Kazuo Tanaka woke up to the sound of feathers being angrily swept into a dustpan.
Seraphina, the woman who had crash-landed into his wall yesterday claiming he was "The One True God of Earth," was cleaning his apartment while muttering:
"I cannot believe the Almighty Creator of All Existence sleeps in a nest of cup noodle wrappers and dirty socks. This is sacrilege. Absolute blasphemy."
Kazuo rolled over, hair sticking up in every direction. "…It's called minimalism."
"You live like a raccoon in a tracksuit."
"…Still counts."
The Breakfast of Gods
Kazuo ignored her divine janitorial duties and shuffled over to the kitchenette. He cracked open another cup of ramen—same brand as yesterday.
He poured in tap water, slapped the lid shut, and sat cross-legged on the floor to wait. Seraphina glared at him.
"You dare feast on… that?"
Kazuo raised an eyebrow. "Cup ramen?"
"Yes! Processed slop filled with salt and despair. Do you realize entire civilizations once sacrificed oxen for a single crumb of ambrosia?!"
"Yeah, well, this was two-for-one at Lawson's."
Seraphina groaned. "Unbelievable."
Kazuo peeled back the lid, steam curling out. He slurped the noodles—then stopped.
The flavor hit his tongue like an orchestra of angels riding unicorns through a sunset. The broth sparkled golden. Noodles twirled like strands of heaven's own silk.
"…Huh," Kazuo said flatly. "Tastes good."
Seraphina dropped her broom. "Good?! That ramen has been sanctified! You unconsciously imbued it with divine essence! Do you realize mortals would kill for a single sip of—"
BAM BAM BAM.
A knock shook the door. A neighbor's voice shouted: "Hey! Smells amazing in there! You holding out on us, Tanaka?"
Kazuo grumbled. "Nosy bastards."
Seraphina gasped. "The aroma has spread across the block… we must contain it!"
Too late.
Half the apartment complex was already outside, holding bowls and chopsticks, chanting: "Ramen! Ramen! Ramen!"
Kazuo deadpanned. "Oh great. Now I'm a food truck."
The Winged Cat Incident
As if that wasn't enough, a little girl pushed through the crowd clutching her cat.
"Mister! Mister! Please! My kitty's sick! Can you save her?"
Kazuo frowned. "Uh. Lady, I'm not a vet."
The girl's eyes welled up. "But you're God!"
Kazuo pointed at Seraphina. "She's the weird angel cosplayer, not me."
The cat meowed pitifully. Seraphina shoved Kazuo forward. "Answer the child's prayer, Creator!"
Kazuo sighed, crouched, and poked the cat on the head. "…There, feel better."
The cat immediately sprouted angelic wings, glowed bright white, and shot into the sky screaming like a jet engine.
The little girl screamed. The crowd screamed. Seraphina screamed.
Kazuo scratched his chin. "…Oops."
The winged cat began divebombing pedestrians like a feathery fighter jet. A salaryman lost his briefcase. A grandma's wig was carried away into the stratosphere.
"FIX IT!" Seraphina shrieked.
Kazuo squinted up at the chaos. "…Uh. Sit?"
The cat ignored him and pooped a glowing meteor onto a taxi.
The Cover-Up
Two hours later, the entire neighborhood was taped off. Emergency services reported the incident as:
"Rare gas leak combined with hallucinogenic mushrooms in the local sewer line."
Kazuo watched the news from his couch, slurping yet another divine cup of ramen.
Seraphina paced back and forth, wings flaring. "This is catastrophic! Your powers are leaking through every action! The mortals will discover the truth!"
Kazuo burped. "Nah. People will blame 5G or something."
Seraphina glared. "Creator, you cannot keep denying your identity!"
Kazuo lay back and pulled a blanket over his face. "Watch me."
The Cliffhanger
Seraphina froze. Her celestial senses flared.
"…No."
Kazuo peeked out. "What now?"
She pointed out the window.
Across the street, a group of strangers in robes had gathered. They were bowing toward Kazuo's apartment door. One of them held a sign painted in messy kanji:
"ALL HAIL THE GOD OF CUP RAMEN."
Kazuo's eye twitched.
"…This is gonna be a problem, isn't it?"
Seraphina collapsed face-first onto the floor.
"Creator," she mumbled, muffled by the carpet, "you have no idea…"