For Waver Velvet, today was starting off on an excellent footing. Getting to sleep in and play video games instead of having to deal with a bunch of fresh snot nosed brats? That was hardly what he would call a punishment. There could be absolutely no doubt that getting banned from the commencement ceremony was practically a dream come true.
Perhaps he should let his merry band of idiots run loose more often?
Wavers shook his head of such vile thoughts as he reached the faculty lounge meant for meetings between the department heads and noticed with some puzzlement that the lights were already on.
"So much for getting time to myself on the couch before the meeting starts" muttered Lord El-Melloi II as he opened the door. What he found was the most peculiar sight of a haggard vampire staring intently at a glass of water as if searching for the answers to all of life's greatest mysteries.
"Tell me Lord El-Melloi, have I truly become so overused that at best I'm nothing more than a convenient plot tool?" asked the mighty lord of the Second True Magic looking up from the glass and hoping for a new and more reliable source of answers "these days it feels as though people merely raise their eyebrows in exasperation when they hear my name. Not like the good old days when people truly respected and feared the power of the second magic."
"You forgot the II in my title again" glowered Waver at the vampire sitting on his couch.
Considering his normal countenance, very few people would have noticed the change in facial expression. Zelretch was obviously not and never would be one of those people.
"A better question is; would you actually take a man giving 'private tutelage' to a sister 'not connected by blood' seriously?" asked Zelretch with his fingers emphasizing all the unnecessary quotation marks.
"…No" responded Lord El-Melloi II with a resigned sigh "so tell me what has managed to make the mighty Zelretch introspective today."
"I hired one of those bright eyed idealistic do gooders as a new janitor so that I could have a little fun" answered Zelretch as a scowl crossed his face "the problems started when I brought him into a pocket universe and the little boy scout didn't even have the good decency to complain about having to clean it all up. I mean, what is the point in having a minion that won't even whine about silly little things like 'human rights' or 'common decency?' I understand that he wants to be helpful, but that boy takes the whole hero of justice and saving people thing far too seriously."
"Hero of justice?" asked Waver as a horrible suspicion formed in the pit of his gut "where dexactly oes this new janitor of yours come from?
"Shirou? He's from Japan" stated Zelretch causing Waver to grimace as his prayers went unanswered once again. Waver had something of a love-hate relationship country. Usually the hate won out.
"…I suppose it is possible that this Shirou wouldn't be impressed with you if he was a chuunibyou" said Waver with an annoyed frown.
"I'm afraid that I'm not familiar with this term" admitted Zelretch with a small tilt of his head.
"A chuunibyou, or 'chuuni' for short, is someone who suffers from eighth graders syndrome" stated Waver as he entered a lecturing pose "or to be more precise a chuuni is a person with a skewed perception of reality based around a concept that they consider core to themselves such as 'love' and 'justice.' These people tend to lack common sense and randomly spout off annoying catch phrases like 'believe it.' It could be said that these people live in their own personal little worlds unwilling to conform to society and grow up. The number of chuuni among young men and women in Japan is growing rapidly as a result of the anime industry."
"So what you're saying is" questioned Zelretch sounding passingly interested in were this conversation was heading "that because of this 'anime' thing my new janitor lacks the necessary common sense to fear me and might have the ability to manifest an inner world because he refuses to give up his childish delusions?"
"Don't be absurd and twist my wording like that" stated Waver while pinching the bridge of his nose in exasperation "there is no way that a Reality Marble can be that easy to achieve."
"You can never be too sure. Considering that reality marble research is banned we don't exactly have much of a prior precedent on how they are actually formed in humans. For all we know this could be some secret plan by Alaya to accelerate the evolution of humanity into some form of newtype" pointed out Zelretch with a mild shrug getting an eye roll from Waver.
"Anime as a secret conspiracy to turn humans into higher life forms?" replied Waver with a shake of his head "Now I have heard it all."
"It seems to work for the janitor" said Zelretch as his eyes stared into the wall in front of him with a glazed expression "I had planned to teach the boy some manners after he had the gall to call my sorcery lame by making him fight an outer demon. You know, make him beg for forgiveness and mercy on his hands and knees. But then he retaliated by summoning more and more of the monstrosities himself. It's not often that I meet someone capable of summoning demons using nothing more than a one line aria. For a moment there I was actually worried for my life."
"What?" asked Waver as he looked at the vampire checking to see if the statement was some sort of a joke. No such luck, Zelretch still had the thousand yard stare. This Shirou was suddenly sounding far more dangerous than a mere chuunibyou. Was there a conspiracy after all?
It might just explain the entity known as Flat Escardos.
"Fortunately we decided to team up when the demons started their offensive" said Zelretch as an odd tone entered his voice "together in that room fighting back to back against a horde we forged a bond deeper than blood and against all odds saved our selves from a fate worse than death. I honestly feel ashamed that for all of these years I had thought of projection and reinforcement as nothing more than mere parlor tricks. It was glorious."
Waver slowly blinked once and then twice. The idea that a mere janitor could summon much less challenge a type of demon that even his liege Rider had failed to subdue with the full might of his army was simply ludicrous. Not that Waver would openly contradict Zelretch who had apparently not only witnessed it, but had even taken part in the battle himself.
"Well, at least you managed to win" said Waver feeling a headache starting to form. And none of his students were even around.
"Not at all. We barely managed to survive their terrifying space CQC" said Zelretch with a sad shake of his head "the only reason we are still alive is because there was going to be some marathon involving magical girls or such nonsense and they didn't wan't to miss it."
It was then that the door to the room opened leaving Waver and Zelretch speechless as a very frazzled Vice Director entered the room. Ignoring the duo Lorelei Barthomeloi set about preparing herself some tea while dutifully preventing any of the many tears in her suit from opening further. It was only after her beverage was prepared that she deigned her stupefied audience with her attention.
"Oh, hello there Zelretch, I have been meaning to ask if you have felt anything peculiarly odd today" said the Vice Director with a thin smile at seeing the vampires equally ragged appearance. Waver barely managed to resist the urge to roll his eyes.
"Well, at least things can't get any worse" mused Waver at the usual antics between the two he now shared the room with. Because, really, what could possibly be any worse than having to share a room alone with these two?
With a panicked crash Zelretch tossed himself under the table shouting obscenities as he tried to hide himself from the horrors only he knew.
SCENE BREAK 5
Rin Tohsaka's plan to become one of the best students had hit a slight snag earlier that day. But that was okay because it was only a very small and minor setback. Really! With torn clothes and darkening bruises others might have disagreed with this sentiment. But Rin was an optimist!
When dealing with an apprentice and boyfriend as delusional and hopeless as her Shirou, she could not afford to have anything but a positive out look on life. On any other path lay madness!
So as she made her way into the cafeteria Rin wore a genuine smile on her face as she optimistically made plans to eviscerate her new found nemesis. As these were plans made by Rin, they were doomed to a catastrophic failure. It was practically a rule of the world. Fortunately, the only one crazy enough to destroy what little was left of her innocence by telling her about this had faded away shortly after kill stealing from him self.
Her life was kind of complicated like that.
Grabbing a tray, Rin managed to acquire some pot roast with a hefty side of vegetables that looked a tad over cooked. Looking around Rin saw several students had already grouped together at tables talking animatedly with each other about various topics ranging from the start of the new term, on going research, and even to the fiasco that the ceremony had become. Odds were high that these groups had formed from preexisting factions of allied magus families.
"Hey, Rin!"
Rin turned towards the source of the voice and saw a hand waving at her from above a head topped with spiky red hair. Making her way there Rin saw Shirou sitting by himself looking to be in as rough of a shape as herself.
"Bad day?" "Rough day?"
"I've had worse" "Could be worse"
Rin failed to hide her mirthful smile at their synchronization. She sat down across from her apprentice and allowed herself a few moments to stretch her back with a small sigh of relief. Looking up Rin saw Shirou staring at her with a level of intensity that always managed to surprise her.
"Rin I have something I need to talk to you about" said Shirou as he gave her a smile of such pure joy and happiness that Rin immediately felt heat rise up to her cheeks at the vibrant emotion directed towards her and her alone.
'Did Shirou somehow convince them to make him an actual member of the Association? Maybe he managed to find a new and cheaper source of jewels for my craft?' wondered Rin as she barely resisted the urge to squirm in her seat at his stare before her face suddenly turned a glowing red as another far more dangerous thought took root in her mind 'or per-perhaps he's actually going to a-ask me to mar-marr…'
"I have accepted a position as a janitor" said Shirou with the same million watt smile still on his face as Rin slumped in her seat with a black cloud of despair hanging over her head.
Only you Shirou, only you…
"My first steps on the path to becoming a hero of justice might be more dangerous than we had initially planned for with this position, but I feel that this is definitely the… eh, Rin?" trailed off Shirou in confusion as he stared at the wilting sack of dead flesh seated before him. Rising from the grave Rin simply smiled at him. And Shirou jumped back in sheer unrelenting terror.
Seeing Shirou recoil and fall back from his seat like that always managed to make her feel a little bit better. She had trained him well.
"Shirou, I'm either going to beat some common sense into that thick skull of yours or I'm going to make you wish that your personal hell could be only as bad as Archer's" said Rin still smiling sweetly at him.
"Common sense is for muggles" was the immediate response from her cowering apprentice.
"Shirou, just because the magical members of popular fiction are depicted as lacking good judgement doesn't mean that its true for magi in the real world" said Rin as she released a frustrated groan.
"But Rin, I thought that the purpose of magecraft was to overcome the common sense of the world?" asked Shirou with a furrowed eyebrow rising up.
"Thats not the same thing!" growled Rin with twitching eyes before calming herself down when she noticed several pairs of eyes turn their way. The last thing she needed was more attention after what had happened at the initiation ceremony. Fortunately the massive brawl that had broken out had managed to cover her tracks as one of the instigators.
Either that or random fights were so common that the faculty couldn't be bothered to care anymore…
"So tell me about this janitorial position that you were so happy about" asked Rin as she slowly toyed with her food figuring that it was better to just change topics for now. She still didn't understand how Shirou always managed to pull her out of her idol facade like that.
"The person in charge of administrative duty today decided that I was qualified to jump straight up to a senior janitorial position" replied Shirou with a small smile of relief "the work is hard and surprisingly dangerous, but I think it will give me plenty of experience for when I head off into the world. After having me work for a bit, my boss had to head up to the post ceremony meeting and let me keep an azoth dagger as a small bonus pay. I think that I really impressed him with my abilities. He even said that with a little more experience I have the potential to reach the elite position of plumber within as little as half a year."
"What is so elite about being a plumber?" asked Rin with an arched eyebrow. She understood that the position could be nasty and dangerous if improper sanitary precautions were taken. But other than that?
"Do you remember how in chemistry class people always forgot to use the waste buckets and instead used the drains" questioned Shirou getting a nod of confirmation from Rin "now imagine all of that but with various magical ingredients added."
That thought gave Rin pause. Hundreds if not thousands of different magecraft projects and chemicals mixing together. Rin felt a small shudder travel down her spine as she looked around at the walls feeling as if she were in some kind of a death trap.
"I talked to some of the other custodians and rumor has it that an artificial world formed down in the pipe works. According to several plumbers the magical energies have given form to a mushroom kingdom and a new race of sentient turtles" said Shirou with his face pressed into a contemplative frown "strangely the reports on the turtles vary on them being an evil army ruled by an overlord or a small group of benevolent ninja turtles led by a rat."
"Shirou, you can't believe everything people tell you" said Rin as she brought a hand before her mouth with a slight giggle "odds are that they are just teasing you with tall tales since you're the new guy."
"Eh, I guess your right" replied Shirou with a small smile of his own as he turned to his meal "that would be pretty weird."
"When am I not?" asked Rin as she also reluctantly turned her attention back to her own meal. The meal stared back silently just daring her.
"So this is British cuisine…" said Shirou as he shuffled his food with his silverware "…I think I understand Saber a little bit better right now."
"…"
"Want to head back to the dormitory and fix something up?"
"You took the words right out of my mouth."
Next Chapter: Grey meets a new student who believes that turning the pages of his text books into origami is an efficient way to study, Rin gets kidnapped in the middle of class and nobody does anything about it, and finally Shirou… also gets kidnapped? Oh, my!