The morning after Adrian's grand display in the courtyard, I expected to wake up floating, basking in the glow of love which everyone seemed to envy.
Instead, I woke up with a strange heaviness pressing against my chest, as if I'd swallowed something sharp in my sleep.
I quickly brushed it off.
Love wasn't supposed to feel heavy, I told myself.
Love was supposed to be light, straight from the bottom of heart, like all the books I've read promised me when I was younger.
But then why did his kisses still linger on my lips like an aftertaste I couldn't wash away?
I keep on pondering over it again.
Sweet, yes but edged with something I couldn't name. Something odd which I'll definitely unfold if I don't keep a blind eye.
Classes blurred that day. Every hallway, every classroom, carried the echo of whispers, Adrian and Elena, spoken with awe, curiosity, sometimes envy.
Some smiled at me, others avoided my eyes altogether, as if I'd become untouchable. Well I was really untouchable from my feeling.
At the time Maya slid into the seat beside me in hall room, her perfume filling the air with warm vanilla.
I expected another round of teasing. Instead, she was quiet, her pen tapping absently against her notebook.
You okay? I asked, nudging her.
Yeah I'm fine, just tired you know. She gave me a quick smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.
But the longer I watched her, the more I realized her gaze kept drifting past me, across the room, to where Adrian sat.
He leaned back in his chair, scrolling lazily on his phone, oblivious to the stares he commanded.
Maya's lips parted slightly, like she was about to say something, but then she caught me looking.
She blinked, forced another smile, and then whispered.
You really are so lucky, Elena. I wish I could be blessed with one of those beautiful values of luck in you.
For a moment, I wasn't sure if she meant it as a compliment or a confession.
Lucky!! Seriously, this actually the second time she says the word. I'm beginning to think something fishy around her.
That evening, Adrian insisted we take a walk through the quiet park near campus. The trees swayed gently overhead, the world hushed around us, and for a while, I let myself breathe again.
You've been distant today, he murmured. Slipping his hand into mine. His grip was firm, almost too firm.
Did I do something bad or something else happen?
No, I said quickly. Just tired. I think stress.
He stopped walking, tugging me closer until I was pressed against him.
His eyes searched mine, dark and intense. Don't do that again.
Do what? I replied immediately.
Hide from me obviously. He said as his voice dropped, husky.
My heart can feel when you pull away. Don't lie to me, Elena. You know I don't want lies between us. We agreed on this rules.
I swallowed hard immediately.
Listen Adrian, I wasn't lying.
He seemed to accept as he leaned in, kissing me before I could say anything more.
His lips were urgent, almost desperate, tasting of mint and something sharp I couldn't place.
His kiss wasn't gentle this time, it demanded, consumed, until I had to grip his jacket just to steady myself.
When he finally pulled back, his breath ragged, he whispered against my lips.
"You're mine Na Na. Don't ever forget that".
A shiver ran through me, not entirely from desire.
Later that night, Maya came over.
We sprawled across my bed with snacks, pretending to study but mostly scrolling through our phones.
I noticed sharply she was quieter than usual, staring at the ceiling as though lost in thought. This was so unusual about her, like she seems off.
Do you ever… she began softly, then stopped.
Do I ever what? I asked immediately.
Her eyes started flicking towards me, searching, almost pleading.
Do you ever feel like… people only love us because of what they want to see and have for satisfaction and not who we actually are?
I frowned at her statement. What do you mean Maya?
Like Adrian, she said carefully. He's perfect, right.. Handsome, charming, mysterious. Looking too good to be true.
But do you ever wonder if… maybe that's all he is? A dream and not a person.
Her words hit me harder than I expected.
At first I was quiet. Someone is thinking in a way, I had wondered. But hearing her say it made my stomach twist.
Maya, I whispered, studying her.
Why are you saying this?
She bite her lips, looking away. Never mind. I'm just being silly and weird.
But I couldn't forget it. Not when the bitterness in her tone echoed the bitterness I'd started to taste on Adrian's lips.
A week passed, and the whispers on campus only grew louder.
Adrian and I were everywhere, at the library, the cafe, the park. Always together, always touching, always kissing.
And yet, the more he kissed me, the less I recognized the sweetness I once craved.
His mouth lingered too long, pressed too hard, as if trying to stamp out my doubts with his passion.
I wanted to melt into him like before, but now every kiss left me unsettled. Something bitter. Something wrong.
And whenever I pulled away, just slightly, I found Maya watching us.
Always watching. Her gaze unreadable, half envy, half something I didn't dare to name.
One evening, as Adrian walked me home, he kissed me under the lamplight, the world around us fading into silence.
His lips moved against mine with practiced perfection, I felt nothing but the sharpness again, the taste I couldn't ignore.
For the first time, I didn't kiss him back. He pulled away, his eyes narrowing.
Something is within your mind, time to let it off.
What's wrong with you today?
I forced a smile, though my chest ached.
Like I said earlier, it's nothing. Just tired. The lie tasted worse than his kiss.
And as he held my hand too tightly, guiding me towards my door, I couldn't shake the feeling that something between us, between him and Maya, between the dream and reality was unraveling.
That night, lying awake in the dark, one thought refused to leave me:
When did love start to taste like betrayal?