"Late-stage liver cancer, your time… is running out."
When the doctor opposite him said these words with a solemn expression, the thin diagnostic report slipped from his fingers, twirling like a withered leaf falling prematurely, silently drifting towards the cold floor tiles…
Bai Luan lit paper money one by one in front of his relatives' graves. The flickering flames licked the entrance to the Yellow Springs, illuminating the prematurely solidified smiles on the tombstones—his parents, who toiled their entire lives without enjoying any blessings, and his grandparents, who raised him from infancy but didn't live long enough to receive his care in return.
He had promised them he would make something of himself, and he had worked tirelessly until now. What was it all for?
He probably wouldn't last until next year.
I'm going to die…
Next year, who will sweep your graves?
Bai Luan looked at the paper money in his hand. He grabbed a handful of unburnt paper money and, with all his strength, tossed it towards the hazy sky. The paper money scattered with the wind, a tribute to both his relatives and himself.
Bai Luan resigned from his job and withdrew all his savings from over the years, watching the stacks of red banknotes fill his rented room.
He picked up a bundled stack of money, held it in his hand, and stared at it. His previously expressionless face forced out a smile.
This wasn't his money… This was his first half of life…
Let's live a little more clearly.
He had suffered his whole life; it was time to taste some sweetness.
He tossed the bundle of money into the air, and the red banknotes immediately scattered, spreading out like fireworks, falling like rain.
Bai Luan, with that forced smile, spun around in this rain of money… round and round…
From now on! I'll do whatever I want!
High-end buffet restaurants he never dared to look at before, he would treat them like ordinary diners! Eating and drinking to his heart's content!
Blasting DJ music, a wildly dancing crowd, dazzling lights, a chaotic throng, and Bai Luan, equally wild and mixed in, dancing.
He felt like his life had reached its climax!
He frantically spent money on Honkai: Star Rail, throwing all his gacha pool plans out the window. He would pull for whoever he wanted!
A person with no future doesn't need savings!
Hahahaha! I'm so happy!
I'm so… happy… ah…
In the most luxurious room of a high-end hotel, Bai Luan leaned over the toilet and coughed up a mouthful of blood. Feeling the intense pain in his body, he struggled to crawl to the sink. The mirror reflected a sallow, sunken-eyed face, his forehead hair drenched with sweat.
Looking at his haggard reflection in the mirror, Bai Luan couldn't understand.
For the past month, he had lived a life of spending ten thousand a day, eating everything he wanted, and doing everything he wanted.
Why…
Could he not smile?
He used his fingers to pull the skin of his cheeks upwards, contorting his face into a smile uglier than a cry.
Looking at the smile forcibly pulled out by his fingers.
"What… do I truly want?"
Another wave of intense pain hit, and Bai Luan fainted in the hotel bathroom.
When he woke up again, he was lying in a hospital bed, dressed in a patient gown, with an IV drip in his arm.
Bai Luan sat up, and a surprised voice came from the next bed.
"Young man, you're awake?"
A middle-aged woman's voice, surprised yet tired, came from the adjacent bed.
"You're finally awake! I'll call the nurse for you!"
She enthusiastically pressed the call bell.
Bai Luan watched quietly, feeling that it didn't matter anymore, and symbolically offered a word of thanks.
Seeing Bai Luan's expression, the middle-aged woman encouraged him:
"Young man, don't give up. There's still a chance. Life still has to go on, after all. As long as you don't give up, there's still hope."
Bai Luan replied with a hollow smile:
"You're right."
Then he lay back down. On the bedside table, his phone was still there. When he turned it on, the battery was low.
Bai Luan struggled to get up, searching for his charger.
Damn it.
It seemed to be lost.
He would complain to that damn hotel later.
Bai Luan looked at the red glow of the battery indicator.
He'd make do.
He opened Alipay and checked his balance.
His savings of over a decade, after a month of lavish spending, now stood at… 101,256.3.
What should he do with this money…
Could he possibly spend it all on Honkai: Star Rail?
"Young man, were you looking for a charger just now? I have one here, but I'm not sure if the plug is compatible."
Bai Luan glanced at it; it was the right one.
He remained silent for a moment, then looked at his phone's red battery indicator again, and finally took it.
"Thanks."
This thank you was much more sincere than the previous one.
"Young man, do you also have cancer?"
"Yes."
"So young, how did you end up with this?"
"Bad luck, I guess…"
The middle-aged woman hadn't expected such a self-deprecating answer. She paused, then gave an awkward laugh.
Soon, the nurse arrived with the doctor.
The doctor was the one who had informed Bai Luan of his cancer. He looked serious and recounted Bai Luan's dire physical condition.
Bai Luan listened indifferently, finally saying to the doctor:
"I'm not going to treat it."
The doctor was stunned. He looked at Bai Luan's lifeless eyes, and his expression finally turned into a heavy, helpless sigh before he silently left with the nurse.
"Young man, why aren't you going to treat it? Think of your family…"
The woman couldn't help but speak again.
"They're all gone."
Bai Luan interrupted her, his voice as light as a sigh, yet carrying the power to sever everything.
"They're… all gone."
He turned his back to her, like a stone statue refusing communication.
However, soon, suppressed, intermittent sobs came from behind him.
Bai Luan turned around and saw the woman who had just been trying to comfort him now wiping away tears with the back of her rough hand, her shoulders trembling slightly.
"Young man, I'm sorry, but I'm scared… They all say this disease is serious… I don't know if I can be cured…"
"…You can be cured, don't give up."
Bai Luan felt a pang inside and offered a word of comfort.
Just then, a knock came at the door, accompanied by a child's voice:
"Grandma!"
"Mom! I brought Juanjuan to see you!"
The middle-aged woman quickly composed herself and greeted her granddaughter with a smile.
"Grandma, get better soon."
The middle-aged woman hugged her granddaughter, rubbed her head, and said with a kind smile:
"Grandma will be well very soon."
And the woman's son stood by, smiling at Bai Luan.
Bai Luan watched the steadily rising battery level on his phone.
He seemed to know where the rest of his money should go.
Bai Luan got up to change his clothes, unplugged the charger, and handed it to the middle-aged woman:
"Thank you for your charger."
"But you just started charging it."
"It's enough."
Bai Luan's gaze swept over the battery level, which had turned from red to green, and a genuine, relieved smile appeared on his face.
"I'm being discharged."
The little girl, Juanjuan, looked up and innocently asked, "Big brother, is your illness cured?"
Bai Luan squatted down, gently stroked the little girl's head, and smiled gently:
"Yes, it's cured. Big brother's illness… is already cured."
Bai Luan looked at the elderly woman and said:
"So, your grandma will also be well very soon."
"Mm!"
Bai Luan found the doctor who had been treating him and asked about the patient in the same room.
"How is the older sister in the next bed?"
"Early stage, there's a lot of hope. It's just… her family's financial situation is really difficult, and the cost of follow-up treatment…"
"I still have over a hundred thousand in my card. After settling my fees, the rest, please use it for her."
The doctor was astonished: "You…"
"I'm a goner."
Bai Luan calmly pronounced his own death sentence.
"But this money, if spent elsewhere, wouldn't even make a ripple. Spent on her… at least someone can still see the light."
He paused.
"As for me?"
He looked out at the hazy sky, a fleeting smile playing on his lips:
"Let heaven… decide."
And so, Bai Luan's last bit of savings, carrying the residual warmth of his life, flowed into another river yearning to live.
Bai Luan was discharged from the hospital despite the doctor's dissuasion.
Before he left, the doctor called out to Bai Luan.
"At least! At least let me do something for you?"
Bai Luan turned back, saw the tears in the doctor's eyes, thought for a moment, and then, smiling, told him the location of his family's old graves:
"If they overcome their illness, please sweep my family's graves for me every year."
After saying this, Bai Luan waved, turned, walked out of the hospital, and slowly headed towards death.
It was evening then, and the streets were bustling with people, no one paying him any mind.
Bai Luan walked down the street, looking up at the dazzling Herta poster on the tall buildings.
If he were in that world, his illness would probably be cured easily, right?
Heh… what was he thinking…
Bai Luan shook his head.
"Grandparents, Mom, Dad, I didn't make something of myself, but… I didn't live in vain either."
A sharp pain came from his liver, making Bai Luan's face pale. He stumbled a few steps and sat on a bench by the roadside.
He understood now.
Why did squandering thousands fail to fill the void in his heart?
Why did living a life of debauchery fail to dispel the coldness in his soul?
What he wanted was never those fleeting sensory stimulations.
What he wanted was simply… to live.
Like the aunt in the next bed, who had a home to return to and a grandchild to hold, he wanted the right to be afraid, the right to strive, the right to embrace that faint but real… hope of living!
Why… did he not get even a single chance?
He was unwilling… to die like this…
Life was fading, and his eyelids gradually grew heavy.
I… don't want to die…
…
Ding-a-ling-a-ling—Ding-a-ling-a-ling—
His phone alarm rang, waking Bai Luan.
The dream faded with the sound. Bai Luan opened his eyes in bed, the oppressive past from his dream still vivid.
Bai Luan sat up in bed, feeling his healthy body.
It was all over…
"System?"
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing,"
Bai Luan stretched long and contentedly, his bones emitting a slight crackle.
Sunlight fell on his face, bringing a new warmth.
A relaxed and utterly genuine smile spread across his lips as he whispered to the void, and to his regained life:
"I just wanted to… thank you again."