No Fear
Chapter five
Juvia sat outside by the lake that was close to Natsu's house. She sat cross-legged, her hands resting on her knees as her palms were facing upwards and her eyes were closed. She breathed in deep and exhaled just as deep, trying to get her body flowing. Being close to the body of water was recharging her body, especially after all that she's been having to do for Natsu. It had been a day since Gray's little trick and the sun was setting, signalling how long Juvia had been outside for. Her body fought against the chill that was targeting her and now that she was done with all her mental training, she was trying to find her way back to the surface.
She kept her eyes closed, but now her mind was wandering over different things. She was thinking about what she had done since she had joined Fairy Tail. She felt like she had become nothing more than a thorn in their side. How she had once been a laughing stock for all of them as they laughed and somehow mocked her whenever her love confessions to Gray went wrong. Why couldn't any of them tell her how obsessed she looked on the outside?
"Probably because I wouldn't have listened, let's be honest."
Everything bad that had happened to her was always her fault, always because she didn't know how to gauge a situation properly, always because she was cocky with her water magic. She hadn't grown up at all, she was the same little insecure girl that she had been all those years ago and it sickened her. She made herself feel sick. Just what was she good for? Comic relief? Then maybe she should've been a comedian and not listened to the calling of becoming a mage. No one needed her for anything. Gajeel barely needed his friendship with her now that he had Levy and their child. In all fairness, she was the one who pushed him away first, opting to give all her undivided attention to Gray, a man who never loved her the way she loved him.
Lucy had been trying for forever and a day to be her friend and she always called her a love rival, driving a wedge between them. Even as sweet as Lucy is, even she had stopped trying and Juvia didn't blame her. It's what she wanted after all, right? She got her wish, so there was no need to think about that anymore. She had an alter ego that appeared every now and then whenever she couldn't sleep and she did one too many jobs that landed her in trouble. Nightmares and self deprecation were her best friends now.
She could feel the storm brewing up ahead as the light faded faster than it should have from behind her closed eyes. She felt the wind begin to pick up a bit as she slightly panicked. She had done so well in being sad and still keeping the rain at bay, so why was she cracking now?
Before she knew it, she could feel some heat at her back as Natsu sat down behind her and pulled her in between his open legs. Her back rested against him as she finally opened her eyes. The rain that threatened to pour was pulled back and the sky continued to look beautiful in the blue and purple glow of the sky.
"Mate is upset," came Natsu's gravelly voice. She couldn't hide from him, even if she tried to, so she just nodded silently.
"I am. I was. I was just thinking of some things that made me upset, but you're here now and I'm okay."
She sounded pathetic, almost as if she's using him as a crutch to lean on. Her breath hitched in her throat as she felt him touch her shoulders and then run his hands over her arms as softly as he could, heating her up as his hands reached hers, igniting some sort of spark within her chest.
"Mate is cold."
Juvia laughed. "Not anymore I'm not. Thank you, Natsu. With you here, I can never be cold. You're always running on hot."
"Fire dragon slayer," he stated simply, as if she didn't already know. It made Juvia laugh, the tinkling sound pleasing the male that was sitting behind her and he wrapped both of his arms around her, caging her to him. She found that it wasn't a bad feeling and that she quite liked it. To her, she was being protected from everything else around her. He was the only one who currently gave a damn about her and what she did. He looked after her when all she seemed to chase was self destruction that would put her out of her misery.
She felt his hand run up the scar that had been created during the war against Invel and she tried her best not to squirm. She was ticklish and Natsu seemed to know that. His finger glided up the side of her torso slowly and deliberately as he took his time.
"If I was there, mate wouldn't have this scar. That devil is useless."
Juvia snorted in response. She wasn't sure if he was being serious or this was his attempt at making her laugh so that she could feel better. She was wearing a simple blue camisole and a pair of boy cut shorts so that all her scars were on view for the world. She was never one to feel shame for her scars, she wore them proudly to serve as a reminder that even though she had made a mistake, she's a survivor and that's what matters right now. Her courage to never give into the wounds are her badges of honour.
Natsu was scoping out her back to see the rest of her scars and his eyes fell on some familiar ones. His eyes grew serious, even though Juvia couldn't see them from the angle that she was sitting at. She felt him lightly prod them, almost as if they were about to start bleeding from just touching it.
"I remember these. I saved my mate from the ones who did this."
Juvia's eyes widened at his words. She knew just what he was talking about as well. It was that first time she had been captured, the nightmares that plagued her dreams the most as all the scientists laughed at her predicament. They tried to scoop at her body, prick her with needles to get a sample of her DNA. When she turned into Succubus, everything was a blur. She was sure that she had made sure they weren't able to keep a single sample of hers as she destroyed their lab, but she remembered blacking out before she woke up in her own home. When she asked around to see who had gotten her home, no one could give her an answer. She didn't even ask Natsu if she knew who it was.
She turned around slightly, awe and appreciation in her eyes. Natsu was giving her a soft smile as she felt her eyes prick with tears and she laughed slightly at the situation. She was such a cry baby sometimes.
"It was you who saved me?"
Natsu nodded and Juvia turned her body fully to give him a hug. He welcomed her with open arms and they fell back with Juvia on top of Natsu as she laughed at him. His grin was enough for her to know that he appreciated her thanks, even if she hadn't said it yet.
"Thank you, Natsu. Thank you for saving me. I had been so confused for so long, wondering who got me home after all of that. How did you even know where I was?"
Natsu shrugged his shoulders as if it didn't matter, but it did to Juvia. "Mate was gone for too long. I looked at mate's job log when Mira wasn't looking. I went to go and look for you. Mate was so strong, taking those men down, but mate looked different. Mate passed out and one man was still awake and tried to take you. I knocked him out like the others, put them in prison and took my mate. Left mate's rewards on the table."
That's right, she had seen all her money on the table and she had been doubly surprised. She hugged Natsu to her even tighter as she choked on a sob. She really had expected him to say that to her and mention how he had basically been keeping tabs on her after all that time. In her eyes, she hadn't been gone for that long, but it was longer than usual with her track record for solo jobs. He even secretly looked at her job log while Mira wasn't looking, just for her. Sometimes, she wondered if Natsu knew just how romantic and dreamy he could be without even realising it. There were many women who would just eat him up because he was so cute.
She nuzzled her face into his neck, rubbing her nose over his jugular ever so softly. She could feel him purring from his chest. She pulled back to smile at him and he continued to grin at her. She watched as his eyes would flicker from her eyes to her lips and then back up at her eyes. She felt her chest bloom as she bit her lip and gave him a coy look, not sure whether to entertain his wandering eyes or not. She decided not to as she ducked her head back down and decided just to lie her head on his chest. She practically stuttered when she felt Natsu's hand run up and down her arm in an affectionate way. Her leg was draped over his and she couldn't help but feel like they were a...a couple.
Her mind started working overtime yet again. They were too close. It was getting too much for her, because whenever Natsu didn't speak, she would forget that they weren't actually together. The spell would be broken the moment he would speak, reminding her that he would only need her for a moment before he would go back off to his team, laughing, having fun and causing a commotion on their newest and wildest job. They'd gone on a 100 year quest and succeeded where even the guild's strongest S-class mage couldn't complete it. He's the sunshine of the guild and helps them all grow and survive. He's the blood that pumps through the vein of the guild and she knew that without him, things would be too different. No one would ever be able to grow without him.
She wanted to be selfish and keep him to himself. In this state of his, he was hers. He needed her. She was his lifeline and she liked being this person, being important. She wanted him in her arms or be in his eyes and she wanted him to sleep by her side, keeping the nightmares away and keeping her warm as she sleeps. Still, she knew it was wrong to try and keep Natsu by her side for her self-serving purposes and she was going to have to grow up and do things for herself. Alone.
She practically whimpered at the thought and it alerted Natsu of her current feelings.
"Mate?"
She shook her head, refusing to look at him and give herself away. "Nothing, nothing. I'm fine, there's no need to look at me with such worry."
Even though she wasn't looking at him, she could feel the heat from his eyes as it pierced her. She hated lying to him, but this was something that he didn't need to worry about, just like she had said. No one ever worried about her and it was weird if someone started now. She just needed to focus on getting him all better and back to his normal self so that she could go home and return back to her normal life. She was sure there would be a wonderful pile of jobs waiting for her on Makarov's table so that she could start working her way through them and falling into her line of work so that she had nothing else to think about other than the job that she would be doing.
"Mate is upset again."
"Your mate is not," she retorted, although she wanted to finish off the sentence with 'your mate.' This form of Natsu only wanted her because she had shown him no fear. She had shown him that he could trust her, because no matter what form he is in, he will always be Natsu. It's why she couldn't believe that his entire team weren't able to show him no fear, otherwise they wouldn't be in this situation right now. Realistically, everyone knew that there was no way she could be his mate, that position was reserved solely for Lucy. She wondered how the blonde felt, because she didn't even seem jealous of their very close and personal interactions.Natsu moved his hand as he clutched Juvia's waist and he rose up from the ground with her, as if she weighed nothing. She could only gape at his strength, forgetting that even though he wasn't bulky like Laxus and Gajeel, he still had an impressive pool of strength behind his lean muscular build. She had always wanted to be swept off her feet and Natsu had done it twice in the last 24 hours like it was nothing.
"Mate is upset. Let's eat dinner."
Juvia's eyes widened when she realised that this was her moment. "Natsu, wait!"
He stopped walking to the house and peered at her curiously, the low light glow radiating off of their skin. They still had some time before it got completely dark. He placed her down on the ground as she smiled shyly up at him.
"Ano, I was wondering if maybe you would cook outside? Your turkey shanks that one time tasted amazing and I hear you make a really good spit. Would that be possible?"
He grunted in delight as the fire in his left eye danced and flared as he nodded his head, adamant to do as she wished. He then stopped to think about it.
"Tomorrow. The light is low and the animals I want to cook for my mate won't be as nice. Tomorrow is okay?"
She nodded as she blinded him with her serene smile. He could tell that her mind was no longer in turmoil and she was currently at peace. He hoped that peace lasted for a long time, but he knew her inner problems would be back and he was going to make sure that they would be gone. He would be the one to get rid of them once and for all. His eyes flickered to her lips yet again, wondering what it would be like to taste them when they would be dripping in the sauce of some poor animal that they would be eating tomorrow. She would definitely make it taste sweeter.
"Tomorrow is perfect, Natsu. Let's go inside for now."
They walked together in silence as Natsu clasped his fingers around Juvia, making them hold hands all the way back and Juvia found that she really didn't mind it at all.