Basel, April 1941.
The morning was very calm, I didn't hear anyone moving next to me, so I imagine he went to work.
In any case, the end of the evening was incredible. I followed all the advice Suzanne gave me, and I think it worked really well. She clearly told me that surprising the person was the most important thing and she's right, that Suzanne. That woman knows absolutely everything; it scares me a little sometimes, but I adore her. Meeting her helped me avoid thinking too much about my family, even if every day I still ask myself questions, but I'd rather try to keep something else in my mind.
I get up and decide to stay naked. Anyway, I'm alone for the day; I can enjoy dancing like crazy, and I'll also look into creating new recipes ohhh yes, I feel a very good day coming. I start washing the dishes; thankfully there's hardly anything. I keep blushing, knowing that right here, in this exact spot, Heinrich and I made love.
— You forgot to get dressed?
Oh shit... why is he here? I didn't hear anything. I try to walk discreetly toward the bedroom even though I'm clearly visible from anywhere in the apartment, but maybe, who knows, it could work. I hear him burst into laughter from afar; my cheeks turn entirely red.
— Oh come on, you've already seen me like this before.
— Ahh I know, I never said it bothered me, he says as he comes closer to me.
— Then why are you laughing?
— I'm laughing at your reaction, not because you're naked.
— Ahh so I could've stayed like this, it wouldn't have bothered you?
— On the contrary if I knew you walked around naked every day, I would never go to work again.
— Mhmm, interesting.
I wrap my arms around his neck, his hands placed on my hips. I delicately press my lips against his.
— Thank you for last night, it was incredible, he whispers between breaths.
— I've got plenty more tricks if you want.
— Mhmm, you amaze me more and more every day, my future wife.
— I know, I'm perfect.
— Yeah yeah, we get it, you narcissist.
— Mhmm by the way, why aren't you at work?
— I had to come get my apron, we ran out at the bakery, so here I am.
— Then take it, go on, I'd like to be at peace.
— Okay, I'll hurry and leave, you're unbelievable.
After grabbing his apron, I found myself alone in the apartment again. I'm really starting to enjoy my life I still have a lot of scars, but I'm here, alive.
The day went by quite fast; I only swept a little and read. I discovered that reading keeps me busy for hours. I received lots of books from Suzanne for no particular reason. But it allowed me to discover French classics. I'm grateful I met Suzanne; I know Heinrich has done a lot, but she allowed me to open up, to talk about my family something I never did with him. I don't feel capable of talking about that. I've truly fallen in love with him, but I'm still afraid of what he's hiding from me.
After these months spent mostly in this apartment, I learned to live alone, to be okay alone. At first I was scared when Heinrich left for work, but now it's totally different.
As I walk into the bedroom, I notice a bag sticking out from under the bed. It was strange because I had never seen it before, and I didn't remember Heinrich carrying a bag when we arrived here. I stared at it for a moment, not sure if I was allowed to take a look but I knew I desperately wanted to.
Well, whatever, we'll see. It might not be very important. I grab the bag and set it on the bed. I open it and discover a huge amount of newspapers. So that's where they were. All those times I saw the neighbors walking around with theirs while I kept thinking it was probably an oversight from the mailman, especially since even Suzanne never received anything.
They all had bold headlines with Hitler's name, but one in particular struck me: "Poland is invaded." An image showed injured people, tied up with ropes behind their backs, with soldiers in the background. I immediately recognized the uniform of German soldiers or at least it looked very much like it.
My heart skipped a beat. This is what's happening... and I had no idea. How come I didn't notice the arrival of the newspaper? Did Heinrich hide it?
I kept looking at the newspaper, but the sound of the door startled me. I quickly put everything away and rushed into the hallway to greet Heinrich. I'll read the newspaper later.
— Hello, my love, how was your day?
— Uhm good, and yours?
— It was okay. What were you doing in the bedroom?
— Ah... uh, I was sleeping.
— Ah, okay.
A strange silence filled the room. He didn't seem convinced by my answer, but he didn't ask anything else.
— Honestly, I'm exhausted. After dinner I'm going straight to bed.
— No problem, I understand. I made simple pasta with tomato sauce, if that's alright?
— Ahh yes, anything is fine.
Dinner went by pretty fast; as soon as he finished his plate, he got up, kissed me on the forehead, and headed to the bedroom. After cleaning everything, I quietly walked to the room to grab the bag.
I needed to read these newspapers. What if they contained information about my family what if they were still alive? What if their faces appeared in these pages?
Laid out on the bed, all the newspapers were spread everywhere. None of them had cheerful news. None mentioned my family. It had already been an hour, and I had read absolutely everything.
Everything was worse and worse. Jews we were considered bacteria that needed to be wiped out... but what had we done wrong? Most had been taken to camps I don't really know what those are, but nothing about it sounds good.
I'll make sure to check the newspapers every morning before Heinrich finds them and hides them. I don't yet know why he hides them from me, but I'm going to try to find out.