-Yuri Yoshida-
Without me realizing it, Ryuji made me leave my house. And it was daytime. It's not that it's a big deal, I'm just stepping on the ground in this place so far from the city. I guess it was easier than I thought.
-[Well… Ino…] It was hard for me to talk because I was still a bit panicked. It had been a long time since I felt the sun on my skin. -[So… what am I supposed to do…]
-[Try to hit me with that.]
He says it in a joking tone, his index finger pointing at the katana I was holding with my belt.
-[And what will you do?…]
-[Well, I'll hit you back and so… Have you never fought, Yuri?]
With that question, I felt my stomach churn. I mean, "fight" as the word suggests, I had never fought, but any form of violence seemed repulsive to me after the incident a year ago. I stopped watching "Neketsu" genre anime because it made me want to vomit just thinking about a punch or an insult directed at me. (Neketsu: anime genre dealing with fights, usually starring boys in Yuri's age range).
Although now that I think about it, Ryuji had already insulted me, but I never felt it was done in a hostile way, or maybe at that moment I was more worried about the guy who had broken into my home…
-[I-I don't know…]
-[Stop talking like a shy girl from those weird anime you surely like… Attack me, you dummy!]
No, that insult hurt…
-[Yuri, I can't control what you'll do with your life, but surely this is better for you than being locked up doing nothing in your room.]
Since I saw his face, it was the first time I didn't see a playful expression on it. This time his mouth moved only as much as necessary, without exaggerating what he said or shouting. It's as if he was worried about me.
-[Yuri! *SMACK*.]
After hearing my name, I feel my cheek burn. It's a sting I had never felt before. It hurts, but instead of making me angry, it makes me a bit sad, as if it were more than a normal slap…
SMACK.
-[I won't stop until you hit me back, come on.]
I didn't feel the second slap like the first; the pain and burning were practically nonexistent, but helplessness took over my body. I knew I had to act, but I couldn't find the courage. I just wanted this to be over so I could lock myself away again. At the beginning, I felt I had changed a bit, but in reality, I only managed to get hit repeatedly by this guy.
SMACK.
I didn't know if I wanted him to stop hitting me or if I was begging for mercy from some god, but at that moment I just needed a break.
SMACK.
I couldn't even feel my face, just a slight breeze that relieved the persistent burning.
My eyes began to calm, more closed than they always were from the computer light.
SMACK.
Suddenly, I woke up inside a stationary car. I had fainted after the last slap. The car, which I imagine was parked, transmitted a panic that took hold of me for a moment, but I quickly put two and two together.
I'm probably in Ryuji's car…
I guess I'm here because he must have set a condition without telling me, like:
"Ryuji's voice: HAHA! YURI! YOU WON'T ENTER YOUR HOUSE AGAIN UNTIL YOU GIVE ME A WORTHY FIGHT!"
Or something like that.
Truth be told, I prefer being locked in here than being out in the open sun like before. At least the sun doesn't get in the car since the windows were tinted.
I look up a bit and see him in the driver's seat. Indeed, Ryuji is driving. This system scares me…
-[GOOD MORNING!]
He's so happy. His smile gives off a brightness that dazzles me. I found it somewhat offensive, as if I also had to be happy after he knocked me out and kidnapped me.
-[Hello…]
-[I went a bit overboard.] I see him rubbing the back of his neck, as if what he did was a triviality. –[Since I saw you use an element at such a high level, I imagined your body was strong. Sooorry.]
Although I imagine he means it seriously, his way of saying it makes me think otherwise. For now, I prefer to ignore his annoying attitude, I guess…
-[Why am I in your car, Ino?]
-[Because I forbid you to enter your house!]
I thought so…
-[And what do I have to do to get back in?]
-[Nothing. Your house and your porn are condemned.]
-[Oh… well…]
Lies. It's not "oh… well…" that I wanted to say to him. This guy literally broke into my house, and now he's forbidden me from entering, and on top of that, he's acting funny, treating me like a pornography-addicted pervert while making an "x" with his arms. Does he think he's a cartoon character? It's annoying. I'm sure there were more normal people than this guy for my stepfather to send for me.
-[Ah, by the way, get out. I need to buy some things. You ate all the food, you glutton.]
-[Huh…]
When Ryuji opens the door, I look outside.
We weren't outside my house. We were in a parking lot, probably in downtown New Tokyo, as I could make out huge buildings that cast a bit of shadow on the giant sun.
I was paralyzed for a moment, not understanding anything. Fear grows in me and my legs begin to tremble. An enormous pain grows in my chest. Immediately after, my door opens and the sun streams in.
Fear invades me like never before, and my eyes, full of fear, are unable to hide it. Little by little, despair begins to consume me the more I understand the situation.
Now it's not just my legs that are trembling; my whole body becomes restless.
My reality becomes distorted. Where others would see an ordinary day, I see everything I hate: people walking, the strong sun, noise from the subway and schoolkids my age chatting. I see them looking at me, those judgmental eyes that hurt me like those kicks from a year ago.
-[No… no, no, no, no, no.]
-[Yuri, get out.]
Ryuji would touch my shoulder, shaking it a little, making me sway back and forth. Each sway makes me lose my mind more and more.
-[No!]
I would quickly remove his hand from my shoulder with a small slap, to make it clear to him that I would not get out of the car. I would never throw myself into the lion's den.
But Ryuji would keep insisting. He would put his hand on my shoulder again, trying to make me react.
Feeling his hand again, I would unconsciously release electrical discharges, small shocks that came out on their own. But he wouldn't remove his hand from my shoulder, although he was squeezing harder with each passing second, I imagine because it did hurt him.
Without saying anything to me, he would pull my shoulder with great force. I would fall hard from the car and remain lying down, putting my hands over my head, avoiding looking anywhere but the ground, completely silent, my whole body completely tense with tremors that made me look miserable.
-[Shit, Yuri… Are you okay?]
-[please, Please stop this, it hurts, it hurts a lot!]
-[Yuri…]
Ryuji would approach me carefully and kneel, ending up in front of me.
I felt his hand on my shoulder. He was stroking me slowly, as if trying to comfort me. I relaxed a bit and managed to look up. I don't know what reaction I expected from him. I guess something inside me wanted a bit of compassion from him, but I only found his face trying not to laugh.
I felt his hand withdraw from my shoulder and
-[I'm sorry, I'm truly sorry, but how do you expect me to take seriously a nearly adult boy throwing a tantrum about leaving his house.] He would stop holding back and start laughing hysterically. Then, more relaxed and with a calm expression, he would continue his speech –[Yuri, oh my god, how funny, please, do me this favor, just this once, come with me. I really want to help you get rid of that stupid fear. Maybe it's because I feel a bit of pity, but I want to help you. Get up, the city is beautiful to explore!]
His left eye would close and he extended his hand to me, trying to seem friendlier. Truth be told, I was a bit angry; he laughed at me, after all. But his hand and his relaxed smile gave me a bit more confidence. But the fear would return when I heard there were more people at the scene. I only heard whispers, but that just made me feel worse. I imagined they were all talking about me. I imagined their faces full of laughter seeing how miserable I was.
-[Please Ino… j-just stop this, I want to go back, I'm really scared.]
I felt his hand on mine and he would pull it as he stood up. It was then that I unconsciously looked around. All the glances of the people around us were focused on their own lives. The car door hid the scene. This time I was saved from public humiliation, I guess.
-[Listen, there are many people in the world, and those people know more people. If someone saw you, it doesn't matter. You're not the only one with problems. What others care about least is what some boy they don't know is doing. Don't worry about them, worry about yourself and the people who care about you, like Commander Yoshida. If he saw how you can be outside after all this time, he would undoubtedly be proud. And honestly, I would be too, even if just a little, eh.]
Hearing his honest words, I would open my eyes with a bit of surprise. I was a bit sad, truth be told, but I held back anyway. I didn't want to make a scene and attract people. Damn, it's the opposite of what he said.
-[Shall we go, Yuri?]
-[B-but what if it's not like that…]
-[Then they're idiots. Don't pay attention to people who judge you; they probably hide more things than you.] He would let go of my hand and, with a heroic pose, continue explaining himself. –[Shall we?]
-[O-okay.]
Of course I would accept. I would close the car door and follow Ryuji with my head down. I didn't have my headphones, but I felt I needed to cancel out the external noise.
Thinking about what he said, I feel a bit bad. I judged him, just like the people Ryuji described. He's really not so bad. He wants to help me, even if it's difficult. I'm a stubborn piece of shit, but anyway it's complicated. I just can't help filling in the gaps of what I hear from others with my name.
Just looking at his feet so as not to get lost, without raising my head and without saying a single word, we continued until we reached the place where we would buy the goods.
-[Do you want to stay outside? Knowing you, the market light might blind you.]
-[N-no, I've b-been in places like this before.]
-[Well, go in!]
-[W-why did you shout that?]
-[I don't know, it's fun to shout. Try it.]
-[N…no.]
-[Then go in, I'm tired now.]
With a tired face, he would turn around and enter. I would just follow his feet, while thinking how great it would be to be at home watching some anime on my computer. For some reason, I feel more energetic than usual. Of course, I hadn't used my electricity all day. I guess that's my purpose: to be my own electrical tape. It could be a good life. When I get out of this ordeal, I'll live completely for free. I won't need studies, or work, or to put up with anyone.
I can't wait for this to be over, to dedicate myself to my vocation of playing video games non-stop, to get lost reading romance manga—although I'd like to live something like that, but that would just take me out of my routine. It would be hard to get used to, it would be a pain.
What if there stopped being interesting anime?
There are several I haven't seen. Maybe I can watch fighting anime again after this. I already missed today's episodes by being here. I'll get home and watch them all while having lunch. Will Ryuji let me? Why do I allow him to do this? I should just kick him out.
It's as easy as dodging his blows and giving him a zap.
Would it be good to do it?
He's trying to help me, in his own way, but the intention is what counts, even if he is an annoying piece of sh…
-[Hey, move, you've been standing still for 10 minutes looking at the cold cuts! HAHAHAHAHAHA.]
It was obviously Ryuji. With a quick glance, I noticed he had a lot of things in his pockets. I wouldn't expect a soldier to go around stealing in markets.
-[W-what?!]
It was true. Coming out of my thoughts, I noticed I was looking at the cheese and ham section.
-[Well, I just needed to buy cheese… Do you think three kilos of fresh cheese will be enough for the month you have for your fight?]
-[A whole month!?]
-[See, it's great to shout!]
A guard with a firm posture would approach Ryuji and touch his shoulder threateningly.
-[Would it be too much trouble if you stopped shouting?]
-[Relax, we're just shopping.]
-[Another thing… Try to be a bit more discreet, it's obvious you have a lot of cereal bars in your pockets!]
-[Ooh, so perceptive…]
He would take out all the bars and put them in the shopping cart, which was obviously already very full: meat, various desserts, an ice cream, several fruits, etc. The point is that cart was stupidly full of things he would probably force me to eat. Do the Crusaders really get that much money?
I could buy several figures with that money. Since they're forcing me to stay for a while, the pay doesn't seem so bad. Wait, if they pay so well, why was he stealing if he gets a good salary?
What a total idiot…
In the end, Ryuji would pay for everything and the guard would follow us to the exit. In the meantime, they started arguing. That was really annoying, but at least it distracted me from the weird thoughts entering my head.
Four full bags. Four damn bags that weighed like hell…
-[Can you carry them all?] Trying to hide my gaze even more –[I-it's just that they're too heavy.]
-[No, it's part of your training. Besides, they don't weigh that much, you're just a weakling…]
-[I understand…]
Just like that, I would carry the bags to the car, taking breaks every 5 steps. I couldn't say how much they weighed, only that it was more than I could handle. Definitely. I was very sweaty and exhausted from the effort.
Arriving at the car, I would leave the bags and, tired, I would hurry to get i…
-[What are you doing? We're not done here yet.]
-[What else is left?]
-[I told a friend we would meet up with her. She lives at the Crusader camp. I mean, I do too, but she had to come by bus, because she's not as cool as me, because she doesn't drive!]
Ok…
The last straw, a woman. It's not that I'm an "incel"... well… maybe a little, but that's beside the point. (Incel: A man who blames women for his own inability to form intimate relationships. It often turns into toxic and extremist hatred).
Literally the last time I talked to a woman I had to lock myself in my house for a year.It's really too much weight for me. Also, what if now the one who beats me up is Ryuji? He would kill me.
-[I d-don't accept that!]
-[You're not so indifferent to everything anymore, huh?] He would approach me making a face that made it clear he was making fun of me. –[Well, it was to be expected that you'd be afraid of women after all.]
Well, I won't lie, the idea of meeting a girl doesn't exactly thrill me, but truth be told, meeting someone different from Ryuji might make this more pleasant, or at least bearable. Him being the only person I interact with has only given me a headache.
-[Ino, is she like you?]
-[What do you mean?]
-[N-never mind.]
-[So… shall we go?]
Without saying a word, I would nod my head. I can't deny it, all this makes me uncomfortable, walking through the crowded street, but it's easier if I just follow Ryuji's steps. Once again, I walked behind him without saying a single word.
I would really like to see what's happening around me, but it's really shitty. I don't even know if there are buildings next to me. The breeze hits my hair and my strand moves; it itches a bit. I should have showered...
Do I smell bad?
I don't know. I usually wouldn't worry about these things, but the situation warrants me thinking a bit more, or maybe I'm nervous. Very nervous.
-[Ino…]
-[Tell me, skinny.]
So unnecessary…
-[N-nothing.]
Idiot. That's what I am.
Arriving at an intersection, Ryuji stops. I look up to see what he will do.
-[HEY! KARA! OVER HERE!]
I would lower my gaze again. I didn't manage to see her face or any way to identify her, but it doesn't matter, because I guess she'll come over here.
I hear footsteps running to where Ryuji and I are. Then I hear a slap, but it sounds very loud, almost as if two cool kids were high-fiving and it sounded awesome.
-[I've been waiting for thirty minutes! You were supposed to pick me up in the car when you arrived and take us to the bar!] She would take a small breath, but very loudly, as if forcing herself to calm down. –[Add to those thirty minutes the hour of travel I had on the bus! Plus, I was sitting next to a horrible lady who got annoyed because I opened the window!]
-[I don't care, and we're not going to any bar! I told you we were going to eat with Commander Yoshida's son!] The girl would light a cigarette while Ryuji spoke. –[But don't worry, Yuri is fun! We're going to eat like bears before hibernating! HAHAHAHA.]
Forcing me to look up a little, she was dressed in white platform sneakers, which she paired with leg warmers. Further up, a short shorts and a tight black t-shirt at the waist.
When my eyes reached her face... truthfully, she wasn't what you'd expect from a soldier. She had short hair, dyed turquoise on the lower part, and the top part, I imagine her natural color, was a very black black. Her eyes were completely black, without any shine. It seemed weird to me; they didn't seem like eyes that matched the girl who was shouting a moment ago. Besides, her dark circles were very noticeable. Anyway, she seemed very expressive. At that moment it didn't quite add up for me, but I simply let it go.
Then I quickly looked down, my face a bit warm.
-[Yuri, right?]
-[Y-yes.]
-[I'm Kara Gyaku. Ryuji didn't tell me you'd be here, but better, that way I don't have to put up with him alone.]
I tried to look up again, but I only managed to see a warm smile on her face.