Alex had no choice but to do what those two clowns commanded.
For a while, the cave echoed with grumbles, curses, and the sound of someone definitely failing at life. Yeah, you guessed it,our boy Alex was struggling to climb back toward the cave entrance, or at least toward the weird hole they'd fallen through.
While Alex was dying on the wall, Gru and Tony-being the true geniuses they were-let curiosity overpower their fear. Instead of helping, they wandered deeper into the temple-cave.
"Damn, the temple looks cool," Gru whispered from behind Tony. (Even though it was pitch-black and he literally couldn't see sh!t.)
"Bruhhh, it's freaking dark, dumbass," Tony snapped, almost fainting from the stupidity.
'Bro, it's so dark I can't even see your ugly face right now,' he thought, grinding his teeth.
They stumbled across the spot where Alex had landed earlier. On closer inspection (don't ask me how, logic doesn't apply here), they realized he'd crashed onto a sacrificial statue. The carvings were jagged, the stone slick like something had been poured over it… and this definitely wasn't made for Sunday mass.
But by who?
Panic hit them harder than puberty, and they bolted—sprinting through total darkness, smacking into objects like blindfolded toddlers.
"Alex! Alex!" they screamed while tripping over themselves.
BANG! Tony slammed into something so hard he forgot why he was running in the first place.
"Bruh? You good?" Gru slowed down, confused, and crouched beside him. He turned one way, then the other, then back to Tony again, as if he could see anything in the pitch-black.
Meanwhile, Alex was still dangling on the wall, listening to the chaos echo through the cave. He sighed and nodded. 'Figures. Those two are useless as always.'
Giving up on climbing, he dropped back down and headed toward the same path Gru and Tony had taken. But just as he moved forward,something passed by him. Cold, heavy, wrong. He froze, standing like his balls were on the line.
Puzzzzedddd!
A strange sound cut the air,and Alex collapsed, his vision flickering as his heart thudded its last conscious beats.
Then came the light. Not white, but a searing blast of color-like Iron Man had charged his lasers and gone "SURPRISE, MOTHERF***ER." Gru and Tony were struck too, thrown like ragdolls before the darkness claimed them.
*
*
*
The three lay motionless until the next day. Hunger clawed at their stomachs before their eyes even opened.
Tony stirred first-naturally, since he'd been blasted first. Groaning, he sat up. Gru followed soon after, rubbing his head. Finally, Alex coughed awake, groggy as hell.
But something was off. The floor beneath them wasn't the same. The air smelled different. They were… in a new place.
"Alex!" Tony gasped, stumbling over to hug him like it was the end of the world.
"Bro, stop being gay!!!" Alex shoved his face away with the force of a thousand ex-girlfriends,except, you know, he'd never actually had one.