If you asked me how I got myself into this situation, I'd say… life. Yeah, I fucked up many aspects of my life and now I'm paying the price. A price that isn't really that big of a deal, though. I mean, these motherfuckers only want to cut off my dick… and to be honest with you I can live with losing my dick. But what's truly wrong and bad about this situation is the consequences that will come with it.
Yeah, well, sitting in a chair, chained down but naked, while a man stares you down, licking his lips is not very comforting, to say the least. Especially when you notice the scissors in his hand. You know the feeling of being trapped, of not being able to do anything, it's a truly special feeling, something exactly dark and sad.
My story is tragic yet something unbelievable… but the most important question is… where am I?
The answer is just more complicated because I'm in Eldoria, an MMORPG that I truly conquered. I reached the Conqueror rank on the global server ten times in a row with a mage class without spending a dime on it. Lots of people criticized me on wikis and forums, saying a mage is a "bitch class," but I still whooped everybody. I clowned on all my haters and then… life clowned on me with brain cancer.
So I was like, "aight bet, let's fight this hoe"… yeah, well, I lost the battle. If I'd been rich or my family had money, then maybe I would've survived with top care, top surgery, but my family didn't have money to our names… and before I became a zombie… I did one thing I still could.
I conquered Eldoria one last time… yeah, I became the Conqueror of the global server for the final time… I defeated everyone again, literally everyone, and my name was once again at the top. And with that, the story should have ended… but I emailed the game's developers.
What I thought at that moment was, to say the least, a bit egotistical, but at the same time, considering my situation, it was understandable. I had been Conqueror eleven times, the one and only player since the game's launch to reach that level. And I felt sadness thinking that no one would know why this legendary player had vanished.
In short, I wanted my name to be in the game… I didn't want my legacy to fade away from it.
So I emailed the developers with a simple message: "I'm going to die, can y'all do something for me?"
Yeah, I didn't really write anything emotional or anything like that. No, I just wrote that I was going to die because of cancer and that it would be good if something could happen to my character or my name… and then I waited for a response.
Weeks went by as my health declined from the rapidly growing cancer… but a reply eventually came. The developers… they did it, and I was granted the title of Last Conqueror of the game, which meant nobody could become Conqueror anymore.
How kind of them to do all of that because of my little cancer… I cried. It was really emotional to see… more like realizing that I was truly going to fucking die… but what was even more emotional than death was what Eldoria as a whole did for me, what the players did, my friends, my enemies.
There was an event, like a farewell party, attended by thousands of players—so many that the server actually froze multiple times… but it was so beautiful. No, it was more than beautiful.
All the major bosses in the game, even the Forgotten Gods, even all the NPCs, were there with the players under the seven moons shining… that event was just… beautiful. There are no words I can use to describe all of it. Seeing all the bosses I had fought so much… seeing all my enemies, the top players I had always fought with, whether in the chat or in the PvP areas… it was unbelievably beautiful… so beautiful it had to be fucked up by the doctors.
In the beginning, they told me, "Oh, don't worry, you're going to live long, we'll cut it out"… and a week after the farewell event, they said, "You're gonna die sooner than expected, sorry"… well, public healthcare.
So time went on, and I started to feel that fuck in my brain truly ass‑whopping me.
It started growing like it had LSD pumped into it, like it was sniffing up some cola. But while I could still move, could still speak… I messaged the Eldoria devs, thanking them for all they had done, and from that point, I spent the rest of my time with my family.
We cried a lot, we laughed a lot, I even told them my deepest secrets that nobody ever knew… and then… puff… I died at the age of 28.
But something happened… before the day of my death.
I heard the words of my mother, reading out an email that was sent by the Eldoria developer team:
"Last Conqueror, a journey waits ahead."
It was short, and that was it, with an activation link… which my mother actually clicked on, because she thought it might be another event for me… and yeah it was an event, because when I died and opened my eyes, I was not in Hell for my sins or in Heaven for whatever reason… but in Eldoria.
"No way…" His mouth was wide open just like his eyes, as he was looking all around and immediately recognized the place… it was a familiar one that stuck with everybody who ever played the game.
The spawn location of every beginner that starts the game, the palace where the storyline starts with basic tutorials, up in the clouds next to the Forgotten Gods' realm, which is a foreshadowing for the most ridiculous final boss fight in the main quest.
Yeah, the Forgotten Gods. Every newbie who logs into the game gets to see the gates of the realm and its guard. The developers did this in a way to impress the players, to show what is yet to come, that they can reach a level where they could fight even gods.
And that moment it was his journey that began once more… the journey of the Last Conqueror.