No fear
Chapter nine
Juvia found out something new about herself. She can control her Succubus form. A blessing and a curse all wrapped up into one, but she was sure it wasn't a good thing overall. It meant that her road to destruction was now made even shorter and that was great for her. She didn't really care for anything else now.
She wasn't avoiding Natsu, she didn't need to be that childish. She didn't avoid people, she just made sure that she never saw them and Natsu was a very easy person to never really come across. With his thirst for thrill chasing, he was always out doing different jobs. He dragged along his two trusty partners who in turn dragged the other 2 most destructive people and formed their team with Wendy and Carla. They were always gone and Juvia was thankful for that. So no, she wasn't avoiding the dragon slayer who was never really around anyway.
She was also back to her usual workload, but now that she had full control of her Succubus form, she used that whenever she felt like she was running on empty. It saved time so that instead of sleeping, she would just continue to work. Of course she never really let Master Makarov or Mira know just how she was working through her workload as quickly as she was. She had worked on her acting skills a lot more in the mirror and clearly it was paying off.
"I would rather you were an alcoholic than doing what you're doing now."
Juvia was counting her jewels so that she could take a percentage of it to the bank to cash it into her account when Cana approached her. She glanced up at the brunette who surprise, surprise, was holding a pint of beer. Juvia sighed and put her money away. She can always count it at home instead.
"What are you talking about, Cana-chan?"
She took this as her cue to sit down next to her. Juvia knew she was going to be in for a long lecture and placed an order in so that she could have an endless stream of drinks coming in. Cana shot her a dirty look as if she knew what she was doing. Of course she did, she did the same thing when she was younger and Erza tried to lecture her about how bad alcohol is.
"Juvia, you can't just drink away your problems, you have to face them head on. This isn't healthy of you!"
"Pot calling kettle black, is that the saying?"
Cana recoiled as she gave Juvia a disgusted look. "What is wrong with you? It's more of a pot calling a plastic cup black, because this isn't your area of expertise, it's mine! I don't drink when I have problems, I'm stone cold sober so that I can process them properly. You would know that if you were a real friend," Cana stated spitefully.
Juvia knew she deserved that and she swallowed hard, expecting Cana to walk away from her in a fit of rage. She didn't know why she was going around being rude to her friends, but it was like ever since was done with Natsu, she tried her best to push people away even further. She didn't want them to expect anything from her or have any high hopes for her. She just wanted to fade away into the background and just rot.
Cana sighed. "Now that we've both been bitchy to each other, we don't have to say sorry. Now come on, tell me what's going on? Lucy said she caught a glimpse of you before going on a job and saw that this was your Succubus form? Whatever the hell that is, willing to shed light on it for me?"
Juvia took a swig of her own beer. "During the whole Tower of Heaven fiasco, there was a guy who could brainwash you to be a minion of his if you enjoyed the music he played on his electric guitar. I'm a fan of rock music, so he got me. He called all his women Succubus, so therefore, I was Succubus Juvia. He wanted me to toy around and then kill Lucy. Lucy and Aquarius helped me out of it."
Cana hummed. "And then now?"
Juvia didn't want to say much on how she came to acquire this form, but she wanted her to know that she could control it.
"I can control this form, I won't be killing anyone."
Cana clapped sarcastically. "No shit, we're all still alive here! What I mean is how are you in this form now?"
Juvia shrugged, finding the table very interesting to look at. "I got a massive magical reserve boost while I was dealing with Natsu and found out very recently that I can turn into this. It took a long time to control it though."
A very long time to control it of course. The card mage gave her friend a very suspicious look as if she didn't buy it, but there were no holes in the lie, purely because it had elements of the truth in it. Juvia knew that if her friend had come to know the real timeline of events and the truth of her not sleeping, she's as good as dead.
"I'll believe you for now, but I'll get to the bottom of your little lie soon enough. Now onto the next thing. I heard about you and Natsu. Are you guys dating now or what? I mean, I haven't seen you together but he keeps asking about you whenever you're not around."
Juvia's head shot up as her jaw dropped. "Wh-what do you mean he keeps asking about me? No...no we're not dating. I think it was only because I was the first person he came in contact with that didn't show fear, so he thought I was my mate for the meantime. I was only helping him until he came back to his senses."
Cana frowned, but then grinned when all the drinks Juvia ordered came to the table. She gave Juvia a look, asking if she could have some and Juvia rolled her eyes which made Cana smile in response. Of course she was allowed some.
"I doubt that Natsu only used you for the meantime. He was running on instincts and his instincts wanted you. That means he wants you."
Juvia shook her head, downing a cocktail so fast that Cana's eyes popped out of her head. "Slow your roll there!"
"He doesn't want me, Cana-chan. He can't have me, he shouldn't want me. I don't..." She trailed off, unable to finish her sentence. She swallowed hard and distracted herself with another 3 drinks, knocking back a whiskey, a scotch and a cocktail just to make the burning sensation taste sweet. Cana watched in horror. This was serious.
"What do you mean he shouldn't want you? Juvia, if the man likes you, let him like you unless you don't like him back! I'm going to say you want him too because you haven't at least told him that you're not interested. The answer to your problems aren't at the bottom of the bottle for you to drink your way down there to try and find them. You need to look up all around you and realise that the answer is out there, you just need to look."
Juvia shook her head tearfully. "I've tried so hard to find a way to sort out this mess I call my life, but I just can't. I don't know my purpose anymore, I don't know where I stand with everything. Life just hurts now, it hurts to keep on going."
Cana had tears in her eyes as tried to hold back her sob. Juvia was depressed and no one had noticed it. No one had noticed her intense highs and her devastating lows.
"Juvia," Cana said with a crack in her voice. "Why didn't you tell anyone you felt this way?"
Juvia viciously wiped her tears as if she had just realised what she had done. She had cried in front of her friend, she had shown weakness. She scoffed and nursed a bourbon, deciding to take it easy now.
"It's not like anyone has a spell to get rid of this feeling, Cana-chan. I have to learn from it, heal from it. It's all up to me. I'm not going to rely on anyone else to help me when I can't even help myself. I'll just become a burden and that's the last thing anyone wants."
Cana hugged her friend. "You're so stupid it hurts. You know you can come to me at any time! If it's loneliness, you're not alone, I'm here. Team Natsu is here. Fuck it, Gajeel and Levy are here with their baby too! We all love you, Juvia and I believe it might be Natsu who might love you the most."
Juvia wanted it to be true, she really did want it to be true, but she couldn't allow herself to believe in such sweet lies ever again. She had deluded herself once with Gray, she wasn't going to make that mistake again.
"I don't deserve his love," Juvia whispered softly. Cana had never wanted to beat up a loved one more than she wanted to beat up Juvia at this moment. Just as she was about to say something, the door slammed open in a familiar manner and the colour that was already barely there in Juvia's face drained even more. Team Natsu bounced through the door with a loud announcement of their arrival and Cana tried to stop Juvia, knowing she was about to run away.
"Oh hell no, you stay here and you stop running!"
"I can't let him see me like this. I can't even see me like this! Please let me go."
She was begging and Cana wanted to do right by her friend, but it was going to have to come at a price. Sighing, the brunette nodded her head. "Fine, fine! But you're going to let me take you home and you're going to get some rest."
"What? No, I'm not tired."
Cana growled. "Don't even fucking bullshit me right now! Have you forgotten that your flat is next to mine? I hear you in my sleep, moving around whenever you're actually here! Mavis knows you probably don't even sleep when you're on a job! How long has it been?"
Juvia made eye contact with Natsu who then started making his way over and she gasped in shock. Cana wasn't going to let her go unless she answered her questions, but she didn't want to be stuck here.
"Okay, FINE! You win, Cana-chan, let's go!"
"Okay."
Juvia turned into water and took her friend with her before they both disappeared. Natsu stopped in his tracks as a displeased noise bubbled in his chest. At first, he didn't want to believe it. Juvia wasn't avoiding him, they just had awful timing with each other and that was what was happening. Watching her see him and then turn into a puddle to get out of the guild was painful, but his anger was enough to overshadow that. Why was she running away from him? What the hell did he do wrong that they can't just discuss things?
Natsu wore a sour glare on his face and Lucy noticed it as they moved over to the side. "Are you alright there? What's wrong with you?"
"It's Juvia. She's been avoiding me ever since I came to normal. I knew this was gonna fucking happen too."
He sighed in aggravation and Lucy patted his shoulder. "I never thought you would have liked her that way. Why didn't you say anything?"
Natsu shrugged as they sat down at their usual table. "I dunno, maybe because she was head over heels for that demon over there." He had started calling Gray a demon ever since Ignia's personality took over his for a bit. "Then when she stopped liking him, she was never in the guild for me to talk to her. Then we went on the quest and it just never came up."
"So you calling her your mate..."
"Was real. All of it. I wanted her and it seemed like she wanted me too. What the hell am I supposed to do if she doesn't want to talk to me? I thought that if I give her some time, then eventually we'll be cool again, but it's been over a month and she doesn't want to see me. I don't wanna make her uncomfortable but-"
"You're going to have to corner her and make her see it your way," Lucy interrupted. Natsu's jaw dropped before he grinned. His best friend was helping him out.
"Do you think so?"
"Yeah! Like you said, you've given her time and space and now it's time to act. Obviously if she tells you to fuck off and leave her alone, then you just drop it, but I could see in Juvia's eyes that she loved being your mate. She's always wanted someone to give her love the way that you showed it to her, there's no way she would want to give that up. She wants you, so go and get her."
Natsu hyped himself up as he nodded.
"Bunny girl is right, y'know?"
The duo looked up to see Gajeel and Levy with their baby in the pram. Lucy scrambled up immediately to see the sleeping baby as she cooed silently and Gajeel nodded at Natsu.
"Ame onna ran away, huh?"
"Yeah, but not because I did anything wrong!"
Gajeel chuckled and nodded. It was imperative that they treated their mates with utter care. The disappointment and shame that they would feel if they realised that other dragon slayers learned about them hurting their mate was a huge weight on their shoulders.
"I know ya didn't don't you worry. This is all on Juvia, but I'm sure you can help her out."
Natsu sighed. "What's going on with her?"
"Lack of sleep mostly. Her self esteem and self worth have been lowered and she feels like she's losing her friends because everyone else is getting what they want except for her. She's been trying for years and now feels like she has to give up. She thinks that she doesn't deserve you as a mate."
Natsu wore a face like thunder when he heard those words. Without any warning, he pushed his chair back, making Lucy and Levy jump and he stormed off, ignoring Happy's calls. Gajeel smirked when they all looked at him for an answer.
"What just happened?"
He shrugged as he watched the fire dragon slayer run after his mate. "Looks like he's gonna go and console his mate."