As per my commitment, I refrained from attending the class the following day, which technically is today. Today is Friday, a day I fondly referred to as "free day" during my childhood. The muffled voices of my parents discussing my absence from the second day of class seep through the walls of my bedroom. They are understanding of my disposition, yet I can't shake off the feeling of their disappointment.
I am no longer the same innocent child they once knew. My personality underwent a drastic transformation following the incident of betrayal. I am unsure if they are aware of this event. They probably attribute my changed behavior to the relentless bullying I endure. It's ironic that even in 2024, bullying remains a pervasive issue. It seems to have become a universal phenomenon.
I have spent the past three days confined to my bedroom, either engrossed in music or watching movies on my DVD player. Recently, I watched a zombie apocalypse movie titled "I Am Legend," featuring Will Smith. Ever since a particular dream, I have developed an obsession with this genre of movies, despite my usual preference for action or drama.
Speaking of the dream, I keep witnessing the same humanoid figure in my room. It materializes on the floor for a few seconds before vanishing. Although it doesn't particularly terrify me, I sense a strange connection with this entity. Perhaps my mind is playing tricks on me due to the excessive consumption of zombie apocalypse movies. I should probably take a break and rest.
My thoughts drift towards Priscilla, the Student Council President. I wonder how she spends her weekends. I have been avoiding her due to my past experiences, but I realize I should have at least expressed my gratitude for her assistance against those bullies.
Today is Tuesday, and my parents asked if I could resume class tomorrow one more time. Coincidentally, it's also my 17th birthday tomorrow. I am curious about what my parents have planned. I hope it's not as extravagant as last year when we ended up with a surplus of food due to the absence of guests. I wasn't in the mood to eat, but felt obligated to do so out of respect for their efforts. I hope they refrain from such grand gestures this time.
The question of whether I should attend school lingers in my mind. This is the first time I am contemplating this decision so early. Usually, it takes me at least a week to consider attending, but now I am unsure. Perhaps it's due to my attitude towards Priscilla. I owe her an apology for my behavior and need to thank her for her help, especially during my panic attacks triggered by my fear of loneliness. I doubt she is aware of this aspect, though.
After the movie ended (which was the alternate ending), I found myself reflecting on the line from the character Anna, "You are not alone". The past three days have been a period of introspection, contemplating the direction of my life. Ever since a friend, whom I trusted, betrayed me to the bullies to save himself, I have been battling depression. I have isolated myself from everyone, including my parents, due to this betrayal. I felt alone.
However, I realized that I am not alone. If I were, my phobia would have been constantly triggered. I have my parents who have showered me with love and support throughout these years of torment. And while I may not fully trust Priscilla yet due to my past experiences, I should at least not be rude or disrespectful towards her. I must not let life continue to mock me. I need to... change... I don't know...
I made my way to the bathroom. As I entered, I caught sight of my reflection in the mirror. The black eyes, a souvenir from Jason, the leader of the Boxin' Gang, were still visible. Apparently, it takes two weeks to heal, which is unfortunate as my parents will inevitably notice. I don't want them to worry excessively about me. I considered wearing sunglasses, but I don't own any.
The time is currently 3:30 PM. Dinner is expected to be served at 7:00 PM, providing me with ample time. I have no intention of stepping outside for a breath of fresh air. I am not that irrational. I am not in the mood for my usual pastimes of watching movies or listening to music. I yearn for a change, yet I find myself reverting to these familiar activities. I am weary of life's games. It's almost comical how I find myself continuously berating life.
Surveying the scattered DVDs of zombie genre movies on the floor, I muse, "If life insists on tormenting me, it might as well introduce zombies into the equation. At least that would add an element of entertainment... What am I even saying?"
I reclined on my bed, playing the comedy zombie movie "Zombieland" in the hopes of eliciting a few laughs, despite my diminished sense of humor. Unexpectedly, I drift off to sleep. Not that I mind, sleep has always been a welcome escape.
Once again, I find myself plunged into a zombie apocalypse scenario. This time, I am in a different location, an abandoned building littered with corpses and piles of slain zombies. In front of me stands the same humanoid figure from my previous dreams, only this time it is upright.
For the past three days, I have been hallucinating this creature and dreaming about a zombie apocalypse. I am unsure if these hallucinations are a result of my excessive consumption of zombie movies, but I suspect... I need help, a notion I am reluctant to entertain.
"Who are you?" I question the creature. It appears I am experiencing a lucid dream, given my awareness of the dream and my ability to communicate, although I receive no response.
The humanoid creature continues to gaze at me impassively as hordes of zombies begin to congregate behind it. Despite the absurdity of this dream, something urges me to exercise caution. This creature seems dangerous, and considering the nature of lucid dreams, I could potentially experience pain. If this creature were a character in a fictional narrative, it would make for a terrifying antagonist in a monster movie.
DESIRE... DESPAIR...
I awakened at 6:30 PM, the words from my dream echoing in my mind. Their meaning eludes me. I don't understand why I keep having the same dreams and hallucinating the humanoid creature, but frankly, I don't care. My life is already fraught with troubles. I don't have the luxury to dwell on such nonsensical matters.
"I'm hungry." I descend the stairs to partake in an early dinner.
———
The following day, I resolved to attend school, primarily to extend an apology to Priscilla. I may not be able to maintain regular attendance, but at least I would alleviate the guilt associated with my previous behavior towards her. Donning the same outfit I wore four days ago, I descended the stairs for breakfast. I woke up at 6:00 AM to avoid the hyperventilation triggered by my autophobia. It's a sensation akin to dying.
My parents' faces lit up with joy at the prospect of me attending class today. Their happiness, in turn, sparked a sense of joy within me. I felt a responsibility to alleviate their concerns about my future. I contemplated attending class every day, despite my reluctance. However, I am unsure if I am ready for such a commitment. Perhaps it's too soon. Maybe I should stick to my comfort zone for now.
"What should we plan for today?" My mother, Beverly, whispered to my father.
"I don't know. Let's plan it later," my father, Sean, whispered back.
I could tell they were planning something for my birthday. Their excitement seemed to stem from their belief that I was gradually reverting to my old self, prior to the betrayal. I wasn't sure about the latter, but their enthusiasm was heartening. I just hoped they wouldn't plan anything as extravagant as last year, as I wasn't in the mood for a feast.
My primary concern was people discovering it was my birthday. The date, September 11, carries a tragic historical significance. I often referred to it as my 'first curse' bestowed by life, marking the beginning of my tumultuous existence.
After finishing my breakfast of eggs and bacon, I headed outside towards the bus stop shelter. En route, I heard a growling sound emanating from an alleyway adjacent to one of the apartment buildings. A shadowy figure of a man stumbled clumsily on the ground. I rolled my eyes at his apparent drunkenness before continuing my walk.
Little did I know at the time that this was a "foreshadowing" of events to come, and I simply dismissed it.
———
As the class commenced, Ma'am Lavi initiated the roll call, marking the presence or absence of students. Her gaze, filled with disdain, landed on me, presumably due to my insolence from four days ago and my subsequent absence on Friday. It was only the second day of class, and I had already marked an absence. It was understandable why she harbored some animosity towards me.
As the Social Studies class began, my gaze drifted towards Priscilla, who was engrossed in the lesson. Her seat was situated a fair distance from mine, so I planned to apologize for my behavior later. I couldn't help but wonder if she still remembered the incident from three days ago. It would be rather embarrassing if she had forgotten.
My attention then shifted to the Boxin' Gang. I could feel their hostile stares from across the room. My heart pounded with fear, yet I was also irritated by their presence. I was certain that a confrontation was imminent. I needed to escape immediately after apologizing to Priscilla. I couldn't afford to linger in this school any longer.
Throughout the lesson, unlike some of the other students, I paid little attention. I had no interest in engaging with the lesson. I was not in the mood for it. As before, I simply rested my head on the table. I hoped that my teacher would be understanding enough to leave me be, but then...
"Mr. Mavely!" Ma'am Lavi called out my name, much to my internal frustration. "What is the term for the economic system in which the means of production are owned and controlled by the state, and the distribution of goods and services is determined by a central planning authority!?"
I was irked that she singled me out to answer that question. Among all the students, she chose me. I was certain she posed this "complex" question to me as a way to chastise me for not paying attention to her class. I had encountered such tactics before in Ireland, and I despised teachers who resorted to these methods.
"Socialism," I responded in a monotone voice, annoyed that she had asked such a basic question.
Everyone, including Ma'am Lavi, was taken aback by my prompt response. The teacher was aware that my answer was correct, but she seemed surprised that I was able to answer. The truth is, I have a keen interest in history. It's my favorite subject in school. Prior to the brutal betrayal, history was the subject in which I scored the highest. I once aspired to become a historian. But now, that dream seems naive and childish.
"T-That's correct," Ma'am Lavi stuttered before resuming her class.
'You continue to confuse me,' Priscilla silently expressed her bewilderment about me.
I returned to my slumber, hoping that the teacher would be wise enough this time to leave me alone. I was prepared to answer her questions without hesitation if it meant she would let me be. I just wanted some solitude before apologizing to Priscilla. After that, I needed to leave the school premises immediately. I had no qualms about skipping class. It wouldn't be the first time.
———
As lunchtime arrived, I navigated my way through the bustling cafeteria with the intention of apologizing to Priscilla before making my exit from the school. I noticed a student hastily making her way towards the female restroom, a small dog bite visible on her hand. I surmised that she was rushing to the restroom due to the potential risk of rabies. It puzzled me why she didn't head straight to the infirmary.
Suddenly, I was forcefully yanked from behind by a familiar muscular figure from the Boxin' Gang, his hand muffling any cries for help. I was dragged towards the staircase leading to the rooftop. The muscular man, Troy if my memory serves me right, released his grip on me only to deliver a kick that sent me sprawling through the door, pain radiating through my body.
I groaned in pain, looking up to see the bullies looming over me, their faces twisted into cruel smiles.
"Hello, Paddy! I see you like our gift!" Cane, the skinny and eccentric-looking member of the gang, taunted me with an exaggerated Irish accent.
Troy hoisted me from the ground, forcing me to kneel before Jason, who sat nonchalantly with a cigarette in hand. Despite the pain coursing through me, I couldn't help but chuckle at the clichéd attempt to intimidate me.
"Is there something funny, punk?" Chub, the rotund member of the gang, inquired.
"His head must have some loose screws. Poor thing," Maria, the athletic yet bratty girl, remarked sarcastically. "Did you beat him too much, Troy?"
"My head is fine. It's just..." For the first time in my life, I let out a light chuckle in the face of adversity, amused by the clichéd situation I found myself in. "Do you guys watch a lot of movies? Or maybe for this home-?"
My sentence was abruptly cut off as Jason delivered a swift kick. His calm facade had crumbled at my mockery, revealing his annoyance. I was certain that he would beat me to a pulp. But at this point, death seemed a more appealing prospect than continuing to live a life tormented by these bullies. I was ready to embrace death at any moment.
"You've got guts for an Irish man," Jason commented, inexplicably bringing my ethnicity into the conversation. Were these guys racists? It wouldn't surprise me if they were.
Groaning in pain and coughing up blood, I managed to respond, "Just get it over with."
Cane seemed amused by my response, "Hehe! He's got some guts!"
"Aww. Does that mean he won't be our slave?" Maria pouted, disappointed that I wouldn't be compliant.
I would never become anyone's lapdog again! I wouldn't let life degrade me any further!
Jason discarded his cigarette and began cracking his knuckles, preparing to deliver a brutal beating. Troy and Cane also readied themselves to join in, eager to amplify the pain. Maria and Chub stood by like spectators, ready to revel in my suffering.
"Let's see if you like to run your mouth after this!" Jason declared.
For an entire hour, they subjected me to a merciless beating. They hurled me against the wall of the staircase exit and into a metal rooftop safety fence, repeatedly punching and kicking me with full force. Bloodied and battered, with my black eyes worsening, I coughed up blood.
The pain was intense, although I had endured worse back in Ireland. I attempted to crawl to safety, but Troy picked me up and slammed my face into the safety fence. My head felt like it was being crushed as I took in the view below.
"Huh?" I momentarily diverted my attention from the pain, noticing an unusual scene unfolding at the school gate.
Priscilla was hastily ushered into a car by her parents, her expression a mask of confusion. The car sped off recklessly, as if they were in a hurry. In fact, all the cars passing by the school gates seemed to be driving faster than usual, a sight that was uncommon given the school's proximity to the road.
'What is going on here?' I wondered, my curiosity piqued. However, the resurgent wave of pain coursing through my body quickly reclaimed my attention, eliciting a scream of anguish from me.