The downfall of Assistant Minister Bao sent a seismic shock through the court. It wasn't the punishment that was terrifying—corrupt officials were always being discovered and punished. It was the method. The emperor hadn't relied on spies or accusations from rivals. He had, in a single afternoon, dissected the corruption with the chilling precision of a surgeon carving a roast duck. He had seen the flaw in the ledger.
The message was clear: the Lazy Dragon was not inattentive. He was observant in a way they did not understand, and his patience for inefficiency was zero.
In the days that followed, Minister Liu maintained a stoic silence, but the tension around him was palpable. His faction was in disarray, terrified that the emperor's strange arithmetic might be turned on their own books next.
Zhu Haolang, meanwhile, was busy being creatively lazy. He did not summon a full council. Instead, he sent a single, neatly written scroll to Minister Wang and a copy to the head of the Censorate—the officials responsible for revenue and oversight.
It was titled: "A Modest Proposal for the Prevention of Boring Financial Scandals."
The document was a masterpiece of modern bureaucratic design disguised as the whims of an eccentric emperor. It proposed several "innovations":
1. The Standardized Ledger: All ministries were to use the same, newly designed ledger books, with columns for specific expenses, pre-printed and numbered. No more creative calligraphy hiding dubious entries.
2. The Triple-Seal System: No expenditure could be processed without the signed and sealed approval of the requesting official, the treasury official releasing the funds, and a new, independent auditing official.
3. The Public Posting: A summarized version of all major project budgets and expenses—including the number of workers and their pay rate—was to be posted on a public noticeboard outside each provincial administrative office. "Let the people see where their taxes go," the emperor had scribbled in the margin. "It's dreadfully boring, but it prevents misunderstandings."
4. The Whisper Box: A locked box was to be placed in every government office. Any citizen or low-level clerk could drop a report of waste or corruption into it anonymously. The keys were held only by the emperor and the head of the Censorate. "If the report proves true," the decree stated, "the whistleblower shall receive a percentage of the recovered funds. Let it be known that honesty is now a profitable venture."
Minister Wang read the document with tears of joy in his eyes. It was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. The head of the Censorate, an old man who had long bemoaned the opacity of the ministries, felt a renewed sense of purpose.
Minister Liu read his copy and felt ill. This wasn't governance; it was a cage. It was a system designed to eliminate the shadowy corners where traditional power brokering thrived. The "Whisper Box" was a weapon of terror.
The system was implemented with shocking speed. Nobody wanted to be the next official the emperor decided to "personally audit."
Weeks turned into months. The new crops flourished in their expanded plots. The anti-corruption measures, while initially causing panic, began to create a strange new atmosphere of tense efficiency. Projects were completed on time and under budget for the first time anyone could remember.
Zhu Haolang was finally getting the peace he craved. He'd taken up painting, producing oddly realistic, if technically unskilled, portraits of his favorite desserts.
The peace was shattered when Eunuch Xi entered with a new scroll, his expression grim.
"Another one from the frontier, Your Majesty," Xi said quietly. "The third this month."
The emperor put down his brush. These were not official reports. These were secret missives from the commanders along the northern border, beyond the reach of Minister Liu's influence. They spoke of troubling signs. Increased sightings of Mongol scouts. Unusually large gatherings of tribesmen. Whispers of a new, ambitious leader uniting the disparate bands.
The drought had not just afflicted the Ming. It had scorched the steppes as well. The nomads' horses were thin, their grazing lands barren. A hungry Mongol was a dangerous Mongol. A united, hungry Mongol horde was an existential threat.
Zhu Haolang felt a familiar dread. This wasn't a problem he could solve with a new plant or an accounting trick. This was the thunder of hooves and the gleam of steel. This was war.
And war was the absolute, antithesis of lazy.
He could already imagine the endless councils, the logistics of moving armies, the drain on the treasury, the horrific casualty reports. It was a bottomless pit of effort and stress.
He walked to a large map of the empire mounted on silk. His eyes traced the long, vulnerable northern border. The Great Wall was a magnificent concept, but it was a sieve, requiring countless soldiers to man it effectively.
Manpower, he thought. It always comes down to manpower. And money.
An idea, slow and treacherous, began to form in his mind. It was a dangerous idea. A heretical idea. It would make the sweet potato scandal look like a minor disagreement.
He couldn't fight the Mongols the traditional way. It was too expensive, too bloody, too much work. He needed a different solution. A lazier solution. One that didn't involve sending thousands of men to die in the dust.
He needed to make invasion not just unprofitable, but utterly pointless for the Mongols.
"Eunuch Xi," he said, his voice quiet. "Bring me the tax rolls for the southern maritime trade. And summon the Director of the Imperial Armory. Discreetly."
Xi paled. The southern trade? The armory? These things had nothing to do with each other, or with the northern threat.
"As you command, Your Majesty."
As Xi left, Zhu Haolang stared at the map. Minister Liu and his games of courtly intrigue now seemed like a petty distraction. A storm was brewing on the steppes, and the Lazy Dragon would have to wake up fully to meet it.
He wasn't just going to change agriculture and bureaucracy. He was going to change the very nature of warfare. And he was going to do it for the laziest reason imaginable: because the alternative was too much bother.