atmosphere was tense — like a pot of food that could boil over any second.
Two groups had formed.
On one side were the Cultivators — those who had already started practicing the techniques that appeared in their heads when the mysterious voice spoke. Their eyes gleamed with energy, and one guy was bragging about feeling his "qi channels open."
On the other side stood the Believers, clutching crosses, Qur'ans, or just pure fear.
They said it was the end times.
They said humans weren't meant to play gods.
Sbu slipped past them, picked up a bowl of emasi (fermented milk), and quietly ate at a corner table. He didn't want any part of that argument.
> "You people are letting demons in!"
"And you're letting ignorance out!"
"My uncle tried cultivating and his hands glowed!"
"That's radiation, you fool!"
Lungelo chuckled in Sbu's head. "They're cute when they panic. Mortals always argue before they adapt."
"You're enjoying this, aren't you?" Sbu muttered.
"Of course. It's been centuries since I saw humanity lose its mind this quickly."
---
Later that night, Sbu sat on his bed, phone in hand.
The internet was melting down.
Every headline screamed disaster.
> 🌍 BREAKING: Tier 0 Spirit Beasts sighted over Tokyo and New York.
🐉 'Qi anomaly' creates dragon-shaped cloud over Shanghai.
🧙♂️ Elven ruins appear in Germany — experts baffled.
Videos flooded every app — cities in chaos, people screaming, governments failing to contain glowing beasts that devoured anything spiritual.
Someone in the comments wrote:
> "The apocalypse is live-streaming, guys. Like and subscribe."
Sbu sighed, scrolling endlessly. "This is… insane."
Lungelo yawned in his head. "Mhm. Entertaining, though. Anyway, you might wanna stop doom-scrolling and start cultivating."
"Not after what happened last time."
"Please. You overloaded your channels because you were impatient. I'm here now. I'll guide you. Besides…"
The lion's tone shifted — playful but sharp.
"You think I want to spend my eternity watching humans argue about whose god gets credit for qi? I'm bored, cub. Let's do something reckless."
Sbu stared at his glowing reflection in the phone screen.
Outside, distant thunder rolled — or maybe it wasn't thunder at all.
He took a slow breath. "Fine. But if I die again—"
"Then I'll mock you from your next life."
"...You're the worst guardian ever."
"And yet, the only one you've got."
---
> [System Interface — Initiated]
Host: Sibusiso Mthembu
Cultivation Tier: 0 (Mortal)
Qi Channels: Locked (4/12 blocked)
Guardian Spirit: Lungelo — The Lazy Lion
Objective: Survive. Cultivate. Don't die again (please).
The faint glow of qi flickered around Sbu's hands as the lion's laughter echoed in his head.
The new world had only just begun.
---