Cough! Cough!
Elio tasted something weird in his mouth.
It wasn't something he had tasted before. It was something new, almost similar to the taste of metal.
It's blood...
Elio was not surprised. Actually, he was expecting it. He wiped his mouth with his hands and tried to regulate his breathing through his nose, hoping it could relieve him, but it was not. He felt that the air entering his lungs wasn't enough, and it was challenging to breathe every time he tried as if something was clogging his chest.
His doctor somehow mentioned it to him when he had his last routine check-up, or should we say, the last time he had asked for a refill of painkillers to manage his symptoms. His doctor mentioned that his cancer already metastasized in his lungs and spleen. So, it means that what he was experiencing now was the full extent of his cancer raging inside his lungs.
Well, at least if he dies anytime soon, he's already at the funeral shop to process his remains. At least he would not die at his apartment where no one would notice, and not in the hospital where he could not afford to pay for the fees.
That's right...
It's been three days since he came to the funeral shop. Since then, he has stayed there and is cared for by Grimm and his staff. He was severely beaten up by fever and excruciating pain coming from all over his body, to the point that he's been bedridden for two days now, unable to get up to his bed without experiencing dizziness or nausea.
And now, this...
Cough! Cough!
It was painful. Every time he coughs, his body trembles, curving into a ball, followed by a sudden blur in his vision and that familiar feeling of breathlessness.
I'm so fucked up...
Now that he could think about it, he was amazed at how his body naturally adapts to this kind of suffering and pain for a short period, as if he was some kind of an expert or something to this sort of thing.
Well, hopefully not for long.
And while he's in the middle of grasping air, a soft knock on the door pulls his attention out from his brief moment of daze.
"Elio? Are you awake?" The person on the other side was Kenny. He was waiting for Elio's permission to enter. Still, he creaked the door open, peeping slightly to verify if Elio was in good shape to respond. "Can I come in?"
"Yeah, sure. Come in..." Elio responded. He noticed that his voice was rough-sounding, so he cleared the clogging in his throat to make it sound more...normal.
Kenny stepped in with a tray of hot soup. He cautiously placed the tray on the bedside table, scanning the room for anything he could help before focusing on the young man.
"You okay?" He asked casually. He grabbed a stool and sat beside the bed. "I was told by Grimm to bring you soup. You need to eat, you know?"
Elio gave a soft smile. He glanced at the steaming soup, its heat radiating from the bowl. A creamy, somewhat milky aroma fills the air and smells lovely! But for some reason, he has no appetite, as if anything he eats will automatically be ejected out by his body to the sink.
And he doesn't want that.
"Thank you, but...I'm not hungry."
He hates it when he sounds ungrateful for the kind gestures. It was rare for him to receive those kinds of small acts. He rarely receives genuine care as a child unless he meets certain conditions. Yes, there are always conditions; that's how he was raised. And yet, here he was, someone was making his life at least a little bit comfortable, and yet he couldn't reciprocate it by simply eating the soup that was made for him.
Thankfully, Kenny didn't push him through. He suggests, "If you feel like eating, call me to reheat this thing for you."
Elio nodded, grateful for Kenny's understanding. "Thanks."
Then, after that, there's silence.
However, it did not take long for Kenny to break it.
"So, you and boss already talked?"
It's been three days since he last talked to Grimm, and that talk did not end well, so the answer was no. Since that day, Grimm never visited him. Elio never asked for him either, as if they were hiding from each other. Neither of them was fearless enough to take the initiative to close whatever gap was created between them because of the truth.
Kenny already understood what Elio's sudden silence meant. He knew because his boss had been like that too for the past three days.
Silence really meant yes.
Kenny didn't push another question, though he commented. "The boss could be a bit hard and awkward most of the time, but...he cares, especially about you. I never saw him like that to anyone but you..."
Elio's gaze flickered towards Kenny, and the words 'He cares... especially to you' sink into his mind, making his failing chest tighter.
"Wh--what do you mean?"
"The boss was not easy to read; you know that already, yes?"
"Yes..." Elio answered.
"But when it comes to you, he's like an open book or more like a transparent window. I can see through him how anxious he was for the past three days. Believe me, it's not worth watching him making several mistakes at work or when he's in silent mode staring blankly in the air, and oh..." Kenny added while pointing at the soup. "He never cooks, but he did just for you."
Elio's heart skipped. It was difficult for him to imagine a very intricate and confident man like Grimm acting awkwardly and making mistakes.
"Is..." Elio hesitated to mutter his thoughts, but he did anyway. "Is that my fault? Did I make him that way?"
"Yes and....no." that was a frank but somehow confusing answer from Kenny. "He's been managing this shop for as long as I could remember; knowing him, he's usually on top of everything he does. But these past few days, he hasn't been doing well, and I'm wondering if it has something to do with you. But he also has his own issues, so I can't say for sure."
But Elio did not mean to affect Grimm the way he was already now. He just needed enough space and time to think about all the revelations about him and the entire shop. Until now, whenever he thought about the truth, his mind was still looking for a reason not to believe it. Not to mention, he was not fond of reading or watching fantasy books. He doesn't believe in any of those things...
Especially the ghost.
Or that's what he wanted to believe, even right from the start.
Elio pressed his fingers to the bridge of his nose, trying to rationalize how he reacted to the truth and how Grimm's way of thinking and everything he knew about the man so far contributed to this pile of misunderstandings.
Then, finally, he concluded...
"I think he thinks I'm angry..." Elio whispered, almost to himself, but enough for Kenny to comprehend.
"I think so, too!" Kenny exclaimed.
"Do you?"
Kenny hummed while going through the thought, and then, after a while, he finally answered. "Yes, or perhaps you just poked something in his cold, dead heart that makes him feel guilty."
That fact hits Elio differently. Maybe he didn't listen enough to Grimm, filling the man with unnecessary guilt. Knowing the guy, he's the type of person who always has this air of certainty around him, is always sure about anything, and always has the answers to everything. But when he tells Elio the truth, he cannot explain it how he wants it to because he thinks about Elio's feelings more than anything.
Yes, that's definitely Grimm.
Elio sighed. This time, he's the one who's feeling guilty.
"Maybe I should have listened to him instead of pushing him back."
"Why didn't you listen anyway?"
Elio was silent momentarily, trying to choose the right words to express himself. "I just did that only because...I felt he lied to me."
"Well, technically, he didn't lie, but I think he doesn't know how to handle you emotionally, so he hesitated," Kenny explained how Elio would understand better. "You don't have any idea how hard it was not to tell you about us and this shop, that every time you came here, our customers were confused about how come a living person was able to get in here, and it was hard to explain it because we don't know the answer. The boss told us not to say a word because he knew it would be a disaster telling you the truth without considering your feelings."
Kenny's words were like a puzzle piece, starting to make an image and trying to understand why they did what they did. Then, everything became more apparent in his mind; he realized that Grimm did not lie, and Elio was sure Grimm never would.
Then Kenny continued, but this time, his voice sounded like he regretted how they hid the truth from Elio. "I'm sorry if you feel we betrayed you by not telling you the truth. The boss never intended to make you feel or think that way. We know him; if he's unsure how to act or knows you are not ready for the truth, he will not tell you everything immediately. That's his way of dealing with things he cares about. It means he greatly cares for you, to the point that he hesitates."
Grimm hesitated because he cares...for me?
That word sipped into Elio's mind like water in a sponge and felt foreign simultaneously. Grimm had no idea how he messed up himself by caring about someone like him.
I'm not worthy of that care...
Upon realizing it, Elio let out a dry scoff while shaking his head in disbelief. He hadn't done anything yet to be worthy of that care, so much of Grimm's affection, yet the older man went beyond the boundary just for him. "He should never screw up himself to someone like me. I'm just a customer who happens to be alive, not dead...yet. He doesn't even know me, so why must he go through this mess for me?"
"Oh, come on..." Kenny exclaimed while raising his eyebrows, ready to scold Elio to the core. "Listen to me; the boss isn't the type of guy who will waste his precious time and effort on someone he doesn't care about. If he went through all this trouble for you, you're not just a customer for him. I don't know what's on his mind, but I can see you captured his interest to the point of going all through this mess."
Kenny was right.
But Elio wanted to deny the fact. Well, he tried to deny it at first. But the more he thinks about Grimm caring for him, even if it means he might screw up, that thought alone is enough for him to fall harder.
Deeper...
And that, alone, was dangerous.
What shall I do? He asked himself.
Elio's feelings were really messed up this time, like a whirlwind that threatened him, to the point of almost cursing under his breath upon realizing how heavy this feeling was battling inside his head.
Fuck!
The young man covered his face with both hands, ashamed of the misunderstandings between him and Grimm. "Oh, god, what should I do then?" Elio asked, almost to himself than asking it to Kenny.
"I don't know. Maybe talk to him?" that wasn't a suggestion but more of a question. "No matter what, he will listen to you. I know the boss. He might act like it's nothing to him, but deep down, he's someone who genuinely understands your feelings. He's just waiting for you..."
Elio exhaled slowly. "You're right," a portion of that word hoped it was not too late for him to fix things between him and Grimm. "Thank you, Kenny. You really helped me a lot."
Kenny smiled with pride. "I'm glad I helped." But then he patted the young man's shoulder and said, "But before you go to him, you have to regain your strength first. So why not..." then Kenny grabbed the bowl of hot soup, grinning like a proud caretaker and said, "...start with this. Eat, so you could face him without looking like you are about to pass out."
Elio let out a small laugh. He really doesn't have the appetite to eat, but the way Kenny encouraged him was compelling.
"Okay..."
"Good!"
Elio grabbed the soup. The heat radiating in it was warm and comforting. Then a question popped up in his mind: when was the last time he had a soup made by someone? He cannot remember anymore. A nostalgic feeling tugged in his chest when he picked up the spoon and had a spoonful of the soup. Despite his loss of appetite, for some reason, he wanted to savor the warmth from the soup, like a hug.
Elio finished the soup with a deep breath, feeling more prepared and confident to face Grimm and talk to him. The weight of uncertainty still loomed but for the first time in a while...
Elio felt like he had the strength to face it.