The clearing was quiet, save for the crackle of the fire. Arlo and Tessa stood frozen, weapons raised, while Sari—arms trembling, but eyes sharp—stepped forward.
The two ogres loomed in the firelight, muscles bulging, weapons gleaming. They looked like bandits who'd simply been upsized and uglier.
The club-ogre grunted, "Give food, shinies, and girl now!"
Before Arlo could argue, Sari's voice cut through the night.
"Oh, please. Food, shinies? What would you even do with them? You already look like a boar yourself, stink like one too! And what are you going to do with shiny things?! It's not like any of those would make you look more appealing!"
The chain-ogre blinked. "Boar... stink?"
Sari pointed at him, her words like daggers.
"Yeah, you. You look like a walking hemorrhoid! How do your knees even support you? You've got the body shape of a sagging tit! And your face—gods, I've scraped nicer things off the bottom of my boots!"
The club-ogre's brow twitched. "You—"
"And you!" Sari spun on him before he could finish. "Don't think I'm letting you off. You've got the posture of a constipated mule and the fashion sense of a dead scarecrow. Who braided your chest hair—your mom? Oh wait, no—she probably left the moment she saw your face!"
The chain-ogre staggered back, clutching his chest like she'd stabbed him.
Arlo's jaw fell open. "She's... roasting them alive."
Tessa tilted her head, intrigued. "It's like watching a priest deliver a sermon in Hell."
Sari wasn't done. She stepped closer, her voice rising with every insult.
"You think you're scary? I've seen scarier toddlers throwing tantrums in marketplaces! You're nothing but oversized crybabies with weapons too big for your pea-brains! Honestly, the only reason people run from you is the smell—did you crawl out of a latrine this morning or is that just... you?"
Sari then hurled profanities. Too many, too fast that was hard to keep up. But one thing was clear for sure. She had the mouth of a sailor!
Sari:
"^$^(^(&#%^&^%&%%$%**."
"&*^*&%*^&*^**&%%&."
"A*((*&()* *)*)*&*&*^(&)(*."
"D**)(&&^()()*."
"F)(()_&(*(*)*(."
The chain-ogre's face crumpled. His weapon clattered to the dirt as he collapsed to his knees.
"I... I try hard," he whimpered. Tears spilled down his cheeks. "I even... I even bathe in river sometimes. Why... why you call ugly?!"
The forest went deathly silent. Even the crickets stopped.
The club-ogre rushed to his companion's side, panic in his eyes. "Bro, don't cry, don't listen! She just mean! You clean tusks, I know you do!" He looked up at Sari, pointing a shaking finger at her. "You... you big bully! You made friend sad! Depressed! You real monster!"
"I—" Sari faltered, her anger faltering into awkwardness. "...You started it?"
The sobbing ogre wailed louder, his shoulders heaving like earthquakes. "She called me... turnip... hemorrhoid... I just wanted food..."
The club-ogre hugged him tightly, glaring at the humans but with no fight left in his eyes. "No more. We go now. Campfire not worth this pain. Friend too sad."
And with that, the two hulking figures lumbered back into the woods—one blubbering like a child, the other consoling him with surprisingly tender words.
Silence fell again. Only the fire dared crackle.
Arlo slowly lowered his sword. "...Did... we just win... by bullying?"
Tessa sheathed her dagger, her expression unreadable. "...She didn't slay their bodies. She slayed their spirits."
Sari wobbled back to the fire, collapsing onto a log, still panting. "My... skill. Curse."
Arlo jabbed a finger at her. "That wasn't a curse! That was— you verbally turned an ogre into a sad toddler!"
Tessa's lips twitched with a smirk. "...Remarkable. A skill with no blade, no magic, yet devastating results."
Arlo threw his hands up. "I swear, this world is broken. I'm a coin toss, she's a corrupt miracle worker, and now we've got a professional insulter. What's next, a dog whose skill is accounting?!"
Sari grinned weakly, shoulders slumping. "...Better than being useless, right?"
The fire popped, sparks lifting into the starry sky, as the strangest adventuring party yet sat in stunned silence—each wondering what kind of mess they'd stumbled into.