This was where things took a very different turn for Elio's life, as if the universe wasn't done with him after all his misery.
The young man woke up one morning with a dull ache from a small lump on his left neck near his collarbone. It wasn't much at first. He thought it was just a tightness he attributed to stress or perhaps how he'd been sleeping lately because of his work at the nightclub.
But as days went by, the lump grew slowly and steadily. He couldn't figure out the cause, so he ignored it and tried to convince himself, "Maybe it was just the exhaustion." After all, living on caffeine, stress, and interrupted sleep for months may have caught up with him. He was too tired to care and had no time (and no money) to go to the doctor and check it.
But what was the point, by the way?
After everything that happened to his life, all the failures, disappointment, and self-loathing, he was running out of things to lose.
Does he have any more miseries to add to his list?
But the tightness in his neck became more challenging to ignore as the day passed. He also started to see some lumps growing in his abdomen. The fatigue? He's already used to it, but these past few days were different. That's when he started to get concerned. But he felt demotivated when he thought about the money, notably his savings and the bills piling up in a disorganized heap on his desk, along with the long list of debts. Every time his phone rang, his heart would race with dread. He had been avoiding the calls from the loan sharks lately because he didn't have enough money to pay even just for the interest. At moments, Elio felt like he was drowning in a sea of debt with no lifeline to reach.
Thankfully, his work at the nightclub somehow pays the bills, and his other part-time jobs cover the rest. Though it wasn't a place for someone like Elio, he was no longer allowed to be choosy. After all, Elio was just a blur in everyone's eyes. They saw him as nothing but a server who was just there entertaining customers with drinks and stuff, like a ghost in the shadows of a world without room for him.
Until one night, it happened.
The crowd in the nightclub was thicker than usual. The music pounded in his ears, and the neon lights made him dizzy. Elio was tired from the constant movement, but he forced a smile on his face, pretending to enjoy the interactions with his customers. The tips were decent that night, and for a brief moment, Elio thought he might make it through. This may be not so bad. He could keep doing this, keep pretending that things weren't as bleak as they felt.
Elio managed to do his job that night. Handing the customer his drink and trying to ignore the flirtations and snide remarks. But then his vision began to blur, the edges of his sight darkening. He noticed his hands tremble slightly as he reached for another glass, and his breath became shallow as he exerted movement. He blinked, trying to clear the fog in his mind, but it only worsened.
A cold sweat broke out on his forehead as the world around him seemed to tilt. His knees buckled, and his body gave way before he could understand what was happening. He went limp, and the glass slipped from his grasp. Everything faded, from the sound up to the lights. And as the darkness overtook him, he noticed no more flashes of lights or harsh music blaring in his ears.
Nothing.
When he woke up, everything was disoriented. His head throbbed, and the pain was now obviously felt in his abdomen. It was the first time he felt so heavy, both on his arms and legs. And while he was trying to adjust his vision against the harsh fluorescent lights of the club's backroom flickering above him, a concerned face hovered over him and said... "Hey, you okay?"
It was Gabe. He looked worried, but nothing in his eyes suggested more than casual concern.
"You passed out just a minute ago. Did you drink too much, or...?"
Elio blinked his eyes in confusion. His legs were unsteady, and his head spun wildly when he tried to stand. Gabe helped him sit upright, and Elio leaned against the counter; his mind raced with many questions.
What had just happened?
And then the thought of going to the hospital terrified Elio. But as the minutes passed, Elio realized he had no choice. He could not keep pretending that he was fine. But he's too afraid to acknowledge the fact. None of it was expected. Is that a fact? He had no one left to turn to, no family, no friends, and that's a fact, too. The only thing he could do was face whatever was happening to him head-on, alone.
So, with a quiet, defeated sigh, Elio stood up, steadied himself, and returned to his work as if nothing had happened.
But It was time to find out what was wrong.
-----
It was Saturday morning. Elio collected the courage to go to the hospital for a check-up. He patiently waits for the line despite anxiety building up in his chest. Nurses collected samples from him: blood tests, biopsies, everything that could help them identify what was wrong with him. After that, he waited. This time, for the results. But it felt like he was staying there at the corner of the hospital like forever.
Then, finally, a nurse with a clipboard showed up, "Elio Oswald?"
When Elio heard his name, he felt a lump of fear forming in his chest.
"Follow me this way, please."
Elio nodded as he went inside the doctor's office. He remained silent as he took the seat.
"Mr. Oswald, is that right?" the doctor continued his face suddenly graver. "I'm afraid the results aren't good after we've run some tests..."
Elio turned his head up slowly as if the dread was starting to creep into his thoughts. The doctor did a job well done, giving him dread, and it was enough to send a ripple of anxiety through him.
"We found something in your lumps..." The doctor continued softly and was cautious with his words and how to explain them to the young man. "You have Sporadic Burkitt's Lymphoma. It's...an aggressive and fast-growing type of cancer and..."
For a moment, the words didn't make sense to Elio. He felt his world stopped for a second while the doctor was still explaining his condition. Lymphoma? Cancer? Those words felt foreign as if they were coming from far away. Cancer. Of course, he had heard about it. Who hadn't? But it happened to other people, people with families who could help, people with support systems in place. Not to someone like him, someone who had been drifting alone for so long that even the idea of survival felt abstract.
The doctor continued, speaking in a steady, compassionate voice, "Let me stress it again to you, Mr. Oswald, this type of cancer is quite aggressive. Which means that chemotherapy and radiation therapy will be necessary for the treatment, and it might increase your possibility of survival if we start the treatment right away..."
Elio's mind was kind of blurry. The words were bouncing, and he could not absorb any of the information even if he wanted.
"Are...there any other options available?"
Elio could feel his voice trembling when he inquired about the "other options."
The doctor hesitated, glancing down at his clipboard before answering. "Unfortunately, no. Without aggressive treatments, the cancer will progress rapidly, and it will be fatal." After his doctor explained everything about his condition and the potential treatments, the doctor sighed and said, "Your best chance of survival at this point is chemotherapy and radiation therapy."
The mere thought of going through that grueling ordeal filled Elio with great dread.
But what else could he do? He had no one to turn to, no support. The doctor's words echoed in his mind: This is your best chance...
"I don't..." Elio's voice faltered as he tried to explain himself. He looked down; his hands felt the heaviness of his current circumstances. He couldn't even bring himself to muster any hope. "I...don't have any money for the treatment," Elio said; the reality hit him like a cold wave. "I can't afford it."
The doctor's expression softened, "I'll give you time to think through this. But please, consider your options..."
But in Elio's mind, he already made his choice based on the practicality of his situation. He cannot afford those expensive treatments, yes, but at least he can afford the painkillers, so he asked for it.
"Is it possible for you to prescribe me painkillers instead?" Elio muttered to the doctor, almost muttering that to himself.
The doctor didn't push. He merely nodded. "Of course." Then, after he handed over the prescription, he told Elio to consider the treatment again. "Please let us know what you want to do when ready."
But Elio wasn't ready. His heart wasn't in survival mode anymore. No, not really. His mind had already been drained from the amount of information from the doctor, and the remnants of his will to live changed drastically like a threadbare coat on a cold day.
He had several tests and medical treatments as follow-ups. Then, whenever Elio saw his doctor, he would ask for pain medication once more. Each time he experienced the sting of agony, he would take a tablet, swallow it, close his eyes, and allow the blackness of sleep to engulf him.
Elio felt free of the world's weight for the first time in a long time. He let the silence engulf him as he slipped into slumber.