Whoosh~
A gust of autumn wind wheezed through the backyard of Koharu High, swooping the dry leaves off the ground and carrying them along the wind's direction.
Hari blinked, her innocent eyes fixed on the woman with a deadpanned expression.
"God?" The girl raised her brows and finally decided to sit on the ground with her legs crossed.
"How can I believe you? Grant me three wishes and I will believe," she said haughtily.
Hearing the girl, the woman stopped eating her chips and gave a stinky side-eye to her. "Girl, did no one tell you the difference between a god and a genie? Moreover, who asked you to believe me?" she scoffed, returning her focus to the teens at a distance.
The girl pouted her lips and followed the woman's gaze to her fellow students.
"You know them?" she asked, genuinely curious why this strange woman, who claimed herself as a god, was so interested in a bunch of teens fighting at school.
Are all gods really this free nowadays? No wonder her wish for straight teeth ended up crooked.
"Are you new to Koharu High?" the woman asked, her attention still fixed on the teens.
Hari nodded, her ponytail swaying in the wind, a few stray hairs falling in front of her face like a wet mop.
The woman glanced at the silly girl, her lips twitching slightly. She sighed.
"Look there," she said, pointing her fingers in the direction of the teens having a standoff with each other. Hari swiftly turned her head, now keenly listening to the woman with complete attention.
"The one with dark hair is Blake, leader of Team Coffee & Saccharine. Genius, serious, heir to old money. He's the kind of guy whose glare could ruin your whole day."
"He doesn't speak often, and when he does, you'll notice his canines are a little sharp, like a vampire. Just like darling Tom Cruise from Lestat," the woman giggled.
"The boy opposite him is Ren, leader of Tea & Drama. Basically the reincarnation of Deadpool, but with a head full of blonde hair and no stapler."
"You know that two second warning in movies: 'The following scene may be unsuitable for heart patients, pregnant women, and those easily shocked'? Yeah… he is that scene."
The woman said all this seriously, her eyes twinkling. She turned to look at the girl to check if she was following. Only after seeing the girl's undivided and overmultiplied attention did she continue her introduction.
"They are like two north poles of a magnet, never attached. Behind them are their loyal members of the gang."
"The one standing right of Ren is Jamie. He is a warm sweater in the cold winter. Comfy to the max! Don't confuse him with his twin Jason from Team C&S—a prim and proper being who looks down on people like they're pieces of gum stuck under his shoe."
"And you, my dear, would be considered a speck of invisible dust to him, so pull your pinky hearts back into your eyes," the woman added dryly.
Hari, who was completely captured by the beauty of Jason and had gone ahead to dream of living with him in a high-end villa with their mini-version children running around in the yard, finally snapped to reality at the woman's taunt.
She looked at her resentfully.
The woman scoffed at her in return.
No wonder the bowl of hot noodles felt tasteless in front of a whole chicken shaking its sexy butt.
"Look, look, look over there!"
The certain omniscient weirdo tugged at Hari's sleeve, continuing her introduction of the fellow students as if she were the one who bought the clay to mold those crazy teenagers.
"The girl in black is Nina. Blake's sister, but in Ren's team. Sole reason? She prefers tea over coffee."
"And beside Jason is Ren's sister, Rumi. Her dress and hair have more colors than a rainbow. One might mistake her for a sweet and easygoing girl, but be cautious around her," the woman said seriously, as if genuinely concerned for the new girl at Koharu High.
Hari blinked. "Why? She looks like a nice person," she remarked.
The woman tsked and popped a few chips into her mouth. "Of course everyone thinks that at first sight. But she's a Joker in Harley Quinn's body… or maybe worse," she spoke with her mouth full.
The woman sighed and dusted her hands, shaking off the remnants of chips. Folding the packet neatly into a square, she tucked it into her pajama pants.
"Meet Kai, the Mt. Everest of the team T&D. Chill and tall. Your two boobs can't even stand a chance against his one. Baby was birthed in the gym."
Hari's mouth hung open at her insult, but when her eyes fell on the said boy, she gulped and accepted her defeat silently.
"And last, Ace from Coffee and Saccharine. You know that guy in every one-and-a-half-hour YouTube short drama? Yeah, that's him—roses, bed rolls, and a face full of feelings. Stay clear of him. His breath and mouth are love potions. Don't fall for him, unless you want to end up like those green tea bitches vying for attention."
The woman stood up from the ground and irritably pulled the pants stuck between her butt crack.
Following the woman, Hari stood up too, her brain desperately trying to memorize the members of each team with an effort she had never even put into learning algebra formulas, which her tuition teacher was still nagging her with.
"But… but how do you know all this?" the girl turned to ask the woman.
To her surprise, the woman who had been standing there just moments ago was gone.
The girl blinked, her eyes slowly widening in realization.
"Oh my…god!"