—Ughhh, I'm so tired of being here —grumbled Kushida, flopping down next to me with exaggerated drama—. Did you know Shinohara snores like a trucker with sinusitis? I can't sleep like this!
—A trucker, huh? Well, I went through something similar when I shared a tent with Sudou. Every time he rolled over, it felt like a tropical storm was coming —I commented, shivering at the memory.
—Sure, but now Mister Privileged sleeps alone in his personal tent. And with two girls, no less. Damn fourth-rate playboy —she spat, pointing a finger at me accusingly.
—Don't hate me just because I sleep like a king and you don't even sleep like a medieval servant —I said with a teasing smile.
That's when her brain short-circuited.
—That's not fair! I want a tent all to myself too! —she shouted, lunging at me like a rabid cat and grabbing my neck with moderate force... like she was trying to strangle me without committing her nails.
—Three more days! That's all the suffering you have left. Think of it as karmic punishment for talking badly about people behind their backs —I said in a strained voice while trying to push her away.
Her eyes narrowed. And then she said it.
—I'll kill you right now.
Threat level: 10/10!
I didn't wait to see if it was a real threat or one of her usual dramatics. I wrenched myself free and bolted like a stray cat spotting a broom.
—Don't run, bastard! Let me kill you slowly! —she shouted, chasing me at full speed.
—Sure! I'll let you murder me with style! Let me prepare a silver platter while you do it!
—If you run, it'll be worse! Accept your fate as a man!
—Hard to accept my fate when it includes being strangled by a jealous lunatic over my luxury tent!
—I swear I'll sleep in your tent tonight, even if it's over your dead body!
—Then I'll sleep outside! Goodbye to my personal sanctuary!
I ran like a hungry bear was chasing me... which, in hindsight, wasn't that different from what was happening.
Kushida was behind me at full speed, screaming threats worthy of an anime villainess with anger management issues.
Then... the ground ended.
—What the hell...? —I stopped abruptly, and so did my heart.
In front of me: a cliff about fourteen meters high. Below, a river of cold, deep water that didn't ask permission before swallowing anyone.
I stared into the void with the classic "this is a terrible idea" expression plastered across my face.
—I found you! —Kushida shouted from behind, panting as if she had just won a murderous marathon.
I turned slowly, sweating cold.
—K-Kushida, listen... this isn't exactly the ideal place to kill me, okay? At least wait until there's ground beneath our feet!
She paused for a second. One. Just one.
—There's no escape now, Endo —she said with a twisted smile, walking toward me like we were in a suspense novel.
—Look where we are first, lunatic! This is a cliff, not a wrestling ring!
But she didn't listen.
Or worse: she heard me and didn't care.
—Get ready! —she yelled, and with a jump, launched herself at me like a human missile.
—WAIT, WAIT, WAIT—!
BAM!
Her body collided with mine like part of a suicidal maneuver, and we both lost our balance in a glorious mess of legs, arms, and screams.
—NOOOO—!!! —I yelled as we fell into the void.
—THIS IS YOUR FAULT, IDIOT!!! —Kushida shouted furiously as we fell together.
—I TOLD YOU TO STOP, YANDERE!!!
And then...
SPLAAAAASH!
The water hit us brutally. Cold, merciless, and splashing away every last drop of dignity.
I surfaced, coughing, spitting water, trying not to choke on my own hysterical laughter.
Next to me, Kushida emerged just as drenched... and much angrier.
—I swear if I don't kill you today, I'll do it when we dry off! —she huffed, hair sticking to her face, eyes blazing with murderous fury.
—So... you're giving me an extra hour of life? Perfect, I can plan my farewell! Want to join the toast?
—I'M GOING TO DROWN YOU, ENDO!
—So violent! Can't we just share a thermal blanket and pretend this was romantic?
And so, splashing in the freezing water with an angry, soaked girl swearing revenge, I thought this was one of those stories you tell your grandchildren...
...if I survive, of course.
Current situation:
Soaked to the bone, half-naked, and sharing the sun with a girl who probably wants to kill me... again.
Yes, perfectly normal for another day in this hellish test.
—Well... it could've been worse —I said, dropping my wet shirt onto a rock to let the sun do its magic.
—Worse? —Kushida huffed beside me—. We fell fourteen meters, Endo! Fourteen! My eyelashes almost ripped off on impact.
—Tragic. A true crime against natural beauty.
—Don't mock me!
We settled by the riverbank, the sun shining directly on us. I decided to strip down to my underwear and spread our clothes over hot rocks to dry.
Embarrassed? Not at all. I don't consider myself a model, but let's say I have enough abs to not cry in the mirror.
Then... she copied me.
—Turn around and I swear I'll bury you in this river —Kushida said, giving me her back, her clothes hanging beside her.
—What if I trip by accident and fall while turning?
—Then I'll make sure your accident is permanent.
—Wow, as affectionate as ever. You make me feel special.
She clicked her tongue.
—You make me question all my life choices. How did I end up here with you?
—Karma, maybe?
—More like a curse.
There was a moment of silence as water dripped from our drying clothes.
—You know? This isn't so bad —I said, looking up at the sky—. Sun, peace, a half-naked, violent companion behind me... feels like vacation, extreme edition.
—Maybe try not to say "half-naked" so casually, idiot.
—Then what should I say? "Subtly scantily clad"?
—Ugh! You're hopeless.
—Yet you put up with me, that gives me hope —I said with a smile she couldn't see, but surely imagined.
—Don't make me regret it, Endo.
—Relax. Sometimes I know when to stop.
She snorted a soft laugh.
—Liar.
—I'm trying, okay?
At that moment, a small breeze brushed our backs, and we both shivered slightly.
—Tsk... the sun isn't drying as fast as I hoped —she complained.
—Well... if you get cold, we can snuggle a bit. For health, nothing malicious, I swear.
—Yeah, right, you say that with your pervert face in standby mode.
—Hey! This is my standard face.
Kushida let out a more genuine laugh, and for a moment, the murderous tension evaporated a little.
—Just... don't tell anyone about this, okay? I don't want them thinking... things.
—What things?
—You know, what things.
—Ah, like you and I secretly getting along?
—NO!
—Hahaha! Okay, okay, I'll keep it a secret. But now you know what it feels like... being trapped with someone charming like me.
—Yes. It's like a tropical nightmare.
I thought it would just be another day in this absurd test...
And I ended up half-naked, arguing nonsense with Kushida by the river.
Sometimes I wonder if the school is evaluating us... or just having fun at our expense.
Anyway... as long as she doesn't kill me tomorrow, I guess it was a good day.