Viewers in front of their TVs couldn't help but laugh. Some of them had seen ESPN's earlier interview with Snoopy, where his now-classic line "Actually, I'm a point guard" first went viral. But they hadn't expected Snoopy to be this funny, the kind of deadpan humor where he didn't even realize he was being funny.
"Alright, Snoopy," Craig Sager said with a grin. "I can confirm that Derek will also make tonight's Top 5 Plays because of you, though I'm sure he still won't enjoy the honor."
Snoopy smiled faintly, and Sager pressed on:
"As the only 'point guard' in NCAA history to block two projected No. 1 picks and beat them both, are you planning to enter this year's NBA draft?"
"I'll answer that question after the national championship," Snoopy said, giving nothing away.
Craig shrugged, then switched gears mischievously:
"Then tell me this, how are you going to deal with those two lipstick marks on your forehead? Miley Cyrus was wearing YSL shade #080 tonight. You can touch it and taste it, a bit sweet, a bit bitter."
Craig's expertise in lipstick was, frankly, better than his basketball analysis.
TNT viewers soon saw Snoopy fumbling to wipe his forehead, but that only made things worse, the smudge spread, turning his entire forehead red.
Female viewers everywhere suddenly wanted a tube of YSL #080. That stuff clearly had staying power.
Embarrassed, Snoopy ended the interview and bolted for the locker room, washing up as fast as he could.
The reporters were still chuckling, the viewers at home were laughing, and TNT's three commentators were literally clutching their stomachs.
A battle that had been pure muscle and grit to the very last second had somehow turned into a YSL lipstick comedy at the end.
But clearly, not everyone found it funny.
Derrick Rose certainly didn't.
After showering, he put on his Adidas tracksuit, stepped in front of the media, and officially declared for the 2008 NBA Draft.
When asked how he felt about the past season, he replied sincerely, "I have no regrets. I just hate losing."
Then a reporter asked him for his opinion on Snoopy.
Rose answered carefully:
"He's an excellent rim protector, very talented at rebounding and blocking shots. If it weren't for his last-minute block, Memphis would've won. I think he's definitely going to make it to the NBA."
High praise from the soon-to-be No. 1 pick.
The questions then shifted to NBA-related topics, which teams interested him most, and so on. Nobody kept poking at the loss; he'd handled himself with enough class.
His teammate Joey Dorsey, however, showed no such grace. He refused all interviews, snapping at the reporters following him:
"You guys should go talk to Snoopy, he's the one who loves hearing himself talk! I've only got one message for him, so you can pass it along:
If he enters the NBA Draft this year, then so will I. If he doesn't, I won't either. I can't wait for the rematch, next time, I'll destroy him!"
But his words no longer carried the same weight, after all, he'd only managed 6 points, 5 rebounds, and 2 blocks. And once Snoopy entered the game, Dorsey had completely vanished from the court.
It was safe to say he was the one who got destroyed.
Meanwhile, Snoopy's phone was practically exploding, Miley Cyrus had been calling non-stop.
When he finally stepped out of the shower and picked up, the first thing he did was turn down her dinner invitation. Then he said sternly, "Didn't you say you didn't like men? Then why did you kiss me without permission, especially after putting on YSL shade 080?"
Miley fired back immediately with perfect female logic:
"And how do you know it's YSL? And that it's shade 080? You buy that one for your ex-girlfriends or something?"
Honestly, Snoopy was about to lose it. Why can't women ever just stick to the point? Why must they always twist every detail into a trap?
"If you'd been watching TNT," he said flatly, "you'd know exactly why I know it's that damn YSL 080.
And now practically everyone who watched the game knows too. You should go ask YSL for a sponsorship deal, that's more useful than dinner."
"Anyway, I've got other things to do. Goodbye."
He hung up.
On the other end, Miley Cyrus sat there, red-faced.
Selena Gomez smirked beside her.
"Don't worry. We all know you two are just pretending to be a couple. Your agent kind of let that slip this morning."
"We're not judging," Demi Lovato chimed in. "Just like we've always known that the underwear model 'Justin' was never really your type."
But their comfort only made Miley feel more awkward, it sounded like she'd just been dumped again.
"Listen up, both of you!" Miley suddenly burst out.
"Within a week, I'll have him crawling into my princess bed. I'll tame him with my whip, over and over, until he learns never to ignite the fire of a woman wearing YSL shade 080!"
She was deadly serious.
Selena and Demi exchanged a knowing glance and said in perfect unison,
"Here we go again."
"I mean it this time!" Miley nearly shouted.
"I love him! When he leapt up in those final seconds and smacked the ball off the backboard, I swear, I wished it was my ass he was smacking instead of that basketball!
I'm obsessed with that kind of violent gentleman. I want him to rip off his tie and pin me against the wall."
"Don't laugh, I'm not joking!"
Miley's tone was deadly serious, even as her words sounded straight out of a late-night drama.
"Please," Demi said, rolling her eyes, laughing, "Don't act like we don't know you're still a virgin.
You don't need to pretend to be all mature and experienced in front of us. Those lines you just said? You stole them from a TV show.
Don't forget, we're all actresses."